The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Hi everyone! I'm loving all the book recommendations! I've been busy with work, hence the silence. Three stressful days, and Wednesdays were wine days. I'm feeling a bit wistful, and keep reminding myself wine wont make the stress actually go away! But I'm not really tempted so that's good.

How the crawdag sings has been my favourite book in a long time. My self care is audio book and long walk.

Oh I also have Where the Crawdog Sings. It's on the list now.
I have so been enjoying less time on my phone. Put it away up in the attic to charge when my son goes to bed at 8.30pm then read my kindle. Then i get straight up inthr morning (without the usual checking my phone first) and up onto my yoga mat in the attic.

Once I establish this routine then I will work on little ways during the day when I can also step away from my phone. What on earth did we do before we had phones?! Got on with a lot more I imagine

Well done at getting through your Wednesday witching hour sunlitdreams

Busy packing for the worrying campervan trip, but here's a few of my favourites.

Where the Crawdads Sing, Deep Country, H is for hawk, My Absolute Darling, Florence and Giles, Rebecca, Brighton Rock, Watching The English, The Once and Future King.

Thanks @Breathmiller, I feel better today. I can add to the recommendations for Where the Crawdads Sing - brilliant book. I also recommend The Beekeepee of Aleppo.

I gave up alcohol in 2018 , ended up in hospital after trying to detox alone .
I knew the risks , I'd been thru it with my ex but I was desperate I had no money or way of getting booze.
I have the occasional non alcoholic wine but it must be 0.0 % , on holiday last year I was given non alcoholic wine in a restaurant but it was 0.5 % so I didn't drink it as oddly enough it smelt of alcohol.

Hi everyone I hope there is room for one more! Currently day 6 AF. Completely dry Jan then went on to do dry Feb, had a few drinks in March/April but no where near the amount I used to drink but I have decided I am now committed to going completely alcohol free! The drinks I had in march/April just reminded me how unhappy alcohol makes my life and I am ready to enjoy my new AF life!

I spent 2 years of my life drinking every single night and although it was usually 1 bottle of wine it started to become a bottle and then a few beers and very quickly I become dependent on it. I was never drunk while drinking or hiding alcohol but I could see it was headed that way. I spent 2 years being riddled with anxiety, being over weight, depressed and constantly dehydrated and all ready this year I have lost 1 stone bringing me down to a healthy weight. But drinking in moderation for me was like walking a tight rope and I know sooner or later I would fall off and slip back into old habits! So cutting out completely brings me relief and excitement!

Anyway got to go and do a school run so will be back later on! Happy Friday everyone

Welcome @Kindleandacuppa we are always pleased when new people join🤩 It’s great that you’ve realised being AF works for you. I’ve decided the same for me😊

Nice to see everyone recommend Where the crawdads sing. It’s on my list!

Hope you all are well, and are enjoying the weekend...

I too read a lot - got my partner to move the telly into the garage last October. Now my evenings are now much more restful and enjoyable: I read and catch up with friends and try to get to bed early.

Not watching the telly in the evenings has made me much happier/calmer and is what I need.

I read traditional books and via the Kindle App, averaging 2-3 books a week. I would love a Kindle though... I seem to spend a lot of time looking at authors, increasing my wish list of books to buy, and buying books

Hope everyone is well. I'm enjoying the book recommendations, my contribution would be The Binding. It was so original, I enjoyed it a lot.

I'm not 'struggling' as such but a bit disheartened at the moment. During dry jan I felt the benefits more obviously, plus it had the novelty challenge factor.

Now I don't think about drinking on a daily basis and am certainly out of the habit. But when the situations come up where a drink would be most enjoyable (a crisp white wine on those first sunny days of the year etc) I feel flat and disappointed. And it makes me question whether I could moderate if I tried.

But I know that I had a week in February and a week in March where I attempted it and just couldn't.

On the more positive side, I met a friend of a friend this week for the first time and they'd been in the beer garden already for a couple of hours. And I realised how hard work drunk people are to talk to and am grateful not to be the one repeating myself and not really listening anymore.

Do you get to a point when you're not bothered in those hardest types of situations?

If so, how long did it take? Tell me by Christmas please! 🙏

@boozynamechange that took me a little while, I can’t remember how long (maybe a few months?) but I’m honestly not bothered anymore. Last Christmas was my first sober Christmas and the best Christmas yet!!! Now I actively enjoy not drinking at celebrations, as I can be fully present and feel great the next day!

