Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

One thing at a time @Bizzywater. What happened?

You don't have to share but here to talk

Nothing horrific happened! Event was fine but this evening the habit kicked in again. Glass of wine turns into a bottle. I'm cross with myself as I know l'll have an awful night's sleep and not be at my best tomorrow. I've got a clear run of social events for 6 weeks now, going to use it to get strong x

Aah that's good. Yes hopefully it will keep you busy too

Be kind to yourself @Bizzywater we're all just trying to do our best
I feel awful. My husband finally got seen by dermatology today and they've confirmed he has skin cancer. We're waiting for his surgery to come through now for removal and plastic surgery. I'm devastated

@WatermelonLemonade

Be kind to yourself *@Bizzywater* we're all just trying to do our best I feel awful. My husband finally got seen by dermatology today and they've confirmed he has skin cancer. We're waiting for his surgery to come through now for removal and plastic surgery. I'm devastated

So sorry to hear this

Thank you. The surgeons hoping it hasn't spread, it's on his nose so they have to remove part of his nostril and check there's no spreading to cartilage and cheekbones etc. then re build his nose with some skin from his cheek. He's just the backbone to our family and does so much for me and our kids.

@WatermelonLemonade I'm so sorry to hear about your DH.

Thanks everyone. There's such a weird atmosphere in the house, even my mum said 'I want a drink' at about 3pm and she is a strict sherry at 7pm kinda woman 😂 (she hasn't had a drink btw lol) dh wants to go to the pub, I think I'm gonna go with him and have a game of darts or something

A live feed from the pub..I'm tipsy. I really don't care anymore about anything. I live with my parents and care for my mum. She needs to decide on a new medication that will make her prime to infectections, especially chest, she has copd, needs a shingles vaccine before she decides, but she gets pneumonia 2 x a year. My dad has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, heart valve issues (he won't say what, another heart scan on Thursday), the third one, he's 60, his parents both died from heart disease when they were 62. Two of his brother's have had heart a transplant. My son has autism and is not happy at school, my other son has receptive speech disorder, and my three year old is showing all the signs of autism like his brother. My husband just got diagnosed with skin cancer. So basically I'm telling you guys in real time, I'm pissed, and even though I got pissed these problems aren't going to go away. I cancelled my own docs app because I need to be here more than ever. I will be crawling back and asking your forgiveness for being weak. I'm an only child and I don't know how the help handle this. Thanks so much for this thread

@WatermelonLemonade you're not weak at all. You're handling a lot right now and need to be kind to yourself. I mean you're dealing with all that and you still have posted on here. I'm just thinking will you be ok tomorrow. Please don't feel bad tomorrow and you can come back to us and get it off your chest. I'm listening

Hey guys, anyone here for a hand hold? I hope you're all doing okay.

Morning @WatermelonLemonade good to hear from you. I'm good thanks. Got my first family party since I gave up tonight so hoping I'll be ok.
How are you?

Not good to be honest. Realising that I have no-one to speak to in real life is really depressing. I'm feeling pretty low. I've been self sabotaging by drinking a lot, it never changes does it. My family are all not talking to me. I could cry writing this but I don't deserve any self pity.

You can talk to me anytime. DM if you like. You really need to give yourself a break. The drinking won't be helping though but that's not me having a go. I know from experience it's nice to blot it out but the next day it's just worse. What else can you do to try and cope. Have your family said why they're not speaking to you?

Basically went for dinner last night with the children and I decided to stay out later with some acquaintances we bumped into. Dh took the kids home, asked me to come, I said no. what a fucking shameful, shitty mother and wife I am.

You're not a shitty mother. Once we went to a carnival. Had a lovely time but had been drinking. On way back DH and I had a bit of a disagreement so I went to the bar at the train station and stayed there till late whilst he took dd home. It was a shit thing for me to do and I don't admit it to many people but it's just one shit thing out of the many selfless things I've done. Counteract it against everything positive you have done and try to make it up to them over time.

I've done this too. Ended up falling asleep in a toilet and having to borrow money to get a cab home. I do think that it's not about the alcohol. It's the 'why' you drink that needs work. If that's dealt with then the trigger for drinking goes. Obviously there are things that can't be fixed but you can try therapy to find more helpful coping mechanisms.

I'm still in the process of trying to do this.

I've been to my first DH family party since not drinking. Everyone I spoke to who asked me about it said they were proud of me. DSIL said I am a bit of a knob sometimes when I've had a drink so she can see my reasons. Had a really good time. Had a good dance and chat and drove home. And don't need to worry about anything tomorrow. Feels great! This group has really kept me motivated. 12 weeks now

Right, I'm pulling my big girl pants on and starting again from scratch. I spent yesterday having nearly constant panic attacks all day and barely slept last night. So I'm on day 2. I'm leaving the past behind, unless it's to remind myself why I definitely should not drink. I don't need to beat myself up more than necessary, I need to get through these first weeks again feeling the feelings and being kind to myself.
This thread is so lovely, you're all so kind and unjudgmental.
The Sun's shining and the worlds still turning, so im getting out in the garden with the kids and the dog. This is where true joy comes from.
Thank you all so much

@MinnieJackson that's such a lovely post. Don't be hard on yourself. 😍

How's everyone doing?

Hiya @teaandtoastwithmarmite feeling slightly better today but I'm not sleeping much at night at all which is shit but will pass. This last relapse really did a number on me. I've done so many worse things when drunk in the past and I'm still suffering the fear, but I guess that's a pretty good self protection method. Day four today. I've been making sure I read sobriety stuff first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I haven't wanted a drink at all so far but I know I will. I want to start journaling, but then I got a thought about what if I wrote down how depressed and low and I was feeling etc and was completely honest and then I died and my family found it what do people do with diaries they've kept their whole lives?!

Gosh I am sorry I didnt reply. How are you doing? I know what you mean. I still have my teenage diaries
Week 13 finished. Hope everyone is doing ok xx

Everyone ok?