On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

I've made it! Sunday is the hardest day for me to get through because Sunday afternoon late lunch out with my DH is our favourite weekly activity. It has been a bloody boring afternoon BUT I did my wardrobe sort and have some order in the house (more to go next weekend). I do feel good and I am excited to start the week feeling fresh.

I am already having wobbles in my head about this idea of being AF for 3 weeks...

It sounds like everyone else is going good ?? 😀

@Amdone123 6/7 completed for me too and I am happy with that!

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday. I'm trying to stay AF until Saturday.

@Bigbus, well done on having 2 glasses only, that's great. Sorry to hear about the panic attack I have a friend who is teetotal for this exact reason. Just concentrate on sun to weds for now. Don't worry about the holiday. I sometimes think I'm more mindful when I'm on holiday especially if I've had a reasonable stint of being af. It makes me think more.
@Swannyb , that's brilliant, well done. I know how difficult it is, I used to be similar on a Sunday - but the more I'm af on a weekend, the less it bothers me. I know what you mean about the 3 week plan and wobble. I think it's totally normal. I have no intention of drinking today but on my walk to the shops, I thought of it. I had to remind myself I wasn't even remotely interested - I'm not ! I think that's why some people just take it one day at a time - or one hour, even.
@Manyrivers , yay ! I think we've done really well. Well done ! 🥳
I'm af for as long as I can be !
One day at a time ❤️

Back with my weekend away - came home riddled with hangiexty or maybe just anxiety (some minor work issue I ruminated on all weekend, oh if I could stop this!) and exhausted!

I only had a pint of lager and a glass of wine on the Friday night before going to see a show (not with DH) but I ended up getting dehydrated I think. Then on Sat night I drank more (with DH), not enough for a headache but enough to affect my sleep quite badly. I question whether I truly enjoy these weekends. I honestly think I would be happier actually doing stuff with other people who were sober than sitting around in bars/restaurants needing alcohol to make it interesting. DH drinks though and just wouldn't tolerate doing anything in an evening that didn't involve drinking.

The good news is that I now absolutely don't want to drink (and didn't last night at home) and I've found the motivation to start losing weight again. Got two weeks off work now, which I'm hoping will help...there is an anxiety around wasting this time though. Wish I was fit enough to go for a run! I need something like that. I have arranged to go for a walk with a friend later so hopefully that will do the trick.

Hope this is a good week for everyone!

Hey Guys. Well done on your achievements. I'm jealous! I'm not doing well. The new job is going well but I'm struggling to juggle everything. I thought working more would be a solution to my problems but I've had a terrible weekend. Why oh why did i buy vodka. It makes me so drunk. My eldest got upset again and my husband has had enough. So I'm off work today as made myself so poorly. I've decided I'm going to go into rehab. I need help. I've done some research and I'm going to miss my kids so much but I need to do it. I need to get better. I really hate myself.

@Orlakeepsmiling , so sorry to hear you're struggling. Well, look on the bright side - you know you can't and don't want to continue, you've reflected and made a good decision. Things can only get better. Please don't hate yourself. Be proud of yourself for facing up to it - many don't. Wishing you all the best. Keep posting if you want / need to - we're here for you. ❤️

@Coppergate3 , its great you've got 2 weeks off work now. Try to forget the work stress - its hard I know, I'm very similar. Until I realised I was giving the feckers free rent in my head. You can really get something out of these 2 weeks to kick-start you. Don't worry about the jogging - it's bad for your knees - the walk with your friend is a better idea.

I'm struggling today. If I had any friends - I'd be in a pub garden somewhere. ( I do have friends - they're all working).
Dieting and not drinking is rubbish sometimes, but I know tomorrow I'll feel great. Especially as now I'll make my zumba class.

@Orlakeepsmiling well done for making that decision. Your kids might miss you for a bit but it will be very worth it. Look at the weekend as a turning point rather than a failure.

@Amdone123 a pub garden with friends sounds lovely! I’m sure one day we’ll learn to sit in a pub garden and have a couple of drinks and a nice chat and then go home instead of it leading to a chaotic spiral of drunkenness!

