Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

@FreshStart56 for easy going TV you could try Interior Design Masters on BBC iplayer or The Big Flower Fight on Netflix. Both visually bonkers.

@Breathmiller my husband is drinking less, and a couple of my friends. I think it's going to be different when the world opens up a bit, some of my family still don't know that I've continued not drinking. It's up to me though, I'm certainly not going to have a drink so that someone else can feel more comfortable.

@Breathmiller

I'm only early in to my AF life so haven't noticed that yet (but the few people I have told have definitely been a bit defensive!). But I have noticed that a lot of people haven't noticed which came as a surprise . I have regular zoom catch ups with different groups and I was always always drinking on them, and varying degrees of drunk, but they haven't noticed that I haven't been drinking recently. Which reminds me of what a big deal it is to me but 'normal' drinkers just don't pay that much attention to who is drinking what.

My brother was stressed at Christmas and I told him about my 'break' (don't want to scare people or myself saying permanent out loud ) and he hasn't had a drop since.

Yay! cartooner you're a trailblazer.

That’s so great @Cartooner! A few of my friends don’t drink or rarely drink now, it’s becoming much more common thankfully.

It was actually a sober friend who inspired me and has been a great friend throughout my own journey.

Just found this thread. 16 days. Can't believe it. But been snacking A LOT the past 2 days. Must get that under control. My skin seems clearer. Sleep still not too good. But I'm drinking gallons of water and herb tea, so have to keep going to the loo. Must keep this up. Been desperate to cut down/stop for ages. Years.

@Nowstrong welcome and well done on 16 days!!! What an achievement!

Thank you! Reading some of your achievements I feel so small. It's terribly hard though. I sometimes think, oh just one glass won't make any difference. But I know that it will never be just one. I'm not a massive drinker. Just a regular, every day one. Never more than 1 bottle, often not even that. Sometimes a few whiskies.. See! I'm making excuses for myself... Much too much. Too often. I'm going to read this whole thread. Slowly but surely. But I'm going to try to stay on this trip. I've read numerous books on the "problem". from Craig Beck to Sober Diaries, am now listening to The Naked Mind. Hopefully my mind will click into a teetotal mode at some point. Waiting for an eventual weight loss, which would help me psychologically too.

Good point : lost my under eyes bags...

@Nowstrong welcome. 16 days is awesome (especially when I couldn't go 16 hours!)

I'm day 47 (still pinching myself), and the benefits slowly appear. I kept hoping for an instant transformation!

My sleep is still erratic, but slowly improving and I had a headache everyday for the first month, still getting them but less often.

Weight is slowing going down and my skin is also slowly improving.

Wouldn't swap this for drinking every night - no way!

Am so fed up with myself. Did Dry January and was fine but looking forward to having a drink and have now slipped back into my old ways.

Today I have a headache from last night’s wine. Isn’t this what I was supposed to avoid?! So I’ve ordered some posh non alcoholic gin and tonic. I know it probably doesn’t taste anywhere near as nice but it will help psychologically to have something to hand.

nowstrong 16 days is brilliant. Never think it's a small achievement, someone said that to me at the beginning as I compared myself to those further on and it really helped. Every day is a huge achievement for us all and you have done 16 of those! So a huge pat on thr back for you.

romeoLikedCapuletGirls welcome to your day 1. Many if not all of us have been in that exact same place. Think of it is as a learning curve. You needed to go through that hangover again to realise what you want to do. You just need to get through today. You've shown you can do many days by doing Dry January so you can do this!!

Thank you for the much needed encouragements and motivation. Headaches : yes. Erratic sleep : yes. Must keep dry. I'll get there. Eventually. Being in lockdown is helping (not in the UK, but have curfew) as socializing is reduced. So impressed by you all. x

May I join you here? Having read the first 10 and the last few pages on this thread I am really impressed by how supportive you all are and am so inspired by your success stories. I tried and failed at moderating through January and finally picked up the courage to visit the alcohol support pages on here on Tuesday. Today is day 1 for me! I have gradually gone from sharing a bottle of wine with DH a few nights a week to easily downing a bottle by myself several times a week. I feel grotty most days and find looking after my 6 yo with ASD really hard. I'm fed up with the constant anxiety, interrupted sleep and feeling a bit down and numb most days.

