Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

@Haggisfish3 how many grams of melatonin do you take? Thanks in advance

10mg is pretty standard.

Thanks @MissConductUS. Will try to order today. The insomnia is a killer and only 2 days in

Not the best nights sleep ever!

I took 2mg and it was enough for me!

Lovely thread and you can do this! Detoxing from alcohol is not much fun but it will be so worth it. Draw a line under it all. And concentrate on what the future holds. Life is so much better without alcohol.

I'm 10 months AF and haven't looked back, the I am Sober app helped me loads in the early days, I also listen to podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/alcohol-free-life-janey-lee-grace/id1448715889 alcohol free life podcast.

It's a poison we've been conditioned to believe is perfectly acceptable. I do believe if they had discovered it in modern times it would be up there with the other classed drugs.

Those of you who are really suffering from withdrawal symptoms, please consider seeking medical support. You don't have to suffer.

In terms of the insomnia it took me a few weeks to start sleeping properly. I felt worse for what felt like ages! I was a half a bottle of wine a night so not a crazy amount Very annoying. Stick with it.

@scurryfunger so true about the poison. Crazy when you think about it!

One week today here!

That is fantastic news, @moochies! How are you feeling?

@TheFive not too bad thank you. I've got some kombucha and some other stuff in to have in the evenings.

I must admit I've absentmindedly walked to the wine rack a few times before remembering I'm not drinking, and then feeling grumpy and sorry for myself.

And I definitely miss it and feel a bit lost.

But the full level of the fear/anxiety hasn't completely faded from the "bad" day that caused me to stop. So I'm still set firm on not drinking.

Well done @moochies. Great achievement

Thanks @firefly123 how are you getting on?

Today was a better days thanks @moochies. Three days AF now. Feels like a massive achievement but realise I have so far to go. Am eating a bit more.. not great when I already need to lose weight but know quitting alcohol a bigger priority for me. Thanks for your support and for starting this thread.

@firefly123 that's awesome, well done. I'm also eating loads too. I don't think we should worry about it for now, it's such early days off the booze. I'm trying to look at it as at least I'm not drinking, while stuffing myself with leftover Xmas cheese.

Let's wait til Feb before thinking about healthy eating it's hard enough trying to stay away from alcohol. I'm trying to be kind to myself.

And surely we're saving some calories by not drinking?

Just hopping in. I've decided to try and quit, too. I've been drinking at unsafe levels for years, regularly 1.5-2 bottles of white a night; thankfully I tend to be a quiet drunk, my main issue being I think it has affected my memory (I'm late 50s); DH and I will watch TV of an evening, and the following day I won't remember what we watched; or DH will swear blind that he told me something but I won't remember it at all! But I do tend to stay off SM if I'm drinking.

I'm in a slightly tricky situation in that I don't want to talk to anyone about it, even DH as I know that although he'd be nominally supportive, he'd quietly judge me. He never mentions my excess drinking, I think he ignores it, as I don't get embarrassing or misbehave. But again, I'd like to read the literature but we are an 'open' family and there's every chance a parcel from Amazon would be opened before I got home, even with my name on it. It's tricky.

Also, I wouldn't go to my GP; from my experience of being a HCP you really don't want 'excess ETOH' on your medical records. I don't care what anyone says, but I witness low level discrimination frequently if a patient comes along with that written anywhere.

Anyway, an important motivator for me is weight. I am hoping cutting 1000-1200 cals a day will help!

I wish I could drink in moderation but I can't. I have no 'off' switch.

So- here I go! Starting today.

Don't worry about calories now. The hunger is part of adjusting to no alcohol

Day 3 here. Welcome Fordian. Sounds a bit like me though am v worried for health right now because of wine. The amount drinking was creeping up and over Xmas was nearly drinking 2 bottles of wine. So here on day 3. It is still hard right now as I am dealing with death of mother and father has terminal cancer so I have to not block that out. If I can cut down during the hardest times I hope I can start drinking wine in moderation during the good rather than this sad time. Not feeling Uber hungry like others which is worrying me. Not sure if its the grief or way I’m feeling that is making me not hungry!

Day 3 here too. I'm fucking done. I never used to drink but now I'm just a disgusting binge drinker with no off switch. I don't drink every day so three days isn't unusual for me. I'm ready to be tested when the cravings come, I have mental health issues anyway, and in no way am I helping myself. Alcohol is so weird. A dog wouldn't go back and drink something that poisions them again and again so why the hell do we?

No off switch means the neurochemical changes have started. That's a good time to stop.

I never used to drink but now I'm just a disgusting binge drinker with no off switch.

@MinnieJackson I'm exactly the same. I'd convinced myself I didn't have a dependency because it wasn't every day.

It was still fucking up my life though. It sneaks up on you doesn't it?

@Fordian you sound quite like me. Mostly an at-home drinker and mostly falling asleep and forgetting things. Except it is now beginning to creep beyond that and my children (young adults) are beginning to notice. It isn't any way to live. DH is not judgemental at all but has told me he thinks I shouldn't drink as it does nothing for me and he is really worried about how it will affect my health.

I think it is really helpful if you have someone in real life to talk to about this. I have one close friend who also has "the thirst" but has got it under control and she is really helpful to me. There is always this community on here to talk to.

For the books (and I find quit lit really helpful) why not buy a kindle, set up an account separate from the family amazon account and download the books? Or go into a bookshop - there are shelves of the stuff (thank god).

The one thing I found about sober books is that often I didn't relate to the rock bottom experiences. I loved loved loved Caroline Knapp's Drinking: A love story but many of her experiences had no relation to my life as a middle aged functioning mother who but that doesn't mean I don't have a problem. Even The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober was beyond anything I went through - but again I still have a problem. I found Clare Pooley's book probably the most relatable.

best of luck. I really hope these threads continue - I check in a couple of times a day and it helps.

@Lushmetender so sorry to hear about your parents well done on giving up the booze. The alcohol dumbs the feelings for a while but they come back and are even harder to deal with hungover.

@justforthis21

really interesting. I wonder if you’ve read the first book here The Sober Revolution. Thought I might try it. I feel the same as you, no real lightbulb moment and fully functioning/not really affecting my health. 22 months in but still have the odd “I’m missing out” twinge.
www.refinery29.com/en-gb/best-books-quit-drinking

@justforthis21

Yes, I have no 'rock bottom' moments, specifically, thankfully; but I know I need to do something, that my drinking has got to be damaging my body; it has crept up on me, unlike many of my contemporaries who can 'take it or leave it'; I'm always the one when we're out who drinks most. I stress if we're going to do something or go somewhere and I haven't got any wine in; I sort of disguise my empties count, and so on.

I'm worried about how boring going out is going to be! TBH I'm a bit bored this evening without alcohol.

I'm also a bit worried that I won't get any of the 'feeling so much better/losing weight/clear skin/less anxiety/better sleep/more energy' benefits- it appears lots of us were expecting more of an 'uptick' - that transpired was slow in coming.

Anyway. One day at a time.