The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Lovely new thread, thank you @Drybird2020!

I’m Bunnies and I gave up booze a year ago. It was hard to begin with but now it is awesome🤩

Hi everyone! I’m on day 158 today and I’m super chuffed with how far I’ve come.

I’ve been to a restaurant this week for lunch(with no wine) sat in a beer garden(with no wine) and it was all perfectly lovely. I always thought I wouldn’t enjoy it and if I didn’t partake I was missing out. I certainly didn’t miss anything at all. In fact it was better.

I think lockdown 3 was the perfect time for me to deal with my childhood issues and make a choice about how I want to live my life. I do not want to repeat the same mistakes as my parents. And I won’t.

I initially gave myself a 100day target, once I got there I found I didn’t want a drink. My next target is 200 days, however I know I won’t want one then either. I need these targets though, as forever is too far and I think celebrating these milestones really makes you want to press on to the next milestone.

I hope all newbies are finding a way through the first few days/weeks/months. Do what you need to, don’t apologise to anyone for taking this path, look after yourself and try to enjoy all your first sober moments. I promise you that you will have some magical moments. These moments are what’s keeping me sober. I don’t want to miss a day of this new life I have now. And I feel very blessed to have got this far.

Sending virtual love, hugs and kisses to all. Xxx

Hello. I'm just over four months sober after drinking far too much for years. It got quite scary and I could see the pit I was sliding into. My aim is to do 6 months and then try moderation with set rules, but I'm aware a lot of people say that's beyond the reach of someone with a problem. Will be nice to chat with others on the same path.

Hello all you lovelies
I’m on 473 days according to my app. So, so gad to be free! A test favourite tipple is fresh nettle or mint tea in my new glass teapot. DH did dry January and has stayed dry ever since - so he is now going into his 4th month.
I catch up with the thread periodically DryBird2020 we were newbies together, so great to see we are both keeping on, and all the others since who are finding freedom! It is SO worth it

Hey, newbie here! I've been drinking way too much every day over the last year or so. With the support of a local alcohol recovery charity, I have been tapering my drinking and today is the last time I will have wine for several months, possibly ever.

Tapering has been difficult but my support worker thought it was necessary to avoid the risk of seizures. I've had to tip away wine before drinking the rest. I'm there though, and looking forward to a hangover-free weekend!

Thanks for the new thread drybird it’s so supportive and inspiring!
I’m 110 days sober and like NeedSomething have had a number of pub lunches without any alcohol. To be fair it’s been blooming chilly so a cuppa has been lovely. Despite others drinking it’s been ok. Once over the hurdle of deciding what to have its absolutely fine. Peppermint tea or ginger beer have been my go to’s this week.
Huge congrats to Bunnies at a whole year!!!! Welcome newbies & well done joining us here and your new path to freedom.

Place marking for later

Welcome @Catonaroof, well done for tapering. Hangover free weekends are one of my favourite things about not drinking anymore😊 I felt a little worse before feeling better after quitting but even if that happens to you (it might not), there are so many benefits coming your way. Good luck!

Hope you don't mind if I join! I've only been alcohol free for 11 days but finding it great so far.

I was alcohol free for a very long time then started again in November. I thought that I could moderate...I can't. Half a bottle of wine each night and at the weekend a couple of beers on top of that.

I know I'm going to find it tough over the next few months. Focusing on what I gain rather than what I'm losing - obviously I'm also listening to Annie Grace 😉

Here we go again!

Hello! I stopped drinking during the first lockdown last year. Since then I’ve had the very occasional drink - like, one glass of wine every 2 months. My last drink was at Christmas and I didn’t enjoy it at all.

My question is: my best friend is VERY boozy. I’ve missed her like mad and I’m going to go stay with her as soon as overnights are allowed. But how will I get through that without a drink? We were always the type to start on the gin the minute we saw each other, so she’s going to be horrified at the new sober me! Plus I’m scared she’ll feel “judged” if I’m sober and she’s not, even though obviously I won’t judge her as I love her.

