The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Morning all

Good here, sleeping well and feeling a bit more motivated after a blip. Hope DD settles back well @WendyWagon. @Crunchymum sending hugs.

Really nice that @Fortheloveofgodwhy and @WendyWagon are meeting for coffee.

Morning all. I've had a really busy week so just catching up. Hope you are doing okay @Crunchymum - I've a friend with a disabled child and know how difficult and emotionally challenging it is for her. 💐
@WendyWagon glad to hear you got through the funeral relatively unscathed and hope the new job goes well.
Lots of people posting so apologies for not tagging more people but I am reading through the posts and catching up - it's great to hear everyone's motivational stories and suggestions.

I'm now on day 11 AF after my last bender. This in itself is not unusual. When I was at my worst 'falling asleep in a hedge outside the house' state, I couldn't go more than about 10 days without bingeing again. Now I can go for weeks - I think 7 weeks is my longest since all this started in 2020. I was a heavy drinker before that but wasn't doing the mad drinking in secret/stashing booze outside the house etc.

I'm feeling good and as I've said before, reframing not drinking as something I'm gaining rather than 'giving up' - this is also why I am comitting to posting regularly on this thread rather than some of the others which are more about giving up - nothing wrong with those and I do post occasionally but my brain can only really follow one thread closely at a time lol so this is the one!

I've been juicing like a mad woman - lots of fruit and veg smoothies, making my own sauces, soups etc. Also started back at the gym - just really brisk walking on the treadmill and a few weights as I don't want to over do it plus it's the usual 'new year new me' busyness and it's only a small gym so I can't always get the machine I want. But it's best to build it back up slowly anyway. It's finally stopped raining and it's cold and dry so also getting out and walking round the block twice a day - before and after my WFH job.

I also found a therapist and met her for the first time yesterday - it was just an introductory meeting so see if we 'fit ' - and it appears we did so I am starting properly next week. I'm anxious but also excited - I've tried counsellors before and nothing has really changed so I think I am anxious in case this doesn't 'work' and I can't leave the self-destructive drinking/behavoiurs behind. So there is a lot riding on it.

Husband has been a bit more upbeat after telling me last week how depressed and hopeless he felt about my drinking/the impact on the family. I think he is also really hoping that this therapy helps me and that things can change and I can turn things around. He once said that 'the loss of hope' was the most devastating thing for him - thinking I had cracked it only to go on another destructive binge. It's quite heart breaking really as we could have such a wonderful life - other than my drinking, we really do have a great life!

So I continue on my year of health and hopefully path to wellbeing. It's so strange how I can sit here now and not even imgaine drinking and then the compulsion overtakes me and I can't resist. I was home alone at the weekend and had genuinely no desire to drink - I don't even get cravings until the urge strikes and then it's overwhelming, if that makes sense? I'm not the person who come Friday really craves their wine.

When I write it down, I wonder if I am one of the worst offenders on here. I know it's not a competition lol but when I read other threads of people worried because they are drinking half/a bottle a night, I feel so ashamed of the things I've done. I sometimes post to say to them 'please don't let yourself get to where I am'.

Anyway I'm doing a bit of a brain dump now so I better get back to work!

Happy Thursday everyone and hang in there!!

Thank you for all your kind words and solidarity. Today is a new and different day. Breathmiller what you said yesterday rings very true for me. Very poignant and profound words (as always. I think I need you to be my life coach). It made me tear up reading your words whilst nodding along.

@2023forme you are doing phenomenally and we've all been there to varying degrees. I had more day ones than hot dinners but this time it just stuck. I don't know why but I never imagined I could do it and here I am. Just keep on going x

@2023forme well done. That is brilliant.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies apologies as I missed your very insightful post. I'm sorry that you understand what I go through as you've been through (and continue to go through) the same. On a 'a misery loves company' level It's nice to know people have some true understanding. It makes me feel less alone.

