The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Morning all.
Cooler here.
My bff tried the rhubarb gin too, she didn't like it either. Off out for my beloved 0% Gordons later.
Slept badly, we have another friend in ICU. Getting to that age. A lovely man but a heavy drinker and smoker.

I went to measure up yesterday at our new potential home. I will have plenty to do if I don't get a new job quickly. Hopefully this sale will go through.
@Breathmiller I trust the brother has gone?

Morning Everyone!

@Lago1 I've felt a bit like that. Initially it didn't bother me that I wasn't drinking but they were however it came to a bit of a head to say we both need to just step back. We also were at the stage that the booze was ironically the thing that seemed to be the glue in terms of open conversations etc but I look back now and think it wasn't. Have you managed to speak to him about it?

@SavBbunny Sorry to hear about your friend. Sounds exciting re your new place.

It's certainly cooler here as well, the rain over night was a welcome relief for sure!

@Crayonpenny thank you, yes I have tried to speak about my worries but he is just defensive and takes it as a criticism, I think he knows he too has a problem, and is actually annoyed that my decision may highlight his problem more as we will no longer be drinking together.

Hello Lads (to steal a phrase)!

I am just popping my head round the door to say well done to everyone who is continuing on their AF journey and good luck to everyone starting out. Also, sorry that some of you are having difficult times.

No details, but have not been totally AF. Nothing terrible and still mostly drinking AF drinks (quite liking the Nozecco now and the Heineken zero is my new best friend), but may go totally AF again. Don't want to go back to drinking 3-4 bottles a week as I feel so much better for not doing that and we all know how insidiously it can creep up on us.

As per the rules, I won't post again now unless am totally AF. I will be lurking and cheering you all on.

Big hugs to you all xxx.

@LydiaLurk good morning.

@Lago1 That would make sense. I guess both of you drinking is kind of like a partner in crime scenario. I certainly did that before, it made my drinking more acceptable if we were both partaking at home.

Hi @LydiaLurk

Breathmiller I trust the brother has gone?
yes, thanks for asking savbbunny. just gone an hour ago. We all sighed with relief. My husband us furious about how he treated me and us all but mostly me. We are a little demob happy.
At work now and trying to let it go.

Hi @Breathmiller glad he's gone and you al can relax.

So earlier on today I had my first 121, in person, session with my alcohol support counsellor. I was actually a bit daunted going into it but I shouldn't have been as they made me feel really comfortable and it was useful to chat things through. It was useful to chat through why people drink, clearly not the same for everyone, but more about the psychological side of things. She was commenting on how much of an impact lockdown has had as well. Booked in for bloods in a few weeks. She was suggesting AA would also be good, not sure what people think of this, must admit I've always been a bit skeptical but I don't think I have any solid reason behind this perhaps. It was an interesting place as they do detox as well which did also give me a bit of a kick as I'd like to succeed at this without going down that path.

I keep checking in and reading post, meaning to respond but don’t. It’s good to read that even though folks are going through some god awful shit they are still not pressing the fuck it button. Sorry you are going through shit though. I hope your sober brains guide you through it calmly.
Hi new people @Lago1 is the only one I remembered lol
I’m on 4 months af today. Doesn’t seem like very long ago I was in single digit days. Quitting for ever isn’t scary anymore. Life is calmer, less anxiety and depression lifts easier.

Im still recovering from MS relapse and have thought about pressing the fuck it button but not acted on it. I wouldn’t say I’ve bounced back from this flare up but it seems to be calming down a bit quicker than the last one. It is scaring the crap out of me and I like catastrophising. I KNOW recovering will take longer if I drink but I want to make it all go away for a while. I’m doing my best to use the tools I have to stay on the wagon.
I’m still going to SMART recovery meetings online. It helps to have reassurance that I am actually doing alright and if I’m not there will be support. Whatever works as they say.
Dh has a big birthday this weekend and wee get together at ours. I don’t know if he’ll be drinking or not. Most people will be driving so hopefully the temptation will be minimal.

You’re all doing amazing. Who knew Mumsnet could ever be so helpful eh?

@Crayonpenny
I have been to AA. Useful. Lots of lessons However I don't agree with the fear factor. In my opinion you are not a recovering alcoholic forever. Just my opinion but to me that smacks of being trapped without a new future. I don't mind the God bothering but some find it a bit much. Give it a try. Free books if nothing else. No charge and mostly lovely people.

Thanks @SavBbunny that's useful to hear and I guess no harm in trying. My counsellor said to try it out as some meetings I may prefer versus others, similar to joining any kind of group really.

@JesusSufferingFuck22 Sorry to hear that your flare up is still giving you bother and hopefully it relents soon! We definitely don't have the best of luck as a bunch sometimes but this just makes us stronger!

I've got Allen Carr, this naked mind and the unexpected joy of being sober either with me or coming tomorrow so shall see what these are like shortly...

Feel like I'm struggling already. Partner sat drinking his beer and I just feel emotional and lonely. Thinking of all the fun times had when drunk. Did anyone else go though reminiscing at the start?

Ok, what was it about those times that were good? It wasn’t just the drink, was it? What about where you were, the people, the occasion?

chances are it wasn’t alcohol that made the good times good.

hang in there, do what you need to do, play it forward, how you’ll feel if you drink.

it gets easier. I don’t even have a fleeting thought of wanting a drink now when my husband drinks

Sorry I forgot I posted here for ideas for my soberversary. I was hoping to do a spa half day but struggling to find one :( maybe I’ll just go for a walk with some coffee and cake.

a week to go till the big one year for me!

hope everyone is well x

@Lago1
my dh was my drinking buddy and other substances since about 1991. It’s a big adjustment. Finding ourselves in amongst the sobriety. At first it was lovely that we didn’t fall out as much but then a kind of unsettledness set it. That has mostly passed and we’re just plodding on through. Still having a laugh together. Still doing the same old, same old of watching Netflix of an evening only difference is we’re not drinking.