@Coppergate3 i am not fit at all but did the couch to 5k about 5 years ago and managed to complete it. I’m planning to start it again. Also as @Amdone123 said, a walk is also good exercise.

I am doing well still. I walked into work yesterday morning and realised I actually felt well. Not just a bit better because I’d managed 1 night alcohol free so feeling comparatively less shit, but actually better for a sustained run of low alcohol use. I’m not AF every night but never more than two drinks (three on Friday) and sometimes one or none. I need to keep that feeling in my head when the wine monster pops round next.

Hi all, @Coppergate3 don't be too hard on yourself you are taking steps to what you feel is the right thing to do! Let us know how you get on if you decide ..I went to AA for many months and I was ashamed to begin with but it did help but it wasn't for me in the end I do wonder about it sometimes as I've not been doing well at all. I decided fine wine is my poison so changed to gin which made my anxiety go through the roof at 3am! I then had a beer. My eldest asked me what I was drinking I said beer he said can I have some he's only 8! They always see me with drink in my hand I want to change I do. I'm jealous of the people who are managing to be AF even for 1 day!! I need to read back thoroughly but someone said about sparking water I'm going to try my best!!! My niece went to a party the other day she's 16 and her friends were drinking and she said she just doesn't like the taste of any alcohol and I was so pleased she didn't ! I wonder soemtimes is it genetic ..my dad over drank my brother my uncles my cousin's some died from liver problems. I don't know the life stresses and boredom ... yesterday was first day of school holidays and I was so motivated did loads but come 4pm I was like.oh one gin won't harm me but it did as I wanted more !!! I resonate with everything you said about the mornings @EnoughEnoughnow my thoughts when I've woken up this morning! Everyone else seems to be doing very well so keep going and @Amdone123 my life was so much better AF too ..I've done such long stints so not sure why I can't do them right now. The slipping and sliding sounds hilarious!!! But not the hot flushes hope you finish symptoms quickly are you on HRT? I think I have peri Meno symptoms for sure and surprise surprise drinking doesn't help!!!! Hope everyone else is ok @Mj20 @Hohofortherobbers everyone else I've missed xxx

We cross posted @Bigbus (as it took me 20 mins to write what I was writing -school holidays lol) well done for your obvious low alcohol use ! It's all the changes you guys are making that is making a big difference overall. I've always said it that at least we are on this forum thinking about our drinking not just letting life pass by getting trollied every night (I do that sometimes lol) I even bought pencils and sketch thing to do instead of drinking like something to do with my hands and it's laid there for about 6 months ! It was so gorgeous and sunny here yesterday too so I wanted the whole drinking when it's sunny but lets me honest it's any excuse isnt it...

Morning all!!!! @Determineddoris thanks for asking how I am!

sorry it’s been a long time since I posted… my father is very Ill in hospital so it’s really shaken up my whole life! Very stressful.

great catching up on everyone’s progress, it sounds like everyone is doing really well and establishing new relationships with alcohol in some form or another. Great to hear how @Amdone123 is, and @Bigbus @EnoughEnoughnow @Manyrivers @bilbodog

im still on 7 drinks this year…. I worked out averagely that’s 2-3 units a month! Which im thrilled with!!!! The family crisis has only served to encourage me to continue on this path… my mental health, physical health and general well-being is so much better without the regular alchol!

@Manyrivers i think you asked me some time back what my previous relationship was with alchol! So…. In my early twenties I was a typical binge drinker, once or twice a week getting horrendously drunk! Then in my late twenties I would still have one to two nights drinking but more a bottle of wine on each of those occasions! I’d find a few times a year I would also completely binge!!! Along side the drinking, I would be racked with awful anxiety the next day (lots of old time posters will remember my early day msgs on previous posts where I was fuelled with anxiety)! @Amdone123 was the first to respond to my long rambley post after a particularly heavy night!
im 35 now and for the past 5 years have drank less, but still 1-2 bottles of wine a week with the odd binge thrown in! But it just felt too much for me and my anxiety! And now I’m where I am and feel much happier, long may it last!!!!

sorry for the essay all! And looking forward to continuing to keep up to date with everyone’s journey xxx