I have a weekend away with friends coming up, no doubt it will be boozy for them but I’m already looking forward to NOT drinking, not being hungover the next day and being able to go for a nice long run in the morning! Never thought I would write these words ever as I loooved my wine (and being tipsy), but there you go!

Hi @boozynamechange, great question. I'm only 17 days AF, and I'm feeling good and positive, but I'm really conscious I've not been tested in a social situation yet! I seem to have a dialogue running in my head whenever I get that " it's sunny, a glass of wine would be nice " thought, in which I then argue myself out of it, by reminding myself of all the benefits of being AF and that the perceived benefits of alcohol are an illusion and I don't need it to have a good time. It seems to work, but I'd love not to have the constant internal chatter!

Welcome boozynamechange

That has gotten so much easier as time passes. I started in August last year and didn't find it and issue by Christmas but it wasn't my first time on the carousel. A few longing looks at the bottle of red wine then the thought passed and I enjoyed the day. I also had an amazing 50th birthday last year booze free.

I find that the thought of it is worse than the actual day to be honest. I wonder how I will be and how I will manage then it's not such an issue at the time.

On the moderating front, it took me a few tries to get my head around that I just can't do it.

I have done many dry Januaries and various other months off. And even an 18 month stint (with 2 drinks on Christmas and boxing day in the middle) and each time I went back to drinking I would moderate for a bit then it either crept up again or something happened (hello first lockdown and my mother going into a home in said lockdown) and I monumentally nosedived off a cliff. So, can I moderate? Yes, for a little while. Then my old patterns resurface when I am faced with a challenge or just with time.

I found out yesterday a dear friend has cancer and I realised how easy it would be to have gone and fallen into a vat of wine at the news. But I have made new patterns and new things that help me at the moment. Some healthy as in speaking to my dh and letting him comfort me and some not so healthy like comfort eating a huge takeaway and then crisps. But, hey, it's not alcohol. And I feel I will be in a much better place to support my friend when I haven't fallen into a deep well of self pity and loathing due to drinking.

Anyway, Welcome and well done for joining this merry tribe.

Well done on your 17 days sunlitdreams yes, these thoughts that go through our head are funny old things aren't they? I keep reminding myself they are just thoughts though. I don't need to act on them.

I am having a rather chilly bbq today and looking forward to my nosecco and pink lemonade. And the ability to go see my mum in her nursing home for the first time since November tomorrow without a hangover.

I am watching a Finnish programme called The Man in Room 301 just now and there is a main character who is an alcoholic. There was another character who was just sitting with a cold glass of wine and I suddenly thought "ooh that looks nice- i could do that!" But that wouldn't be me. I wouldn't just have one. When I played the video forward I realised I had much more in common with the character with a drink problem. And that if I didn't do what I'm doing now I could have easily gone down that route in life. Maybe in truth I went down it further than I like to admit sometimes. So. I will enjoy my nosecco and be happy with my decision.

I am sorry to hear about your friend @Breathmiller .

Touch wood, I have made it through all the “firsts” ok so far. There are sometimes twinges of regret but they don’t last for long. I can always find something bubbly and cold that isn’t alcoholic and #reclaimtheglass. It has been so lovely rediscovering Friday nights (and Saturday mornings 😀) that the idea of risking throwing it all away, and then having to do it all again, doesn’t appeal. And let’s face it, I’m 54 and have spent literally decades trying to moderate. The odds of me actually managing it are low enough to make it not worth trying.

Self care for me normally involves the sofa, a cup of tea and some knitting, or my guitar and/or Netflix. Or a bit of yoga in an empty house (that one’s harder). Book wise I have a scribd subscription so always have plenty of books and audio books queued up. I’ve just finished gorging on women adventurer stories and am now listening to Eleanor Oliphant is Perfectly Fine.

A warm hello to everyone marginally newer than me.

@Blackberryblossom - any women adventurers you particularly recommend? I enjoy reading those kinds of stories myself.

I've just go through my first campervan weekend AF. It really wasn't bad at all, and was affected far more by the cold weather than the lack of cold alcohol. Unfortunately I slept badly again though, on both nights, and I'm feeling a little sorry for myself that I've not been rewarded by nights of lovely deep sleep yet. As my hangovers were more a massive feeling of tiredness the next day, I feel rather like I'm still getting them, without the booze, which seems deeply unfair. I'll be a month AF on May 6th so it's early days, I suppose. And there's giving up Nytol to add into the equation.

