The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

I'm struggling. Have had a fairly stressful day work wise, not significantly so but testing. And I am being tested. The psychological link between a stressful working day and wine is massive in my mind.

I've turned down one invite out tonight as I know I'm not strong enough to go along and not drink. I'm worried about going to the shop as I think I'm just telling myself I have to go so I can buy some wine. The kids can have a freezer tea. I'm playing it forward & am going to try and distract myself

Kittens I've been sober a year and I still regularly turn down invitations but it's more because I don't want to subject myself to fomo. The longer you're AF the more you'll come to realise that a thought is not an action

Thinking about/wanting/craving booze is not a fait acompli - you always have a choice, and you are strong and in charge!

kittensgalore can you order in a favourite takeaway?

Day 6 is over and sobriety won. We had a bbq in the garden and i would like to say it was great but in reality i spent the whole time fighting the witch. But i did and i won. I have come indoors and left the others too it.

@Kittensgalore i hope you got through ok, these are the hardest days and as we face our triggers we need to be firm but kind to ourselves.

@Soberanne that's really great.
This is a really positive step.

@Soberanne @BorderlineHappy @Kittensgalore you’re all doing brilliantly! Hoping @Winenota is too!
Two friends totally independent of each other asked me about being AF today - they’re thinking of having a go. So hope they do as it’s definitely the way forward. Another friend ‘needs’ to stop and I just wish it had been her who’d asked. She’s so much crap going on that’d be halved if not eliminated if she quit. Unfortunately she still believes the lies.

Thanks all, it was so helpful to be able to post yesterday. The Annie Grace experiment had talked about paying attention to your craving and notice them, and actually they will be shorter than you think. And it was, maybe intense desire to get in the car and go buy it for 15-20 minutes and then it lessened again. Don't get me wrong I still have the constant low Level want & thought but as you pointed out @HangingOver a thought is not an action. Another new mantra that really helps.

So onwards and upwards, day 7 for me. The weekend doesn't feel so daunting which is such a good feeling.
Happy Friday everyone.

Oh my goodness why oh why is it rammed down our throats! First email this morning from local ‘what’s on’ local bulletin thing. First line… ‘flirty Friday, grab a long drink and relax into the weekend’; 2nd link ‘brilliant Brunch venues for the best excuse to drink before midday’ , 3rd link ‘great rosé for your BBQ’. Seriously? I actually told it fuck off. I was so annoyed. It’s constant bombardment isn’t it?
Anyway, here’s to Friday and the beginning of another fabulous weekend…

Well done to those that had testing moments and overcame them. Even more cause for the pompoms to come out.

Each time you get a craving or trigger and overcome it or don't answer it then it rewires a bit of your brain and the next time is easier. It's all just brain re-training really. Brain plasticity, it can be remoulded. ( that's my 6 million dollar man moment - showing my age)

Each time you don't drink when you have a thought to (and hanging hits the nail on the head - it's a thought not an action) then you break that link to the only answer being to drink.

You strengthen your resolve every single time, making it easier next time. You are stronger each and every time you hear that thought and choose not to act on it.

And although the thoughts still come up now and again (because let's face it stayingvigilant is right - we are bombarded with adverts) in time the thoughts get....I'm not sure...smaller? Quieter? Not as demanding. And I get more used to saying "no thank you".

I feel that in the early days these thoughts and cravings screamed at me and I had to scream back louder "Fuck off!!" Now, these thoughts quietly ask if it's an option right now, and I can smile and quietly reply "no thanks"

Not always, sometimes a good "fuck off - i don't want a fucking drink you lying bastard" is needed of course.

What's that saying?

"I'm a little bit Zen. A little bit Go Fuck Yourself!" 😇😈

*"I'm a little bit Zen. A little bit Go Fuck Yourself!"
LOVE that!!! Lots of wise words there breathmiller as always.

Morning everyone. I agree its about rewiring the brain so eventuallythe belief is you don't need it rather than you do. I am feeling good today. On taxi service this morning and tonight to no option to drink. Thats the thing my brain is wired to knw that if i have to drive then alcohol is a huge no, f i have to work then alcohol is a no and it doesn't even ask.

@StayingVigilant it's only when you give up alcohol you realise it's everywhere.
Jammed down are throats is right.

And people not taking no for an answer when you say you're not drinking.

I have an "excuse" I'm diabetic ,so another reason I need to give up for good this time.

I agree, adverts, emails, in shops, from other people. Its relentless and i never noticed till i became aware that i was drinking too much and yet cigarettes are hid behind white packaging with no advertising. What a strange world we live in.

It isn't only promoted everywhere, it's encouraged! Our 'dealer' is on the local high street, will deliver straight to our door, has lots of pubs and restaurants where it's widely available!
And if we choose not to partake of their substance, we're called boring. "Oh go on Soph...come to the pub with us after work...you can just have one!" Was on repeat in the staffroom yesterday. No, I didn't go, because I know I wouldn't have had just one! It would have gone one of two ways: Way 1 - I would have stayed firm, drank my Becks Blue/ginger beer/diet coke and been fine for about an hour, whilst everyone else got louder, then wanted to go home (which I couldn't do, because I didn't have car yesterday) - so groups had pre-booked taxis for the evening. So I would have sat there, tired and hot and bored, despite loving my work friends (and they are friends) because they would have got steaming. Or Way 2 - I would have caved, had "just the one" which would have led to a shed full.

We al know you did the right thing soph. Well done you!!

