The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Welcome Lago1.

sorry* to hear of the stings Savb and crayonpenny. *wasp stings are really sore.

My dh still drinks. Sometimes it annoys me but most times it doesn't register. He drinks beer and I didn't so that helps. He is very supportive these days after a few difficulties getting his head round me stopping the first time years ago. I used to wish he would have stopped with me but then realised it was my thing not his. And once i did realise that then it was all easier. I didn't have to worry about anyone else's drinking but my own and I can control that much easier than trying to be responsible for someone else. Found it quite freeing actually. Once he got how important it was to me he is great.

Unfortunately my visit from my brother has turned into a nightmare and I am struggling a bit. He had a bottle of my favourite red to himself last night and I was VERY glad I don't drink or I would have necked the whole thing. Roll on him moving on to the next poor family member. I am sad, tired, angry and floored by his behaviour towards me and my family. It's like a lightbulb has gone off about how awful he is. No wonder I was a messed up kid back in the day who turned to alcohol. I lived in a world of agressive toxicity. I always knew he was bad but the distance made it easier and i held on i suppose to him being my only family that was bearable. But actually he may have been a bigger part of the toxicity than anyone. I feel a little broken but I will survive, pick up the pieces when he leaves. But i could weep for the younger me. My saving grace is i have broken the spell and i have a wonderful family now with dh and all my kids. I just need to get through one more day. As long as dh doesn't swing for him in that time My kids are incredulous at how bad he is.

@Breathmiller family, who'd have them. My sister told me to f off Friday. Charmed I am sure. Your brother sounds a Prince.
We were a family of 7 and 3 of them bullied me including my mother. I drank from 14 to blot them out. Had a lot of boyfriends too trying to find someone who loved me.
However one more day and you are free. Treat yourself to a nice bottle of Gordon's af.

@Breathmiller family is HARD! I relate! Just one more day!!! Hang in there!

@SavBbunny I guess I'm worried about falling over and it all going wrong. This sounds ridiculous but I'm actually shaking thinking of it! But then it's not fair on my children to stay put. I'm a grown women of 40 and I feel like a complete mess.

@Breathmiller That sounds horrendous!! Hopefully the day will fly by quickly! Also concur re family!

Thanks @SavBbunny I'll certainly try those wines !

Thanks savb, bunnies & crayonpenny.

my youngest has just said he wants to stay in his room all day. He never does that. No one can face another day.

I drank from 14 to blot them out. Had a lot of boyfriends too trying to find someone who loved me.

• *this was me too. And I have just been transported back there. I feel like shit.

Oh @Breathmiller that sounds so shit. Can you take the kids out without your brother?

@Breathmiller That sounds horrible. Yes, can you pop out to a park or something?

@Breathmiller do you have to have him for one more day? Can you get rid of him early? I’m so sorry it’s bringing back all these painful memories for you, but you’re not the 14 year old you any more. And you can’t rescue her from the past, but can you get you and your children away from that toxicity now?

Great words @Onewildandpreciouslife I hope you've managed to get out even briefly

Meaning @Breathmiller getting out sorry!

Thanks everyone. Made me quite emotional to read these.

He is a lot quieter today, not sure if he knows something is up with how we have been reacting or he is subdued from the wine last night. We are keeping everything as drama free as possible. We have a last day before school starts tomorrow so having a quiet day. I escape from the room to "catch up on some work emails" now and again. Kids (ds 11) is feeling better. Ds 18 is managing it better and doing his own thing. Dh is working. He's away for a run and might go for a coffee and lunch somewhere on the way back so he'll be some time. So a quiet afternoon for the household.

onewildandpreciouslife thank you. wise words indeed. He's well off and we are not (and brags about it) But my ds11 said we are much richer than him because we treat each other well and love and respect each other and have each other. And we're not like him. So, there you go. Out of the mouths of babes.
He'll be gone by this time tomorrow. And we'll get back to our lives where we treat each other well. In some ways that does help 14 year breathmiller. I feel like I have given her a hug and said "you will get away from this" " you will break the cycle and be part of a loving family".

@Breathmiller Glad to hear it's a bit quieter for you now. Our schools aren't back until the 7th September which feels like an age away!

When I was 13, a family member died in very traumatic circumstances (don’t want to be too outing but it was front page news for a while), and the shock killed my grandma who was living with us at the time (so I heard her dying in the bedroom next to mine).

my parents tried to lessen my shock by giving me rum, and they were so traumatised that I decided I needed to look after them. Alcohol to numb pain and a belief that I needed to look everyone have stayed with me ever since (well, until about 6 months ago on the booze front!)

