The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

@Crunchymum Honestly, feels like days ago that he was 8!

@SillyLittleMargaret my eldest is 13 in 2 weeks and I'm in complete denial about it!

Kids birthday party here tonight too - DD is 14! So we’ll have 6 of her friends over to play a murder mystery game. I’ve been instructed to provide pizza then leave them in peace.

just back from a bracing walk with the dog, I get so much more done at the weekends now 😁.

@Shanster AF weekends are the gift that keeps on giving. Turns out I can totally motivate myself to just do an hour of some thing before I do a taxi run or similar. In the hangover days I would have been cross, annnoyed and frustrated that an hour isn’t long enough to t finish a task and therefore not start it.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered my eldest is 16 next month. That can’t possibly be correct because where he goes first the other 2 swiftly follow.

Happy sober Saturday nights people. Off to a burns night at the local village hall. Last year I was quite merry by the time we left. This year I am driving because although it is not so far to walk it is bastard icy out there

Morning all

Lovely and frosty here. Slept like a log but woken with a headache. Off to yoga shortly so that might (or may not) help.

Seems to be lots of birthdays happening, hope they're all celebrated successfully

Good morning all.

@Kindtomyself I use a host of different creams.
Value:
Aldi lacara
Boots glow
So Ho vitamin C

Reasonable:
Sister and Co rich

Posh :
Clarins extra firming
Shiseido Performance

I personally can't use no7 and clinique doesn't work for me.
Make sure you get a good cleanser. Again Aldi or if splashing out Eve Lom.

Best foundation is water drops Mac.

Morning all. Glorious morning here but still in bed with tea (much needed today!)

Hard day yesterday. Met up with the group of friends that unsettled me back in November. Knowing it’s a historically heavy drinking group I had suggested tea and cake as opposed to a night out hosted at home. (Brunch got rejected) Despite 15.00 start time and lots of reference to ‘Dry Jan’ Friend that likes a drink turned up with 3 bottles of wine (1 red, 1 White.
1 fizz) and persuaded all 7 others (bar me) to have a drink. We then had more or less exactly the same group conversation as in Nov around how much she drinks, trying to cut back as units are so high but how hard it is as it’s so fun and how she never could contemplate not drinking… by 17.30 off she waltzed (others swiftly following most off out that evening) leaving me with empty bottles and glasses and uneaten cake. Feeling boring and deprived.

I felt pretty shit last night and if I’m honest I still do. Shit to the point where it crossed my mind to buy wine at Tescos this morning and drink the whole bottle secretly whilst DH was at the gym. (Bloody hell that reads well!!) I haven’t and I won’t. I think acknowledging the hurt and the feelings rather than a knee jerk rebellion or trying to distract/disconnect is probably a massive step forward. Just writing this down has helped (and made me cry) a good wake up call that I’m not out of the woods yet.

@Stircrazyschoolmum, being blunt, if you're sticking with this AF lark, do you need some new friends? That's pretty much where I'm at.

I watched three people start with beers and then drink four bottles of wine between them on Friday night. Really tedious. Watched DH start to slur, then to talk over people, then to monopolise the conversation, because he can't hold his drink.

On the plus side, I was up and out with the dog at 0730 yesterday and I wouldn't swap that for the four day hangover I would have had if I'd got involved with the drinking.

Be yourself @Stircrazyschoolmum, whoever you are now and be proud of who you are.

Morning folks

I've been hitting the gym this week. Was there for a class at 9 this morning which never would have happened in my drinking days. I'm knackered but the endorphins feel good.

Hello. Can I join you please?
I’ve not had a drink since 30th Dec - so today is day 23.

I’ve had an awful and unhealthy relationship with alcohol since my teens. I was actually sent to a private rehab before I’d even reached my 18th birthday. I managed to ‘balance’ my relationship with drink during my 20s, with dry months and drinking months, but realistically alcohol has always been in control of me and I’ve been in free fall for a while now. I’m now 41 and in the last year or so I’ve been drinking a crazy amount. 2 bottles of wine a night. Some nights I’d even fall asleep (read crash out) early then wake up and drink in bed after midnight. And go to work early the next day. I’ve not really admitted that before.

