Welcome glindathegoodbitch You have sooo much going on, I'm sorry. No wonder you are stretched and stressed.
My son was diagnosed with epilepsy in the last few years after some major seizures. Very frightening and to be honest it took a while for me and Dh to step down from defcon 1 (or 5 whichever is worse, i can never remember). My son seemed to be taking it in his stride but then had a complete breakdown. I don't know if it was a reaction to the seizures or the diagnosis or the medication. But, he seems to be much more settled now and therefore we too can relax a bit. I think it is a big thing for young people to get their head around. I hope your daughter settles too. Everyone on here was a great support when I was going through it (dry I may add). I will always be grateful for that support.
As for the drinking, all I can think of is that you have so much going on, drinking just adds to that. I was caught up that drinking helped my stress as it helped me to "unwind". I realise now that that couldn't be further from the truth. It added a huge other stress to my life and pushed the other stresses to the next day. With a raging hangover to boot.
There are a few things going on for you that you can't wave a magic wand and fix immediately. But, you can take away the extra stress of drinking. Not easy, I know, but you can be in control of this!
And it is nothing to do with your friends. This is the path for you. They may find it hard to begin with to lose a drinking buddy but that is just one small part of you. I still meet up with friends and they know I have nosecco instead of alcohol. It's just accepted. I still have a laugh as much as them.
I do get that it's a big shift though in expectations of who you are. The good ones will stay. Some will struggle because they also have a difficult relationship with alcohol and don't want to be faced with it. They may come back. And the ones who are dickish about it for dickish sake can do one as far as I'm concerned. My sobriety is far too important to me to drink for someone else's opinion of me. But I am at that age where I am beginning to give many less fucks about what people think of me.
Do whatever you can to get through each hour, each day. Fake booze, if it helps to have that glass in hand. Soft drinks or sparkling water in wine glasses. (This really helped me til I weaned myself off the wine glass). Sugar. Rest. Whatever you need to do.
Make this your priority for now. Some of the other things in your life may find a way to be more manageble when you have a few days or weeks under your belt.
Oh, and I moved to a farm about 11 years ago from the city (after a few years midway). I never fail now to love waking up with the view of the hills, the birds and no hangover!