Any tips?? I’d drive over there and use that as an excuse but I developed a driving phobia so I can’t.

Good luck @FoxgloveBee, you’ve done it before so you know you can do it!

@ThatOtherPoster many of my friends are quite boozy and our friendships were booze focussed. Many of them have been very supportive, some did need to get used to it but when they realised I was still the same me they easily accepted it. Some have even started drinking less (more alcohol free beer) or have given up altogether!

In my opinion if a friend is really rude or unsupportive about this they are not a real friend, but like I said, I’ve not encountered that behaviour yet.

Here are the links to the previous thread and the very first one, you'll find a link to the second one at the end of it, and so on, if you're in the mood for a marathon!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4117520-Leave-alcohol-behind-and-re-learn-your-life-The-freedom-thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Hi all I’m on day 40 and so far it’s been fine to stop. It’s my dads birthday on Saturday and Believe it or not him and his wife and the type of people who hand you an alcoholic drink the moment you walk in. If you’re not drinking they look at you like and make you feel very uncomfortable. I wonder if that’s why I can’t handle my alcohol.

I know I’ll be able to get out of drinking by driving but I do worry about the future as most of my family and friends have this mentality and make you feel strange for not drinking. I’m sure after the first few times it’ll not bother me but I must admit I almost feel pressure to drink or pretend I’m drinking to avoid the unwanted comments.

Well day one here and feeling good with my coconut kefir drink.

A lot of my socialising is daytime rather than evening, so I'm lucky in that respect. I think if I go to bbqs etc with friends where drinking is expected, I'm just going to have to be honest and say my relationship with alcohol had got too unhealthy so I had to put a stop to it. I'd hope they'd be supportive!

Thanks for new thread and welcome to newcomers - you won't regret it!
4th month for me after 'trying' successfully to do do Dry Jan. No one us more amazed than me that I have come so far. @Needsomethingtoread @StayingVigilant that's good to hear regarding the 'pub' lunches. The return to restaurants is making me a bit anxious. I've no desire to sit outside anywhere so it's not imminent.

I've noticed that most people are really supportive, the only 2 in my circle who have said 'Oh but you'll be having a drink when you/we go out on X occasion etc' are the 2 that drink the most and it's possibly the same as I have said in the past to people who have tried to cut down/stop. It said more about me and how I was feeling about my own drinking.

These threads have been a lifeline.

I find it easy to not drink alcohol when there is no temptation. My partner stopped at the same time as me but has fallen off the wagon three times in two weeks. It's a good incentive for me (although discouraging) because I see how bad he feels in the morning.

I was up early, almost finished cleaning the house and about to do a BodyPump class (virtually), then I'm taking our daughter out for the afternoon. Weekends are so much better without booze and I remember why I stopped in the first place!

Yes, because of the lockdowns my abstinence & friends being ok hasn’t really been tested. The pub lunches I’ve had this week have been with my girls & DH. He will have a glass of wine but would be mortified if I said I’d join in as I’ve done so well. I’ve not been to any occasions since pre xmas when I was drinking. Some friends know and are suprised as I was a party type, life & soul etc. But I think I’ll be like that regardless of alcohol. It’ll depend on the atmosphere. Like Hepzibar it’ll be my booziest friends, which is a reflection of them.
@Longjohn33 could you take a pack of becks blue or Heineken 00 bottles? Crack one open when you arrive and as they’re a bottle people will just assume you’re drinking and leave you be. This is going to be my go to at BBQs and picnics etc as drinking from a beer bottle helps me feel that I’m fitting in.
Again, @ThatOtherPoster I’d take some drinks that are alcohol free but different. Maybe the triple ones - livener, social elixir & night cap. They’re not cheap but nicer than the seedlips. That way you’ll both feel like you (In the singular sense) are drinking. She may fancy trying a few. She’ll probs try, say yuk, and stick to her gin. I think if you can laugh about it it’ll be fine. A true friend will just accept it.
We’ve got the local farmers market this morning. I need to steer DH away from the fancy booze stalls, and towards the fancy olive oils & chutneys! It’s lovely and sunny so a great day for it.
Happy weekend everyone!

