The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Had a very odd night last night. We have a group of couples that we do a lot together - we meet up very regularly, our kids have grown up together, etc - and last night we went to a fancy restaurant.

A couple of the blokes were really interested in the fact I’ve stopped drinking alcohol. Everyone was supportive, but I was pretty uncomfortable about how much I was asked about it. One told me he’d realised how much alcohol was impacting on his mental health these days “some days I just want to curl up into a little ball, and then I realise it was the alcohol making me feel like that”. So you have to listen to all this stuff and resist the urge to be a sober bore and do a 15 minute piece on what alcohol does to your brain.

And oh my word, the whole wine thing was eye-opening! We were presented with a leather bound wine list that run to multiple pages. God knows how much it cost. Not sure if anyone else has read Craig Beck’s “Alcohol Lied to Me”, but he’s big on how very expensive wine is just fancy packaged poison made from decaying fruit. I managed not to say that though!

so the whole evening has just made me pretty sad, and I don’t know why. I certainly didn’t miss drinking. It’s a beautiful morning and I’m going for a run shortly. I guess it’s just made me question what makes me happy these days.

@AlloftheTime Thanks a lot. I know what you mean about how you used to see it as a failure. That’s where I’m at now. I’m looking at the numerous people I know who can moderate and not let a glass of bubbly at a wedding turn into daily drinking! But I’m staying strong (ish) this time.

@BraveFaceScaredInside
thank you. Congratulations on 100 days! That’s sensational! It’s lovely to read about the benefits you’ve experienced from quitting booze, in particular the weight loss and improved sleep.

@Onewildandpreciouslife
Thank you! That’s exactly it: seeing it as an experiment. I haven’t been on a holiday in over twenty years without drinking alcohol and I do feel intrigued to find out how different it’ll feel. Congratulations on 71 days. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress in that time.

@NitTodaySatan
But that feels fairly feeble and really I should just take over some alcohol free beers and try to enjoy myself
during my last AF stint I didn’t go to a get together like that as I knew I couldn’t enjoy myself and that it was pretty risky for relapsing. I did feel guilty but I was so glad afterwards when I heard the whole thing was a boozefest. I arranged to meet the friends who were there in other places so I didn’t really miss out as such. I know it’s up to you but I wouldn’t consider it feeble . Maybe we forget how huge what we’re doing is sometimes….

@Onewildandpreciouslife
wow that’s an interesting post. I still haven’t read Craig Beck’s book but I’m going to order it. It’s interesting how you write:

Not sure if anyone else has read Craig Beck’s “Alcohol Lied to Me”, but he’s big on how very expensive wine is just fancy packaged poison made from decaying fruit. I managed not to say that though

it’s almost funny if wine wasn’t so bloody destructive!

As for being quizzed on being AF, way to wreck your night. A friend of mine is very good at shutting down conversations she doesn’t want to be in. She gives a wide-eyed, long ‘Any - way’ with a smile and people usually get the hint!

Enjoy your run. being up this early hangover-free to go RUNNING … that’s living and sadly I’m sure a lot of us can relate to the curling up in a ball image!

@Onewildandpreciouslife what you say about questioning what makes you happy really resonates with me. Although I think I feel quite differently about it?

I have no intention to drink but I feel like my "happiness" was very linked to drinking. I know it wasn't, I know drinking is illusionary. And I know I felt like utter shit for 99% of the time when I was drinking but I cannot get over the idea that I'll never be happy without drinking. I have always done all the big life events with a drink in my hand..... I don't know how I'll do them now? Birthdays / holidays / parties / Christmas..... I've never done them sober. I find it all a but overwhelming. My mantra is "I will not waiver, I will not falter" so I guess I just need to apply this to upcoming events.

Can anyone who has read it say if the Craig Beck book worth a read at 100 + days? Or is is something for the early days?

@Crunchymum I think it’s better for the early days. One book I have read recently that I think is better for the long haul is “Not drinking tonight” by Amanda E White. She’s an American therapist and focuses more on the emotional reasons for drinking. It’s not an easy read because it opened up for me some difficult questions, but it offered something different

Not drinking tonight

@Nouveaunew the really funny thing was half way through the night when they ordered a second bottle of red - the waitress brought the wrong one, so was mixing 2 different wines in the glass. The waiting staff were horrified when they realised and insisted on replacing all the glasses and giving a fresh bottle. None of my friends realised the wine had changed

Morning all. I second Craig Beck his book really helped me get to where I am today. I am now 139 days sober. Honestly with my drinking history I didn't ever think I could quit.

