The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

@Stircrazyschoolmum better out than in!

@2023forme self destruction I really understand especially after my therapy. Not spending money? nah that one I meet the criteria of an Olympian. I had laser for my 'drinkers veins' after the first 100 days af.

@halfthesun I'm also day 10 and incredibly thirsty at night!!

@WendyWagon new kitchens are the very best bit, if you are near Smallbone you must be near me... maybe we could do an AF meet for a cuppa one day.
I have started the challenge on sugar. there needs to be a whole other thread for this one i think! Although i am slack enough about replying on here.

Hello everyone

can I ask what you found when you looked at your life as to what gap or need alcohol was fulfilling for you?

how did you face up to it?

it seems sheer boredom is an issue here and what did you do to fix the gap or issue that was causing you to drink?

divorce? Join evening clubs? Therapy?

thanks :-)

@Fortheloveofgodwhy a chi chi town shall we say!
I am naming a candle with homage to you and dear Damien. 10% to charity for people who need a second chance.

@2023forme your post resonates with me - I live in an affluent part of SW London yet shop for bargains in Primark and only buy 'treat' items in supermarkets when they are on special offer - nothing wrong with that in essence but its driven by what I believe I deserve (i.e. very little) as opposed to being thrifty. Similarly, I can't stand to throw things away (everything must get reused or recycled), and I thrive on rebellious or sneaky behaviour. I used to joke to DH (and its really not funny) that if I wasn't a secret drinker I'd be having an affair) Both my parents were alcoholics during my childhood and teens (and both are now recovered) so I'm sure a lot of this behaviour stems from that dark place.

Mindful that this time round I'm 'only' 100 days in, and I've been here before and stumbled back to old habits... this is what's working for me right now that you might find helpful.

• Alternate Rebellion (part of DBT.. google it!) Replacing self destructive behaviour with harmless ones
• Spending my all my wine money (no excuses) on other things just for me - sports kit - pamper items - nice food - books
• Working therapeutically on my self esteem/self worth using podcasts (try Mel Robbins) books/blogs to rewire the way I feel about myself and find my own way of nurturing rather than criticising my existence.

The clutter is a work in progress despite me reading the Mari whatsit book.. I believe there's something symbolic there about letting go of old behaviours and lifestyle so I'm treading carefully and being patient with myself!

@Quitelikeit apologies this is brief but I've already spent far too much time on MN this morning (typical procrastinator!)

There was a post I wrote just after New Year where I was blithely warbling about how you can't take alcohol out of your life without replacing it with something as ultimately its fulfilling a purpose. What I thought of afterwards and should have added is that there is no point replacing alcohol with something you don't enjoy doing! For example.. I am not a nail polish person (I bite them) so suggesting I paint my nails to keep busy/pamper myself wouldn't work. Similarly after an impressive natural labour I'm not a bath person.. I simply don't find it relaxing!! Thus, my suggestion would be that you need to reconnect with the things you enjoy doing and this is very personal. Searching your childhood for ideas can be insightful as these are things you did for fun before you started drinking - i.e some people like to bake, others draw, craft or paint, for me its puzzles, walking, dancing or getting immersed in a good netflix series, book or film.

(Caveat on the latter, you may need to upgrade the quality of your media choices as once you stop drinking your brain might crave something more stimulating than the mindless drivel it could cope with pissed!)

Thank you stircrazy your post resonates a lot and has some very good pointers in. As no I don’t want to paint my nails and I also don’t like baths! 😂

I think back to what I used to do and as I had young children I’d watch the soaps and go to bed around 10pm which at the time seemed the norm.

but sitting watching tv at the moment or not looking forward to going away for a night or two because there’s no alcohol involved on a evening is quite a sad situation I’ve found myself in!

I mean it’s quite ridiculous to think I need a brain altering substance to cope with my life or not cope with but just want to have at the end of a day on a weekend!

however this is what it’s come to and I will have to reconcile that with playing Tetris or similar…….🥹

Very good post @Stircrazyschoolmum

When I stopped drinking I didn't want to paint my nails (I'm a biter too) or to lounge in a bath with bath salts (I lived in rented places that only had baths for 7 years prior the house I am in now, I always shower now), I am not at all artistic or crafty. I struggled to find my "thing" for a while but I am now back to daily well actually nightly reading after years of barely picking up a book, young kids and then wine quenched my reading thirst. I am not reading anything profound - in fact I am working my way through Lee Childs / Michael Connelly (so pretty low brow) but it's my time and I look forward to it and I enjoy it and it relaxes me, unlike drinking ever did.

