On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Morning, folks.
Bright and breezy here after a good night's sleep and day 13 here I come.
Great to hear from you all.
@Arrrrrrragghhh , yes, your post struck a chord with me, too. I love the glass by glass description Same here, except I get 3 glasses from a bottle.
Glass 1 - aahhhh, that's lovely
Glass 2 - god, I'm so happy
Glass 3 - errmm, Why didn't I buy 2 bottles ? This isn't enough......
I then harass some poor bleeder, either dh or ds to bring more. The smoking starts, the texting shite to people I've not seen in years begins. I stumble to bed, have a dreadful sleep, anxiety sets in.......the rest is history...

Also, I appear to be better at abstaining than moderating and I don't know if I knew that before - maybe I did, but like you, I do 'enjoy', or I think I do ( I don't! ), drinking to excess. Wine, nothing else.

@Mj20 , yes, great today thanks. And I was kind to myself - by not drinking. Because drinking would have made me feel worse. It's like Mother's day, I just looked after myself, did stuff for me. No alcohol whatsoever and it was a lovely day. Keep going, you're doing brilliantly. I'm so chuffed for you, you've found what works for you.
@Manyrivers, well done on your 3 af days. It's great you've not opened that bottle. That wouldn't happen chez Amdone, but it could one day.
Keep going, folks and Never Question The Decision ( NQTD) - another phrase that works for me ❤️

Ive been drinking too much since my mid twenties (66 now!) - ironically i started drinking a lot in the middle east where i worked for 2 years. I could go out and party 7 nights a week and did for the first 6 months - put on a stone in 3 months which must have been g&ts. It was also the first time i had my own house and i had a stock of alcohol which i hadnt had before because all socialising was done in expats homes.

i drank less intensively once back in the UK but it escalated again when i had 2 young children and my mother died suddenly of a brain aneurism at age 66 (i was 37). I turned to drink to dull the pain and general stress of bringing up 2 children. My DH was supportive but he worked long hours with a long commute so mon - fri i was generally on my own.

so began our habit of opening wine when the kids were in bed.

we retired and moved to suffolk 4 years ago and continued.

my body has been telling me for a few years that its had enough and slowly ive realised that i am not in control of my drinking - the alcohol is! I cut back last year to only drinking 3-4 days out if 7 with the odd blip. But recently realised that its still too much.

i decided to go AF in february to see how long i could do it for and just seemed to be in the right frame of mind - i am suprised at the lack of cravings but it is still early days.

i am getting little niggles - such as missing a glass of wine with good food. We are going away the week before easter to stay with family and have been treated to a meal at the river cafe in london by my daughter - now im still wondering if i will have to have some wine there!

we will see.

Ah, I am feeling really, really good. I drunk and ate out last Thursday, Friday and Saturday and felt horrendous in so many ways on Sunday. Monday was a struggle too but now its Thursday, I am feeling so, so good. Must remember this feeling.

I am seeing friends for dinner tomorrow night and I have decided I am going to drive and not drink - I genuinely don't want to?!? I leave for my holiday on Sunday and I am not going to have rules but right now, I don't want to drink on holiday either!

It sounds like everyone is doing well and have had achievements however big or small, well done.

@bilbodog , ah, thanks for your post. It's interesting to me to read about how people get enmeshed in it all. It sounds to me like you've really had enough of it - I know you mentioned a few niggles, but I think that's more habit.
Regarding the meal in London, you're right - just see how you feel. You might not want any. And, if you do, you've done really well so far, a few won't hurt. Maybe in the future, you'll just drink on special occasions ( I'd like that for me, too).
@Swannyb , great to hear you're feeling good and of your plans for tomorrow. Again, don't think too much about your trip. You'll be fine, I'm sure.
Well, my dsis dragged me on a 8k trek this morning to a fancy food market. It was so lovely, masses of pastas, cheeses, meats, and of course, wine.
I bought the fancy food. And left the wine. It was quite tempting but no, like posters are saying here - I don't really want it.
I did buy chocolate baklava, though. 😋

Ive had a couple of sneaky thoughts about opening that wine tonight! Interestingly not my normal strong cravings, just passing thoughts but not impulsive ones. I've got a glass of water and I'm fine with that tonight. Funny how even though I don't really want it I still think about it.

