Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

You really are doing so well! How exciting to get to 60 days! My cravings have been less but I've been riding them out when they come, which I've never been able to do. 60 days without a hangover! Have you told anyone you're not drinking? I'm finding it a mixed bag of people being supportive and others asking why, how boring etc which I think is because they don't want to drink alone or look at their own drinking, but very few people know as it's none of their beeswax 😂

Struggling a bit tonight. We're under a lot of stress at the moment. Today has been full on, as will tomorrow be.
The urge for a lovely glass of Rioja to give me that instant calm is strong tonight. You know the first sip that just makes you go "ahhhh, nice, just what I needed", I'm needing that sensation right now.
I have no alcohol in the house so I definitely will not be drinking. Just want the urge to fuck off though

Planning on a nice long bubble bath for tomorrow evening but not an option Tonight. I also have to iron and get the house in order a little bit, DH has to work extra this evening.

Hope everyone is doing okay. Sorry, just needed to get this off my chest.

Just to add,I don't actually want a drink, just the sensation the first couple of sips provide to help unwind a bit.

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 it's always good to post when you've Got a craving. I've done it loads! Sorry you're having a shit time. Did you have a drink? I know exactly what you mean with those first sips. Cravings are hard! I always argue back and forth with myself in my head (cognitive dissonance). Don't be hard on yourself, not having a drink is so much harder than having one.

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 very very well done for abstaining! The cravings are so hard! Drinking is so socially acceptable, more than any other addictive substance, and @MinnieJackson so many of my friends were negative about me stopping drinking when I've done so in the past that this time I've not said a word!

@teaandtoastwithmarmite SIXTY DAYS!!!! Congratulations to you that's absolutely fantastic! How does it feel and how do you feel xx

Thanks guys
@MinnieJackson no I didn't have a drink. Had no wine in the house. Even I did, I still wouldn't. I'm not going down that road anymore.

Things are better and DH doesn't have to work extra this evening so can help with kids bedtime etc.
I'm still not feeling great (mild endo flare up, chest cold, and I've accidentally eaten lactose or gluten - I'm intolerant to both!) So once the youngest is asleep, the plan is a looooong soak in the bath and get stuck into my new book.

It seems we have a few readers here - what's everyone currently reading?

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 well done! You sound so determined! I like reading authors like Lisa Jewell, K.L Slater etc for psychological thrillers. I've just got a free three month trial for kindle unlimited so I'm trying to use that but there have been some stinkers! I love memoirs too about living in ww2, ocd, alcohol, hoarding.

I'm day 21 today. Got a really annoying cough now from the covid. Even though technically I can leave the house now I wont, not in small part to the awful dye job I gave myself yesterday. I am tangerine

Hi sorry been a bit busy with working and both DD and DH's birthdays this coming Monday. Thanks for your kind words @MinnieJackson and @CheesePlantMurderer. Today I was in boots and usually pick up some ibuprofen then realised I've not needed any in so long due to not drinking. I feel great. Have started to lose weight as well. In answer to your question about telling people I only had it once where someone said what you drinking that for. No one seems to really care but I know it will not be easy.
I love reading too. Currently reading Harry Potter as DD loves it but usually read thrillers

@Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 hope you feel better now. @MinnieJackson day 21 is amazing.

How's everyone doing? I've just rebleached my hair. It is now part white, part yellow, part orange. One more bleach ought to do it 🙈
My son (aged 10) just told me he's been researching and if I give up now and put a brown back On top it will go green! Is he right?!
Hope you're all having a good Saturday

@MinnieJackson I'm no help as after several hair disasters of that I'll I never touch my own now! Weekend ok here. Not had a drink but not on day 22 like you!! Fabulous!

Also a reader and I like thrillers too!

Morning all! How's everyone doing? Third lot of bleach is arriving imminently. I think I'm having a 30's crisis! Still haven't been out the house but I have a smear tomorrow. The contrast between the shades of hair the nurse will be seeing will be immense! 😂
Anyone got any good book recommendations for me? I feel a bit weird today, quite panicky but I can't pinpoint why. Gonna crack on with some cleaning soon happy sober Monday

Feeling sad, anxious and despondent
Did really well and got to three weeks, and my lovely dad had a serious bike accident and almost died. He’s out of his coma now but I completely hit the wine to cope. I need to start day 1 again as the anxiety returned hard

@LynnDaBogTrotter I'm so sorry to hear your dad was so ill.
Slip ups are ok in the grand scheme I think if you learn from them, and it sounds like you have and remembered why alcohol wasn't serving you anyway.