Talking of which, would any of the old hands be able to give a timeline? When you started sleeping better, when you felt comfortable with drinking friends, when you lost weight, when your skin looked like a twenty year old's, when you went a day without thinking about drinking... Anything you can think of that might help people going through the process to know that better things are coming.

Happy bank holiday everyone!
So sorry to hear about your friend breathmiller sending love!
In all honesty cardigan my sleep is still a bit rubbish; I still look 50; have gained weight and have no idea what it’ll be like ‘drinking’ with friends. But I really truly don’t think about! I’m (just let me check sober app) 136 days AF. Regardless of the sleep, skin & weight not improving I know it won’t if I drink. I’m not missing drinking so I’ve no reason to add it. I do need to turn off the phone at bedtime rather than faff about then I’d at least go to sleep at a reasonable time. I dont wake early anymore, but don’t feel rested either. I’m constantly tired. And hungry!! I’ve had a lot going on with my eldest DD and her mental health, which I think is probably having a detrimental effect on me.

@CardiganOfDoom here are some, I’d love to hear your suggestions too.

Anna McNuff - any of them. Pants of Persoective, Llama Drama, 50 shades of the USA.
Susan Lacke Life’s Too Short to Go So F*cking Slow (does have a very sad bit)
Felicity Cloake One More Croissant for the Road ( I always want to call this one Tour de Croissant)
Cheryl Strayed Wild
Kate Harris Land without Borders

I’m just finishing Emily Chappell Where’s There’s A Will. I absolutely loved Jools’ Walker back in the Frame too, though that is more about women and cycling and less about adventure.

Re when good stuff starts to happen. For me it was more the case that alcohol was getting in the way of other good stuff happening. When I stopped drinking it was much easier to stick to a diet, and the weight came off very steadily. It’s staying off too. My hrt started working much better. I guess alcohol was interfering with it somehow. The hrt worked better so I slept better, far fewer hot flushes. I drink more water because it’s somehow easier now, and the dark circles under my eyes are improving. Exercise is easier because I have more energy and I weigh less. I suppose it’s a virtuous circle.

Do you listen to podcasts? The Tough Girl podcast has some really good interviews.

Hi all, can I join? I'm on Day 1 (!) after moderating failed to work again recently! I did Dry Jan but then the wine habit crept back up again as ever. I decided last night that I'm done with it so it's sobriety proper for me from now on! Scary but exciting. I'm looking forward to rediscovering the real AF me.

Joining this thread 👋, I'm trying for long term sobriety, currently 64 days AF. I previously did a year AF, but caved on a work trip to Italy and convinced myself I could moderate moving forwards. The past 2 years I've been drinking more and more, especially during the stress of work/home schooling in lockdowns.

I've decided to clean up my act and feeling really good so far. I feel like slipped back into AF life much easier second time round. Great sleep, more energy, I'm also suffer from chronic pain and feel my body has been loads better this past month in particular. I feel more hopeful of reducing my pain management drugs longer term.

Read quite a lot of quit lit first time round, so reading Alcohol Explained 1/2 at the moment. The author William Porter does a free Friday night live session on Facebook which is good to ask questions, he often has guests on too.

Hi all, I’ve been away from the thread for a while so good to see everyone doing well and congrats to the people just starting out, I’m on day 169, I had a bit of a wobble when I got to five months as around then has always been when I’ve gone back to drinking but I got through it, congrats on the milestones you’ve all got to whether that’s the first weekend or a year!

Welcome to New people. I've been away too Dileen. It's a sign of the times that at six months now I don't fine myself needing the threads like I did before. Its quite amazing really that I was reading here daily and quit lit etc every single day and now I'm down to the odd scroll and podcast. I read Kate Guns book it's very good doe anyone looking for brand new quit lit called the accidental soberista.

Anyone new here do read back over the threads a couple of months, so much good advice and experience here that is lost in old threads that should really be pinned on the forum somewhere!!

@Cartooner same here. I devoured every thread and post in early days, not only was it great support it was also a comfort to identify with others going through same. I ticked off the days on the App daily, being astonished that I had managed another day. Often I looked at that App throughout the day too!

I hoping it's a good sign that I don't need the threads as much and haven't checked the app either.

For me, starting Dry January was a life saver and that so many others were doing the same kept me going. I thought if they can do it, so can I. And I did.