As a side note I am 11 months in and fatter than ever! I am starting to tackle that now but I needed to get a handle on being AF first. Not drinking is the most important thing and I am happy to be fat and sober (not that I was ever thin and sober ha ha!)

@Quitelikeit i suppose to some extent it depends how much of your drinking was to relieve boredom and how much other things. In my case it was sometimes boredom but also stress, habit, accepted form of socialising etc.

On the boredom thing in the first part of the pandemic I ended up watching scarier films than I normally would (am a total wuss) because life felt so flat I just wanted to feel something. And I think initially not drinking can feel like it has the same sort of flatness to it.

But it recedes as the physical withdrawal symptoms fade and as the habit fades it goes too - you're no longer 'not drinking' but just being, if that makes sense (albeit being and not drinking).

I also socialise differently. I still go to the pub with friends and drink Af beer. But I also meet friends for a walk, for a run, for a coffee, for dinner, for a museum visit, to go to the climbing wall, for a mooch round the shops, etc. My partner hasn't given up drinking but has cut down significantly and only drinks v occasionally now. So we make sure we go to the theatre and to gigs and out for meals and go running together and more. I don't want to stay at home and watch TV and never do anything any more because of not drinking. I confess we watch a bit more TV but its from a v low base of about an hour or two per week on average before to maybe 4 hours now.

And the other stuff is more rewarding when you don't drink. I'm running better than I have in ages because I have more energy, don't skip training due to woozy head, and am lighter without the booze and associated snacking calories

Hi
Still going. Exercise is helping me
Sometimes I do wonder if I can maintain this forever but I know that my best life is only possible without alcohol
Keep on keeping on

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump
@Stircrazyschoolmum
@Crunchymum
catching up this evening and wanted to say thanks for some thought provoking posts today.
hi to newbies and hope the day has been okay for you.
just realised today I have been AF for eighteen months, a whole year and a half!
= two birthdays, two Christmas and New Years and a wedding navigated. I’ve been in hospital ( not drink related ) I’m going through with my divorce (not drink related either!) and moved twice.

I still haven’t conquered the sugar devil but I’m working on it.

This is absolutely the best thing I’ve ever done for myself- the ultimate in self care as I’ve come to see it. I honestly very rarely think about drink now though I keep alert as I know I couldn’t ever moderate. I have my share of down days and have some ongoing family issues but nothing would improve or look better with alcohol in the mix. I’ve had some therapy, love a puzzle, walk for miles and try to mostly cook from scratch. Plenty of good ideas here today from others about keeping busy and I’m definitely going to think about activities and pastimes I’ve not done for a while and see if I can renew one or more of them.
take care all

What amazing posts. So insightful. Lots to think about. Thank you for sharing & thank you for asking quitelikeit
congrats on 18 months allofthetime especially the hurdles you’ve had to overcome.
I’ve now completed a week.

Day 3 done - although I’m working night shift so it’s easy to resist. Quite happy to be on a night shift as I only got 2 hours sleep last night - woke up around midnight and was awake the rest of the night still feeling really anxious and a racing pulse. So at least I’ve got something to occupy my mind tonight - napped for a couple of hours this afternoon so that was something. Onwards to day 4!

Good morning .... day 11 and almost slept all night! I have woken up with so much energy ... went to the gym last night then home to cook food for tonight. Writing this here to remind me how great being AF is and wish everyone an excellent Wednesday. Thank you due all of your insights - feels super not to be alone. I have a health check next week - I was born with only one functioning kidney and I am told must look after myself. I'm now 50 and hope it isn't too late

Morning all.
Congrats @AlloftheTime. Day three is excellent news@2023forme
I tried the Sainsbury's sparkling chardonnay af yesterday. Better than Nozeco but still too sweet. I had a can of London Essence grapefruit and rosemary tonic. That was nice.

Sorry if I ramble on too much. I come from a huge mad family (I think that's why I like Rachel's Holiday as a book, reminds me of my lot). If you haven't read it, it is a classic. It is susposed to be based on the authors personal experience of rehab. It's very funny after reading quit lit.
Off house stalking. Have a good day my friends. X

Happy stalking Sav

Also ramble away!!