The quote on page 1 of this thread Here's to prioritising sobriety- because I think all my other resolutions hinge upon it really resonates with me. I made a list of how content I am in different areas of my life, and there is not one that isn’t hugely negatively effected by my drinking. Unsurprisingly.

Ive always known I’d have to give up alcohol for good one day. I have a child who I love more than anything in the world yet I was allowing myself to at worst be a drunken mother and at the very least a hungover one who wasn’t giving her my best self. At one point I was contemplating only drinking on a Friday and/or Saturday- but I’ve been there and tried that and also I can’t be saving the worst of me for my Dd. Over the last 3 sober weekends I’ve enjoyed having more mental and physical energy for her. It’s been great. I want to be a good mum. I don’t want to screw up my wonderful DD.
I’m waiting for the results from some blood tests I had last week, but it’s obvious my lifestyle is taking its toll on my health. I don’t want to die yet. And yet I was killing myself with alcohol - and not just physically. I’d been having suicidal thoughts lately too.

Surprisingly I’ve not just found the last 22 days fairly easy, but I’ve enjoyed them too. I’ve been on the DJ thread where list of people are counting down the days till it’s over. Conversely I’ve been extending my goal to the point that I am now here. Before Jan I think I had 5 sober days in the last 6 months. Maybe less. I would wake up thinking I’d have a night off but by lunchtime I’d have convinced myself and would pick up a couple of bottles on my way home. I think one thing that has helped me is that I’ve been mentally so fed up with drinking for a while now. Once I’d got through the first 2 nights I already felt a huge freedom rather than any loss. And for now I’m still feeling like that. And it’s great.

Im not naive enough to think I’ve cracked it. I know I’ve got battles ahead. Not drinking is fairly accepted during Jan, but I’m worried about the social pressures after. I’ve told a few key people I’m going to continue sober so hopefully that will help. I don’t ever want to become complacent or forget how bad my drinking life was but I’m not sure how best to achieve that.

Happy Sunday to you all.

@FlightDeckBuckarooo welcome and well done.
I feel guilty about what I put my kids through. I gave up drinking a year ago and it has had a transformative effect on my relationships with my grown up dc. If I could turn the clock back I would do. Be proud of yourself. The first three weeks are the hardest.
After 28-32 days your skin should be looking better and no one wishes for a hangover in the morning. On this thread Saturday sleeps are the aim.

@Stircrazyschoolmum that friends' behaviour was rotten.
I have had to avoid my cousin but otherwise my remaining friends have been great (bar two not seen since last Feb/ March). Both big drinkers, both spongers!
You did really well not to join in.

Morning all

I think it can be easy to look back with regrets at how we have acted or how we have treated ourselves and others when in the fog of booze addled days. But, I do really believe that the more time you get being dry then there is an emotional distance from that deep shame. I no longer feel as shameful as I did. I don't forget because that could lead me back to thinking I can drink again. But, i figure we never do our best work on ourselves from a place of shame. So, i have made a conscious decision to not steep myself in shame about past actions and there is that natural step away from shame due to time that I feel much better about myself. And when I feel better about myself I treat myself much more kindly. And that means not punishing myself with booze or food or thoughts. And in turn, i treat others more kindly too.

Another thing that has been apparent this year (in my 3rd dry year) is that I am comfortable in my own non drinking skin now. I can be around people drinking and it doesn't bother me. I can go to parties and see people getting drunk and it doesn't bother me. It neither makes me want to drink nor do I judge them for drinking. It's kind of just something they do and something I don't. I still have just as much fun as them, maybe the odd pang that their glass of wine looks tasty but in the same way their plate of food looks good, even if it is meat (and I don't eat meat.) It's the same feeling.