Meant to say welcome Foxglove and you now at least know where you’re at with moderation. You can do this!

Wayhey!! Found you all!
Great starter post Drybird2020 or should that be Drybird2020&2021?

Hi to all the oldies, regulars and newbies. I have been dry this time for over 8 months now (ive previously done 18 months) and am so glad of this thread as it has been a great source of support and laughter.

I think when you start doing it you think you will lose out on something and the focus is what you are giving up. It can also be a worry that you will no longer be the life and soul of a party or no fun. And then realise that you are still you. If you were the life and soul type you can still be that, just without the making a complete tit of yourself and the crippling hangxiety the next day. Life is just easier! And lighter! And actually, much more fun. It's all about what I have gained, not what I have lost or given up. I feel I have gained my life back.

Looking forward to supporting in any way I can and feeling that support from you all. Whether you are on year forever or day 1 I get so much from each and every one of you being here.

@ThatOtherPoster I'm usually a fan of making an excuse or not going for full disclosure at the start, until you are more comfortable with not drinking. But in your case, with such a good, old friend, I think I'd have a proper conversation in advance about what you are doing and why.

Not all my friendships have been tested as I live a long way from most of my friends and we haven't been able to meet up in the last year. I'm still telling people, as it comes up naturally. But I find it's easy to say now. I only go into detail if people ask for more, and the main thing is that it's normal now for me not to drink, so I am relaxed about saying so. The angst has gone!

I posted yesterday about going to my dads house and how he would react to me not drinking. Well he said what do you mean you’re not drinking. Of course you’re drinking. When I insisted he said what forever?!?! Him and his wife made me feel like a complete idiot. Wonder why I have a negative relationship with alcohol. I feel so great not drinking but moments like those really test me but more just to fit in not because I actually want to drink.

Well done staying firm, @Longjohn33. A lot of drinkers feel very threatened when someone close to them quits because it shines a light on their own drinking. Perhaps on some level your relatives know they drink too much - their reaction was defensive, it's very common. That's their issue, and they may only be dimly aware of it, or in complete denial. You have identified your issue and you are dealing with it.
Another plus is that you have faced that test for the first time and passed! It's one of the major challenges of early sobriety, letting people know your decision and having to handle their reactions. Next time you have that conversation, you will feel more confident.

@Longjohn33 I should also say, you only need go into it as far as you are comfortable. You don't need to say you plan to be booze free forever if you don't want to, a vague "I'm going to see how it goes" will suffice. You could say you are doing Sober Spring (it's a thing from the Dry Jan people, if you have the Stay Dry app it's in there) and then go from there. That might keep your Dad off your back while you settle in to your new life.

What a lovely post breathmiller
Sorry to hear your father gave you a hard time LongJohn but a drybird says it is no doubt highlighting their own drinking. I recall Annie Grace talking about this in her ‘30 day experiment’. People think ‘she’s giving up? But she doesn’t drink that much’ or ‘I drink as much as her’ or whatever. They think their own consumption is fine therefore yours is. The thought processes often don’t quite go to ‘I need to stop too, then’ but more about you need to carry on. The psychology of drinking is fascinating. Annie Grace talks about it a lot in her podcasts & FB pages.
The farmers market was good yesterday. I managed to steer DH away from the million micro-brewery stalls selling fancy beers, boutique gins and liqueur additions and instead towards hot sauce, meats, & cheese. Couldn’t quite get him to the veggies.

Oh, and I too say a mix of things. Initially it was Dry January but when people ask ‘what, forever?’ Depending on how shocked they appear, I say either ‘yes, I think so’ or ‘I’d really like to do a year’. Having said that, I’ve been absolutely nowhere with anyone other than dog walks so...