@Manyrivers , same !
I had a strong urge last night. Didn't want it, partly because I don't want to jeopardise my healthy eating plan, but mainly didn't fancy the hangover.
I am looking forward to the gathering tomorrow though. I will probably drink at some point during the day, but day 14 today, so I've had a decent break.
Yep, day 14 and I slept really well. I'm likely to stay af today as I'm not going out so no temptation. Though I did override the temptation yesterday, so I can do it.
Hope you're all doing OK and looking forward to the weekend. ❤️

Good morning all. Really interesting to hear people’s stories and journeys. I seem to have two options:

option 1 is one or two glasses of wine a night
option 2 is three days AF then three nights of a bottle of wine each night!

I’d really like option 3 - one or two glasses of wine three times a week. I was thinking of buying the smaller bottles so I can have two of them and not be tempted to finish a whole big bottle once it’s open.

What is everyone planning for the weekend?

@Amdone123 your doing really well, I notice how bit by bit we are all gaining back little bits of control, it's a great feeling.

Historically Fridays would come with a big red flag for me, it signalled the weekend and the start of a 3 night booze fest! I'm changing that and I won't drink tonight or Sunday. I have my plans for Saturday and I'm ok with drinking then (sharing a couple of bottles of wine over dinner).

I want to give thanks to you @Amdone123 for starting the thread and to everyone who posts here. Having this safe space to unfold my hopes, worries, success and failures is such a support. I don't talk to anyone else about my drinking, I know my family, friends and colleagues are all aware, they have all witnessed my embarrassing drunken messes at some point. But it's only here I feel able to be fully honest and raw about my struggles.

Have a great day everyone

@Manyrivers it’s true this is a great thread - thanks @Amdone123 and everyone else for being so honest. Although I still have nights when I drink more than I planned I haven’t got drunk or had a hangover since I started this. I like it because it really is non-judgemental. It feels very much like a safe space.

Thank you all

Ahhh, bless you both. It helps me so much too, so thank you for your posts.
I was thinking actually of all the initiatives I've done to combat my drinking ( and I've done a few), they've all had some positive impact, however small. But posting here has been the best for me,Iby far.
@Bigbus , someone mentioned buying the smaller bottles on here a while back. I think it's a great idea. It would work for me. I would savour them ( I'd only buy 2), then when it's gone, it's gone !
I think when I'm feeling stronger, ( not sure I'm there yet) - the minis might give me a taste for it and I'd be off to the shops. But I'd love 1 mini whilst I'm cooking, then 1 with my food. Then stop. I'd love that.

Arggghhhhh, very strong craving about an hour ago. It's a good job my dog doesn't like long walks, as I'd have walked him to my favourite pub ( it's near a canal and I love sitting there). The sun's out here, I think that was the trigger. And possibly boredom. But I let him out into the garden and it's actually really cold !
I've eaten now so all good but I was close to just saying feck the healthy eating, feck it all !
I'm calm now 😩

@Amdone123 another win for you! Well done for not giving in to that craving. I'm home alone this evening, usually that's a perfect excuse for me to "treat myself", aka get pissed, eat a lot of junk food and message nonsense to anyone who will take me on (embarrassingly usually a colleague). Not tonight, wine still unopened (it's a miracle!!), and I've not substituted with AF beer either.

It's been a chilled night and probably what a "normal Friday night" looks like to most people. I'm looking forward to the weekend. Hoping I can moderate tomorrow evening. Good or bad I will let you all know. We're all in this together ❤️

Wow you didn't cave @Amdone123 that's amazing and true the sun triggers for me too exceptionally so! I only had that one night of not drinking unfortunately, I'm a dead case aren't I. Mini bottles sound really good but because of the vast amount in the house but tbh I am beating myself up because usually it would be a whole bottle a night at least but I managed to hold off one bottle for 3 nights so that is a definite improvement! It's true this space is safe, so non judgemental which is what we need when we are fighting this cause ! I've always thought I was all or nothing but realised you don't have to be so steadfast in the rules...change it up for how it suits you and your feelings etc . Anyway sorry lol hope you all have a good weekend. I am supposed to be out tonight everyone will be boozing so even though it might upset the person who's do it is I might not go as I know I'll go overboard...

