The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

@StayingVigilant

🥳winenota bloody well done! Well done soberanne pouring it away, recognising triggers and having a plan are all massive leaps! You can all do this! freesolo your morning list is great. I read somewhere that if you say 3 things you’re grateful for each morning it actually alters your mindset. Makes us recognise the positive stuff I guess rather than the negative crap taking up all our headspace. Maybe that’s something bunnies could try too? If it’s not too Pollyanna. Enjoy your Sundays…

A daily gratitude practice is a wonderful thing to do. I have done it daily at bedtime with ds10 since he was a toddler and then I started doing it myself.

It really does rewire the brain. We know we get better at whatever we practice in life. If we practice being negative and miserable and focusing on what we can't do then that is foremost in our mind. It becomes bigger. If we practice daily what we are grateful for then we start to notice more of what we have to be positive about.

It's like not drinking. The more I practice not drinking the better I get at it. The more I focus on what I gain from not drinking instead of what I (used to believe) i am missing out on then that becomes bigger in my head.

You can just think in bed at the end of the day, or first thing in the morning what you are grateful for. Or you can write them down in a journal. Or there is a great thread in philosophy and religion called "Daily gratitude'' where anyone is welcome to post what they are grateful for in their life. It's a very uplifting and lovely thread.

I find now that I naturally have pockets during the day where I focus on what I'm grateful for.l without planning to. Because, I have been practicing it, I am getting better at it.

It helps me when I am in negative mode, to turn around to the many things I have to be grateful for.

@pontiouspilates that’s really heartening to hear and I hope to achieve that sort of approach. @Breathmiller interesting to read what you’ve posted about gratitude I have it on my to-do list!
Today I feel grateful to be able to post here. Day 6 and I’m not sleeping very well but hope that will improve soon.

Evening!
Took about 10 days before I started sleeping properly @AlloftheTime, so stick with it - will be so worth it - your sleep will be so much better when it does get here!
Hope all ok with everyone - I'm exhausted, busy weekend, not fun stuff, filling a skip of old junk stuff!

Keep going everyone, we've got this!
Love to all
Soph

I have been reading this thread with interest and using it for inspiration. I had been thinking about giving up wine for a long time but never felt I could do it. I definitely drank too much and as I got older, the hangovers got worse. Even after a glass or a half a bottle, I could feel it the next day and there were definitely nights when I overdid it and wasted the next day lazing around and hoovering up carbs to deal with the low blood sugar. Nights out with girlfriends almost always involved drinking too much for all of us.

A major operation in early May 2021 was the catalyst for stopping even though I hadn't planned to. I didn't drink after the operation because I didn't feel like it and then I decided to keep going and am now at almost three months. I have managed to go to a wedding and not drink, several dinner parties and restaurant visits and have also got through my birthday without feeling the need. I'm still not at the stage of saying never again but deep down I know that it where I want to be.

I do feel better and I think I look better and the hangxiety is gone. I haven't lost much weight, perhaps a couple of pounds but I suspect I may lose a bit more if I keep going.

One of the big challenges is what to drink when out socially. Some restaurants and pubs have an interesting selection of non-alcoholic drinks while at others, there is a poor choice. At the wedding I was offered a coca cola when everyone else was on champagne . What I have noticed is that the longer I don't drink, the less I have the desire to. I have found Kumbucha when I want something different at home and (triggering for some I know) have had no alcohol alternatives drunk out of a wine glass a couple of times too which I enjoy.

It is good to have a thread like this for the encouragment and support.

Thanks for all the lovely encouragement. Am now day4 and slightly surprised! Being grateful is a lovely idea, and focussing on feeling fab in the morning.
I want to mention you all personally but it won’t let me copy and paste, and if I go back a page to check it will owe this. Doh! Thanks x

@SophieB100 thank you! Hope you slept well after your exertions yesterday!
@Soberover thank you for sharing your thoughts which make interesting and inspiring reading
@Winenota good to hear you are on the gratitude wavelength - this morning I’m grateful to be enjoying my tea in bed and not ‘needing’ to drink it just to be able to get up.

Thanks for all the posts.

Hi @Soberover and congratulations you've done so well already . I was also similar to you , almost accidentally becoming sober - pregnancy then the pandemic - then finding myself avoiding social situations just so I didn't have to drink . Seems crazy now when I think about the hold it had on me genuinely felt I couldn't go out socially without alcohol. The longer you don't drink the less you want it I completely agree.
I still have moments but I genuinely feel this is forever for me .
I am still negotiating and learning about going out socially without alcohol you've done amazing to already have been to a wedding ! I drank tonic water the last time as there was very slim pickings of anything AF but that was fine .
I have taken my own alcohol free wine to parties but it actually made me more thirsty so I ended up drinking water. I don't really like majorly sugary drinks and don't drink caffeine so I am a little more limited .

Morning everyone 🌞

This morning I am grateful for my daughter's, my beautiful home, and this fresh day off work to do some d.i y !

Morning all! @Winenota you are doing great!!!

I like the gratitude suggestion. Feeling grateful this morning for my beautiful children, my job which I love and my health!

I went out for a long run this weekend and enjoyed listening to audiobooks in nature, and I felt very grateful that I was able to to take that time for myself.

Inspired by one of you I also at a whole bunch of fruit and veg which made me feel good. Today again I will be trying to drink more water.

