Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

You are not alone @FreshStart56 we are all feeling it these days with the tedium if our various situations. Try to remember the voice in your head suggesting alcohol is that habit, it takes a while to quieten down.

Thanks so much everyone. I'm feeling a bit less sorry for myself now.
If I can get through lockdown without a drink then I have got this one nailed!!

Gosh yes @FreshStart56, do not underestimate the power of the February gloom to bring you down. I'm so unmotivated at the moment and I know it's seasonal. To all the brilliant advice offered above I will add my suggestions; get a SAD lamp and sit in front of it for an hour in the morning, take vitamin D and get a good vitamin b complex if you haven't already. I still go to bed early with my kindle when it all feels too much but it was a nightly occurrence in the early days of sober. When you are taking it one day at a time it helps if the days are as short as possible!!

Morning all,
Another day, another kick in the teeth.
My nhs covid app has pinged and I have to isolate until next Sunday. I'm not even able to walk the dog now.

@FreshStart56 ah man that is really really tough. Take it easy over the next week. You can do this!!! Cuddle up to your dog and count the days. I saw some daffodils on the weekend, spring is on it’s way. Hang in there 💪

freshstart56 that's so rubbish. February is hard and even more so at the moment and having to self isolate must feel like a whole extra layer. But, i keep coming back to the thought that none of won't be any better with a hangover, hangxiety and guilt about drinking.

I am celebrating 6 months today! I am so chuffed. I had a lockdown/endless snow/february blues day yesterday and thought "6 months, yeah, big deal" but you know what? It is a big deal. And I am proud of myself. 6 months without drinking. And it just feels like the beginning.

Keep going fellow sober buddies.

You are all right - Starting drinking again will make things much worse. I have just gone back and read my very first post on here at the end of December -It was a shocking reminder of how the booze made me feel.
Never again!

@Breathmiller Congratulations on 6 months! It is a HUGE deal!

Congrats @Breathmiller🤩🤩🤩
6 months is such a huge milestone!

... also.. massive kudos to you for self-isolating and being a responsible human being. By abstaining from walking your beloved dog, you are (possibly/hopefully) preventing from passing any a-symptomatic covid you could have. That is a very caring for the world type of response. Be proud of yourself for that. It's a lovely trait to have, and not everyone would make the same choice, unfortunately.

Maybe that's why your dog loves you so much. I think they can sense love and care in humans :-)

Congrats @Breathmiller !

Ah congratulations @Breathmiller how wonderful!

@FreshStart56 that is so rough, and hope you stay healthy - what's in your 'toolkit' other than booze while you self-isolate? Definitely now is the time to start working out how to occupy yourself!

Day 39 here. Have tentatively started to tell people I'm not drinking even though DJ is done, all positive so far. I've said "I think I'm going to aim for a hundred days" just because I feel oddly weird about saying I've stopped entirely. I feel like by 100 days everyone will just be used to me not drinking, and it will be 'old news'. But I don't need any permission not to poison myself!

It's so strange, this social framework: you must drink, but you must not drink too much; you must not make anyone feel bad because of your drinking, but you must not make anyone feel bad because of your not drinking; you must drink enough to prove you don't have a problem with alcohol, but not drinking at all somehow proves you have a problem with alcohol.

Oh that’s rubbish @FreshStart56 . Is there anything that you want to catch up on on the tv? Or anything to read? You are so right that alcohol wouldn’t help anyway, but it’s still a huge sacrifice to stay inside. Hopefully it will be a bit warmer and less icy when you can go out with your lovely dog again.

Congratulations @Breathmiller, it is a big deal, and a huge achievement! You should be properly proud

@ColdWaterTherapy it is weird isn’t it? Such a bizarre raft of double standards. Congratulations on your 39 days!

20 days under my belt. Working hard.

Congratulations @breathmiller wonderful milestone! I'm 100 days today, go me.

Congratulations @Cartooner! You’re into 3 figures!

Well done astudyinpink and cartooner

These are great milestones.

@ColdWaterTherapy My "toolkit" is pretty limited when I am stuck indoors. At the moment I am eating my body weight in chocolate but I find that makes me low and sluggish so I really need to cut down.

I am reading a mixture of Quit lit, Dog training/behaviour books and Positive Psychology. Its all good, but it feels very worthy and I want to do something fun - just for laughs!

@Blackberryblossom I am watching a rcouple of dramas on tv at the moment. Its a Sin is excellent but heartbreaking, and I am enjoying Finding Alice too. Perhaps I should give Bridgeton a try? Any other recommendations?

I will try to find my SAD lamp and look online for something crafty to try. I'm a bit cack handed so ideas for something absorbing but not too difficult would be great.

Well done @AStudyinPink Keep going!

@ColdWaterTherapy. Sorry to hear you have to isolate. Bridgerton is good viewing. I binged out on that when stuck indoors. Have you watched Line of Duty? Brilliant stuff and will have you glued to the tv. I think there have been 4 series now. Have you seen Peaky Blinders?

Congratulations to @Breathmiller on 6 months! That is a huge milestone, half a whole year sober! Half a year of freedom! Really well done!

Huge congrats also to @Cartooner on 100 days!! Triple digits, huge achievement really well done!

Well done also to @AStudyinPink and @ColdWaterTherapy and on your days stacking up fast!

I loved your summary on all the societal expectations around drinking from Coldwatertherapy. It’s so funny isn’t it, my Dad recently said to me “150 days sober, at what point should I start to worry about you darling”. He wasn’t worried that I’d had a drinking problem, he is becoming worried he’s going to permanently lose his drinking partner. Not sure how to break it to him, so I’ve just told him I’m not drinking for now. I think my sobriety is shining a bit too much of a light on his own alcoholism.

On a lighter note I received a wonderfully thoughtful gift from a friend in the post today. We bottle of alcohol free sparkling Chardonnay and alcohol free gin and tonic for our upcoming virtual birthday get together. She’s bought the same for herself in solidarity! Such a truly wonderful friend and I can’t wait to try them.

What a lovely thing for your friend to do Furble

I just unsubscribed from Annie Grace, i really liked the book but my god you can tell her background is in marketing, I find it all a bit spammy the daily emails trying to sign you up to the next thing.

furble what a good friend you have there.

It's so strange, this social framework: you must drink, but you must not drink too much; you must not make anyone feel bad because of your drinking, but you must not make anyone feel bad because of your not drinking; you must drink enough to prove you don't have a problem with alcohol, but not drinking at all somehow proves you have a problem with alcohol

Yes!! That is so true! Ehat a strange world we live in.

I am surprised at the people who I thought would be happy I had stopped drinking either thinking its not necessary or finding it weird that anyone would do that.
Of course in my mind, I thought they would all think "well thank god for that because she drank too much!"

But it has a weird effect of making other heavy drinkers feel bad about their drinking so they almost get annoyed or berating.
And the ones I thought would be pleased for me because they are very moderate drinkers and seemed to disprove of my inability to moderate seem to be confused as to why I need to stop altogether.

That's when I realised that I am not doing this for anyone else but me. I know why this is better for me. I don't need anyone's approval or permission, it's my choice. I am not affected by anyone else's different choices around alcohol. They have their path to follow and I have mine.

*disapprove

On the other hand though, on the more positive note, does anyone notice that you're decision not to drink has a positive affect on others?

I am part of a group of friends/peers and 2 of them don't drink. I was inspired by them that life could be better without alcohol and now the 4th person has also been inspired to cut down or maybe even stop altogether. My dh also drinks a lot less than he does when we are drinking buddies egging each other on.