The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

@Nouveaunew onwards! 👍

Checking in day 25.

Afternoon all.
Not turned into spiderwoman yet but have shaky legs. I am doddery anyway due to the RA. This week I have been 'Shaun of the dead' walking.
Too poorly to even drink my Gordon's AF but I don't think I can remember another time not having to check the antibiotics for drinking rules!!

Hope you get better soon @SavBbunny . My eldest I think has some form of special needs and has been trying my patience since he woke up I can't cope anymore..that's part of the reason I got driven to drink. I'm done in with his behaviour it's so bad No form of punishment /praise seems to help and he's getting bigger and stronger and hurting me with words and body. I am strong but fuck me I can't wait till school starts again.

What sort of needs are you talking about here?

Is it something raised by others? Have you ever sought a formal diagnosis?

(My youngest is disabled and has SEN)

@Namechanged12344 my daughter (18) has special needs but they don't pop up very often (SEMH, PTSD). She is doing really well since I stopped drinking. She has never been violent. Her tongue can be cutting.
If you suspect SEN please seek an assessment because a EHCP will protect them against discrimination in any educational setting until 25.
My daughter was expelled from her major scholarship, I took to the bottle as was my 'go to'. It happened again in sixth form where she wasn't allowed to sit her exams (poor behaviour, attendance, blah blah). I wish to hell I had pushed for her statement but was discouraged as she was academically able. She has been short changed. My sobriety has allowed me to help her and I am seeing a different YA emerging. She might ask me a question at 10pm and before I would have been pissed. Now I think I am really there for her.
Speak to your GP first.

Thank you @Crunchymum and @SavBbunny . So I've always asked school settings since nursery can you help they have all said it's a different child I'm talking about. They refused to believe the golden child at school is misbehaving at home (different schools as well). I was to phone CAHMs but didn't as someone suggested that as DH and I aren't getting along (before as much and we used to really argue in front of kids ) then it must be that? But it's not as my youngest isn't like that. So I know there's a long waiting list and I need to sort it out. Me and DH need parenting advice too which I'm seeking. He gets all these awards and is literally the golden child at school he can't put a foot wrong but at home he unleashes.

@Namechanged12344
There is excellent advice out there. I was saved by nfis Facebook. They might be able to help. ASD can result in home crashes.
I suspect you need support, have you a mum, sister or good friend?

@SavBbunny I saw the SEnco at school the other day and said can I have a word (I've asked 2 different teachers to put me in touch with her but apparently she's busy) and she said can you email.me. a meeting . Part of me doesn't want to put my son in a bad light ? When he's doing so well at school? And for future schools etc if something is against his name because of discrimination? I honestly want a drink sometimes and don't handle his outbursts well I get embarrassed in public if he kicks off shouting and swearing at me (never at school or in the playground etc) my mum is around bless her she said to payoney for private psycholoigist but we really don't have the money right now which sounds lame I know.

@SavBbunny hope you are feeling better and your spidey senses aren't tingling.

@Namechanged12344 I can relate to quite a lot of what you are saying. My dd got a diagnosis of autism when they were 25, just a couple of years ago. I self diagnosed around the same time. It explains so much about the difficulties they were having and we were having as a family....and about my drinking. I needed to escape my head. My dds teachers didn't believe the stories I told of how they behaved at home. My ds behaved the same way all the time. ASD was mentioned for him but we thought there was nothing "wrong" with him because in our autistic minds he was behaving normally. We just thought it was our inconsistent parenting and constant bickering. His behaviour improved a little when we got on the same page.

When I look back it breaks my heart. If only we had known what we know now!
I hope you and ds get the support you are needing and you are listened to! xxx

Masking is really, really common.

I'd suggest (probably very obvious) things like diaries, taking recordings, seeking a private assessment, reaching out to the SENCO [push and push and push] and getting the teacher on board.

My DC3 is young and has a rare genetic condition, SEN is one of the traits so we are "lucky" in some ways and that we've not had to fight and push as much as others. Having a named condition had makes a shit situation a little easier iyswim? We still have to go through all the DLA and EHCP paperwork of course but having a diagnosis does help.

And yes DC3, her condition and all that goes with that (grief, sadness, worry, fear, uncertainty) certainly changed my drinking habits for the worse.

Having a disabled child drove me to drink more and more.

Morning all. I am feeling a bit more Tigger.
Face still sporting huge swelling but up and wrote a long overdue 'feck off' letter. I have resisted the urge to be sarcastic which to be honest would have happened with drink inside me. I have told my ex employer to stick their bonus money and give a charitable donation. Feels great and gives me more head space.
I will see the sh**s at our industry event in the autumn and I will look fab. No booze face for me.

Have a good day my friends.

Good morning all, checking in for day ten. I've decided I'm going to go to the party this evening and will just head off early if I get too tempted to drink. There'll be a few people I know quite well there which helps.