Morning all! Second cup of tea already.. dark mornings are not my thing!

Congratulations on 18 months @AlloftheTime wow! That's an impressive list of milestones and just goes to show we don't need alcohol to support us when times get hard. You are so right about it being the ultimate in self care as it oils the wheels for all the other things to follow - much easier to be energetic, determined and resourceful without a fuzzy head!

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump I think you hit the nail on the head when you say about socialising differently rather than not at all. I've discovered brunch! I also went for my first Jan run yesterday (admittedly more of a stagger) and felt better for it. @Quitelikeit keep being curious and experimenting with different things.. there's no failure only feedback and learning.

@2023forme you are doing brilliantly. I've never worked nights, but I do work evenings (which like you say can be a blessing for keeping busy during the witching hour) I imagine it makes self care harder though if your routine shifts about?

@halfthesun try not to give the health check too much headspace. Perhaps frame it that its better to know than not to know and that its a good step towards better self care. Not drinking can only improve your health so you are facing in the right direction.

@wanttobesober from your post it feels like you are having a wobble and your sneaky brain has started trying to FOMO you. Obviously you own the choice about whether or not you stay AF forever, but perhaps reading the obstacle course (linked further up thread) might incentivise you to stick with it a bit longer? Its such a common trap to keep doing the hard bit!! I'm glad exercise is helping. What else might help?

Morning all!
Well done on 3 days @2023forme - you’re nearly through the toughest bit.

The energy is amazing isn’t it @halfthesun ?! You can feel this sharp EVERY day, and that is probably my favourite part of being sober.

In terms of filling time, I really recommend doing something with your body if you can, whether it’s walking, swimming, yoga - whatever you enjoy. Running (very slowly) and body pump are my things, but combining any sort of exercise with being AF puts you in this wonderful feedback loop. This time last year I was building up to my first 10k in 20 years, I’m now training for my first half marathon. Definitely couldn’t have done that if I was still drinking.

Morning all 🥰 I totally agree with treating yourself with the money you are saving. I bought a lavender fragranced Max Benjamin candle last weekend which was a frivolous purchase but I would have spent double that on alcohol and snacks and not given it a second thought.

I have woken up this morning with the most awful headache 😫 paracetamol isn't touching it. It's like a really bad wine hangover headache but I haven't drank in almost two weeks. Another reason not to drink again.... the wine headache is horrific and I was purposely doing it to myself 🥴

Morning all
Slept well. I so love waking up without anxiety- it is the best thing.

@Liadan I just googled Max Benjamin! Very nice and what a lovely treat.

Back later

Morning @Liadan and welcome! Sorry about the headache- I get that with sugar these days

wendywagon I love your rambles 😊

stircrazy I looked it up and we will have 14 more minutes of daylight by next Tuesday. Lighter mornings are on their way.

Well done to all rocking days, weeks, months and years.

Hi all and thanks for the supportive messages. I woke up about an hour ago (am working again tonight so wanted to sleep as long as possible). Yesterday my anxiety started to wane and I was so busy at work last night it helped and also made me feel normal and productive. Hubby was also friendly and chatty to me yesterday and I even got a peck on the cheek when I was leaving for work.

so I woke up feeling so much better and went downstairs only to be confronted by a scowling husband telling me our son had told him I’d had him “up all night on Saturday wanting booze from the garage and it’s disgusting “. I just felt really knocked down again. He knows what I am like when I’m going through withdrawal - I was looking for weak booze to sip on the hour to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Son doesn’t understand but husband should know that stopping abruptly is dangerous.

so I’m conflicted. I understand his disgust and I know my behaviour is totally unreasonable and “disgusting”. I know I’ve been a terrible partner and parent when I’m drinking. I know it’s hard for them just to go back to normal after I’ve been drinking. But….. it doesn’t help for husband to speak to me in an aggressive manner about it when I’ve just popped in to say hello after just waking up. He knows what I’m like yet chose to go away with his mates and leave my son “ in charge” of me (he knew I was drunk when he left) so part of me is annoyed at him. But am I “allowed” to be annoyed when I’ve only got myself to blame?

Hope my ramblings are making sense! (You’re not the only one @WendyWagon 🤣) Anyways, I’m just going to give everyone a wide berth until I go to work again. Tomorrow is another day!