The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Thanks all. I am feeling better. Had a cup of tea and got around two supermarkets without buying booze. I did buy my beloved Gordon's blue 0%. We found a lovely alternative house this morning (the other fell through). Husband going out but I am not worried I am as knackered. I have plenty to read.

Glad you’re feeling better and good luck with the house @SavBbunny

@Petitecoccinelle so much great advice, thanks for taking the time to post. Positive thinking works so well but I'm so deep in negativity at the moment, I'm struggling to get on top of it. I've ordered loads of vitamins today and high strength fish oil tablets because they seemed to be doing me good until I ran out! My GO has been pretty useless so far but I might try again.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thanks for the CBT book recommendation, I'll look it up.

I would really recommend a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It’s based on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and I found it really helped to change the way I think about things and to stop being so negative.

To be fair though I didn’t just drink because I felt down or angry or frustrated, I drank if I was happy or ecstatic or generally just boiling over with energy which I tended to be often! Wine just dampened any mood I was feeling which tended to be extreme.

Thankfully now I’ve found over ways to calm myself down instead of getting smashed!

Thanks @Petitecoccinelle I'll look that book up too. I find it really hard to switch off so I would drink to block out the stress. When I do that, my brain switches off really quickly!! The downside of course is I drink too much and lose track of time so I stay up late, get really bad sleep and feel really tired for work. It does numb me though so my brain feels a bit better. Clearly very unhealthy which is why I'm AF now!

@Newmum738 that was exactly me too, always so stressed, worried about everything and on high alert. As soon as I had that first drink it would melt away and I’d feel great - easy fix in that moment. Problem was I then couldn’t stop and the chaos started!

Morning all. Better today. Didn't get any Gordon's 0% down as didn't want dawn tiddles.
Off to Paris this week. My colleagues don't really drink so hoorah.
Hopefully no temptations.

Glad you are feeling better today @SavBbunny ! Enjoy gay Parisssss!

Bit of a weird one for me, this weekend.

Long story short is my DP and I (partner of 15 years, father of my 3 children) have been living apart for the past year. For many, many reasons our relationship had fallen to shit and we were both deeply unhappy. Luckily he had managed to rent a nearby flat to give us time to "figure things out". Except it all reached a bit of a stalemate.

We've not officially separated, we attend all family events together, he still has keys to the house and comes and goes (drops the kids from his parents 3 evenings a week etc) We're friendly, he has remained very involved with the kids
but there has been absolutely no physical or emotional connection for some time now.

This weekend we've had a massive reconnection. It stated with a dream I had last week (I know!!) but it really shook me and made me take stock. I've spent a long time since really thinking about our future and where we go now and yesterday I broached it with my DP. I wanted to know where he was at and how he felt.

We literally sat up the whole of last night talking. Like we did 15 years ago [well we were probably shagging back then as well as talking and there was definitely booze involved]

I feel like we've taken a step towards reuniting and whilst it's still early days I'm feeling quite excited and positive (and scared!!). I won't go into all the boring details but I think we've really thrashed a lot of issues out.

My DP isn't a drinker but a lot of my drinking behaviour was shaped by how shitty things had got between us so I'm very wary about how this could go.

It was amazing to have some sober intimacy. Talking, cuddling, reminiscing. My drinking took all that away. We hadn't had time like that in years.

So yeah, a pretty big turn if events for me.

Sorry, that was probably a massive overshare (we haven't really defined things too much to other people. Just that he has been staying elsewhere to those closest to us)..

Also thay wasn't really a "short story" was it?

@Crunchymum thats really touching to read. I wish you well with this, whatever’s happens you are still parents and a good connection will take you far.

all the best 😊

@Crunchymum
I salute you🎉

Drinking covers up so much. I blamed a lot of my problems on my relationship. The truth was it wasn't our marriage but hidden issues that we never had time to talk about begore I drank. . Some have been addressed but I am not ready for full confessions yet.
I think it is better out than in Crunch!

@Crunchymum that sounds really promising. Whether you decide to get back together or not, it will have been really healing to talk things through like that.
Also massive hats off to you both for managing living apart (with kids involved) in such a mature and sensible way, I don’t know if I could do it!

Drinking was the cause and consequence of many issues in my relationship, which had much improved by quitting drinking. Perhaps you and your partner can have a different, new sober future together. All the best to you!

@Crunchymum not over sharing at all, that's a fantastic story that made me happy to read. I really hope it's the start of a new chapter for both of you xx

Hello all, I just counted my days to motivate me and I’m 625 days alcohol free - it’s pretty amazing really as it is so challenging in the summer!

In the past I certainly would have drank when having a BBQ, when sitting outside in a restaurant, in the city, when sunbathing in the garden etc, etc. For sure my brain is wired to associate summer with wine and drinking - and it certainly romanticizes how lovely and nice that cool glass of wine is!

Obviously it is not romantic at all when the first glass of wine quickly becomes the 4th, 5th, 6th (and I’m running inside to sneak secret drinks DH can’t see and not even bothering with a glass 😳!, and I eventually blackout, don’t remember going to bed and have the Shane and anxiety the next morning wondering what I’ve said and done.