Hello everyone. I’ve been reading this threat and admiring all the hard work everyone is putting in. Gratitude is an amazing way to start a fresh morning…

Not had a drink for over a week now. Just suddenly came to the realisation that my relationship with alc hasn’t been that amazing over the years. Familiar story I think - started going out at the W/e’s at age 16, binge drinking (along with everyone else) at uni. Friends just all seemed to be doing the same. Went into the world of work where there was a drink culture. Got married, had 2 kids, more vino - a lot of my mum friends drink wine/gin on the evenings so it just seems so normalised. But I know it’s not and I know the volume has massively increased over the years. Also taken it too far many times (childhood trauma) had way too much and regretted it - the anxiety!!! My MIL drinks like a fish and always tries to pop a drink in my hand whenever we are there and it’s like it’s a big thing if you don’t drink - so hard. Any advice/tips/support or anything greatly welcomed! Really hoping I can stay strong like you ladies 😊

Sorry *thread not threat 😆

@Clouds78 hey sounds very similar to me, I'm on day 9 so let's keep each other company. Maybe the difference is I regularly do a month off every three or 4 months, so I know the first month although challenging can whizz by and it's beyond that I'm looking ahead too, can I do it? I'm aiming for a 4 month break and maybe beyond....remember, humans are not naturally supposed to be consuming alcohol, we are not born to poison ourselves on the regular. Our natural state is actually being sober , this is what I'm currently embracing! (And avoiding the alcohol isle in sainsburies obvs 😬)

Morning all. Another day to allow sobriety to win. Sobriety really is stronger if you just allow it to be. I am starting to find it easier to declare today i wil not drink than agonising with myself if i will. That constant battle is gery very time consuming.

@ChampooPapi that's a very good point, horrifying to think that I've spent a huge part of my life hungover , even if not a full blown hangover, that tired, dull, feeling of having had a few drinks. Having this stretch of feeling 'normal' is so amazing, and to think this is how we should feel.
This morning I'm feeling grateful that I had a good nights sleep, I've woken up to a lovely, clean house because I had the time and energy over the weekend to keep on top of things, and I am planning my day with energy to do things. I have 2 weeks off from work and I have so many plans and I know alcohol won't scupper them.

Well the skip is almost full, god the junk we have accumulated. Got rid of broken kids toys - my 'kids' are all in their mid twenties!
Got a bad back, but so what, a couple of paracetamol and my wheat bag and I'll be as good as new.
Well done to everyone.
For me personally, I keep it simple, just every day, tell myself I won't drink and that's it, sorted. (Sorry to repeat myself but it works!)

So, repeat after me:
TODAY I WON'T DRINK!!

Have a good day all
Soph

“Today I won’t drink” is a great approach. I told myself this every day in the beginning. Now I only need to remind myself at special occasions. One of the things I love best about drinking is that it no longer occupies any headspace. Before I would constantly think “will I drink today? If so how much? And what time should I start? I should really reduce. Or give up. Etc etc etc”.

It’s so liberating not to have all those questions buzzing around in your head.

Arrrrgggghhh! at the headspace @BunniesBunniesBunnies, I couldn't agree more. When I was drinking, I thought about getting the wine on the way home, whilst I was drinking it, I felt guilt (towards the end, when it all turned to crap) then the waking up at 3 a.m. - more guilt with a load of anxiety...then the following morning, feeling rough, necking loads of water, trying to get myself sorted. Then I'd repeat it all. Then I tried moderating, hah! that was even more headspace...so now it is really simple - I DON'T DRINK! I only think about it when I check in on here, for encouragement, support, contact with people who get it, and hopefully to encourage anyone who needs it as best I can. I have so much more time now, there are more hours in the day - definitely in the evenings
Soph

Thank you @ChampooPapi it sounds alike you have abstained before and been very successful. I’ve never done dry January or anything like that. Abstained during exam periods, being pregnant and breastfeeding but never thought anything of the toxic nature of alcohol in between - you’re very right about humans and alcohol and soooo true, our natural disposition is to be sober!!!!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies wow yes the headspace - I would start thinking hmmm a glass of vino at tea time today or wait until a few days and share a bottle with DH. There was a thought process. Now it’s just, ‘well I’m not drinking, so that’s it’.

It sounds like everyone is doing well and occupying selves with stuff. Clearing out and getting to grips with all the jobs that need doing is v therapeutic too to pass the time.

Today I will not drink
That’s day number seven. I didn’t sleep well but it was a little better than last week. Not sure if I imagined it but I felt a little less tired at work today.
I really want to do this and it actually feels a possibility the way I am feeling this afternoon.
Thanks to those sharing their stories here - it makes things seems less strange in my mind.

Another day that sobriety won. Well done sobriety.

@soberanne well done indeed

Not well done sobriety @Soberanne, well done YOU. You are doing this. Great work!

Woke feeling so much less anxious this motning. I dont know the last time i woke up feeling like this. Its a very strange feeling but one i could live with

soberanne that's amazing.

I think that even if we think we aren't suffering from a hangover from hell we get so used to living with an underlying sense of fogginess and/or anxiety due to drinking. And when that lifts it's quite a revelation. And, for me anyway, a thought of "what on earth have I been doing to myself all these years ?! - what a feckin eejit" I could have felt this good years ago. But no regrets. I'm doing it now. And it does feel so good.

It will only keep getting better.

@breathmiller same here and I think the longer that you do it the thought of going back to that dull fogginess is awful.
Well done all everyone is doing so well keep going.