I still listen to Craig Beck's books as a boost and affirmation to my sobriety. You can read it at any point if your journey.

Sobriety is such a hard and often lonely journey but threads like this bridge that gap.

I am still aware and I continually say this! that I could fail at any point, it's very fragile. On the whole, I feel confident going to most events alcohol free although I do still avoid some.
Keep on keeping on everyone, it really is worth all the effort.

I think any time is a good time to read quit lit, @Crunchymum. I haven't read any for a while but I have been meaning to get around to Alcohol Lied to Me, so I'll download it to my kindle today. Thanks for the prompt!

And, it's a big deal getting through the milestones. Especially the ones that would have involved booze. Don't think too far into the future. Focus on one day at a time - it's a cliché because it's true and it works. But, If you've got something coming up that you need to plan for, do that in detail; what you will drink what you will say if people ask you why you are not drinking, and when you will leave. Catherine Gray calls it the trapdoor or something like that - meaning that you leave a party when you're ready to and don't worry about doing the rounds of goodbyes. Most people won't notice. Don't worry about Christmas or other events that are a long way off. By the time they come around you will be feeling much stronger

I love the way the Alcohol Free life keeps presenting new little wins. The other night my son said, "I knew you would be in a good mood tonight, you're always happy after you go to yoga!" I'm so glad that's the example I set for him now, rather than reaching for the wine after a stressful day.

Just checking in super quickly to say to those worried about booze free holidays - they are THE BEST!🤩 This was one aspect of sobriety I dreaded the most but honestly sober holidays have been such a gift. I feel much more present and energetic, I actually remember the whole bloody holiday🤣, I’m happily the designated driver and all the stressful bits (packing and travel with kids) are sooo much easier without booze! I’m off for a week today (camping in france) and I’m already looking forward to all the glorious hangover free mornings!😊

@Crunchymum I absolutely identify with what you wrote about linking happiness with drinking. Only on Day 2 here but I am fighting the feeling that I will never be happy again without wine - which is completely ridiculous. Wine has brought me very little other than misery and yet I dread the thought of living without it. How utterly insane is that!!

I'm refusing to be overwhelmed and just sticking to not drinking today.

Thank you for the kind words and for "getting it". I feel like all I do on here is moan 😬

I am terribly guilty of 'forward worrying' and it does make it hard to be present when I'm worrying about all these future things that may or may not happen (this is how I am in general and not just about being AF). It's something I'm working on.

Hangover free mornings rock. I didn't get classic hangovers, but I was always sluggish, anxious, unmotivated, tired and puffy. God I don't miss that at all.

Well done on day 2. Hopefully you are soon celebrating day 22 and then 2 months. It all starts where it begins.

Thank you for the tips we are going to Morocco and apart from a visit to the Medina in Marrakesh won't be doing much apart from relaxing after a hectic few years. We have only booked a week for the reason its mainly going to be a hotel based holiday,

100 days today 😮

Well done everyone on this thread, I do read all the posts but haven't been to active posting

Checking in day 24.

Checking in. Just out of A & E. Spider bite went large!
One thing I can do now on holiday is swim. No hangover, no alcohol fuelled jumping in.!
I have one of my lunches coming up. Will be taking the Gordons

@BraveFaceScaredInside Marakesh is amazing, and Morocco is a perfect sober holiday destination as most places don’t even serve booze😊 Enjoy!!!

@BraveFaceScaredInside congratulations on day 100. Its such a wonderful milestone (I'm a few days "ahead" of you)

Morocco / Marrakesh sounds like a perfect sober destination.

@SavBbunny hope you are all sorted now. Spider bite.... eeekkkkk.

Well done everyone on your continued abstinence. Reading all your posts. They really help motivate me and are very relatable.
Tbh I'm jealous of all the holiday talk. Sounds lovely but I hate the heat😂
I've got good memories of holidays but they mostly revolved around kids and drinking. Nights out were a rarity without dh and kids. I'd either not drink, because I was scared to start or get completely hammered. My dh was rightly worried about me let loose on my own. I won't miss that feeling of shame the next day.

My MS has curtailed going out on the piss, holidays and having a social life outside the house.
Drinking had been done on the quiet mostly when guests had gone. Just me and dh getting our daily dose to relieve the boredom or something. A few friends were privy to our drinking. I felt very judged if I had a drink in front of most people. As in just a couple of drinks, not getting drunk. I don't think I imagined the disapproving looks. With my MS I kind of walk a bit like a zombie out of Michael Jackson Thriller video and as if I've already had a skinful😂😂😂 (yes, I can laugh about it, and this is one of my favourite jokes.) The irony is I've fallen over far less times drinking since having MS than I did before diagnosis!

