The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Congratulations on the new job Sav! That certainly sounds like a great start to 2023, when do you start?
@BunniesBunniesBunnies what a brilliant milestone - you deserve to feel very chuffed and also very proud of being such a consistent support here. I am very thankful for your wise and timely words.

@Stircrazyschoolmum well done you! Keep at it.
welcome all newbies sober weekend ahead….

Welcome @Felistra and well done @MerylSqueak!

@WendyWagon great news about the job offer😀😀😀

@Stircrazyschoolmum many thanks for that, really helpful advice. I have been being more productive around the house which is making me feel better as felt things were sliding prior to me quitting, but then I'd just have a drink and care less etc etc
Funnily enough I have been shopping today and spent quite a bit (well for me anyway as I'm quite thrifty!) on some new Jeans and tops - but I figured it's still less than I'd spend a month on booze!
I like the idea of treating myself to occasional beauty treatments as that's something I've never really bothered with before.
It's interesting what you say about not feeling deprived of something, for me it's more like something is missing and to stop myself feeling on it too much it's better to do something productive to take my mind off it.
I'm wondering about seeing the doctor about my anxiety as I really did rely on drink for confidence and I feel a bumbling mess now, feel like I have nothing interesting to say out loud and trip over my sentences. I'm not a naturally confident person.

Quickly jumping on to say
Congratulations bunnies on your 1000 days!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳

You have been a constant support and inspiration to everyone while rocking your own sobriety.

1000 days is amazing @BunniesBunniesBunnies , I'm completely in awe. You must feel fantastic!

I've had a stressful day trying to settle down and start an essay that's due in at the end of the month. I find it really hard to settle to study unless the environment is exactly right, can't cope with any clutter or disorder and have to be completely confident I won't be interrupted or disturbed. I find even other people moving around really distracting.

Unfortunately DH and DS2 (17) can't seem to comprehend this! Have finally blitzed the office and shut myself away, but it's been a bit of a trying day so far. To be fair DH is recovering from a chest infection, so not at his best...

Also preying on my mind is DS1 (nearly 20) who had a very honest chat with us the other night. He thinks he might have ADHD/ADD which would actually explain a great deal in terms of application to tasks and procrastination, which have caused him problems for many years. I can also relate to a great deal of what he described - we're very similar. I'm not sure whether a formal diagnosis would help or hinder him at this stage - he's keen on a forces or emergency services career in the future.

Anyway, all this and haven't even considered buying a bottle of wine to de-stress! It seems easier this time, although I'm sure I'll be challenged at some point. So good to have you all to offload to!! ❤️

sillylittlemargaret I’d really encourage you to have your son (and maybe you) look into an assessment for ADHD. My daughter said the same to me 18 months ago…she was 12 at the time. She’s now on medication and it has made a massive difference to her life, and also in how I respond to her as a parent.

im celebrating 2 months of sobriety, and starting to feel more benefits. I’m less anxious and have started to give myself a break. I’m saying no to more at work, getting the kids to help more at home and my New Year’s resolution is to take at least 30 mins a day for myself - take a bath, read a bit, listen to a podcast, etc. I think in my head if I was this super high performer at work, with a clean house etc then I couldn’t have a drink problem. I would never just sit down. Now I’m more focused on doing things that actually bring me peace instead of always being stressed. Yesterday was my birthday, and instead of having a take away and a bottle of wine, I could drive us to dinner. Kids made a fuss of me, and this morning I woke up hangover free. Here’s to 23!!!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies just amazing. Well done on 1000 days. Fabulous!!

@WendyWagon congrats for tomorrows anniversary lest I forget to drop in.

@Yerroblemom1923 just a quick note as your anxiety post jumped out at me. Not only is it that Alcohol can cause anxiety, the detox bit between toxes.. which doesn’t mean you don’t have anxiety but also something else which came from one of the early quit lit I read. Sunshine sober maybe?? If you start drinking in your teens and use it to cope emotionally or and socially you never really grow up and mature.
Only when you stop drinking do you actually start to experience the emotions and sensations properly, and then you have to experience all those ‘emotions’ and scenarios again, and process them sober to mature. I find this applies to me. I am in lots of ways quite a different person to the me from a year ago. I am also in therapy and was prior to going AF but learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions, working through them and dealing with them sober is making me a stronger or different person. Hopefully a better one!
So maybe give it a while before treating your anxiety. Maybe try sitting with it first and seeing where it leads you? xx

