Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

Feeling a bit blah too Bizzywater. Hang in there. I'm eating a ton of chocolate. I'll be the only person in the world who gives up alcohol and gains weight!

@justforthis21 🤣 I know the feeling.

Is this group still open

@chaserosie, I don't think there was ever a limit.

Welcome. What's going on with you?

So end of Dry Jan.. how is everyone feeling?

28 days for me!

Welcome @chaserosie

@firefly123 I’m doing good how are you?

@firefly123

So end of Dry Jan.. how is everyone feeling?

Well, after my wobble last night, I'm still determined to keep up a (mostly) AF life. I did have some wine, half a glass, I slept terribly and I didn't even enjoy it (threw the rest out). I feel relieved and nervous that I've come this far. Haven't really had any challenging social events yet.

Feeling like I want to drink again

@firefly123 when you feel desire to drink, what's the thought behind it?

Think for me it is a reward and now the reward is gone. I just feel bored and miss wine a lot. Guess it's like losing a friend, even if it is a terrible friend who's no good for me. I don't feel any better particularly. Fatter than ever as eating so much to fill the void.. don't look any better. Sleep bit better but not much. Anxiety is still there.. maybe my age. It's hard.

Hi all, welcome @chaserosie
Sorry you're struggling @firefly123 you've been a help to me so I'm hoping to try and support you. Can you have a new reward? A distraction?
37 days today

It's definitely not your friend. We are

Thanks so much @teaandtoastwithmarmite. Don't know what's wrong with me. Feel quite low at the moment and lonely I read somewhere about hitting a wall and think that's where I am. Hope I can climb over it. Day 34 here. Sending all positive vibes to everyone

firefly, I can really relate to how you are feeling. Me too :(

I think it was brightspice who posted on a different thread about the power of habit - I try to remember that. (must try to find the post I think it was on another thread).

Also, and I know this is conter-intuitive and probably not the right thing to do but I think well I can drink at any time I want in actual fact. I am not drinking as long as I want to and I want to right now. I'm hoping that eventually that thought will just go away.

Im going to think just about February - that's a nice short month and doesn't seem like too much to bite off.

this is the post from Brightspice I found really helpful

drinking is just a habit that you've practiced a lot and therefore got really good at. Much like the way you clean your teeth twice a day without thinking too much about it, you can drink without too much effort (though the reward of alcohol creates it a very strong habit).

And as you're the one who taught yourself how to drink (usually at trigger points/times of day/locations) you can unteach yourself too.

I would start by interrupting the automatic habit flow by inserting a pause before you drink (before you pour a drink, before you accept a drink, before you put the glass to your lips) and ask simply: why do I want this drink? Just sit with that for a moment, bring the drinking to your full consciousness.

I found this difficult because I was so used to the action of drinking that I did it without much thought.

Im going to think just about February - that's a nice short month and doesn't seem like too much to bite off.

Good idea, @justforthis21. In the early days, it can be overwhelming to think about giving up alcohol forever. It has become such an ingrained part of our lives. But shorter periods of abstinence seem less daunting, so break it down into time commitments that feel manageable. After a time, not drinking will become your new normal and not require any thought at all.

@justforthis21glad my other post was useful.... and @firefly123 I can really relate to your point about boredom. This is why I never spoke about aiming to be sober - by the way I'm not knocking those who do aim for that ... - but for me what I wanted more than anything was to want to not want alcohol... And the way to do I learned was to tackle the desire. The desire I felt for alcohol was learned. I had taught myself the habit to want it. And if I had learned to desire alcohol I knew I could unlearn it too. I would often drink when I was bored (a habit, per earlier post) so I would anticipate the desire to drink when I felt bored and was willing to just literally sit with it. To be prepared to feel bored and not drink over it. (By the way the same thing applies to overeating.) And then to practice this again and again and again. To slip up and learn (I never counted days sober - for me it was all about counting how often I sat with the desire and didn't drink). Net result was that that desire has now gone that I really truly don't want to drink. I really hope this helps you... by the way if you do learn to sit with urges you'll find they usually go after 60-90 seconds. Of course they'll come back but you just do the same thing again and again. It's nearly Friday evening - no better time to start practising .

Happy sober Saturday. Thank you for your post @brightspice. Nearly cracked last night. Went in tesco, out if tesco wine free... into sainsburys.. Ditto. Got home and nearly went out again to buy wine but managed not to by a thread. How is everyone else doing? Not sure if this thread being used much.

@firefly123 excellent news about your non-shopping trips! Sounds like you lived through 2 urges without reacting. Brilliant stuff!

I'm still about and still sober. I'm finding I have a lot of time on my hands with not being hungover or having had a drink. Ordered a JOMO cocktail box for half term. I'd never have drunk alcohol free cocktails before due to the calories - bonkers when alcohol is pure sugar and would inevitably be followed by carb loading

Hello! I'm still around and af. Went to my friend's again last night. Had 3 cans of af lager and when I was going she asked if I'd be ok to drive. She hadn't realised it was alcohol free lol. I joked that if I'd had alcohol beer I'd have been drunk as not had it for almost six weeks. We had a chat and I kind of brought it in to the conversation I was seeing how long I could give it up for. Also saw another friend today and touched on the subject. It felt normal to say it. Have enjoyed being more productive and lost a few pounds so feeling good
How is everyone else doing?

Hi everyone. I'm crawling back here with my tail between my legs I've had a terrible time (drink wise) since the funeral I was so worried about. I think I've actually found my rock bottom. I've upset a lot of people, made some terrible decisions and I'm fully committed to putting things right. I'm feeling very fragile, which I fully deserve. I'm on day 3. I'm halfway through some quit lit I bought ages ago and didn't read. I think you've all done so amazingly well. You all made my earlier attempts so much easier, and the support was incredible. Not that I deserve any kindness, but id love to rejoin the thread and have some support on here aswell as in real life (which I am so extremely lucky to have).I could cry for two pins writing this. I considered name changing but I need to own this. No more excuses, I'm done.

Hi @MinnieJackson sounds like you've had a terrible time but good you've come back for support. Would you like to talk about what happened?

@MinnieJackson well done on starting again - it takes a lot of courage. We're all here to support you as best we can x

thank you both so much. Well I ended up drinking at the funeral. Then had a meal out planned I couldn't get out of, so drank again because I can't do socialising sober. both times were moderate and I let my guard down. Then got drunk three more times with Dh at pub. booked
I've not been on a month long bender but I've been an idiot and a liability. To be honest I've been feeling the most depressed I ever have, every day just seems literally same shit, different day (as many know), I've been feeling taken for granted at home a lot and basically threw my toys out of the pram and acted like a petulant teenager that the world owes a favour. complete self sabotage tbh.
I've got a lot of soul searching to do, some trauma to process that I've been running from and need to grow the fuck up. I've apologised to people I've upset, which normally I would have been too mortified to ever contact again.
My agoraphobia has been awful. Last time I think I got to 12 days and managed to go into a shop without walking out which I hadn't done for years. Who knows what being sober will do for me and what I can achieve? I think fear has been holding me back and I need to just feel all these feelings that are swirling around. Counselling booked in, told my mum everything, no more secrets or lies. I
Thank you both so much.