Last year I went to a location associated with the original trauma, and I told my 13 year old self that I was only 13 at the time (younger than my son is now), it wasn’t my job to protect my parents, and I wasn’t solely responsible for keeping everyone happy. It helped.

So solidarity @Breathmiller, and what a lovely well- adjusted family you’ve built

Oh goodness onewildandpreciouslife. I'm* *so sorry you had to go through that.

I do actually think it's a worthwhile practice to do, to go back and revisit a difficult part of childhood and be there for that child. Tell them what they needed to hear from the adults around them. It csn be very healing. That wounded child is still in there and words of love and comfort help to heal that vulnerable place. And then it can be let go. We don't have to keep carrying it. Kind of how i feel about not drinking. I don't have to keep rehashing over old wounds, punishing myself with alcohol.

@Breathmiller @Onewildandpreciouslife Sorry to hear about what you've experienced in the past. I clearly don't know you in person but you both come across very strong

@Breathmiller I am sorry to have opened old wounds.
Tis all a bit shit.
I come from a wealthy background but had no money as a child due to a family feud. Add in the family pervert, a gambler, and bi polar parent it wasn't the Waltons!
We hope to do better.
I did better but to cope without the approval/ love I craved I drank. I think I am so much stronger 7 months in. I tell people who hurt me to do one (ruder than that). Very freeing and they can't say old Sav was pissed because I wasn't. Be strong my friend we have your back. We survive, we are the Sober Sisters!

You didn't open old wounds savb. quite the opposite. He has opened old wounds and coming on here with you lot is soothing them. I am sorry you all went through shit, i am aware that very few people if any have families with no difficulties. But, who needs this shit? Not me. I have distanced myself from my family in lots of ways over the years. I tend to walk away at times and come back on my terms when i want. My family is a mess.

He has two failed marriages and his kids barely see him. I felt sorry for him and on the first day we all agreed he's had a hard time and and just needs a little bit TLC. By halfway through the second day we were all flabbergasted and not one of us is surprised his second wife left and his kids keep their distance. I was worried he was sad and lonely, now i understand why he is alone. I do understand that his behaviour comes from a fucked up childhood just like my drinking and mental health issues did. But he doesn't get to treate or my family the way he has. I understand where his behaviour comes from but I won't be around it. I will not accept people in my life who treat me badly. Not anymore.

DS11 said he felt bad saying this but he wishes he wouldn't ever come back. Dh is not so worried to admit that my brother is a fucking arsehole of a boorish blowhard and if it was up to him he would happily tell him to get to fuck out his house. He has a certain way with words my dh. 🤣

Oh, and I've escaped to the supermarket. Just sitting in the car park enjoying the peace.

Evening all.
Very deep posts today. Not many drink for the taste (Lots of quit lit says it tastes vile). Not sure I agree!
We all have our reasons for our past dependancy.
I am about to hit the Nozeco.

Enjoy your nozeco @SavBbunny ! 3 days now at work until holiday. I've already been so busy today and people chasing me on things that they had only just asked for which I don't really need. I find some people thrive on working 18 hour days, I know my senior director starts at 5am but is it too much to ask that others have a more reasonable outlook?!!

Hmm I think we can kid ourselves about drinking for the taste…I like the taste of many things but I can control my intake on them. I don’t have 10 Mars bars a day for example. Now I drink AF alternatives I drink much less of them than I did of alcoholic drinks

I have been lurking, thanks to you all for being welcoming.
@Breathmiller sorry to hear you have a hard time.
I dont know if the waffling thats about to come means deep down my efforts to stop drinking are not purely about myself (which I know they should be) but I so hope my partner follows. I have always been a take it or leave it drinker but he cannot go a weekend without and struggles to get through the week without. The issue I have is that he is so emotionally closed of and the only time we connect is over shared drinking which has meant i have now developed a dependance too. I feel like by stopping, and him not, the distance between us is going to grow further. I'm just so sick and tired of someone that I'm supposed to be sharing life with can only open up and have anything other than a mudane conversation with me when drunk.
I think I need to forget all of that, focus on myself and building a sober life for myself and hope the changes I make will influence our relationship for the better, but I just can't help but worry that me stopping drinking is going to ultimately cause huge issues in the relationship.