Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

She doesn't drink much because she gets drunk quite easily but Tbf she knows her limit and when it is time to go home. Most of the time. I think they probably like that I'm 'the pissed up one' so when I'm not then no one will be talking about me anymore and someone else can be the focus of gossip lol. I am determined not to drink and his brother's girlfriend went to the same festival a couple of years ago when pregnant. I'm just a bit worried I'll feel bored and 'out of it' if I'm sober and they're not. I'm thinking of booking a B and B and not camping so at least I have a comfy bed every night. It's actually near my home town so I could actually sleep at my mums and drive in but I'm not sure how easy that would be. Anyway I digress from the actual subject

@MinnieJackson

I also wanted to thank you, you are doing so amazingly well, and even though I don't know you, I feel proud of you. This thread has saved me relapsing so many times (so far). I don't have many friends irl and this thread has made me feel so encouraged and supported, and most importantly, not judged

That is so so lovely and made my day. Thank you so much. You can always message me too if you want to chat about anything. I think I will need this thread more and more in the coming months as I do love a drinking session in the summer

How is everyone this Friday evening? Watching killing eve with AF brew dog

Relapse @teaandtoastwithmarmite

@MinnieJackson

Hi *@bizzywater*. How are you doing? Was their any particular trigger?

I feel an absolute useless waste of space

Hi everyone. I dive in and out of this thread but am keeping an eye on it. Such a supporting thread. It is great to know others are having a similar experience. I think I am about day 56, don't really count anymore. I think I have trodden this path sooo many times something feels different this time. That said I don't take it for granted, it is so fragile in the early days.

Hi watermelonlemonade what's is happening with you this evening? I have been back to square one so many times. Did I see you have already achieved 26 days? That is amazing. Don't beat yourself up, just get back on it. Try to identify what happened and why. But, be kind to yourself, this is a really tough journey.

Hi Bizzywater why do you feel like this. Can you try to flip the feelings around? Alcohol addiction is so complicated. Alot of medics still ignore it, it is seen as a choice. My professional career puts me in contact with different addicts and I see how much help drug addicts are given, the same cannot be said for alcohol addicts. Society has a lot to answer for in how alcohol is marketed and sold. You can only buy 2 packs of paracetamol but you can buy as much alcohol as you like. Where is the sense? It is to do with revenue, the government can't afford people to stop drinking

I have recommended a book previously called drink, it is written by a professor of psychiatry and it really shines a light on alcohol problems and helps you to understand why you are not at fault.

@Bizzywater and @WatermelonLemonade (and anyone else who's interested), I have something to suggest.

Whatever your goals (to drink less or quit entirely), don't try to drink nothing overnight.

Instead this afternoon write out what you're planning to drink tomorrow (Tuesday). EG if you usually drink 5 glasses of wine a night, write a plan that has 5 glasses of wine written on it.
Then on Tuesday write out a plan for Wednesday. Put the same on it (eg 5 glasses of wine).
Then on Wednesday write out a plan for Thursday but this time put 4.5 glasses on it. Or maybe 5 glasses less one mouthful. Something like that.

This is less about the quantity you're drinking and more about writing something down, committing to it and proving to yourself you can commit to it. Then as you start to plan for smaller quantities you know you can rely on yourself to follow through.

You've got this. You can do it. You really can

Sorry I thought I'd posted yesterday. Day 72 today. I went to watch DH in his band on Saturday with my friend who hasn't drunk for a year. Same reasons as me really. Anyway another friend came as well and she is a bit of a craft beer drinking buddy of mine so I was dreading telling her. I went to her birthday party just before new year and swerved the question then but this time I couldn't so I said I'd not had a drink since Boxing Day and she looked a bit like 'oh fuck' but text me next day and said shall we go for a curry when we next go out. Something less boozy so I'm hoping she's understanding. I think if friends can't get it they're not real friends.

Sorry if that was a bit random I just know people have brought it up before about telling friends etc.

How is everyone doing? @Bizzywater and @WatermelonLemonade

Thanks for all your messages, you're so kind. I just feel so angry with myself. I had 3 pints of lager in the pub then probably 3 double vodka and cokes at home. I had to stop on the way home from the pub to get the vodka as I don't drink at home unless I've started in the pub and want to carry on.

I've been avoiding my sober app and this group because of the shame! Friday I went and sat inside and had a McDonald's breakfast then went to aldi, didn't get round all the aisles but did better than usual. I really don't want to reset my app! I'm struggling to find the trigger apart from the stress of going out of the house.

Don't feel guilty. Well it's ok to be annoyed with yourself but don't beat yourself up. I think this is what's making me hold back so much at the moment as I know if I relapsed I would be utterly pissed off with myself. But it's happened now. Own it and carry on.

I've also been avoiding the thread.
Friday I was wasted and ruined Saturday feeling hungover. I had been moderating pretty well, but I have low self esteem and anxiety and use alcohol as a very bad coping mechanism. I haven't had a drink since Friday but am out at an event this weekend and do plan to drink, sensibly.

My partner has really pissed me off - they don't appear recognise that I've hugely cut down my drinking this year! Which I 100 % have. I've started to realise how the vast majority of things they say about me are negative....

@Bizzywater it's good you came back. I have bad anxiety too and quite low self esteem. Drinking makes my anxiety much worse and then feeds back into the low self esteem plus I am flirty when I'm drunk so it's no good for me. How are you feeling now?

What else does your partner say about you?

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

What else does your partner say about you?

Actually they are really supportive of my healthy eating, exercise etc... I think it's the frustration of seeing me lapse into bad choices as they have so much self control.

I'm feeling good today, tired... but had tea and toast with marmite for dinner

I realise that sounds like a contradiction but it really isn't

I'm feeling good today, tired... but had tea and toast with marmite for dinner
Love it!! My DH has never pushed me to give up although he must have the patience of a saint but I think he would feel frustrated too. But you have to give up for yourself.

Everyone ok. I'm thinking we're coming up to another Friday night already. What's everyone up to?

Currently watching turning red on disney, it's good got a chilli made for tonight and managed to get some admin done today I've been putting off. No cravings. I reset my app and got a busy weekend with the kids so not too worried.
I'm so pissed off with my bloody periods though. I bled for nearly two weeks, stopped for three days, then came on again on Monday and still so heavy and painful. They've always been all over the place but I hate going to the doctors so much. My mum had endometriosis so I'm not sure if it can be hereditary but I do bleed out of places I shouldn't be when I'm on. It's making me so tired and a bit snappy

Aah sounds like you're doing good. I have endometriosis but it's in cyst form so periods not too bad but I know what you mean. My DH is in a band and gone to an anniversary party of the singer's parents. They had a really nice beer on tap and only non alcoholic one is becks blue. So tempted and could have one without the world ending but it's 11 weeks this weekend so I won't. This party is not that exciting though lol

You're doing amazing @teaandtoastwithmarmite. How's everyone else?

Thanks @WatermelonLemonade. I'm getting concerned as to where everyone disappeared too. Hope you're all ok

So I did so well at week then had an event this weekend and not so good. I need to stop.
Stop stop not moderate stop. I'm also on a diet which doesn't help because I can't satiate my cravings with toast