Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

I thought it would be okay to stop too but today I was reading loads of advice that if it’s over a bottle you should never just stop.....oh I’m all confused.

@Flowersinthefireplace how about cutting back to a bottle a night for the next 3 nights... only but a bottle so there’s no more to drink once that’s finished each night...then after Wednesday buying the equivalent of 2/3rds in smaller bottles (if you buy a whole big bottle the temptation is to drink it all)... then after Saturday have a few days of just one, if you need to... then stop? In that way you will have detoxed down and you can put to side any worry

I have to say though that my post above is just an idea... I can’t do that.. I’m better at just stopping s once I’ve had one I keep going with what I can get my hands on... though I haven’t drunk to passing out for some time. It’s so sad, this obsession with drinking. I’m so tired of it but it’s been part of me for so long. That’s why reading the stories of those of you that have managed it is exactly what we need... it different matter the quantities that were drunk... it’s the impact it has on our lives, thinking, behaviour and health.

Congratulations @SophocIestheFox ! Brilliant achievement. I was so inspired by what you said a couple of pages back, alcohol is indeed a drug with great marketing... thank you for making me think.

that alcohol is just a drug with great marketing and broad social acceptance.

• that alcohol takes far more than it gives.

@Cartooner - I love the idea of revisualising the future Italy trip to include coffee rather than wine. It gave me hope that I can manage occasions like birthdays simply by thinking ahead about how I’d like them to go.

@Horlicks4me - how are you? @100PercentMe how is your husband?

Hello to everyone who is delurking/starting. It really does get easier.

Up and down a bit here. Like everyone, I’d like a bit more certainty around school. I suppose I’m a bit worried that schools closing will send me back into that spiral of drinking too much, eating too much, not exercising enough that I was in during the spring and summer last year. I’ve worked so hard over the last few months to lose the lockdown weight (and pre-lockdown too to be honest). I need to keep up with my sensible eating, my not drinking and my regular walking and yoga even if/ when I end up home schooling again. I know now that alcohol will not help me cope, but future me needs to be sure of that too. I’m trying to keep the positive momentum by sorting through all the stuff in my den and my wardrobe. I am also feeling a small glow of achievement from finishing a bottle of Seedlip and a bottle of Wilfred’s, and knowing that two months ago they’d have been empty gin bottles. Oh and far fewer wine bottles in the recycling boxes because none of them are mine!

How long was it in to not drinking that it started to feel like Yes.. I can do this and it feels better?

@LavenderBee I think that will be really different for everyone, but for me personally it probably took a few weeks to start feeling like I could “do it” this time. I’ve had ups and downs but now I’m 8 months in it’s totally second nature (mostly!), I have broken all the associations with booze so I think of it much less.

This is perhaps controversial but I tell myself that if I really want to, I can drink. I just don’t want to at the moment.

Early up and out here, day 3. Palpitations but otherwise am physically ok. Hair and skin are rubbish. Still feel like if anyone asks how I am I'll cry so hopefully I can steer any such conversations. I slept better too, but with vivid dreams.

Thank you again so much for the welcome and the wise words, I am very grateful to have this thread.

Day 9 for me today. Feeling ok and have a few days off work which helps as work is massive trigger for my “drinking to relax”. Have managed to get out every day and walk which definitely helps with my mood and feeling like I’m taking care of myself. @vanitythynameisnotwoman I recognise those feelings-the weepiness etc. But I had started to feel like that when I was drinking too! I’m actually feeling much steadier emotionally in the last couple of days. Early days I know but it will pass and the support here helps.

Morning!
I am pleased and proud to say that I had a lovely AF birthday yesterday. Only 4 days in but feeling strong.
Have a great day everyone.

Congratulations, @SophoclesTheFox!!!! I knew you would 😁 I enjoyed reading your reflections too, and you're spot on about the drug with great marketing and social acceptance, I'm going to use that one!

I've been reading through all my posts on here since I started. It's an interesting way to review the year and shows how far we've come, @BunniesBunniesBunnies, there was a time when we were both a weeping mess and when I read your posts now, my phone screen has multicoloured sparks flying out of it!

