The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Feeling bleurgh in general today about life. Got friends coming round for a bbq this afternoon, old drinking friends and finding it has thrown me a bit.
It's not that I want to drink, quite the opposite. I just want to quietly NOT drink. I don't feel in the mood to have to explain or justify my choices and it might end up like that. Had a good chat with dh and he is really supportive of me which helps.

Going to buy a few different AF drinks. One of them is driving anyway so maybe she will join me. And of course they might have changed as well and not drink as much. But I definitely have some tricky thoughts around it all.

I think in general I'm feeling a bit bleurgh anyway, not slept well this last few days due to kids and cats so I'm probably just grumpy. And I heard of someone I know's death this week and it's thrown me more than I thought. And a good friend waiting on results is also worrying me.

I have to admit to having a few worries about everything opening up again although I have generally been looking forward to it. Not worried about covid or not drinking necessarily but just the busy-ness of life again. Socialising a lot more again. It seems....exhausting. I might need to protect my energy a bit. I tend to get over excited like a labrador puppy and say yes to everything. I need to make sure I take time out too.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

sunlitdreams love the name change. And your sober wardrobe malfunction made me laugh.

Hi @Breathmiller, sorry you are feeling a bit unsettled and it sounds like there's quite a lot going on for you now. I'm wondering/hoping that with socialising it will all seem a little easier after the first few times. I hope you can enjoy your BBQ and don't feel scrutinised or pressured. Wuth any luck, noone will really notice, and in anycase you don't have to explain your choices to anybody!

Thanks sunlitdreams . I'm probably just grumpy from lack of sleep. I can't for the life of me understand why everyone including the cat can't just go to bed, go the fuck to sleep and stay that way until morning " . See!? Grumpy! 🤣🤣

Had a brilliant time this afternoon. I had no need to worry. It was discussed but in no way judged, in fact just accepted with interest. Blokes got a bit pissed and the other woman and I had nosecco and punk lemonade. Great afternoon with old friends.

All grumpiness vanquished.

My Aussie dh does do a fantastic bbq. He says it's in the blood.

Haha. Punk lemonade.

Well done @Breathmiller that’s so great to hear.

I’ve lost count of my alcohol free days but today it has been 3 months since I last smoked, I’m really pleased with that.⭐️

Hello everyone, just checking in on this lovely shiny new thread. Thank you @Drybird2020 for setting it up.

Good to see so many familiar names here and welcome to all the new posters too. This thread is brilliant for inspiration and support.

I am on day 167, though I keep forgetting to check the app, which I thought would never happen. I am 54 and on hrt after a full hysterectomy. Life is so much better without the alcohol - sleep skin weight etc but the best thing is the increase to my confidence. Once I knew that I could stop drinking I realised that I could do other things too, or at least have the confidence to try. I love that I can get in the car at any time now. I realised at a sports presentation for my daughter that the fact that it was on a Friday at 7pm was neither here nor there, whereas old me would have had to consciously avoid alcohol in order to drive there and would have been pouring something as soon as we got back.
Congratulations to everyone for hanging in there, and a big hand hold to anyone who’s struggling with the early days and weekends. It does get better. Can I say a big thank you to whoever it was who mentionned the Lidl own brand 0% lager on the old thread? It’s a perfect easy lager for warm days and really cheap 😀 Best thing is that my husband doesn’t really like it so there’s always some for me.

Well done with the cigs @BunniesBunniesBunnies blooming great news!
So pleased your Bbq went well breathmiller & blew away the grumps. My DH does an awesome BBQ & an Aussie so I’ll vouch for ‘it’s in the blood’. Also does mean soufflés & pavlovas! Hence my waistline.
Ah sunlit maybe that’s where I’m going wrong. I need to get decent tonic it seems I think mine is crappy Tesco’s 🙄
I had ‘social elixir’ from Three Spirits today with ginger ale. Really nice but it’s not cheap.
I’m realising that now the sun is appearing I do rely on the AF alternatives.

Well here's a revelation! I'm up, dressed, cleaned a batheo9m, mopped the floors and vacuumed. Previously I'd normally still have been in bed nursing my hangover! I still get the " I'm missing out" feeling, but I'm trying to counter t with all the things I'm gaining - more energy, better skin, brighter eyes and no guilty smuggling of wine bottles into the recycling bin hoping the neighbours don't see me . Hope everyone is doing ok this morning.

Well done on the fag free time bunnies
It's amazing how drinking alcohol takes up so much headspace then then not drinking seems so encompassing to begin with. Then once you feel a bit more established in it you can address other stuff.
I am getting my house in order. And taking control of my eating and general health. I just seem to have so much more space for other things.

That’s great @Breathmiller, I’m impressed you’re getting your house in order! I’m not quite there yet😜

I agree so much with what you say. It’s taken me a while to address my other issues (to begin with I was completely focussed on not drinking) but I now have so much more energy to devote to other other areas of my life.

Hope all the newbies are hanging in there and had a nice sunny weekend without booze.

Hi Newbie on day 38 here. I think that I was really ready for making the change. Was getting into the sky mouthfuls of alcohol when partner had popped out of room/house etc, disposing of empty bottles in public recycling...

I remind myself that alcohol is a poison, and it slowly (or not so slowly) ruins your health/internal organs...