Thanks so much for all the advice @Crunchymum I'm just worried for the future that if he's diagnosed with anything future schools may discriminate? I.e. for instance if we were to apply for grammar school at a later stage etc I don't know I've just been around so many children that have been fobbed off even taken out of school etc as they couldn't provide but I guess if he's good at school he doesn't need any 1 to 1s or anything. I might try counselling for him to see if he will open up to a stranger on why he does this (probably will blame us bad parents). I was reading an old thread about a child swearing etc and most people are like don't worry because it's SN and others blamed the parents. It's all so mind boggling.
@SavBbunny sorry your face is still swollen, did it bite you while you were sleeping? Dastardly spider. Wow how nice are you not accepting bonus and asking them to give to charity? Make sure you get evidence they will do that and well done for writing a decent letter. I'm the same every time I think of all the bad texts or stuff I've sent or said it's all been when I'm drunk I have no filter then and make bad decisions. You know I'm lucky I'm here tbh after all the bad things that have happened to me when I've been drinking. I shudder. Also my only relationship was with alcohol noone else didn't make an effort unless there was drink involved. I have a couple of friends who are supportive which is great. I think I'm day 29 now and I'm going to buy something (or spend the money on private counselling for my kid priorities hey?) On day 30. Also my kids birthday coming up which is always pricey the older they get the gifts get smaller but more expensive ???? But yeah anyway I'm good well kinda. I had that short stint with a pack of cigs and after reading and finishing the sober diaries that's done it for me now. She writes why on earth would I put toxic substances into my body.its true. Her book is so so good and totally changed my life right now as everything she wrote resonated. Please do read it if if anyone is struggling.
@NitTodaySatan well done and so good if you are planning a quick exit if things start getting tough and wine witch starts talking loudly in your ear. I know the feeling. Be strong you can do this and well done on day 10!!!

@Namechanged12344 spider did bite whilst sleeping. Bonus was nigh on six figure sum but they would have closed down the company rather than pay me. Arses that lot of them.
I have to say one of the reasons I gave up the grog was incase they told a tribunal I had a drink problem. Kettle, pot, black.
On reflection it was an escape mechanism from age 14. Bully me? Drink will make me feel better.
I now feel very empowed when I wake up, not like a shell. Bring the barstards on I say, perhaps I am turning into Spiderwoman.

Enjoy the party @NitTodaySatan Great idea to take off early if need be. It's the only way. You save yourself a lot of silly talk that way too.

I hope the rest of you are having an okay day. I had a very tough day in work but I came home to some pizza, chips and non-alcoholic beer - not my healthiest moment but as we always say, AT LEAST I'M NOT DRINKING! 😲🤑

Day 30 now, which means you're on Day 29 @Namechanged12344 Soon enough we'll be able to say we've done a month alcohol-free.

Thank you @Nouveaunew! I am just home - I drank three alcohol free beers, was not tempted by anything else, my friends were lovely about it. I think they're getting to used to non-drinking me. Feel proud of myself!

Ah well done @NitTodaySatan That's great and you should be proud! Breaking the habit is a big part of it I think.

Morning all, checking in for day eleven. Hope everyone has a good day.

@NitTodaySatan well done on 11 days that's brilliant! It'll be 2 weeks before you know it!
@Nouveaunew yay you are on 31 days that's a month right?? Congratulations!!! I'm day 30 and I will class that as a month too lol pizza chips and AF beer is amazing and as you say at least we aren't drinking!

Great to read how everyone is combating and dealing with being af. Well done xx
Day 35 here. Dh asked how long I had stopped for. I opened my calendar and told him 35 days. He said "fucking hell, that's 5 weeks!" I still don't feel like it's very long, or not long enough.

My dd got in touch yesterday. We don't do weekly phone calls or anything. We just get in touch and have a good old chat and catch up with what's going on in our lives every couple of months or so. She knows I'm always here for her.

She messaged me to say she'd broken a bone doing a very minor thing. Trying to make a joke out of it and downplay it. 12 years of anorexia. She's late 20s. It wasn't a surprise as such but she told me she was diagnosed with osteoporosis last year.

We chatted for a quite a bit. She sent a few voice messages, which is always lovely, though it made me cry. I miss her so much. She is geographically far away from me. There is nothing I can do apart from be here. She's in a good space where she lives and is probably doing the best she has ever done mentally. The autism diagnosis has helped massively.
So here I am feeling all these things and no drink to drown it out with. It's good but hard.
I told her about me and her dad stopping drinking. Her response was "Wow! Good on you both." She spoke about how messed up the British culture is towards drinking.

I apologised for prioritising alcohol and the effects it had on us as a family. We've had similar conversations before about our (very loving but) dysfunctional family . I'll never not blame us as parents for her situation even though I'm told not to by her and others. Her response again was "it’s ok - you were doing the best you could with the resources you had. you had a heckin lot to deal with, were young and didn’t have the awareness you do now or the support/safety/stabili to develop it. becoming self aware is important but also a privilege i think."
I had second thoughts about telling her about the drinking because once I've told her there's no going back. The anorexia witch is a bigger bitch than the wine witch. I feel like I'd let her down.

I'm off to make myself a late breakfast/early lunch and a cup of chamomile tea

Sorry to offload that all here. I should maybe save it all for counselling next week........

Hope you all have a good long weekend.

Afternoon all.
Just back from hospital, liver now about normal. A small fatty deposit but that is it. I have gallstones though.
5 months next week (a few blips).

Great news about the liver @SavBbunny !

@JesusSufferingFuck22 your DD sounds very sweet, sorry to read about the anorexia, my sister had it in her early 20’s for maybe 6 years. She is in her 50s now and fully recovered but it did affect her teeth and bones.

@SavBbunny fantastic news re liver, well done!