@Mj20 , sorry to hear about your dad. Stay strong. ❤️. You're still doing brilliantly. Alcohol doesn't help the stress - it just makes it worse.
@Determineddoris , just keep trying. You're addressing it, it's not easy, god only knows
The weather yesterday was a big trigger for me. I nearly pressed that button, and not just for the day - was thinking just sack it all. Drink yerself to death if thats what you want ( im a drama queen). I thought back to my hypnotherapy - the crossroads exercise that I still listen to. It's powerful - I thankfully chose the right path but it was hard. @Bigbus , you're doing really well. I'd love to have a couple in the evenings, and stop but I can't. Hold on to that great feeling, it will help you when you play it forward.
I'm day 7 after an af weekend, which was fine really. Yesterday I dodged more than a bullet, was more like a tsunami.
I'm in work today and if it's anything like last week, I'm determined to sort it out without going to the pub afterwards.
Keep going, folks, you're all doing really well.
@Manyrivers , how's it going?
@Determineddoris , not on hrt no. I don't think I need to be really. When I'm not drinking wine, I have very few symptoms. When I drink wine, I'm anxious, depressed, can't sleep, snappy, irritable, put weight on.....the list is endless 😩

@Orlakeepsmiling I'm sorry you're struggling. The decision you've made as a result this weekend is really positive. I think @Determineddoris post tagging me was for you too. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

@Amdone123 it has been a very long time since I went for a run (and I definitely think those days are over now) - I enjoyed the walk though! Yes, some days dieting and not drinking is just so joyless (balanced by the days that it just feels great though...maybe!). Hope you enjoyed Zumba!

@Bigbus Good Luck with the couch to 5K! I wish I could join you but I'm really in no shape to be thinking about that (nearly 50, carrying far too much weight and have underlying plantar fasciitis). I do really miss the endorphin highs from a good run , clearly I didn't enjoy them enough to stop myself descending into the shape I am now so I'll have to let it go!

Glad you reaping the benefits of drinking much less. I find it a subtle but significant difference. All those days I went into work feeling a bit tired, lacking full concentration - didn't think I had a hangover as no headache etc but...I guess that was a permanent hangover. Not worth it.

I'm two days AF now. I haven't wanted alcohol at all so...I'm feeling better each day and definitely reaping the benefits of better sleep. I faced the scales today as I am in a good headspace to start losing weight again. Pleased to see I'm down 2.5 lbs since I last weighed in (just eating less last couple of days), I think that is enough of a boost to keep me going.

@Coppergate3 , that's brilliant. Keep going. Yes, you're right, the good days definitely outweigh the bad days when I'm not drinking. Definitely.
It's so weird you mentioned work - omg, the states I went into work some days, I've no idea how I did it. Primary school teacher - I was a disgrace. Surprised I wasn't sacked.

@Determineddoris Thanks for your comments. They resonate with me. I think you really represent the worries of many of us hardened drinkers. Giving up for periods of time is doable. But our terrible relationship with alcohol is always there.

I am jealous of those who are in their 30’s and 40’s sitting themselves out. Giving up at 50 seems a bit pointless sometimes. I mean there’s lots of crap going on physically. The battle between enjoying life and carrying on working after 30 odd years gets tougher and really no one cares if you look a bit raddled or amazing over 50.

Anyway the fight goes on. I hope you can find a decent reason again to stay AF for longer periods. It’s not something you can reason with I find. You just have to say no however much you want to.

Hi guys - test today. Off to the river cafe for lunch. The green monster thinks i should have wine with lunch………. We shall see.

@bilbodog , 🤣 - keep us posted.

Thank you @Amdone123 !

I don't think it is pointless giving up/seriously moderating at 50 @Arrrrrrragghhh ! I'm inspired by the people I know in their seventies who are way fitter and happier than me at around 50. I want to be like them in two decades. Making the most of their retirement, active members of clubs, supportive and hands-on parents and grandparents and members of the community.

I'm finding https://www.instagram.com/fiftysister/ really good inspiration and motivation at the moment.

