The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Morning all.
Well done @BraveMaeve on getting past the three week af stage. I believe there is a theory called the 3 day/ 3 weeks/ 3 months to break a habit. It might come from athletes as my son told me about it when I first went af.

I am up early as I have paperwork to do. I hate it. It muddles my mind. Tis one of the reasons I am not a lawyer like the rest of my family. I should really do it when it comes through the door not leave until the last minute.
DH has been buying new flavours of tonic. He has hunted them down. I think after my upset it the end of last week he feared I was going to go back on the booze. I didn't but I was very upset. I am not out of the woods yet and still think of it most days. I have been putting myself to bed early again so I don't go round the corner shop. I think alot of it is a form of grieving which has rushed back to the surfice after HM. My therapist is still on leave so no counselling. However I know she would say this is not about the social aspect or taste of alcohol but the oblivion.
I shall be kind to myself today. No more sombre thoughts and a bit of posh food shopping to cheer me up. I can't buy anymore shoes as I have no where to hide them!
Have a good day my friends.

Morning @WendyWagon - well done for pushing through these tough days sober.

sorry you had a difficult night @BraveMaeve - you’ve done brilliantly to come so far. I always get a bit stressed about “forever” when I approach milestones. The more distance you put between yourself and alcohol the more clearly you can see it for what it is, so it does get easier, but we can only ever take it one day at a time

@Onewildandpreciouslife morning. I can't do forever in my mind yet but it is no longer my first thought on the way home.

Oh, and talking of milestones, just looked at the calendar. 6 months sober today 😁

@Onewildandpreciouslife huge congrats. I think you are definitely in the zone if you had to check dates! 😀

@BraveMaeve @Onewildandpreciouslife I definitely relate to the idea of 'forever' being scary. My husband actually asked me last night if I was never going to drink again and I was suprised (and a bit disappointed) that I wasn't able to say yes. It felt like too much.
Before we went out last night he asked me if I wanted him to abstain too and I said no, I just wanted everything to be normal (he's not a big drinker at all, can easily just have one glass of wine). After that conversation I had a huge wobble - considering having a gin and tonic, knowing that would lead on to wine... but anyway, long story short, I didn't! I had a rose lemonade and lots of water with dinner and had a lovely evening. Interestingly I didn't overeat as I would normally when I drink, so win-win!

And 6 months @Onewildandpreciouslife that's amazing! 🎉

And 6 months @Onewildandpreciouslife that's amazing! 🎉

And 6 months @Onewildandpreciouslife that's amazing! 🎉

And 6 months @Onewildandpreciouslife that's amazing!

Gosh sorry. It is amazing but 5 posts telling you that is a bit much! Stupid app said it couldn't post so I kept trying

Thanks so much for the support, really appreciate it. I feel much better this morning and very glad I didn't push yesterday's problems into today. I'd have felt awful.

I was reading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober last night and there was a very appropriate section on 'desire paths' in your brain and how it takes time and effort to start creating new ones but eventually it becomes natural. A bit like what you said @BunniesBunniesBunnies

Well done, that's brilliant! Any particular tips for those just starting?

Well done, I know exactly how you were feeling and you did brilliantly to stay on track. I think we're at similar stages in this.

@SillyLittleMargaret you will lose weight. I have lost over two stone.
I use to get the nibbles, cheese, crisps with my poison.
I now eat a bit of breakfast and one meal then have fruit. I was slim until my daughter. I am not bloated either.

@BraveMaeve thank you! my tips would be: concentrate on today; work out what motivates YOU; learn as much about alcohol and its effects as you can.

I know I am motivated by measurable goals, so the try dry app has been brilliant for me. But your thing might be more relational, so a group might work better for you. Everyone’s motivations are different (I had a career coach about 10 years ago - did nothing for my career, but at least I worked out my motivation!)

And with going sober, knowledge really is power. For example, there’s something called “fading effect bias” (it doesn’t just apply to alcohol). This means that over time, bad memories fade quicker than good ones. So people get to about 6 weeks AF, and feel great, and think they’ve cracked it, and their drinking maybe wasn’t that bad … they forget the horrible reality of lost memories, bad sleep, guilt. If you know that’s going to happen, you can deal with it when it does

keep going!

Congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife 6 months is epic!

In the early days I couldn't contemplate the idea of "forever" (and I posted here lamenting that quite a lot) it just seemed too final. I stopped drinking in February and I worried immediately how I'd cope with Christmas sober..... I mean talk about worrying about the future (the most futile of all the worrying)

I found that living it, day by day, step by step, bit by bit is all you can do. Don't forward plan. Don't set goals or rewards or expectations that are going to throw you off your game I thought I'd drop the weight easily by not drinking but I haven't, however weight loss is not the most important aim at present, being sober is

I think it took a good 90 days for me to finally realise things were just so much easier and better without drinking. I crossed that point of being afraid of 'forever sober' and I am just someone who doesn't drink.

There is no quick fix though, there is no fast forward button.

Just keep doing it. Just keep going.

Congratulations onewildandpreciouslife 6 months is half a year!! 🎊🎉 such a great achievement!

I liked what you said about memories. I think that's what's good about this thread or journalling. It gets all the crap feelings down on "paper". They are there in black and white. I can't ignore or forget how bad I've been because I've written them down, either on here or in my journal. Even if I don't re read it, it solidifies it somehow. Makes it more real.

And if I have ever had a thought of going back to drinking then it also helps be on here because I see the struggles people have at the beginning and it reminds me not only of feeling the same way on day 1 but how far I've come.

Congrats on this huge milestone @Onewildandpreciouslife🤩🤩🤩🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Thanks lads. I couldn’t have done it without the support of this thread. I lurked for a long time, before I posted at about 6 weeks when I was massively struggling. I was firmly told that it was a false narrative that I needed a glass of wine to enjoy being in a country pub!

Another challenge tonight - big work dinner with a champagne reception. I have emailed the dinner organiser to ask for the wine glasses to be removed from my place setting, so I won’t spend all evening fending off the wine waiters. Shall we put bets on what I’m offered as an AF alternative to champagne? My money’s on something with elderflower (I hate elderflower)

Have a good day, all.

Morning lads. Makes me smile every time.
@Onewildandpreciouslife Gordon's premixed 0% is in tins in Morrisons (I know I spend too much time hunting these things down!). Take your own in a little gift bag. They wouldn't dare charge you corkage if you say allergic to alcohol.

I have avoided the champers dos as they would be too risky for me. No need to run from Sav Blanc any more. When I had a blip it was like old socks. Who'd have thought I would think that 8 months on?
Have a lovely time tonight my friend.
I am missing work now (after arse sitting for 6 weeks). I must network! I am not wearing a LinkedIn green available yoke. Reminds me of my grandfather's cattle.

Chin up Britain and all that.

This made me laugh this morning, from my current reading (Quit Like a Woman) “World domination, bitches”

@Onewildandpreciouslife 😂

@Onewildandpreciouslife I wish world domination was in reach😂 I settle for getting through the bloody day😂 Love that post though!

@WendyWagon please never stop the 0% Gordon updates, they’re a staple on this thread now (and Gordon’s should be paying you for the advertising😂😂😂)

It’s a big day for me today (huge work event later), and this morning I had a run and I forced myself to think how far I have come. It’s one of my favourite things about being AF - just taking the time occasionally to recognise how much I have changed through had work and determination, and feeling proud of myself🙂 I rarely felt proud of myself when I was drinking (sooo much shame). These days, I think I am okay🙂

Hello one and all, needing a bit of handhold today.

Two years ago today, on 21st September 2020, my lovely mum collapsed and died at home. Very suddenly and unexpectedly.I got a call to say she was being given CPR and by the time I go there an hour later she was gone.

It was a truly life altering moment and not in a good way. It was the final nail in my drinking coffin so to speak. I think I drank two whole bottles of wine the night she died and it all spiralled from there. Having such a tragic and traumatic event gave me licence to drink more and more. I was in so much pain, I was so sad, I was lost and un-tethered.

It's taken a lot to get here - the internal struggle has been immense at times - but I am now honouring my lovely mum by sorting my shit out. She'd hate to be the reason I drank. What kind of tribute would that have been to the woman I love most in the world?

So today I sit here with my sadness and my grief but I am doing better than I was, because I no longer drink.