Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Not insensitive Cartooner - I am so sorry for your loss. I just have no frame of reference for placing it, I am just somewhere outside a place where the future can be seen as anything other than torture. Although I do a good job of pretending I can feel normal human emotions like hopefulness to others, I think the best I can aim for is that some day I find life tolerable. I’d rather be dead but I have responsibilities.

I only miss drinking because at least I was mostly numb or distracted by physical hangover symptoms then.

@ColdWaterTherapy things sound so tough for you, I know there’s nothing any of us can do for you but we are thinking of you and happy to listen.

Please can I join?

I've been a binge drinker since 16. Sick of it. 15 days AF now. Last major bing was 2 weekends ago when I lost my grandad xx

Welcome @Borisjohnsonshairbrush!

I’m so sorry about your grandad, you must miss him so much.

Massive well done on day 15. You’ve made a great decision, life is so much better without booze😊

So sorry things are so tough ColdWaterTherapy, hope you can find a way to keep going. Not sure if it's helpful but when I was going through a rough time my GP prescribed a mild sedative to take at night so I could at least sleep. It made the days more bearable when running on empty. Ashwaganda is a good supplement for anxiety and low mood. I find the Pukka and Yogi teas quite comforting too.

Welcome BorisJohnsonshairbrush!

Please may I join? Day 53 here. Don't miss it at all which is lovely. Hoping this is permanent.

I worried that after lockdown I would go back to old ways after going out but as DH drinks every evening I am around alcohol still and fine with saying no.

I have a lovely group of friends though who are big drinkers and I think they will pressurise me, we go away every year (not last though) and one of them (the one I don't know very well) jokingly said I couldn't come if I didn't drink. It was a joke but I wonder if it had an underlying message.

Day 4 for me, so happy I am doing this. Doing ok so far. Taking ages to get to sleep but it’s worth it.

@Pepper54 well done- day 4!
Sleep, waking up with a banging headache and feeling grumpy was how I felt in the first few weeks. My body must've been overloaded with toxins and poison so it took some getting rid of. Stick with it - it gets better

Welcome @cameocat! A few of my lovely friends are big drinkers but fortunately my sobriety hasn’t changed the friendships. Hopefully it will be the same for you (though your friend’s comment was really lame! I hope they feel silly about saying that!)

I have a bit of catching up to do as haven’t been on here for a while. I’m suddenly at 65 days. I’m sure last time I looked it was around 40. So freshstart think at a certain point you count less. I still gave the I am sober app but no longer pledge or comment, just have a glance at the number of days when I remember.
Hopefully your friend is just been insensitive cameocat. It’s the kind of stupid thing I’d have said especially if I thought your stopping was just temp and not serious. Simply not thinking and because drinking was so entrenched with all my social activities. To friends that have said similar I’ve replied that ‘I’ll be drunk on their company’. Meaning it’s them I enjoy & not getting pissed with them won’t alter that.
I mentioned to my dad that I’d not drink anything over Xmas and he (who’s not much of a drinker) said ‘crikey, how dull are you?’ It was a thoughtless comment. He quickly back tracked when I said that I hoped there was more to my personality than that.

What has rattled me a bit is that DH and I have been invited to 4, yes 4! virtual wine tasting events. As a non-drinker there’s absolutely no way to be involved so he’s done them without me. They’re not run by proper friends. One was instead of our usual street xmas party, another by a social/activity type club, the other two were business related. I felt very excluded but couldn’t really say anything.

Thanks @StayingVigilant I think you're probably right.

I've had it for years from DH when I say oh I'm not drinking tonight I'll drive etc (even when a lift is on offer) and he'll say how boring I am etc.

Does the I am sober app still count you're days sober even if you don't register every day? I've stopped pledging because it isn't needed but was nervous not to check in because I didn't want to lose my streak!

Life feels a bit more survivable today, thanks for you kindness. At least I’m not drinking. Welcome new people!

@Stayingvigilant that sounds really annoying.

Oh no @Stayingvigilant it’s not nice to feel excluded. I had a virtual cocktail party which I was dreading but I just rocked up with my AF beer and brazened it out, it wasn’t ideal but it went okay. No one said anything.

@ColdWaterTherapy so glad life feels a tiny bit more manageable today. Keep going💪

Yes, it maintains your streak regardless.

Please may I join you all? I did dry January successfully this year (finally!!)...but have had a glass or two almost every night since...but made the decision this morning that I need to properly stop. I’m early forties and have been drinking pretty heavily since Uni (only wine...but could regularly polish off a bottle to my shame). Anyone else been similar?