Sly even

Wow, well done @WarmFunKindStrong! 38 is amazing, and I very much like your username - you are certainly strong. Are you noticing many benefits yet?

[smile]@BunniesBunniesBunnies...I have noticed that I just feel better: the dark circles under my eyes need less concealer, I feel less worried about what alcohol might be doing to my health, and dare I say it: I love whenever I fill out a form asking about alcohol consumption and I can tick the nil box.

That last point keeps me going. And it (not drinking poisonous alcohol) will become my new normal.

It does feel almost like that already.

Wow well done @WarmFunKindStrong you are doing great!!! I haven’t had to fill out any forms asking for my alcohol consumption yet, I look forward to that & no longer feeling the need to ly/minimise😂

Welcome WarmFunKindStrong I also love your name.
38 days is great. Well 39 now I presume.

I am doing a new meditation course with my teacher and she said something interesting that might resonate with some of you.
She was talking about the breath, letting go, cleansing with the out breath and the nourishing qualities of the in breath. Standard yoga stuff, all good.

But she mentioned that sometimes we focus on the out breath (which has fantastic benefits to the nervous system) because we are focusing on what we have to let go of. But we also need to allow the in breath to help teach us that we are worthy of accepting lovely nourishing practices in. I realised that I do indeed focus on what I need to let go of. Which is great in terms of letting go of alcohol.
But as well as the letting go of negative behaviours or things that no longer serve me, I also have to utilise that space I've given myself, to give myself permission, to allow myself to feel worthy if you like of lots of beautiful nourishing practices in life.

I know some of you have taken up running, or maybe yoga or meditation. We've also talked about the tools we can use for a bit of self care when we would have normally reached for booze.

But I thought it might be nice for us to name something you can do to show how you are worth being cared for and nourished.

My self care and worthiness practice has been allowing myself time to go to yoga and meditation workshops for me. And not feeling guilty about the time I give myself doing that.

flicks hair back seductively "because I'm worth it!"

What's your L'Oréal shampoo and conditioner moment?

Hi @WarmFunKindStrong, I'm new here too.

@Breathmiller - I'm so pleased you ended up enjoying your weekend. I must admit that your initial post really chimed with me as I had a pretty bad weekend. I just felt low and depressed without the magic fairy dust that a drink sparkles onto my relationship and the fun we don't seem to have so much now. I know that a few of you said that you got through this, so I'm hanging on. It didn't help that I didn't sleep well on the Friday or Saturday nights, and was as exhausted the next day as I ever was after drinking. I used to take Nytol every night which helped me sleep despite the alcohol, but it seemed appropriate to stop that too.

As for self-care moments, I like a good, absorbing Kindle book and the time to read it.

I'm also allowing myself any alcohol free drink I fancy at the moment, as I'm sure we're saving enough money to afford it! I'm enjoying the process of tasting and deciding which drinks will be in my fridge in future. I've got a thread on it if anyone would like to join in.

Woops. Wrote out a post and lost it.

I have started reading on my kindle again instead of reading my phone in bed so any suggestions would be great.

I love an AF alternative so I'll go find your thread.

What sort of things do you like to read?

Erm...I'm not very sure

At the moment I am reading a novel based around yoga. I do tend to read a lot of yoga and meditation philosophy books but that's for 'work'.
I love a novel that isn't that. Lastly year I read more. I read...
The Art of Hearing Heartbeats
The Tattooist of Auscwitz and Cilkas Journey.

This Beautiful City.
Station 11.
The Offing. (Which I loved)
I tried Girl, Woman, other but couldn't get into it.
I'll try to remember others.

Welcome, @WarmFunKindStrong, what a good start!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Breathmiller I love to read about all the ways in which you continue to smash it. When I first read quit lit about how the benefits of alcohol free living continue to multiply I couldn't quite see how that could be true, but I see it in my own life and in you lot too.

I read A LOT! Thrillers are my guilty pleasure, I just read Louise Candlish's The Third Passenger, currently 99p in the kindle store. Her books have a label of "Property Noir" which I find highly entertaining. If you're a secret Rightmove addict like me, they will ring your bell. I also get a twinge of schadenfreude that I no longer have anything to do with the London property market (apologies to London-dwellers).

@Breathmiller what did you make of station 11? At the time I wasn't overwhelmed but I keep having thoughts about it some time later. If you like a bit of post-apocalyptic I can recommend The Wall by John Lanchester. I'm going to check out some more books from your list!

@Breathmiller - you reminded me that I bought The Offing and never read it. I have a habit of buying when there's an offer and losing things in the depth of my Kindle. Will bump it up the queue now, and will also check my favourites category for some recommendations.

@Drybird2020 - I like a thriller when I really, really need to be absorbed into a book. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll take a look.

Actually, without checking, I can remember that I loved Educated by Tara Westover. It's an autobiography about a woman who escapes her survivalist religious upbringing, and she writes really well.

This weekend, DH and are are taking the camper van away for the weekend for the first time since last autumn. Usually this is chance to sit around a campfire drinking and chatting, so it will be interesting to see how it pans out without alcohol. I don't think I've ever had a sober night in the camper!

Oh my daughter suggested Educated too. I'll make it next on my list. I also have many lurking around that I hadn't got round to starting so found Cornershop and started that last night.