@Determineddoris , ahhh, you're not a dead case - you're trying, it's all we can do. Do you want to go out tonight ? I know what you mean though, sometimes I'd rather stay in. I'm only going today so my granddaughter can see her other family. I'd rather stay in and drink, if I'm honest.
Well, I lost 1.5lb so that's OK. Expected more, but I did lose 2lb last week so it all helps.
I feel better for not drinking but I know I will today. Had 14 af days, so I'm very pleased with that.

@Determineddoris don't feel bad, I'm with you , I've only had one AF night in the last few nights aswell. It really is hard to break the habit. I had planned on being so good last night, but back ache is flaring at the moment and I think it relaxes the muscles, but prob makes it worse afterwards! I'm wondering is that some kind of withdrawal symptom ? Anyone get achey wen cutting out the habit after a long spell of drinking. My health anxiety is through the roof at the moment so thinking all sorts.

@Determineddoris 1 bottle of wine over three nights sounds like what I’m aiming for! Well done. Like you I tend to finish the bottle
but I’m really trying not too. Last night was quite successful. I had two small glasses of fizzy wine at wine’o’clock then 1 glass of red with dinner. That’s how I imagine a normal person might celebrate Friday night! I’m going out tonight so will plan to have 3 drinks max - it’s an expensive place so that will limit it!

Well, the gathering was lovely. Granddaughter had a lovely time, but wanted to come home after just under 2 hours - fine by me !
I didn't drink beer, but had 2 wines - home now and drinking posh wine - not the rubbish I paid £6 a glass for !
Getting ready for the tennis matches - all good. I think 🤣😩

Aw @stoppingnow I feel your literal pain. I get all sorts of stuff if I'm drinking or not I think I link it up! I know once my bowels start to act funny I'm pretty sure it's the booze and then get panicked,stop for a day and get back to normal and the cycle begins. What is normal hey ? We shouldn't beat ourselves up though no point but the fact is we aren't on benders every day and drinking as soon as we get up ( I know it can happen though so easily ) we are brave coming on here, doing something about it , getting help, getting support, life is just not plain sailing which I've realised!!! I think the drink would relax the muscles though as it has a relaxing effect on all our body parts! Thank you @Bigbus I mean I might not do it tonight but funnily enough I would have started a lot earlier on Saturday but got so busy with other things it's now 6pm! I did think about it of course earlier but made myself busy...otherwise I would be sat on sofa downing wine...not really watching but watching TV if you guys know what I mean ? Well done on your moderation too sounds fab I hope you have a great time tonight! As I said earlier I have got a do tonight but I don't think I'll go , I'd rather chill at home and drink as @Amdone123 said! Glad you had a great time with your granddaughter and 2 hours sounds just about right to be out. I hear you we have the posh wine going too hehe the other month I was at a conference and paid £4.50 for some junk wine!!! Anyway I hope all are well we are doing the best we can! X

Well done @Amdone123 on not giving in. I wish I had your determination. I’ve done well on drinking less but still not doing well on the AF nights. I’ve finally had enough now I think. I had a sudden flash of insight the other day when the following sentence popped into my head

”I drink because I’m miserable, and I’m miserable because I drink”

Anyway, am tired of not losing weight, of drinking and snacking in the evenings and watching Netflix. I’m starting a six week ‘boot camp’ tomorrow. No alcohol Sunday to Thursday.

Well done everyone else who’s trying :)

Not posted on this board before so here goes:

I have a history of binge drinking in my 20's and early 30's. When I settled down and had kids I really cut back, did not want a hangover with small children around.

Now they are a bit older I feel my old habits creeping back.

I was drinking a lot on Friday and Saturday (probably a bottle of wine each night). I've cut my Friday drinking down by choosing lower percentage alcohol (fruit ciders) and limiting it to two. But I can't seem to let go of Saturdays.

It's started to affect my sleep, been awake since 3am. It doesn't seem worth it anymore.

I just get to Saturdays and get excited about having a few drinks, I'm not sure how I'm going to tackle it.