For instance my dh eats meat and fish. I used to like the taste of some meats and i do miss the taste of fish. But I have made a conscious decision for most of my adult life not to eat these things and that is more important to me than the fleeting taste. Same with booze. I was out for dinner with my DD and her friend last night, they both had wine then a couple of cocktails. I had a fleeting moment of "that red wine looks good" but it was fleeting. And then i reminded myself why I choose not to drink it. And that is bigger. And then i settle in to having a lovely meal with two wonderful young women.

It has taken time for both of these things to happen though. I used to feel so shameful and I used to get a bit pissed off at the world that they were still drinking and I wasn't. I kind of felt that because I was not drinking that I wanted to live in a non drinking world. It would make life a lot easier. But, I have realised this is my thing, my life, my choices. And that makes it a lot easier. It's much easier to make changes for myself and be in control of my choices than it is to try to change the world and the choices of everyone else around me.

I think that when I used to worry that other people judged me (for drinking or for not drinking) what I was actually doing was judging myself. I feel much happier and at ease with myself with who I am now. I won't keep apologising for my choices in life. Even the ones that I would rather I hadn't made.

afternoon all. Welcome @FlightDeckBuckarooo great choice to join here. We are all in it for the long term and in the early months I found the talk of moderation or and count downs on other forums quite triggering. Like Wendy/Sav I’m about a year in.

Did the burns night last night which was probably my last drinking ‘out’ night last year, it was just as much fun - probably more because… drumroll... I remember all of it. I helped out more (village event for the village people ) DH had two cans of bud light, I had a whole bottle of Zero wine 🤣🤣 I can’t help it if I start it, I finish it. Regardless of the contents!

@Stircrazyschoolmum i would say maybe you need to be firm with these friends about how/when you meet them. Especially if you find them drinking in your house triggering and cranky liberty taking 😏. Well done for posting here and not seeing through the self destructive thoughts xx

Thanks for all the support guys. I've gotten up and showered and feel far more positive now. (Whilst I'm practising sitting with uncomfortable feelings I'm happy when they've gone away again!!)

Sage advice @TheOtherHotstepper @WendyWagon and @Fortheloveofgodwhy in all honesty the protagonist of the drinking is a friend of a friend who I only come into contact with once every couple of months (this is a historical friendship group from when our kids were young.) Most of the others I meet more regularly for dog walks, cinema, coffee and there's never an issue. Stepping back from the emotions I know its not done with malice or negative intent, and it says far more about her own relationship with alcohol than mine. (If anything I can identify with her as being that person who felt she couldn't survive a social gathering without alcoholic lubricant and who would bring plenty to ensure it didn't run out!!) At least half the group drank a very small amount and were happily brewing cuppas before she turned up!

Anyhow, I can't change her, only me, and I can't stop people wanting to enjoy their weekends with a glass or three, and as @Breathmiller wisely wrote, its not something to avoid but to acclimatise to.

What I can scrutinise is the sense of being boring and feeling deprived I was left sitting with and I've been listening the very insightful podcast 'the one you feed' which is based on the good and bad wolf. A recent episode was talking about finding the healthy opposite to the thing you are feeling - for example for anxiety its relaxation. So I was thinking for me the opposite of deprivation is indulgence and the opposite of boredom is spontaneity or novelty. Its called countering apparently... so with that in mind I've booked for DD and I to go and see the Wildlife Photography Exhibition at short notice late this afternoon... and on that note we best go get a tube!! (I promise I wouldn't be doing this with a hangover so that's a good lesson in itself!!)

Thanks again for all the support. xx

Thanks for this @WendyWagon. I've just ordered Sister & Co, not heard about it before and sounds good so will give it a go. I've got Aurelia miracle cleanser atm but I do absolutely love Eve Lom...must try Aldi's - is that a balm as well?

Sorry I didn't mean to derail the thread but to me it goes hand in hand with AF and taking care of myself.

@Stircrazyschoolmum - great reflection and I like the sound of that podcast so will check it out. Good on you for the photography exhibition- sounds lovely.

Welcome @FlightDeckBuckarooo great that you're here.

Thanks for the Welcomes. I’m very pleased to be here.

@Kindtomyself Ive just ordered myself a load of face creams. My skin has really suffered through drinking and neglect. Will let you know if I find an amazing cure!

