The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Good luck @Crunchymum it will be an honour to be alongside you for the quitting of the sugar bitch 🙌

We've done the wine witch. Now for the sugar bitch. I like it 😊

I’m only 2.5 months in and not ready to ditch sugar just yet! One day, but a biscuit mid afternoon makes me less out of control by dinner time!

just wanted to chime in on journaling; maybe it’s not for everyone? I just can’t do it personally, but I take a minute every morning to think about what I’m grateful for, the examples where I’m making progress (boundaries at work, being calmer with the kids, taking time for myself). There’s loads of ways we can be reflective, just find what works.

im finding that this AF life is getting better all the time; my anxiety and self loathing are much diminished and I just feel so much better!!!

Good morning all.
Not feeling great this morning. Had to make a hard business decision last night. Bff (my original af support) concealed information from the founder of the company we are acquiring. She got ousted and I look like Brutus.
However DD was packing for university tomorrow! I thought she was going to defer. Hoorah.
Cold here.

Sorry for being a rubbish contributor, I'm not reading or responding to everything.
Sugar is definitely my next thing to work on. Might do a sugar free February.

wendy hugs

Morning all.
Glad to hear you’re feeling the benefits @Shanster .
You’re not a “rubbish contributor” @wanttobesober ! This is a safe place to get what you need, rant when you want to, among people who are on different points in the journey - it’s not another thing to beat ourselves up about (we all have too many of those, and need to stop!)
Sorry to hear you’re not feeling great @WendyWagon . Sounds like healthy boundaries with bff - I can’t remember which author said guilt is the price we pay for boundaries but the alternative is resentment. Good news that dd is packing - really hope uni works out for her

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you for that. 'Guilt is the price we pay for boundaries' is succinct and easy to remember. I am feeling guilty but I know it was a tinderbox waiting for a light (bff is what some would call colourful). I do need to rest my conscious because she wouldn't afford me the same headspace. Money is king and I would be kicked to the curb. She did something awful to me after my father died and I forgave her. Tbh I buried it in drink. I did want to get bladdered last night but ate Wotsits again! I am rambling because don't have another close friend and my sister hates me. I might book a therapy session for Monday to get it off my chest. Wendy is a work in progress folks, not a veteran yet.

Morning all. DD has an inset day (already!!) so I’ve treated myself to a cuppa in bed. Trouble is I don’t want to move now and the dog is dancing!

@Shanster so glad you are feeling the benefits. I’m only a month or so ahead of you but the novelty hasn’t worn off. The sense of calm and ‘it will work out’ even when things are going a bit awry feels so empowering.

Im not ready to cut sugar yet, my caffeine probably needs reducing too.. I feel March might be a good time. Lighter and less cold, thank you for the updates @Breathmiller you are right.. spring is just around the corner!

We are all a work in progress Sav - you are more honest about it than some. Look after yourself

Morning

And yes @WendyWagon we are all a work in progress. The way you reflect and take action is inspiring Sav

Thanks lads.

How are you today Kind?

We are all a work on progress wendywagon. Life is a constant place of growth and rethinking and recalibration. And this is such a great space in which to be honest about that.

On the sugar front, I feel it took me to the second year of not drinking to get my head around it. And then I had headspace to work on my disordered approach to food. Which all stemmed from the same root that my disordered approach to alcohol did. I couldn't see that properly until I stopped drinking.

One of the main things I've learned to do is to not be so hard on myself. But, that inner critical voice is definitely a work in progress for me. Over -drinking, over-eating were self punishment. I no longer feel the need to punish myself. I am human, i do things well sometimes and I get things wrong sometimes. I think a mixture of trying to do everything perfectly all the time and not having a good self belief system is not a good place to be. I'm trying to readdress that balance. I don't have to be perfect at what I do and I can talk to myself kindly when I do make mistakes.

Once you stop working on progress, you stop progressing.

We hear you @WendyWagon

Having a day where I need to sit with my emotions I think. DC3's birthday but she was born with a rare genetic condition (diagnosed at 11 days, she was home on day 15). It changed my whole world. So her birthday is always an emotional day for me. She has flourished beyond imagining and we are so incredibly proud of her but raising a disabled child is very difficult.

DD is at school by the way.... I'm on my own so allowing my emotions to run wild.

@Crunchymum I will be thinking of you.
It must be so terribly hard.
No one understands unless you have been there. Peace and love my friend x

@Crunchymum that's must be a tough call every year. You should be proud of everything you’ve achieved as a family.
hugs

@Crunchymum sending those unmumsnetty hugs, nothing wrong with taking some time to feel the feels.
@WendyWagon sav as it turns out we are geographically not so far apart then i am always around for a coffee and catch up mi casa and call that jazz. But i recognize the anonymity afforded here is something you may want to keep.

crunchymum that must be so hard. And on a day that you are "supposed" to feel only warm and lovely and like celebrating! Maybe room for both? The celebrating a birthday for your DC and you sitting with these feelings.

I think our children's birthdays are a time of reflection of that moment that was so life changing. It's an important anniversary not just for those that are born that day but for the ones who birthed them too.
When you either became a mother for the first time or you became a mother again and started a whole new relationship with a whole other human with all their (and your) differing levels of human complexities .

There's bound to be another layer when that day came with news that was difficult and would add another layer of complexity to your life. Take time to acknowledge that and be kind to yourself about it. It's a natural reaction to what must have been a difficult time. One of my 4 DC has some complex needs but we didn't know that when he was born so I can see how a yearly reminder can be all entangled with many different emotions.

You must be so proud of how she has, as you say, flourished. Hopefully you can find some space to be proud of yourself too for doing a difficult job and helping her to flourish.

Happy birthday to your DD.

Oh @Crunchymum I hear you, that sounds really tough, you must be feeling a whole range of emotions right now.
It’s not the same but one of my DC was born with a whole host of problems, it was touch and go for quite some time. Most issues are now well managed but some still affect her today and like you I find birthdays hard. I still cry every year on her birthday as well as feeling so lucky she is here with us. It has gotten easier over time but birthdays remain a mixed bag of feelings.
Just let yourself feel all of those feelings and don’t feel bad for the way you feel, it’s all normal and understandable. Hope you found a quiet moment to reflect today on how far you and your child have come xxx

One tea down and the university day has finally come for DD.
I am proud to say she is a genuinely lovely person who has had her troubles. School was not a safe place for her, she hated it from 12. We changed schools a number of times.
Finally covid hit and that did a lot of damage for so many kids, the isolation was awful. I lost all my work contracts (DD and I were off to Kenya) and my dependancy ramped up. We moved in 2021 but that didn't help my daughter. We lost so many houses with the exodus from London it has been hard to create a home. What did help was being there for her and that only worked when I stopped drinking in January 2022. I had therapy and I suspect it rubbed off onto her. She is teetotal so freshers weekend will be a cheap one for her!
It cost me a blinking fortune yesterday. The husband and I are going to start on the freezer food ready for the move next month (daughter fussy eater).
Have a good day my friends.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy i am coming for the coffee. I need to get a few ducks in a row. W/c 30th is good. Not market day, no bloody parking. DM me.

@WendyWagon off to a funeral (distant elderly in-law) today not sure I can DM… not a premium paying type 🤣 will work it out when I’m back - agree def not market day 🤣🤣