Welcome @Blimeyoreilly2020 well done with dry January. Has Feb not been dry too? What are you going to do to ensure you stay on the AF path? I think we’ve probably all been similar. For me, I made the decision pre xmas and joined the free online ‘alcohol experiment’ that lasts 30 days. I’ve now been AF 66 days but it feels like yesterday since I stopped listening Annie Grace everyday. Have some strategies for when you feel wobbly.

Thanks StayingVigilant. Really should’ve kept going through Feb, feel like a numpty (understatement) for going back on the wine. My stress point is going to be DH encouraging me to have a glass....he somehow doesn’t realise that half a bottle to a bottle every night is NOT a good idea...I’m hoping me stopping will mean he cuts down as a result. I am so very worried about damage I may have done to my liver over so many years of over indulgence, I feel terrified...I think that will also serve as a pretty good reminder to keep me on the rails. I’d quite like to do AA / or a support group but live in a small rural community...nothing is secret or private for long (I know already which Mums from school go to AA because of the stupid gossip mill😔)...I’d go if I could actually be anonymous!

Hi @Blimeyoreilly2020
I did dry January and liked it so have carried on. Like @StayingVigilant I also dipped in to the alcohol experiment with Annie grace and have bought her book. I like her approach even though i didn't fully engage with the experiment.

I also have a DH who drinks although doesn't encourage me to which I'm thankful for. Your DH probably encourages you because it makes him feel better about himself. I have come to realise this, I've even thought it myself when drinking. (Eg 'how come she manages it, my problem must be huge because I'm not sure I could do that...'). This also explains why so many people peer pressure you to drink. Honestly I think if I went out with my friends right now I'd probably have to explain myself much more for not drinking than drinking too much and being a drunken idiot. If you think about it that is really weird! Can you speak to DH and just say whilst you're not asking him to stop drinking you are asking him to stop asking / encouraging you.

If you did dry January you can do it again. You tripped up, so what? Just start again and see how far you get...

Yes @Blimeyoreilly2020 I've been drinking binge wise since 14/16 to now at 34. I hardly drink during the week Sun_-thurs unless on holiday. But Friday and Sat are dangerous, I could easily drink a bottle of gin or vodka between the two nights. Soon as the weekend hits so do the cravings. Iv been AF since 5th Feb now.

Soon as Friday night comes I got to bed at 6pm. I cant cook at the moment on a Friday as that's when the ultimate "I'm going to pour a vodka and coke while I cook the steak" hits.

I'm drinking CBD tea at the moment to try and find a relaxing replacement xx

@Blimeyoreilly2020 regarding AA meetings, many are virtual now and you could attend any one anywhere in the country. My DH is in recovery and has been clean and sober for 12 years. He is a big advocate of AA. During lockdown he has done many meeting across the whole country. Happy to PM you if you want anymore information.

Day 6 for me and overall my feeling is one of relief.

It’s been so busy here with family stuff I have had to deal with (nothing awful just busy) and knowing my head is clear has been great.

Again, so glad I am doing this. I don’t like putting this out there but if it helps anyone lurking. I was drinking a bottle or a bottle and a half of wine every single night for a year and the 10 years before that it was a bottle of wine probably 5 nights a week.

It all caught up with me last week, felt unwell (not a hangover), my whole body and mind just had enough. The anxiety at 3 am, the 2 stone of fat around my tummy, bad skin, thinning hair, excema flare up, not productive for the first couple of hours every day or pushing through which was grim.

The relief is wonderful, good riddance to the wine. I just hope my poor liver can recover.

Thank you Hepzibar - I’ll check out their website.....may not actually join a meeting until after the 8th March and kids are back at school and I get my laptop fully back rather than having to share it! I keep trying to check my liver by ‘feeling it’ and then panic because the area feels sore...but then realising that may well be caused by me prodding it🙄....have booked a blood test to at least get some idea from that...feeling like such a prat😔

I'm like that with the whites of my eyes, if they aren't bright white I'm like omg liver damage. I've been googling it constantly. The slightest bit of yellow in the corners and I'm in full panic mode.

@Pepper54 I know exactly what you mean about the relief - a year on I experience it every day. Relief at having left the worry behind, relief that I appear to have got away without lasting damage to my health, relief that I don't do it to myself any more. I feel literally and figuratively lighter - healthy sober weight loss plus huge psychic load lifted. Relief. It's wonderful.

Congratulations to you and the other newbies on starting your journey. You won't regret it.