The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Hi @DeedIDo
Welcome

Hi @DeedIDo ! Sorry I completely missed your earlier message!

Welcome @DeedIDo and any other new joiners.

I'm another one who found their alcohol consumption going from 'worrying' to 'hugely problematic' following a bereavement (very sudden and unexpected loss of my lovely mum almost 2 years ago now). I already had a precarious relationship with alcohol but this was the tipping point. I wasn't drinking all day everyday but I was only heading in one direction.

130 days for me now.

We got this.

@Crunchymum you are doing great - that number is getting big!
I hope you feel proud of yourself

Hello, just checking in. Day 20. I have no desire to drink now, the cravings are gone (for now at least)!

But I am so so tired and my sleep is dreadful. Hence the short post. Well done everyone, wherever you are in your journey. xx

209 days! Struggling with bad anxiety though. DH says AF is doing me no good (he's half joking). Has anyone got tips for anxiety? I'm in a really bad place and wondering if I can carry on both in general and specifically at work. Help!

@Newmum738 Congrats on such 209 days! Anxiety was also my downfall - in the end I had the formal exams with a psychiatrist and am formally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and am prescribed pregabalin / Lyrica for that (caveat - I don’t live in UK anymore so unsure if it would be prescribed for that on NHS, it’s a neuroleptic so used of epilepsy also).

Anyway, I can’t put into words how much of a wonder drug it is for anxiety - it calms me instantly but isn’t addictive / open to abuse in the same way things like Valium / benzodiazepines are (for me having an addictive personality those things are good to
avoid!). I am just a different, non-anxious person with it and now just have it in reserve in case of stresses as opposed to needing it every day.

Other than that I find meditation and mindfulness really really work if you can take the time to properly get into both. I used a free guided meditation app called Smiling Mind to help me get into it and it really worked for me.

Also getting into the habit of deep breathing, even just for 5 minutes - focusing on nothing but your breath or a very positive thought - doing that whenever you’re feeling anxious or as a daily ritual can really help.

And lastly practicing gratitude / just writing down daily all of the things you’re grateful for - I found this helped train me to be more positive daily and have a focus on all of the good in my life instead of dwelling on the negative / stress inducing things that left me in a constant state of anxiety.

Oh and yes, just a general realization that the bad times / things do always pass and they’re never actually that bad or worth getting in a state over. Life is full of constant bumps in the road but in general none of it really matters - just keep going, take each small challenge as it comes as nothing is insurmountable and remember that any bad moment will definitely pass and the next amazing moment is just around the corner, as that is just the way life goes!

Hello all. I wanted to update rather than just disappear. After nearly 8 weeks, I decided I wanted to try to moderate again, ahead of going to a fesitval, and I'm pleased to say it's worked. I don't want to go into details as I don't think that's in the spirit of the thread, but I would like to say that these threads have helped me massively with changing my relationship with alcohol, and recognising my triggers. It's also not as enjoyable, which I thought I would feel sad about, but it actually makes me really pleased.

I have promised myself that if I slip, I will quit again, so if that happens I will be back, but hopefully not. Thank you all for your support, and your help.

Morning all.
Not my best morning.

@SavBbunny Good morning, hope you’re okay!

I am up a lot in the night expressing milk for my 7 week old baby who is currently in temporary foster care due to my past drinking and alcoholic behaviour. Despite 21 months sober the repercussions continue! Thankfully we know we will get our baby home soon so we can get through this tough period but it absolutely sucks and is a horrible example of how bad it can get.

Anyway, these hours awake give me a lot of time to think about how I could have done things differently and one of my biggest / many problems was my inability to stop drinking when I started meaning I would have close to zero quality sleep after passing out / blacking out in my alcohol induced stupor - then I would wake up feeling tired, sick, like I could not possibly make it through the day and with crippling anxiety / despair / self loathing / being convinced everyone hates me / life is over etc.

Then I would down whatever alcohol was in the house or get in my car (definitely over the limit) and buy enough alcohol and more to get me through the day and start on it immediately and quickly.

I think if I could do it again the things that may have worked for me would be to get a bath using my nicest products, get into nice clean PJs (no clothes meaning less likelihood to go to the shop) and choose some of my favourite shows to watch on Netflix and plan the nicest food and drinks possible for the day.

I would send my husband to the shop to buy loads of nice alcohol free fizzy drinks, sweets and loads of my favourite food, treats and snacks. The sweets would keep my blood sugar up through the day and it wouldn’t matter how many calories I consumed to beat those cravings - eat as much rubbish as possible!

And in the evening I would order a huge Chinese or Indian then go to bed as early as possible with sleeping tablets to try to sleep it off.

Sadly I never did those things, unfortunately I’d instead down a bottle of wine to get as drunk as possible again as quickly as possible, then pass out and repeat again through the day as necessary.