I’m still unsure sometimes about how much we actually have in common but tbh I was the same when we were drinking too.

All the drunkenness and partying was fun at the time until it wasn’t. I reminisce but I don’t really miss is now. I don’t think I would have said this a couple of months or so ago.
I hope things settle for you and you find your af groove xx

Morning all.
I had a very sweary evening over a stupid mortgage guy who cocked up our loan. Luckily I didn't fall off the wagon but I did shout at the dog who was bothering me.
My husband gave me a rub of the shoulder (better than nowt). @Lago1 and @JesusSufferingFuck22 my husband has never been a drinker. Can be a bit moralistic.
We have a shared love of books, music and film. I had a business friend (male) who I use to go on massive boozey lunches with back in the 90s. He once asked me to marry him and his wine collection. I actually said no as I thought we would both be dead quite quickly. He was my best friend.
Since quitting the grape I have been talking much more to my family and I ask for help. I have never done that before. Too deep, too shaming. My family growing up were selfish and self centred. However it seems to help.
Onwards and upwards lads!

How are you feeling this morning @Lago1 ? I think it’s usual to feel sad at the start - alcohol is never just alcohol, it’s a complex mix of its impact (good and bad) on your personal history and all the cultural stuff about drinking. It’s probably bound up in your sense of identity, and from your posts it also sounds to be a big factor in your relationship. It’s not surprising it’s difficult!

But it can be done, and the longer you go without alcohol the more you can untangle the various threads.

One exercise from Annie Grace’s Alcohol Experiment (which is a great book by the way) is to write 2 lists - one is all the reasons you drink, and one is all the reasons you want to stop drinking. It might help you to start unpacking everything that’s going on in your head.

Just place marking, day 5 here and fully focused. Whatever is thrown at me I will not given into wine or any alcohol for that matter. I'll be back later to ready up as much as I can 😉

Hi All,

@SavBbunny Hope your mortgage gets sorted out, what a pain in the a&&.

@Lago1 How are you doing? I have got a lot of support / guidance from other posters, like those replying to you, it's useful to take stock of these as I found it so helpful.

Ventured into the office today and I have half a floor to myself, does make me think about the sustainability of office vs WFH although I'm in W Yorks so building rental prices are perhaps not too bad.

Still quite humble after my meeting yesterday. I think I'm due to x-paths with my parents later after the whole birthday dinner thing. Not quite sure how I'm feeling about that.

Just checking in. Hope you’re all well. Well done @rockbottombird on day 5, those first few days really drag. Soon you’ll be counting weeks rather than days.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you, definitely a huge part of the relationship, I am an over thinker by nature and am looking too far down the line and worrying whether our relationship will survive the change. We all know spending quality time with a drunk is only fun if your drunk yourself.
Definitely feeling a lot better this morning thanks a very glad I didn't give in at the first hurdle. 🙂

This makes so much sense, I don't know who we are as a couple without booze. Did you guys stop at the same time or did one follow the other? I'm sure this would be so much easier to do together, he has always said one day he will stop drinking but when I've suggested doing it together he just gets annoyed and says I will do it when I want to, then in the next breath is asking me why I'm making a pointless change. He can only admit he has a drinking problem whilst drunk. Ironic 😔

@Lago1 that sounds really hard. Unfortunately he will only stop when he wants to stop. I’m happy with a partner who is still drinking, but he doesn’t drink frequently nor does he have a problem with alcohol. I would struggle if he did. I’m sorry I don’t have better advice, hopefully someone else will come along and be more helpful.

I’m having a hard time. It’s nearly the anniversary of a traumatic event I went through some years ago and every year I struggle. I know I just need to keep going but it’s hard. I have no desire to drink for which I’m grateful but I’m very tearful and lacking in energy. Meanwhile of course I have young kids to look after, work, elderly family etc, I never stop. I feel lonely too. It’s utterly pathetic but I wish someone would look after me for a while (I’m usually very self sufficient).

It’s been 10 years since the trauma (big reason I drank) and I just feel so hopeless that I’m still “not over it”. Sorry for off loading, I just needed to get that out.

Oh @BunniesBunniesBunnies Im so sorry - I get it.

Ive been hit by the most ridiculous craving today. DD has secured her university place, and the idea of not drinking to celebrate is killing me. Daft, eh? Just got to get through the day at work and then will go for a run. Bloody wine witch

@Lago1 I had some stomach issues (which I thought were alcohol related) and said I was stopping as I couldn’t keep doing the cycle of drinking everyday, making myself ill and having to go to gp, swearing I’d moderate and then drinking again once I felt better. I had had enough. I needed to stop. He was very sceptical about my ability to stop. Justifiably so. I’d tried and failed many times. It just felt different for me this time. Like a switch had been flipped.
I stopped buying vodka in my online shops/Amazon and said that if he wanted to drink to please buy himself some wine. (I can’t drink that.) He didn’t but anything. He claimed he only drank alcohol because I bought it lol. (This is now our funny story to tell when people ask about us not drinking.) I think he was relieved to stop drinking. He doesn’t drink like me even though we drank similar amounts for decades. I would get quite sneaky about it.

He’s had 4 drinks in 4 months. (He went out to a stag night and he brought some leftover wine from work home.) Not that I’m counting or anything😂
If he had bought vodka to drink himself I don’t know if I would have stayed stopped back in the beginning or I would have found it incredibly hard.
My dad stopped drinking 13 years ago. I was telling him about us stopping drinking and his words were “That's good if dh refrains for a while it will make it easier. But ultimately it's your own determination and you have plenty of that xx”