You’re definitely not alone @Crunchymum, even though I know it feels like that sometimes. I’ve found immense support from other parents who’ve gone through what we’ve gone through.
@2023forme well done for taking so many positive steps! You’re not the worst offender for sure😅 (not that there really is such a thing), we all have made our own mistakes (I for sure have made plenty). Try not to judge yourself for the past - This I found the hardest bit of sobriety and it did take a long time to look at myself with kindness and understanding, but eventually it happened and I’m sure it can happen for you too xxx

Morning all tea drunk and getting up soon.

@2023forme positive post yesterday you sound really focused.

How are you today Sav? Do hope your daughter is well - such an exciting step for her but can be challenging for family dynamics.

@Kindtomyself sleep is so nourishing- glad you feel better.

So many people here striving to live their best life whatever stage they find themselves at. The diversity of experiences is so interesting, different ages, work and family set ups mean the impact of alcohol and being AF can throw up challenges others haven’t faced. Still the reality and consequences are fundamentally similar- unhappiness and discontent. Had a really low mood yesterday and unexpectedly thought about wine as some solace. Thought about why I didn’t want to act on the thought but there was a pang of missing an old friend and comforter. Took me by surprise so I’m going to challenge myself to work on some of the basics again. My eating and exercise plan has slipped so that’s my focus for now.

take care all

Morning all.
Good to hear from you @2023forme - a lovely positive post. Really hope this therapist works out for you.
I think I’m getting better at taking steps to look after my mental well-being. I found myself getting really angry and upset at some exchanges on twitter (not posting, just scrolling) so I made myself have 24 hours off it. It sounds so obvious when I write it down, but it felt such a big step at the time.
Hope everyone has a good Friday - if this is your danger day, it’s worth planning your toolkit now when you’re feeling fresh, rather than trying to dig it out when you’re knackered!

Morning all

@AlloftheTime it's important to be aware of these unexpected pangs that pop up- I recall that's where HALT comes in, which is what I try and do ie am I Hungry. Angry, Lonely or Tired. It's like a slippery slope for me - I'm tired so I could have a drink to wake myself up blah blah.

Good point @AlloftheTime .

My life has changed markedly since I stopped drinking back in April last year and not being in the pub, or otherwise insulated by drink, means I see DH's behaviour up close for the first time in years and I am finding him increasingly difficult to live with. He would be horrified if I were to suggest that he might be abusive, but I definitely think he is edging that way now.

I have just come out of six weeks of repeated infections, culminating in a chest infection with sats low enough on one day to have justified a trip to A&E. (I didn't go. I couldn't face it) and now I have raging TMD. He is still saying "I don't know what the fuss was about. You've had a bit of a cold." He minimises everything and makes me feel that what I feel is completely invalid.

My dilemma now is whether his behaviour is bad enough for me to consider ending the marriage.

@TheOtherHotstepper that’s sad to read. Not feeling heard and understood is a real negative in a relationship in my experience. Sounds like you have been unwell and probably in pain with the TMD (sorry don’t know much about it)
take time for yourself and work at recuperating then consider how to approach your H’s behaviour. Would talking to a professional be worth considering?
💐

I've been in therapy for a year anyway for something else, but what's coming out now is the domestic issues.

We're out tonight for dinner with friends. It's just gone something like this:

(Watching me pack a four pack of AF G&T) Are you still not drinking?
No ...
How can you do this to me?

I dunno

I’m sorry @TheOtherHotstepper - that’s grim

Hi everyone. I've been feeling very drained so not posted for some time. I'm still AF - about 10 weeks now and I'm no longer religiously counting the days.

I've been hitting the gym hard recently. Some of my friends go so we take classes together. Much more motivating than trying to go on my own. I swam 1km on Tuesday and did Box fit last night and have 3 more classes booked over the weekend.

DH has been signed off work and given Sertraline for his depression. It's a relief he's getting help but still very difficult.

And DS2 had the first part of his autism assessment yesterday. We've been waiting since November 2019 for this and the paediatrician said yesterday it could take another 6-8 months to complete. It's just not good enough. And he had a very emotional meltdown at school the other day. He hates being at morning/after school club, making my mum guilt burden even greater.

I just feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and nobody to lean on. I'm just so tired.