Such a miserable and sad existence!

For any one waking up today feeling rough or tempted to drink “because it’s Saturday” - you can do it! I promise it will feel better tomorrow 😊

Wants up @SavBbunny anything we can help with?

Thank you for your honesty @Petitecoccinelle I am sorry you don't have your baby with you. That must be very difficult? Are you able to see him / her regularly. I really appreciate your honesty. A lot of us are mother's and have done things when drunk we'd rather have not. We're just lucky it didn't get to SS level. "But for the grace of God" and all that.

Do you mind me asking how SS got involved and why your baby was placed in foster care after such a period of sobriety? Please feel free not to answer if I'm being too nosey.

Morning all, @SavBbunny rant it out on here if you want/can hope you will feel better soon. We are here for you! Is it the RA?
@Crunchymum well done on your days that's amazing !
@Petitecoccinelle thanks yes for being so honest I'm so sorry you are going through this but you sound pretty strong so keep going what you are doing and hopefully he or she will be back in your arms.
@MangoBiscuit that sounds like my dream to be honest. I'm coming up to 8 weeks I think and have been pondering but then I got some medical news that if I started again would make the situation worse so there you go. But I do wonder if I can have just 1 if I'm driving to this event next week but then I think is it worth it! Glad it's going well with you though and your rship with alcohol has been redefined. The problem with me is I've done 10 months before and thought oh I can do this and then it just went from worse to worse. When my friend who knew I had a problem said why can't you just have 1 she didn't get it bless her.
@Newmum738 well done on your days wow 209 that's amazing but I feel you about the anxiety. The tips @Petitecoccinelle sound fantastic and I might try them myself! I did go to the GP last month and was prescribed anti dep but I decided to see if my moods would change having quit alcohol and they have for sure so I'm leaving off for a moment. I think the anxiety was 100% worse with alcohol so you are doing great keep going on.

@Newmum738 congratulations on 209 days! I’ve struggled massively with anxiety all my life. Have you sought any external help for it? I’ve had counselling and CBT over the years, so I had all the “tools” but found it very hard to use them until I gave up alcohol.I found “CBT for dummies” to be quite a helpful book, but it’s definitely worth speaking to your GP if you haven’t already.

@SavBbunny sorry to hear that

Hi @LydiaLurk - hope you had a better night.

Ah bless you all. I fear I am ill other than the RA. I can't walk properly so I am scared I have MS. I have various symptoms (bloody Google) I fell off the wagon and was up at the witching hour of 3am!
I broke my ribs last autumn and I have had failing mobility since. I have my new job but I am scared I am not well enough to do it. I can't afford to retire yet as I am the main earner. Just a day when I feel like crap.

@SavBbunny get the to a GP and stop with the "Dr Googling", you will scare yourself!

@crunchymum - that is a brilliant number, well done.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - thanks, I did have a better sleep - I made sure I didn't have anything sugary too close to bedtime, that has helped I think.

@Petitecoccinelle what a very brave and honest post. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you are able to be reunited with your little one soon and well done for what you have achieved so far.

Day 21, here I come!

Ah @SavBbunny so sorry you are going through this. Have you an out of hours you can call and explain the symptoms and stress?

I name change failed again...😠

Bless you @SavBbunny I don't have R.A but I do have another type of autoimmune arthritis (Psoriatic) and it's a fucking nightmare. When I'm flaring it manifests in my feet and my mobility is severely reduced. Even when I'm well I'm not well [I'm sure you know what I mean]. Blood test yesterday showed my CRP is sky high and it often is so now I'm worrying about all the other co-morbidities.

Its shit to have a chronic illness. And all the worry and stress and despair that comes with it. I also know how it effects all other aspects of your life.

How is your GP? Mine doesn't have much to do with my arthritis diagnosis so I go to rheumatology directly.

Can you reach out to your rheumatology team and see if they can advise re: your other symptoms.

You know your own body so if need be call 111.

Please try not to worry about work and all the other stuff right now. Just breath and rest and don't feel guilty about slipping off the wagon. We aren't infallible.

@Crunchymum thank you.
I spent a good portion of yesterday trying to speak to the quack.
I am nearly six months af and I can't drink anymore. Makes me ill. But last night was a bummer. I can't remember most of it. Went to bed. At least I was home and not raving in some wine bar. I have been subjected to some nasty gossip lately don't need anymore!
Sorry to let the side down. Today will be better.

@SavBbunny you haven't let anyone down! If was a blip! 6 months is amazing !!!!

You haven't let the side down @SavBbunny you've got a lot going on and a lot to deal with and you've done what most of us have done a thousand times, reached for the wine to "help".

Please be kind to yourself today especially and know that you have the power to make tomorrow more positive (at least in terms of being AF).