It's day 32 for me. It's getting normal but the boredom gets me.
@SavBbunny sorry to hear about the a and e trip! Hope you are recovering well.

*it's one of my favourite jokes that I don't need a costume for hallowe'en

Hi everyone, keep writing posts but inevitably a kid gets in the way or calls for something or just calls my name for no reason????
Well done to 100 days @BraveFaceScaredInside I hope you will have the best holiday and as people have said it's not a booze Britain country whooooo!
@Nouveaunew you are doing amazing honestly we are a day apart from each others days and did we think we would be talking like this 28/27 days ago? I have had one sober holiday where I messed it up on the last morning literally the morning we were flying lunchtime before we went to airport and thought f it...after 10 months why????? Why didn't DH stop me? I can't blame him (but I can a tiny bit) so yeah the show goes on.
@NitTodaySatan hope you are ok you are doing very well!
@Crunchymum sorry about the questions and the fact it made you sad after , I felt like that the other day when the 3 girls were getting more and morrre tipsy and I was trying to explain but I felt they weren't listening if that makes sense. One friend said I am making more of a deal than anyone thinks i.e. I'm sure people don't care if you are drinking or not but I know me I know I can't moderate and it's annoying . I used to say I lost weight and thought sod it I'll carry on but I feel for you. And well done for running. I forced myself at 4pm to go to the gym didn't do much but felt better hangover free.
@SavBbunny sorry to hear the spider juice is still within! Hopefully it'll come out or maybe you will just turn into spider women?!!
@JesusSufferingFuck22 well done on day 32! You made me laugh with the Michael Jackson zombie I have a vision in my head of you now! Hope you are ok. Is your DH still not drinking ?

@Namechanged12344 Glad you saw the funny side. I've cracked that joke before and been met with tumble weeds and stony faces.

Dh is still not drinking either! He's amazed at how much work (self employed ) he's getting done. He's getting up much earlier than me which is a big role reversal. He doesn't really stop all day which worries me that he's going to burn out with all the keeping busy.....and may start drinking just to have a rest. I (we) may have stopped at just the right time. He has A LOT of essentials going on that needs a level head. He would have muddled through with hangovers before.

Had a minor epiphany about stopping drinking and drawing comparisons to adjusting to MS. According to my counsellor (I agreed with him) I am going through a grieving process with MS. I lost a lot of the activities I loved to do. I was in mourning for a good while. I've had to adjust and accept. Obviously I still get days when I feel a bit miserable that I can't do everything I want to do but I'm definitely at the acceptance stage of grief. My life has gotten smaller but there is still joy that I find in the small things.
I'm thinking that I'm in a sense mourning the loss of drinking and doing all drinking activities.

I'll shut up now😂

Day 6 and struggling a bit with the voice saying I can moderate. That heavy drinking isn't really that bad a thing. Life's short. Etc. I watched the new Ricky Gervais stand up where he said similar things so I know where it's coming from...

Good morning all, checking in for day nine. I've been using an app that gives me badges for progress and I've finally got one for 52 weeks drinking less than half of my baseline (I've been using the app intermittently since January 2020). Next goal is 100 dry days!

I really liked what @StansRealityStruggle said yesterday about refusing to be overwhelmed. I too refuse to be overwhelmed.

@Tomlettegregg hope you slept well - today is another opportunity to try one more dry day.
@NitTodaySatan you sound up and ready for the week ahead! Let’s all refuse to be overwhelmed 👍
@ChampooPapi have a good Monday 😊
checking in 44 weeks

Good morning all. I’m looking forward to another AF week. Checking in on Day 29. I won’t lie - the days have gone slowly but it’s true @Namechanged12344 I guess we never thought we’d be here on Day 28/29!

@AlloftheTime Congratulations on 44 weeks!

@Tomlettegregg Well done for posting here instead of drinking … I find there’s always someone who will support whatever self-destructive habit we want to engage in. ‘This too shall pass.’

@JesusSufferingFuck22 That makes a lot of sense and my heart goes out to you. Staying dry can only be a good thing & hopefully it’ll continue to help your symptoms 💐

@Crunchymum I sometimes wonder if quite a few of us who drink more than we want to or develop dependency have anxiety. For many years I thought everyone felt similar inside to how I felt … that was until the anxiety got completely out of hand.

Have a great sober Monday all ☕️