Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

@MissConductUS

When I'm at a social event I get a drink that's ambiguous, like a diet coke with lemon. If you're at a posh restaurant that puts out wine glasses, turn yours upside down when you sit down and the server will take it away without comment.

Most of the time people simply don't care if you're drinking alcohol or not.

Well done ladies.

That's a really good idea

@teaandtoastwithmarmite 21 days is phenomenal, well done you

I think flavoured tonic water or lime and soda will be my go-to next time I’m in a pub. I don’t go to them very often though so that’s a long way off!

Can’t wait for two weeks tomorrow. DH keeps saying how nice it is that I’m awake and compos mentis in the evenings. I feel bad for all the evenings he must have felt like he was sitting there alone

Welcome @LynnDaBogTrotter

I really relate to what you said about being afraid to stop in case it was harder than you thought. That held me back for a good while - what if I can't - what then? But this time I just figure whether I succeed or fail or have to try again, any day I don't drink is a plus so I might as well give it a go.

Day 18 here and I am very happy with the way things are going. My sleep is great. My morning "metaphysical" hangover has disappeared. I haven't whispered "I hate myself" under my breath once for the past 18 days. that was a regular thing. My skin looks better already. I think I've gained weight! But then I'm eating whatever I want and for reasons unconnected to alcohol I haven't been able to exercise for past 2 weeks. Starting again this week.

A good friend is visiting next week for a significant birthday and she would definitely expect me to have a drink (the thing is she doesn't know just how much I do drink - she thinks I drink like her). Im going to tell her I am doing January off and hoping to lose weight and leave it at that. I'm fine with serving her alcohol - she drinks chardonay which I wouldn't touch. In fact the only drink which I really feel a compulsion about is sauvignon blanc - and I have NONE in the house nor will I. I can stay away from anything else no problem.

Thanks @justforthis21, I found your words really encouraging

First AA meeting at six. I feel sick

Day 16. DH away tonight so was so tempted to get a small bottle of wine! Should be ok once I get some food And soft drink down me! Drs tomorrow! Dreading that! Got some bumps I need checked out! Watched last of discovery of witches need more recommendations for tv! Nothing too sad if anyone has recommendations!

@LynnDaBogTrotter

First AA meeting at six. I feel sick

Why?

Lynn, I talked a lot about AA earlier in the thread. I went for years. Click on see all on one of my earlier posts to see what I had to say, then post again with any concerns or questions.

I needn’t have worried @MissConductUS - they were warm and welcoming and I feel like I might be ok in the end. It felt very positive and hopeful

Lynn, that's lovely. I'm so glad it went well. Peer support is really helpful.

Don't feel like you have to jump in immediately with the whole program. It's fine to just absorb and learn at this point.

Well done for going.

Yes I feel it might be a lot to take in, but I also feel like that business will fill the white noise while I adjust too.
Feeling quite chilly and trembly today after a lot of alcohol yesterday, and my anxiety is very very busy. Thinking of a hot bath and early night

I had wine tonight. I thought about it a lot and decided I could moderate. I feel ok but I've had more than a moderate amount and I think I'll feel terrible tomorrow. Sadly this has proved I can't just have a couple, so I'm back on the sober train tomorrow. I'm not going to beat myself up*, I'm going to learn from it

*I totally will beat myself up

Oh Bizzy…. Did it highlight a potential tricky time of the day for you

Day 3 complete.

Took a lot not to have some wine as usual after my shift tonight so i am proud of that

Do you know what Bizzy, at least now you know. If you had just one glass then it is more likely you'd have had another tomorrow and it would have ended with a bottle on some night. As Beckett said - so you failed, try again, fail again, fail better.

I read a very encouraging thing on the NPR website today. It said the vast majority of people who abuse alcohol or drugs do in fact recover/get out of the spiral. www.npr.org/2022/01/15/1071282194/addiction-substance-recovery-treatment

That is encouraging to read. I love the posts on the many sober groups I’m on about long time sober people. And the very many famous people who are sober.

Well done @Giviningup that’s brilliant.

Don’t beat yourself up @Bizzywater it doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Did you notice any emotional triggers? I’m wondering when my first wobble will be.

Thanks for the support all. I'm already feeling the post booze downer even though I didn't do anything apart from watch tv. No embarrassment or blackouts. Just post drink depression.
@afaloren there were a bazillion triggers / emotions that I deliberately disregarded, plus the 'habit' of cooking Sunday dinner. I can't lie, it started as a deliberate thing, but I just kept thinking I'm fine so I'll have another, might as well finish the bottle, well the bottle has gone but there is still an hour left of this tv show, what else have I got to drink?!?
@justforthis21 yes at least I know. As much as I've been taking this one day at a time the future of permanently sober me has been looming large and it's scary!! It's stupid because I've been sleeping so well and enjoying the lack of post wine fug.
It's my nature to be angry with myself but I need to get back on the quit lit, and remind myself that I've had lots of sober days

@justforthis21, I heard that story on NPR too, and when I went to the website to get the link to post here all they had was the audio file. I forgot all about it, so thanks for digging it up. I had forgotten that you are here in the US until you mentioned NPR. You are doing really well, and I appreciate your very gracious thanks previously for my contributions here.

@Bizzywater, giving up drinking is scary. Alcohol becomes your false friend, your solace, your refuge. It is an easy way to self-medicate when things do wrong. Ultimately we realize that we cannot have a healthy relationship with it and that for us it is a slow poison and a cruel master that we have to walk away from. You've done really well. I have faith that you can continue to do really well. Almost every long term sober person has had relapses. It does get easier, I promise.

Happy sober Monday everyone! Thanks so much for sharing that article @justforthis21 . Great to know that if we fall off the wagon we can jump back on and be successful

Hi everyone and happy Monday
Emotions are a little calmer today, head is mildly sore and the nausea is mild. I’m looking forward to not feeling queasy every morning. Sleep was 10-4… I’ll take that in a solid block any day. Today is a a work day so my challenge will be not purchasing alcohol on the way home ‘because I deserve it
Officially a full day sober.

@LynnDaBogTrotter

Hi everyone and happy Monday Emotions are a little calmer today, head is mildly sore and the nausea is mild. I’m looking forward to not feeling queasy every morning. Sleep was 10-4… I’ll take that in a solid block any day. Today is a a work day so my challenge will be not purchasing alcohol on the way home ‘because I deserve it Officially a full day sober.

You can do it, have you got an alternative treat lined up or a distraction? Choc? Face mask? Gym? My head hurts this morning - I forgot how annoying this feeling is! Never again.

Morning @Bizzywater 😊
I do yes, got a job to do for a my sister (arty crafty) and I’m going to try and do another online AA later if I can.
What does everyone else have on the agenda today?

Day 17. Kids nearly successfully at bus. Bath, dog walk, 1 to 1 s and drs appt this afternoon. More than half way of the first challenge. Boss on US bank holiday so should be quiet! Yay!

That's awesome! Day 22 and sleeping better! Well done everyone. And also those that had a little relapse. Main thing is you're back on it

Wfh today. DD has Covid so she is at home. Coffee is here!