So, vanity, @LavenderBee and everyone... Hang in there. The first month is really tough and you need to be gentle and generous with yourself. I like what Claire Pooley says about treating yourself like a toddler, with food, sleep and distractions. Read her book if you haven't already.

I won't lie, the first month is tough. Take a b vitamin complex, read some quit lit, line up some audio books or books for your kindle or maybe actual paper books. Drink more water and soft drinks than you could possibly have imagined. This will help with cleansing your system, and pretty much every bodily function you can imagine.

If you want to see immediate results, download the try dry app and it will tell you how many units, calories and pounds you have saved. Post on here, even if you're not saying much, it keeps you honest. I didn't miss a day between January and April, it really helped in the first tricky bit. It got easier by increments.
And you might feel awful. Regrets, self recrimination, embarrassment, have nowhere to hide now. I'm afraid it's like the bear hunt - you have to go through it. And then in time you let go of it and begin to forgive yourself.

Happy Birthday @FreshStart56 🎂!! And congratulations on making it a sober one to remember x

blackberryblossom I am also trying to work out how I'm going to keep fitting in yoga and walking/ running with homeschooling and DH- it has to be done as it does make you feel better and more 'capable' doesn't it? DH is slowly getting there, but it will take time.

To those of you who are new and still drinking- I am saying this in a lighthearted way- I am finding your talking about it slightly triggering, but that is my problem and I'm breathing through it But can you try and stop soon, or start a moderation thread I can heartedly recommend Allen Carr and Jason Vale for stopping, they switch your brain off alcohol like a lightbulb.

I'm still going to lurk but am finding everyone so inspiring and it's nice to see new people here too.

I bought a key decoration to hang o n my tree this year representing my sobriety (unlocking my future freedom type symbol) and one I will hold on to for years. I've also decided to buy the key necklace from tiffanys when I get to a year (not the gold one).

So when last night I found the key decoration smashed on the ground by my oreschooler I had a moment. Just sharing, I cannot have nice things living in a house with 5 males!!!

Im in. Always do dry Jan but congratulate myself by going back to part-dependency the rest of the year. Looking forward to 100 days off. Like underworld. 💪🏻

Can I be a bit of a smart arse and say that those dwelling on homeschool as a possible gateway to drinking again - try not set yourself up for failure by giving the thought too much energy. I know home School is hard but also think parents in UK are a lot more full on about it than where I am, that's my observation I may be wrong , yes it's very full on particularly if both parents working- a bloody nightmare- but our school kept telling us harmony at home is vital and not to let homeschool cause upset, that it's not worth that. Stay strong!

@Cartooner wise words! We've heard from school today and they are far better prepared this time round - dd will have had more online lessons by the end of this week than she had in the whole lockdown last time. I realised after writing that post last night that it's up to me how to engage with and respond to home schooling, and that this time round I can choose to do it differently.

I have just booked my first cycle refresher training session - next Wednesday. I'd never have had the confidence before stopping drinking.

@LavenderBee - it took a few weeks, or more accurately a few weekends. Once I'd done a couple of dry Friday evenings I knew I could do more. I had to change how I thought about "soft" drinks too, so that I wasn't seeing sobriety as the poor relation. I think the early days and weeks are the hardest. That said I'm only on day fifty something here and haven't really had many tests of my will power in the real world. The Try Sober app is very helpful, it was surprising how satisfying it is to mark off each dry day.

Checking in, day 3. Hoping for a better sleep tonight, last night I was up for a pee at least 4 times! I didn’t even drink that much water during the day! I’m actually looking forward to being dry this lockdown, I’m going to try and concentrate on eating well and improving my 5k running time. I’m contemplating buying some seedlip for Friday and Saturday night because the first few days back at work are going to be rough. I’ve had a really good read through the threads and they’re so inspiring. I’m also re reading some sober lit I had from the last time I went af which is also keeping me motivated.

Wow, so busy on here. I’ve a lot to read and catch up.

Hello to everyone new.