It's not a linear path and we'll all wonder at times. I know I'm a relative newbie but I also know this group is for support in difficult times as well as to share successes and milestones. ❤

@Crunchymum you are not being nosey and please don’t worry about asking. It’s a long story though so apologies in advance!

I actually had no SS involvement in the UK (moved from there 4 years ago for DH’s job) although in hindsight I potentially should have as I was binge drinking hideously on and off from when my little girl was about age 2 (she’s now 8).

Fortunately then it was just weekends when DH (who hardly drinks) was around and evenings after work and she was in bed - I still worked full time and she never missed nursery, plus I was actually very present in her waking hours and managed to, hand on heart, be a very good mum much of the time, so overall she was looked after. Looking back though my drinking was totally ridiculous even then and I’m lucky my daughter who is now 8 seemingly wasn’t damaged.

Unfortunately when we moved country my mental health crashed spectacularly (adding isolation and being away from family / friends to my drink problem and living in an apartment above a supermarket selling wine!) and my drinking went off the scale. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a week (friend called an ambulance when she found me drunk and couldn’t wake me and that’s where they take drunk people!).

That was terrifying and SS were notified at that point and it was ruled I couldn’t be alone with my daughter. Even after that it wasn’t enough to stop me though, the fear I had led me to drink even more.

I ended up with an alcohol specialist psychiatrist and was diagnosed with dipsomania (I don’t crave drink and can go for extremely long periods without drinking with no struggle but if I drink I can’t stop). I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder which I now receive my wonder treatment for (Lyrica).

In the midst of this I actually got caught drink driving on the way to see my doctor (actually morning after the night before drunk) and to get my driving license back I am mandated to be abstinent for 3 years which is tested via hair follicle tests - this is actually a huge motivation for by abstinence (as is my daughter and now new baby) and I’ll voluntarily continue it.

After 9 months of proven abstinence I was allowed to be alone with my daughter again. Then when I had been abstinent for more than a year I fell pregnant unexpectedly and told SS straightaway - they judged that the baby should be in a little children’s home for around 3 months so they can see I’m not drinking / observe how I am with the baby / not get stressed and turn to drink with sleepless nights and lots of crying.

Thankfully this is all going very well so we should have her home by end of summer and I’m 100% confident all will go really well.

I can honestly say we live a beautiful, peaceful and happy life now and our 8 year old is absolutely thriving so I just focus on the positives and look forward to a bright future!

Regarding treatment for anxiety, having now lived in a country that is non-NHS I really believe anxiety as a stand-alone mental condition (and huge trigger for many people drinking) is under-recognized and under-diagnosed by GPs in the UK who are not specialized and anti-depressants are systematically diagnosed when depression is not actually the problem. For anyone living with anxiety which a few of you are this is definitely something to talk to the GP about.

Oh and @Crunchymum to answer your question, thankfully I am with her every day from 8:30-3pm when I have to leave to collect 8 year old daughter from school and DH the goes after work 6-8pm. Not perfect but we’re with her loads so we can cope.

Welcome @Petitecoccinelle! It sounds like you’ve been on a difficult journey! Well done for making these major life changes, hopefully your family will soon all be living together again permanently. I’d never heard of dipsomania before and had to Google it, it sounds very challenging. Well done for getting this far and for joining the thread!

@SavBbunny be kind to yourself today. I hope you get to speak to your doc soon but meanwhile do not Google! It doesn’t help!

@Crunchymum I love seeing the days add up for you, you’ve been absolutely smashing it👍 Keep going!

I’ve just returned from a glorious long run in the rain/sun/rain/sun😅 The novelty of waking up without a hangover on a Saturday morning still haven’t worn off for me! What a gift!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you very much! It has been absolutely bloody awful in the past but I really believe we have to face those terrible lows to really appreciate the highs. Now I am very good at being grateful for every moment and not sweating the small stuff. I also know that drinking one drop of alcohol will be catastrophic for me so it’s not hard to stay strong.

I have some very interesting memories from that psychiatric hospital - but my big turning moment was sharing a room with a younger girl who has tried to kill herself by driving into the central reservation on the motorway. She had no home and all of her belongings were in the corner of the room. It just was an eye opener as to how I’d end up if I carried on drinking as my DH had really had enough - I’d be homeless or dead.

It was October 2020 and my DH then brought DD to visit me - they’d been Halloween costume shopping and she appeared dressed as Darth Vader - it really hit home how much I had to be thankful for and how much I had to lose. Also how amazing my daughter is and that she doesn’t deserve an alcoholic / dead mum - and since that day I’ve never touched a drop.

A lot of alcoholics / problem drinkers talk about hitting rock bottom to finally turn it around - that was certainly the case for me but I’m thankful for it in many ways as I think without it I wouldn’t appreciate life the way I do now!