Thanks @StayingVigilant
It was the right decision, a little bit of me was annoyed that I was missing out - it would have been fun (at the time). Some of them would be fine today - there are drinkers who can stop at two or three - I'm not one of them. So I was kicking myself because I can't moderate. I had a little wallow, drank yet more tea, distracted myself and got on with it. When I'm further down the sober line I'm sure I'll be able to manage hours surrounded by drinkers, but I'm not there yet. I can do a lunch time, a couple of hours - fine. Long sessions with friends - nope!
And some of them will still be feeling very rough - I don't envy them. Hangovers fill me with terror. Absolute terror.

Hope you and everyone else on here is ok. Keep going newbies! You are going through the hardest part - don't spoil it - I know it's hard, but keep going, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. It is so worth it!

I've just treated myself to a Nintendo Switch with the money I've saved not buying wine! So excited. When I was reading some of the lovely posts about fun things we did as kids, my first thought was roller skates! God, I loved my roller skates, I spent hours and hours on the cherished things...but I can't get roller skates - the NHS is under enough pressure without me rocking up (rolling up) to A&E within an hour of putting them on, and my kids would disown me for sure - so I got a Switch because I love playing games, and just because...I think I've earned it!

Love to all
We've got this -
Soph x

Enjoy your switch. Great idea.
I know what you mean about long sessions. I’ve not put myself through that either. I’ve done lunchtimes, evenings out but only in small groups of 4/5. Mostly because we’ve been restricted to 6 until recently. I think I’d be ok at a big session now. Not easy but ok. I’m 7 months in so not a newbie but not an old hand either.
I’m in the throes of packing for an overseas holiday. I’m already a bit worried that there’ll be no AF options. We are in a villa so I can check the supermarkets. I wasn’t organised enough to put together an ‘elixir’ like cardigans. The great thing about a villa is I won’t be surrounded by people who drink morning til night! Fingers crossed yesterday’s PCRs come back negative.

Fingers crossed here for you too - what a pain, having to wait on a result just before the holiday. My son in law was pinged yesterday - first day of his holiday - but luckily they were staying at home to do work on their new place, but it's still put a lot of plans on hold. He's in the navy, so it was inevitable really, it's rife in his work place. He's doing daily tests - all negative.

Perhaps you could go to the local supermarkets - get some lovely fruit and juices and fizzy water and make your own 'mocktails'? Would that appeal? Have a lovely time.

Off now to attack the garden!

Soph

Lovely reading all your posts and well done to the newbies @Kittensgalore @Soberanne @BorderlineHappy @Winenota keep going your doing so so well!

I too have been thinking about things I have enjoyed as a kid . I have realised I was such a confident child I really enjoyed dancing , amateur dramatics and performing , roller blading and riding my bike . My confidence really went down hill around the age of 13-14 the time when I started drinking.... coincidence ? I doubt it . I am having to relearn how to be social sober as it's something I have just never done . It's actually proving to be incredibly empowering and I feel I am getting the old me back before alcohol stole my confidence .
I am saying yes to more things , I am going kayaking in a couple of weeks something I would never have done before . I have been looking for a bike to go riding with my son . I have even googled outdoor swimming pools - who even am I anymore ! I am hosting a party today for 6 year olds (it's my ds bday) I'm going to channel some of their energy and innocence following reading this thread .
I am grateful to wake up after a full nights sleep no hangover and ready to enjoy the day .
Enjoy your weekend all.

I went to an actual pub last night with a group of newish friends! They were so sweet and kept volunteering to go to the bar for me and we sat outside to keep away from everyone. Left at the perfect time when people started getting silly and talking about moving onto a nightclub. As I was walking home saw two guys who could hardly stand...the worser off one was doing that walk where you're almost falling forward (if anyone remembers that with a cringe). Then he took his shirt and belt off and crashed into a traffic island and toppled over. Were people always like this or am I only noticing now I'm not one of em?? Urgh so glad I don't have to drink any more.

Day 8 here and doing good

Today i went to the local ice cream shop and bought myself an ice cream. Delicious ice cream but usually i wouldnt buy as i say oh its too expensive on the way to buy a bottle of more expensive wine.

Sobriety is slowly winning i think.

Checking back in after a couple of weeks away and after my slip up at Wimbledon.

Hello to all the even newer members!

I felt really bad after messing up my 5 week AF run but I can happily say that I have been AF since.

Despite my DC having to isolate, then we come out of isolation for the last week at school.... for me to get COVID putting us all back into isolation I am fortunately not too ill but we have another week stuck indoors. I hope being (relatively) AF for the past two months helps with the recovery.

I love hearing about all the things you loved doing as children.

Checking in, it's a Saturday - the day I'm trying to beat, and not even 1% of me wants to drink wine today.

Whoop!

I'm so used to not drinking on all the other days that it doesn't even enter my brain during the week now. And I think it's filtering into the weekend as well.

Also, I've been doing a mix of 5:2 and weightwatchers to lose this poxy stone that's been hanging around and I can really tell it's working.
So the thought of undoing all the hard with wine just seems preposterous at the moment.

I'm also doing the 30 day challenge, the final week I'm on holiday with the family so that really will be a challenge but I'm hoping enough neural pathways have been dusted off from when I was pregnant on the same holiday and I can stick with it.

Having a bit of a wobble.
I can feel the thirst for the alcohol.
But I'm not giving in.
I have plenty of iced water and lemons.
So I'm drinking that

You will be on top of the world in the morning Borderline!!

Well done for sticking to it!

Today is the first Saturday for a month that I'm AF.
I'm finally doing it.

Actually abstinence!!