Sorry this is such a downer of a post. The good news is that in spite of all this I'm not even vaguely tempted to drink. So every cloud and all that. TFI Friday and here's to another sober weekend!

Hi all

Manic couple of days, sorry for being quiet. Big unmumsnetty hugs for all those who need them. Its funny how changing our relationship with alcohol shines a light on all the other traumas and discontentments we've been numbing/avoiding/disconnecting from.

Every person on this board is a strong, resilient person doing the best with what they have. Alcohol (as we all know) wont help just delay us on our journeys. Stay strong and dive deep into that tool kit. Dare to dream.. its there for the taking. xxx

Evening lads. Very busy week. Just had strong tea and two shortbread fingers. Needed the sugar. Bloody cold here but looking after daughter's Cockapoo who is asleep on my lap. Miss Student has made a friend and went yellow sticker hunting in Sainsburys. Her father was mighty proud! He loves a bargain. He'll be sending a reduced food box next. Slight OCD so she won't eat it.
I didn't even think about it being Friday until I got home. Not via the offy!
@MyGhastIsFlabbered you are doing nowt to your husband by not drinking. I now say to people 'it's not about you'. You have made your choice, he can make his.
Have a lovely sleep all. X

Just popping back in to catch up and say hi...
Sorry for the absence it's all been a bit manic and for a while I was feeling very low and anxious. I find since perimenopause started that I can struggle at times. Definitely don't miss the 3am alcohol induced 3am panic attacks on top of it!

DS1 is 20 today!! I'm not sure how this has happened - I don't feel old enough to own a 20 year old man-child! We're planning a lovely day; breakfast at a local deli with my Dad, a frosty, snowy walk in the mountains and a takeaway and film this evening. DS works abroad for a large portion of the year so we're lucky to have him home for his birthday. I'm really happy to not be drinking and to be fully present for all of today. In the past I'd get really drunk with the takeaway and probably wouldn't remember half of the film 😔

Sending love and support to everyone going through a difficult patch x

Morning all!
Lovely to hear from you @SillyLittleMargaret ! You sound like you have a great day planned. Happy birthday to DS!

Sounds very positive from DD @WendyWagon .Are you going to be able to relax this weekend?

With my DH it’s the moods I struggle with. He spends a lot of time being angry (usually with inanimate objects, never directly with me, although I do think he has an internal monologue that he’s the only one who does anything round the house so huffs and puffs a lot). It just gets me down, and though I try not to absorb them it’s hard. So many times I drank just to escape them - now I just have to mentally or physically distance myself from the vibes - it’s hard in the evenings so another reason to look forward to lighter nights!

I have a lovely quiet weekend of gym, runs and a trip to a rugby game planned (they have even improved their AF offering at the rugby ground- it’s a miracle!)

Have a good weekend all

On a technical note...quite a few of you have mentioned that OP's search up names and posts - how do they do this?

If you go to advanced search, you can search by user name. I’ve never tried it before- just did it for an old username of mine - a weird step back in time that’s not improved my mood- time to hit the gym!

Went out for a work thing last night with my old team. I know where we were going would have a very poor AF offering and I wasn't wrong. I still don't feel great today just after a late night and too much sugar! I'm grateful for not drinking atm because with everything going on in my personal life I'd be totally dependent if I was.

Good morning all.
Just had the cooked breakfast. Marvellous as very cold here.
I have a funny feeling this might be mine and DHs first weekend alone in 23 years!
DD messaging so that is good. They have a freshers party tonight. She doesn't drink at all and is very intolerant of boozers so let's hope she doesn't feel too out of the crowd.
The beauty company I am working with own a luxury gin brand. I might have found someone to make us an af collection!
Books for me today.

We have another birthday in the house today. @SillyLittleMargaret mine is a little younger though (DC2 is 8 today!). We have a family party later. I'm testing out an AF cider and if anyone wants booze they need to bring their own yes I know its a kids party but there you go shopping trip just me and the 8yo tomorrow. God help me 😀

@WendyWagon I'm looking for a good face cream. I'm 51 and skin quite dry. What do you recommend?