Started reading the Naked Mind book yesterday and it's already changed how I think around alcohol. I spent last night thinking back over the years and remembered how much fun I used to have without alcohol in my late teens and 20s and how much fun I still have when I see my friends back in Sweden, who don't drink.

I also now realise that although having a child with ASD is challenging at times, I've actually made it harder by relying on alcohol to cope.

The Allen Carr book has just arrived so am about to unpack and have a read!

Welcome littleswede

You are so right, this is such a great supportive place. It really does help to have people here who are going through it.

This poem was read to me last week and I thought some of you might like it as much as I do...

Risk
And the day came
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
Was more painful
than the risk
it took
to blossom.

Elizabeth Appell

We cling on to these old destructive habits because they have a certain comfort in their familiarity. But it's time to let them go and see what blossoms.

Can I join? I'm on day 68, the longest I've gone in more than a decade. Red wine is my poison, and it had a real grip on me. Hadn't 'really' tried to quit before, but finally told my partner in December and although he's been fantastic, feeling like I'd let him down has been a reason to keep going.

@breathmiller congratulations on your 6 month milestone and well done also to @cartooner and everyone else achieving milestones. Including the essential, everyday milestone of an alcohol free day, one day at a time! Welcome to the new starters, you won't regret your decision.

Welcome @DirtyBroomstick! 68 days is so great!!! I am doing this for me but what you say about your partner resonates with me. I have definitely let him down at times. Now I’m almost 10 months in it struck me the other day how our marriage is so much better now. For so long I felt like a burden, often wondering whether he regretted marrying me (he always claimed he didn’t but boy, I must have been difficult to live with at times). Now I feel like I am the woman I was when we married again, it’s a lovely feeling.

So nice to see so many new people on this thread!

Thank you Breathmiller. That is a lovely poem.

I've got a feeling the next week or so will be rough when detoxing so am putting all diet plans (been on off low carb since January) on hold, that can wait until I've recovered. As long as I take my vitamin supplements and eat enough vegetables I will enjoy some nice chocolate and other treats whilst healing.

Great to hear that your marriage improved Bunnies and good that your partner is supportive
DirtyBroomSticks It will be interesting to see how my marriage will be affected by me stopping drinking as DH and I have been enabling each others drinking since lockdown 1 and he may or may not be ready join me in not drinking. He did download This Naked Mind on his Kindle and I saw him googling alcohol free beer on Tuesday night so fingers crossed!

Thanks for the welcomes. I know you can't quit for anybody but yourself, but he's so nice and I don't want to let him down either. That's what's stopped me when the cravings were bad.

10 months for me today!!! Can’t quite believe I made it this far. I wish I’d done it sooner!

Thanks so much for everyone on this thread for dragging my morning ass through the tough days, and celebrating the good times with me. You’re all an inspiration to me😊

And massive thanks to @Drybird2020 for these threads, as always🥰

CONGRATULATIONS bunnies10 months is a massive achievement. You must feel that the year is just in reach!
Well done. And thank you to you for passing on all that support along the line.

Is it you that gives yourself a treat to celebrate milestones?
I'd be interested in thinking of some ways to celebrate these.

That is amazing Bunnies ! Congratulations

Thanks guys yes it’s me who is prone to rewarding myself😳😳😳 I do it less now the struggle of the early days is over but I’m definitely splashing out of my one year anniversary, which as you say is in sight!

Bunnies, massive well done! Wow, nearly a year.

43 days here. Feeling like it's less of a struggle in general, like I have alternative options now. It's my birthday soon though and I feel like that's going to be the first test. I mean, it's stupid: I won't be with anyone for my birthday, it won't make a difference if I 'celebrate' with alcohol, it will just mean I have a hangover the next day. That's all. But still it's eating away at me more than I expected.