@Fortheloveofgodwhy thanks for that. It's a really interesting point. I wasn't a big drinker in my teens/twenties - not daily anyway, just at weekends when out out.
It's only since my 30s it's crept up to daily drinking. I'm not wanting to rush into anything medication or therapy-wise (although I do feel I need to speak to someone about the reasons I drank but will probably have to find a private counsellor as know the NHS waiting list will be ridiculous).
I appreciate the anxiety is quite normal and something I have to live with for now and hope it passes as I get used to living and being sober, uncomfortable though it is.

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies! That is a huge achievement.

And great news about the job @WendyWagon

Hi everyone.
Huge congrats on your 1000 days bunnies absolutely amazing. Do you use an app to keep track?
I’m now waking at 2 or 3 am every night with my sleep all over the place. This didn’t happen when I drank so no idea why it’s happening now. Could be jet lag but surely not for 4 days. I’m on HRT so shouldn’t be the menopause. It’s really frustrating.
i’ve not thought about drinking but I’ve been home so all relatively easy.

Morning all!
Congratulations on your year anniversary @WendyWagon ! Hope you have a great day today x

Morning all
beautiful full moon last night
@WendyWagon congrats on your anniversary- you've had a tough year with much going on but your determination got you though.
happy Sunday everyone

Thanks all for the congrats and congrats @WendyWagon🤩

@StayingVigilant it might well be jetlag. Also, in terms of sobriety and sleep I think it helps to focus on the bigger picture. I sometimes have an awful night and really resent it thinking “I didn’t even drink!” But realistically everyone is going to have a bad night/bad sleep phase sometimes. How is your sleep overall? Better or worse? Sending sympathy though, bad sleep sucks xxx

Phew what a week this has been. But it would have been infinitely worse with alcohol!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies i didn’t mean my morning waking to come across as a side effect of no alcohol. I know it’s not that. I slept beautifully when I was AF in 2021 - a whole year of gorgeous snoozing! Actually, now I come to think of it, I didn’t in the first few weeks of being AF. It took a while to improve. But I also know alcohol wouldn’t make it better. I’m just moaning. It’s probably jet lag. Don’t think I’ve ever had it this badly before but it’s been 5 years since doing a big Oz trip, so Im obviously older & maybe that’s why it’s hit harder.
im not good tired though. So snappy! And lethargic.

Morning all. Day 8/15 months....

It's been 15ish months since I started this journey and has been one of the best things I have ever done. I think stopping alcohol is a sign of true self compassion. The bumps in the road were definitely feedback!

Sleep is amazing (sorry to others struggling). DH has stopped for Dry January which is great although we didn't drink together much anyway (which is weird imo but there you go)

Congratulations to @WendyWagon for your anniversary and new job. What's happening with your beauty business? I love your posts (still waiting for the book) and your journey has been epic

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies for 1000 days and thanks so much for your support. You have helped me so much with your wise words

Sorry, got distracted and sent too quickly and now I look like a self-absorbed fool

Congrats on the anniversaries - that's amazing and I hope to get there one day. I'm day 63 today so some way to go but getting there one dry day at a time. Interestingly that post about the obstacle course said it takes about 100 days to start to see the 'field' and 6 months to get there. Last year I set myself a 100 day target which I managed but I hated sobriety by the end of it. Be interesting to see how this year is.

Someone mentioned ADHD earlier on. My son was diagnosed a few months ago and we're trying meds at the moment. He's 10. In the process of his assessment I noticed so many similarities between the questions and my behaviour so I asked for an assessment for myself. And lo and behold I have it too. I'm trying to get my meds right but honestly getting the diagnosis has been life-changing for me. I won't bore you all with the details unless you'd like more information.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered that was me! I'd love more info if you don't mind? DM if you'd rather x

Morning all! It’s a tea in bed day, but tbh I have already gotten up and walked the dog do I don’t feel too guilty. DH has been complaining about how tired he feels today and I was thinking hmmm… nothing to do with the 2/3 of a bottle of red you drank then?!? (I was on mint/cucumber fizz and feel just fine!!)