@Cartooner such a shame your key decoration was broken, I like the idea of having a symbol to represent sobriety. A Tiffany’s necklace to mark a year will be really special.

@FreshStart56 belated birthday wishes

@SophocIestheFox congratulations on your soberversary! I totally relate to the noise in your head and the waking up sweaty at 3am. I don’t miss that at all! A year is an amazing achievement.

I just paused to listen to the announcement. It’s like watching the news announcement on a disaster movie. I feel sick. Will have to read and catch up later.

I hope everyone is OK after today's crappy news.

@100PercentMe, it's not you, it can be triggering to read about cutting down and although @Flowersinthefireplace had a valid question about her position and the safety of suddenly stopping, I can see how it would have been hard for you to read that conversation. Please don't feel that you need to make light of a really important point. In this case it seemed important for flowers to get an answer but in general I think it better that conversations about active drinking take place off thread. Hope you are both OK.

Morning all, like @Drybird2020 I hope everyone is okay after the news last night. What a shitshow!

As a young family with 2 working parents we like many people will be finding it very tough. The shutting down of gyms and swimming pools is also a blow to my mental health.

But!!! We can still run, and I do still run, which is a huge, huge, huge source of support for me.

I’ve also started to meditate daily, just briefly. To begin with I found it extremely boring but I’m starting to see why it is so effective.

I do hope everyone is okay. These times are so tough and everyone has their own challenges. Big hug.

I went for an hour long walk last night. I'm lazy by nature but forced myself out the door as I never regret it, I listened to a very inspiring podcast and came back new. I walk through housing estates too so nothing inspiring around here but the fast walking is so important. I was walking an embarrassing 4k steps a day recently. When I was commuting precovid it forced me to walk at least 40 minutes a day and I do exercise classes but never replaced the walk. So glad I'm back at it. It was icy the other night but I did a half hour and walked on grass when I could.

Keep the chin up everyone. I am dreading homeschooling 4 while negotiating work but already spoke to HR and felt supported after the call, there's a realism kicking in that people cannot be expected to keep balls in the air this time and children will not be the ball that is dropped.

Really feeling for those of you with children today. @Cartooner homeschooling 4 makes me feel tired just thinking about it! @BunniesBunniesBunnies the running positivity is wonderful, hope you too get on ok with your children home.

I'm not able to run - lots of lower leg orthopaedic surgery - walk with a stick - but I can still meet someone for a walk and it looks like I can travel the 10 minutes on a bus to get to the park, or like Cartoon can walk round the streets. No grass and icy tho but that won't be continuous. So am thinking about what I can do.

Work looks busy today and I have my church small group tonight when I get in so that's to look forward to.

Sending hugs to those struggling with how to cope with this

I don't start back to work till Thursday but my chest is feeling tight on how to juggle it all. I haven't been able to get out walking never mind running as the streets are all iced up here so cabin fever is setting in.

Second the daily meditation though @bunniesbunniesbunnies. I use the Calm app for 10 minutes a day. I haven't done yoga for a wee while so going to try and get back into that.

I am also going to try and stay away from social media, including Mumsnet. This thread as been a lifeline for me but I recognise that I spend far too long on here when I could be helping myself in other ways. Maybe there's an app I can get which is this thread only and bars the rest of Mumsnet!

Good luck to everyone , we'll do this!

I struggled for the first time yesterday, but stayed strong and had an early night. Can I advise people to stay away from some of the corona virus threads? After yesterday's news there were so many people saying that they were giving up on Dry January because of Lockdown. Whilst I agree that it is stressful it was triggering to hear and it took every ounce of my strength not to cave in. So glad that I didn't today.

Interesting isn’t it that dry January suddenly seems unachievable for some folks? I understand it but know for me drinking will increase my anxiety and stress, contribute to poor sleep and demotivate me when it comes to exercise and walking which is good for me! The last proper lockdown was a trigger for me to stop drinking as I didn’t like feeling as though I needed to drink to manage my stress. Anyway I’ll still be here plodding on with the rest of you who are keeping dry in the wet!