Ah @Arrrrrrragghhh it's nice we understand each other esp on this forum but also at the same time you saying that about we just have to say no I just can't do it!!!! It's not that I think I'm a failure it's just the fuck it button is too strong that's why I'm in awe of you @Amdone123 honestly that's amazing how you think things through before pressing the button. 50 is not too old to feel fabulous without drinking I hear you tho it's like we'll I've got to this age and done ok etc etc. @Mj20 my darling hope you are ok and well fucking done for going through this hard phase in your life and not drowning your sorrows you should be proud of yourself. @Coppergate3 yes sorry was for @Orlakeepsmiling hope you are ok x

I am on my laptop whilst running through the thread on my phone trying to keep up so perhaps I won't respond to everyone individually! lol

I did want to reach out to @Coppergate3 because I can relate. My DH loves drinking and like yours, he couldn't imagine doing anything other than drinking to unwind together (this in the afternoon - we do lots of outdoorsy/active things in the mornings). He certainly doesn't pressure me to drink and my binge drinking and inability to stop has been in me since I was 15 so I can't blame him entirely!

I have gotten off to a good start this week but I find the first 3 days of the week pretty easy. Not sure what the Easter weekend will hold though...

Ps walking is fantastic exercise.

Hello @Swannyb ! I find it a [very] frustrating at times - that we (DH and Me) can't work together on this and find new activities to do in the evening together. He tried properly once (in twenty years) but I've pretty much given up now. His problems with alcohol definitely run deeper than mine. He refuses to accept any help though - because he would rather keep things as they are/bury his head in the sand. I just have to let it go - I can't help him either.

I'm looking forward to some lovely evening walks now it is lighter and sunnier. Just arranged to go on one with my son after he finishes work 😀

UPDATE - back from the river cafe. I decided i would have some wine and enjoyed some white wine with a very expensive plate of wood fired langoustines, followed by lamb with fancy potatoes and then panacotta. Thoroughly enjoyed the day but have a headache now! Am going back to alcohol free now - just felt i had to have some there so not going to beat myself up about it. Onwards and upwards!

@bilbodog , wow - that sounds amazing ! I think I'd have had white wine, too - got to complement the food 🤣
Sounds like a great day out and you've not had too much, so perfect.

@Coppergate3 No you’re right. But there’s fewer reasons at 50 than 30 or 40 in my mind. As @Determineddoris says we’re mostly ok despite our drinking, holding down jobs, children raised, friends and a social life. No reason why we can’t carry on drinking until it properly impacts our health or friends or family really. Probably it will be too late, the damage is done as I’ve drink all my life. Or at least that’s how it feels to me.

I get how hard it is @Determineddoris . I know the second I can have a drink on Sunday it’s going to be impossible to not pick up a bottle next week if the weathers good or I don’t have work the day after. And my good intentions to moderate will last about as long as another reason pops into my head.

I’ve felt great , I’ve lost weight and my relationships are better. And I still want to drink too much.It’s ridiculous.

Good Morning Everyone,

Busy thread last couple of days, have not managed to fully catch up but from what I've seen so far everyone's moving forward in their own ways, excellent!!

Update here, Sunday and Monday I drank 2 glasses of wine in the evening, Sunday was okay and I enjoyed the wine with a healthy dinner. Monday I felt myself slipping back into old habits, I stopped at 2 glasses (no choice really that was all that was in the house), and decided I needed to break the cycle again. Last night coming home from work I had the usual struggle with the wine witch but I won! Its shown me how easy I could slip back so I'm hoping to be AF until my girls night on Saturday.

Hope everyone has a great day.

@Manyrivers , morning. That is so true, it really is a slippery slope. Well done on not caving yesterday. I'm sure now you've had that victory - and it's not a little one - you can stay af til Saturday.
I'm actually on day 8 and it's been ok. Nearly caved when the sun was out but I managed to stay on track. I'm definitely better af than moderating.
I'm out Saturday too as my dh and I decided we should celebrate Easter. I'm looking forward to having a meal and a drink but I'm actually worried that I'll continue on the Sunday or Monday.
I'll have to make a determined effort I think. Seems like hard work sometimes, well, most of the time !
Have a great day, folks.