Good Morning, @EnoughEnoughnow you've pretty much summed up my drinking "career" with that sentence, hit the nail on the head actually! I hope everyone is doing well today. Report on last night, my friend and I shared 3 bottles wine (2 were lower %) and had one bottle of fruity cider. More than I wanted to drink so yeah, still not doing so well at the moderation.

This morning I feel fine but really questioned "what did I get out of last night". I would have enjoyed it just the same if I drank AF. I hope this being put off wine continues. I'm aiming for a 7 day AF week this week. Let's see how that goes!

@GadgetArms welcome. This forum is helping me so much, l hope you find it as helpful. Have a great Sunday everyone ❤️

Morning, folks ! @GadgetArms , hi and welcome. I'm quite similar to you, at least I was regarding Saturdays. I could manage during the week but found Saturdays really difficult. So, a while back, probably about a year, I made a really determined effort to have af weekends. Hard at first but they don't bother me now - in fact, I look forward to them. I get so much done and they seem to last longer. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling and I still have cravings ( and I drank yesterday because I was out), but I think once you do something you were previously scared of ( and I was - what would I do at weekend?), it gives you confidence.
Why don't you try it next Saturday?
Make a bit of a plan but don't think about it too much ( getting a balance is difficult. Well, it is for me - if I think too much, the seed gets planted but I also need a plan !!).
Post here and we'll help you.
@Manyrivers , I'll join you on the 7 af stint. We can do it, I'm positive. @EnoughEnoughnow , your bootcamp sounds great. I'd join you but I'm away on holiday in 3 weeks - keep posting here. You can do it.
Well, yesterday 2 glasses of wine at the party. Bought 2 bottles. Drank 1. Started on the other, probably 1 small glass. Woke up in the middle of the night and poured it away. I can't keep it as I would drink it Monday and then go for more. I've learnt that from experience.
I'm not out now til maundy Thursday so I'm af.
Incidentally, those 14 straight af days I had until yesterday resulted in a 3.5lb loss, much clearer skin, bags of energy, great sleep and a much happier me ❤️

Thanks for the welcome.

@Amdone123 You hit the nail on the head there. I'm scared that bit drinking will make the weekend like every other day, alcohol makes it 'special'.

I am going out on Saturday (and I never go out) so probably not the best weekend to go totally AF but will def do no booze on Friday and take it from there.

I think my plan was to stop drinking wine, it's too easy for me to drink large volumes quickly, going to cancel my wine club subscription (they make it hard and try and tempt you back though!) . I love the 2.5% beer from lidl so may have a couple of those instead, much lower in alcohol and takes me longer to drink. I've bought a measure from ebay so I can properly monitor my units too instead of free pouring if I drink gin.

It's not AF but I think I'll find it easier than totally abstaining at first.

@GadgetArms , that sounds great. Don't worry about next weekend if you're going out. You can always have an af weekend the following weekend, or whenever you're ready. But Saturday, go out and enjoy yourself.
That 2.5% beer sounds great. I was supposed to be drinking beer yesterday. All week on here, I'm harping on about my plan to just drink beer. I always say it and it never materialises. I seem incapable of approaching a bar and ordering beer !
I use Simply Cook a lot and in my last box there was a wine subscription offer, so I logged on and started browsing. Until I realised how ridiculous it was, for me, who's trying so hard to cut back. I ended up ripping the leaflet into small pieces.
I swear I need help in many areas of my life 🤣😩

Hello! Can I join please...

I've just posted in the Alcohol Free in 2023 thread (where I have been posting since the start of January) but my head/heart just isn't in being alcohol free just now and it is becoming counter-productive to even try.

I did Dry January, moderation in February (one or two glasses of wine every week or so) but March has been a definite slip back into old habits again. No hangovers but I am definitely feeling the negative effects now. Sleep less good. Lack motivation. Despondent. I've been having one, two or three glasses of wine nearly every day in March (which is better than the end of 2022 but even so, I definitely do not feel good on this).

I just need to not drink between now and Friday - that is about as lofty a goal as I can set myself right now (I'm away at the weekend). I think I am aiming for enjoying a few drinks when I'm out (but stopping before hangover likely) but very little at home. DH drinks every day (and at the moment no motivation to change that) and this makes things harder in a variety of ways.