@Fortheloveofgodwhy yes I agree for me it is definitely the counting down on the Dry January thread that I find tricky. It’s a nice supportive thread but I’m not looking for a quick fix.

Morning

Had a horrible headache for 24 hours was hoping it would have shifted by now. It's either because I've not had enough liquid or because of my cold. Damn!

@FlightDeckBuckarooo yea keep me posted on your creams, it's obviously a lifestyle thing isn't it? Lots of water, healthy food, exercise, sleep and creams.
I've also been following Dry Jan and yes it's a different approach to this thread.

Have a bloody marvellous day all

Morning all
heading home after a family birthday weekend away.

@Kindtomyself keep up the fluids which might help the headache but shouldn’t harm it. Hope it improves today.

welcome @FlightDeckBuckarooo and anyone else I’ve missed! Great place to get support here, you sound very focused which is important.

@Stircrazyschoolmum its sounds like you are dealing with your feelings but be gentle with yourself. I hope you can reassess some of the friend encounters so you don’t feel drained by them.

have a good week all

Morning all.
Up a bit later as we blocked the door with a big pot to keep the cockerapoo out. Since the DD left for uni he has wanted to sleep with us. It has been like having a baby in the bed!
Sleep is definitely the answer along with love and purpose.
First time in over twenty years we have a dc free house although our son is coming back in the late summer. Onwards and upwards dear friends.

So much to catch up on.

I hope everyone is good? We went from family party on Saturday to OOH doctors yesterday with a poorly newly turned 8 year old. OOH were amazing and she was seen within the hour and given a pump for her sudden and wheezy cough.

Never a dull moment with little people. I am not sure how I'd have coped with that on a "Saturday night hangover" (Saturday was always my night for wine and I'd probably sink 2 bottles so Sunday's were always a wash out)

Off for a proper catch up. Keep warm everyone, it's -1 here.

@FlightDeckBuckarooo welcome aboard. A lot of what you say resonates with me. I have young children (10, 8 and 5) and whilst I was never fall down drunk / would never drink in sole charge of them etc I wasn't giving them the best version of me, not even close.

I am almost a year now as well [there seem to be a few of us on that sort of trajectory] and whilst being AF hasn't magically fixed all the ills in my life, I am much more able to deal with my shit. I feel like I am still at the start of my journey - I was a drinker for 25 years (and a heavy drinker for 10 of those) and I have only been AF for 12 short months.

Breathmiller very honest and earnest words as always. It's fascinating to hear how you feel about alcohol being a few years down the line. I am an ex smoker and it astonishes me that I used to smoke. I stopped using Allen Carr 12 years ago and I cannot remember my life as a smoker at all. I hope to have the same distant connection with alcohol one day!

@Stircrazyschoolmum I think the next gathering needs to be at someone else's house!!! Or stick to the meetings when this other person isn't around. She sounds deeply in the grasp of her alcohol issues and I bet when she looks at you she is full of envy that you have been able to take a stand she wishes she could take. Her issues are not yours though, and don't let it undo any of the good you have done.

Hello strangers!
I hope it’s ok to stop by and say hello, as it’s been a few threads since I was around.

If anyone remembers me I was in a pretty horrible state following the sudden and traumatic death of my fiancé and my always shaky relationship with booze turned outright hostile as a result.

I won’t lie, I’ve had a few slip ups along the way (and a complete breakdown) but I’m now properly medicated, getting the right kind of PTSD therapy which has been a game changer (turns out I have a lot of childhood trauma to unpack too, which I am doing), and even have magically acquired a lovely and supportive boyfriend along the way.

Six months properly sober and even when I haven’t been mentally able to post I’ve kept up with your adventures. It’s not a done deal for any of us but I can say I won’t drink today, and I think I can…just keep saying it. Salud!

Oh welcome back ColdWaterTherapy. It's lovely to see you here again. I am sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time since you were last here but so pleased to hear you are settled a bit more now and got a new relationship. How is your son doing? Are you still swimming?