@WendyWagon happy anniversary! My gut says 2023 is your year. New job, new home, new health club and fab new business project. Would the Jan 2022 you believe just how awesome you have been? Onwards and upwards from here on you are unstoppable!! xx

Morning all. Thanks for all the congrats. I had a film binge last night and watched sex and the city1 (2008). I just love the clothes and the music. DH was watching the football. I ate a lot of whotsits!
@SillyLittleMargaret My DD was tested for special needs but it was SEMH which has been helped by counselling and anxiety medication. The thing that I wish I had done was get her a EHCP. This would have given her some protection and support in her secondary education. Reasonable adjustments would have been made.
@Kindtomyself i shall be wearing two hats. The job offer is for a skincare company CEO and when the due diligence is completed I will also
co own a bath and body brand. The latter means I can add in some perfumes which is an area I love. It means less travel and politics I hope!

I will be doing a Marks run and reading my new book. Have a good day my friends.

@SillyLittleMargaret no it's fine. All my life I've felt like a complete failure - I've chronically underachieved and never understood why I struggle so much with things that everyone else seems perfectly capable of if that makes sense. Things like having a tidy home, be organised, look groomed. I know social media gives a false edit of everyone's lives but even so I've always felt like a round peg in a square hole world. Getting this diagnosis kind of gives me a reason for all of this and instead of feeling like a failure I can look at my life and think 'I've actually done pretty well considering' I'm not quite at the stage of accepting it as a disability but I'm getting there.

I'm trialling methylphenidate at the moment and have actually managed to come off one of my antidepressants since being diagnosed.

I've been under MH services since my teens and have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, EUPD and now this. Interestingly EUPD and ADHD are frequently misdiagnosed and there is evidence that ADHD symptoms can get much worse during menopause (I'm peri at the moment) so it just all makes sense...probably for the first time ever.

I also think DS is much happier with his diagnosis now that I'm diagnosed too.

Feel free to ask questions if there's anything else you want to know or if I've not explained things well.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered 💐

Huge congratulations on your year soberversary wendywagon. 🥳🥳
It has been wonderful to read your thoughts as you've gone through this. What a huge achievement.

And congratulations in your new job and business. What with your new house move soon, things are really on the up for you.

I always think a year is the biggest one. Even more than following years. What do you think has been the hardest part? The best bit of being sober? And what do you think you have gained along the way?

Hello 👋

I’m slightly nervous as I’m new to this area, never thought I’d need support to try and quit alcohol but I’m thinking about it.

What a hugely supportive place! I’ve read through this thread and it’s full of wonderful, non judgmental people.

I quit smoking over 10 years ago and through various challenges thrown at me since, alcohol has taken over, addictive personality?

I drink 7 days a week. I’m a gin drinker. As soon as I get home from work, usually around 6pm, the ice goes into a glass and a drink is poured, drink while I’m preparing tea and then I can easily drink another 3-4. I really love the tonic taste too, which doesn’t help!

I feel ashamed!

DH & I know we need to quit or cut down DRASTICALLY.

My dearly departed DF was an alcoholic, I never thought I’d have an issue with drink, but here we are.

To start with, I’m wondering if I could ease myself in with some good alternative AF gins or anything that might give me that ‘hit’ I feel I need (I know it’s the alcohol tricking me brain here) during the week to start with at least.

I have felt emotional reading your success stories. I feel afraid of the AF world though, which sounds pathetic but I really do. The panic of having no alcohol in the house! That’s how I know I have a problem.

I will carry in reading other posts, I’ve taken screenshots of recommended sites etc and hopefully can change my mindset into wanting to change, I do but I’m just scared.

DS is 16 and we’ve had (and continue to) a hell of a few years with him. I felt my crux of coping was to drink more, what kind of example am I setting here!

Sorry for my first ‘woe is me’ post. Just letting it all out!

I’m a regular but have name changed for this group as I’m so ashamed.

Hi @SunsetGoGo and welcome. This is a wonderful, safe and supportive place so please don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. We've all got similar stories and have all struggled initially with wanting to be alcohol free. It's an odd thing, the knowledge and desire to not drink is offset against societal pressure in a way that quitting smoking is not.
Post away, there's a wealth of experience here. It's possibly the kindest place on Mumsnet ❤️