I'm only on day (I think) 25, will check my app later, before this I had a couple of weeks under my belt before I relapsed 3 times in quick succession. I was so gutted to go back to day one, but keep reminding myself that every long term sober person has been on day 1. For me one day at a time works but it's not for everyone to think that way. Who knows what reaction anyone struggling with alcohol issues would have had in your situation? Please be kind to yourself, what you're doing in giving up is so much harder than opening a drink.

Thank you @MinnieJackson, the whole thing has done a number on my mental health

I've relapsed

Hi @bizzywater. How are you doing? Was their any particular trigger?

@Bizzywater it's only a big deal if you make it one. So you went back on yourself - it happens.

Write out all the things you've learned about yourself over the period that you weren't drinking. Set a timer for 10 minutes. I guarantee there will be more stuff there than you could ever have imagined.

You'll see you're SO MUCH FURTHER to where you want to be than when you started.

So you don't need to go back to day 1. Go back to wherever you were and just pick up and carry on. No need to strive for perfection every day as long as you learn from what happened.

Hi all sorry I've been away from this. I had a really mad weekend. DH and DD's birthday both on Monday so DD had a sleepover on Saturday night. 8 9 year olds! Still not had a drink. I see some have had setbacks but some great advice here. You've all done so well.

@LynnDaBogTrotter sorry to hear about your dad. That must have been horrendous. @Bizzywater don't beat yourself up.
I went for a meal with DH's siblings and talk turned to a festival we're going to. One of his sisters said I'm not going because you 3 (DH, his brother and sister) will get pissed and I'll be left with drunk and emotional teaandtoastwithmarmite. It really hit home at that point. I said I don't drink anymore and she said you will be tempted. Well ladies I swear to god I want to prove them wrong. Festival is in July.

[quote brightspice]@Bizzywater it's only a big deal if you make it one. So you went back on yourself - it happens.

Write out all the things you've learned about yourself over the period that you weren't drinking. Set a timer for 10 minutes. I guarantee there will be more stuff there than you could ever have imagined.

You'll see you're SO MUCH FURTHER to where you want to be than when you started.

So you don't need to go back to day 1. Go back to wherever you were and just pick up and carry on. No need to strive for perfection every day as long as you learn from what happened.[/quote]
Brilliant advice

@teaandtoastwithmarmite oh that sounds like a hard thing to hear about yourself and the sleepover sounds overwhelming 😂 was it good?

I had a massive craving yesterday and was so grumpy but it passed. I'm so bitchy when I get a craving still haven't left the house either. I'm supposed to be going to Aldi tomorrow but I hate shopping. Day 27

NC fail. Oh well 😂 the above was me!

@WatermelonLemonade it did annoy me a bit as his brother is a nightmare when drunk and I know she didn't mean it horribly, more in a sisterly sort of jokey way but what annoyed me more was DH didn't back me up and say actually she hasn't had a drink. Maybe he thought I didn't need to prove anything. I'm having second thoughts about actually going at all now. Or should I go and not drink and show them?
When we got married she did say I'm making sure you're not drinking until 9pm as you don't want to get in a state.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite oh God I hate things like that! I've been out and people have said 'oh you were a state last time I saw you' and stuff like that and it makes me so so ashamed, so i ended up drinking more because I'd get all panicky.
I'm really lucky family has rarely said this and with these randomers, if I don't go into the pub I never have to see them again unless it's in the local shop or something.I

Do you feel confident that you'll stay sober at the festival? If you do I would maybe go. Does she drink? I find drunk people really irritating now (what a hypocrite!).

I also wanted to thank you, you are doing so amazingly well, and even though I don't know you, I feel proud of you. This thread has saved me relapsing so many times (so far). I don't have many friends irl and this thread has made me feel so encouraged and supported, and most importantly, not judged