Now I have to make new connections in my brain about summer - it’s about health, enjoying the sun sober with my family and nice cold AF drinks (I always fill my fridge with my favourite soft drinks every Friday and lots of sweets (I love Haribo!) and treats to get me through the weekend),

It’s then nice to wake up Monday morning for work with no hangover, dread about what I’ve done and shame. No apology / groveling texts to DH from my desk and hiding in my office all day because I can’t string a sentence together. No thinking about calling at the shop on the way home to buy another bottle (or two) of wine to make me feel better.

it’s great to actually start the week and be productive and not smelling of wine!

I type this and think oh my God what was I doing for years!

It got even worse when I started working from home and I’d start on the wine earlier I always had an excuse to call at the shop - we need toilet roll, bread, milk, some essential ingredients for dinner. I remember hiding wine behind the curtains as I worked and sipping drinks mid conference call - it’s so awful ( I was thinking I’ve no idea how I got away with it and I’m pretty sure my colleagues knew!!).

Looking back it’s insane the grip alcohol had on me and actually after that enjoyable moment of the first drink when all life’s troubles disappear and I’m suddenly really confident and not self conscious - it all goes out of the window and becomes very, very bad.

In the end I had to leave two jobs basically before they fired me for drinking. I was a bloody marketing director in huge companies and ended up signing on for a few weeks!

Thankfully now I work freelance / contract and by some amazing luck / by the grace of God etc I haven’t destroyed my career had enough contacts to do well. But I can see how close I was to losing everything because I couldn’t control my drinking.

Apologies, very long post again - it seems writing is like therapy for me! Perhaps why my psychologist suggested I keep a journal - maybe I should go and do that instead of boring you all 🤣

Hi All,

Apologies, been absent for a few days. I've not had a good weekend and wake up to thinking why.

Your journeys really are inspiring, I just need to stop being weak really.

@Crayonpenny - sorry the weekend wasn’t great - but well done for coming back here. It is really hard going sober, because you’re pushing back against against a powerful addictive drug, plus society’s expectations, plus your own conditioning. Have you read any quit lit? I found the Thirty Day Alcohol Experiment very helpful when I was starting out.

Today is day 100 for me, and I’m feeling glum. We hosted a big family party lunch yesterday, so we had lots of wine in the house. Surprisingly few people drank, so we still have lots of wine in the house. DH included a bottle of Chardonnay in the shopping, which was my “go to” emergency exit. I had a real pang of regret when I put it in the fridge. It’s the first time we’ve had Chardonnay in the house since I became sober. I took it out of the fridge last night- need to put it away somewhere as I’m on my own Tonight.

Im coming to realise that I find milestones hard -I felt the same when I finished sober spring. Ah well - onwards!

Hi @Onewildandpreciouslife

Thank you for the message. No I haven't read any quit lit but I will have a look into this shortly as I need to up my game really.

100 days is really amazing, well done! It's interesting you mention milestones, I'm finding the sunny days do not help me. It's like you mention re society and the 'norm' really, it's portrayed to be glamorous and it certainly isn't for me!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I understand that completely. I’ve also felt glum this weekend. We’re lucky enough to have pool and it was super sunny here, and we have a fridge full of wine and Prosecco. It was tough when imagining myself with a drink in hand floating on the lilo. Instead I settled for Coke Zero and I must admit an extra anxiety tablet to make me that.bit more chilled…

But summer days are tough - just be happy to not be hungover and starting the week fresh!

Good morning everyone!

Day 58 here. Wednesday will be Day 60. Yesterday I was able to drive DD and her friend to their destination and collect them at 11:00pm. This would have been unheard of two months ago. So that's a positive.

Not only that, but I did it without moaning, without feeling I was missing out (DH was in the pub) and without feeling that I had 'earnt' a drink when I got back.

I've even got an AF lager in the fridge that I bought on Friday and still haven't got round to drinking. Changing of mindset appears to be well under way.

Have a good day!

Well this should be day 23 for me, but I am saying day 22 as I had wine last night. I had one glass, started on a second then came to my senses and stopped and had some AF cider instead.

When I decided to stop drinking I didn't put a timescale on it and did think that after a break of how ever long I would try moderation. But you know, I didn't really enjoy that wine and I can feel the difference this morning.

Hi, everyone is doing so well!

I'm jealous of your pool @Petitecoccinelle that sounds amazing. Thank you for being so candid with your posts, your work situation - well previous work - sounds very similar to mine, working from home has provided me a platform to really not demonstrate the best behaviours. Ditto re the shop piece here as well, any excuse and goodness knows what the staff probably think!

@Crayonpenny I probably over share, I just start writing and more ridiculous behaviour comes to mind!

@Petitecoccinelle Not in my opinion, it's been useful to read as your story / experiences have a lot of similarities with mine. It's bonkers really how this horrible thing can be so consuming. I remember when I was a child and the perception of local 'boozers' were typically older, dishevelled, didn't work etc. The irony now is we have strong women facing these challenges and I think people would not necessarily realise from the outside looking in. My two are 6 and 4 and I look at them thinking they are so innocent so why on Earth do I do this to myself and them!

I can't remember who said about going to the gym at 6am - apologies - but I think that sounds a good motivation too.

Ps - by useful, please don't think I'm being patronising. I mean sharing your story has helped me by reading the words on a screen and that I'm not the only person that has struggled.