Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

furble 5 months!! That's brilliant. Go you!

cartooner I'm the same but it has worked sometimes so I wondered if it was because someone doesn't accept @emails?

Well done @Furble!!!

300 days for me today🤩🤩🤩

I celebrated by going out for a half marathon! What a treat to wake up refreshed and be able to crack out a half marathon just like that!

Next big milestone will be 1 year🤩

There are some stonking numbers on here! Congratulations @Horlicks4me @LilyLolo81 @Cartooner @NeedAUserNameAllTaken2 @crypticandsober @Needsomethingtoread @furble @BunniesBunniesBunnies

I am on 90 something. It’s lovely to wake up refreshed on the weekend and just crack on with the day. This thread really made me think about moderation, and how I was so very bad at it, yet still kept trying. Eg
I’ll only drink on Fridays and Saturdays. I’ll include Sunday lunch. I know it’s a Monday but the bottle needs finishing/it’s been a crap day. Oh, it’s nearly Friday. Oh, it’s exactly the right weather for a G&T. It’s lockdown. It’s homeschooling. Trump lost the election (that last one was my last ever drink 🙂). I’m sure there’s a whole wing of my brain being used for useful stuff now rather than constant low-level alcohol justification.

@Blackberryblossom That was a very timely post for me thank you. Congratulations for keeping going and being so articulate about the benefits of being alcohol free and the dangers of thinking moderation works.

Just been out for a walk with my best friend, who I love but our relationship is very steeped in getting drunk together. My brains already started with the 'well, after this break you will be fine just drinking with her' , or 'it will be fine to drink when we're on holiday' etc etc. Grr, bloody wine witch! Still, day 6 for me and I got through my first Friday evening relatively easily so small steps!

Well done @crypticandsober, that’s amazing. The first weekend is definitely a real milestone. Don’t worry about the road ahead, just worry about today. A sober future feels less daunting to me with each passing week xx

@Furble Thank you. That's good advice. Going to go and watch a movie with the kids and enjoy being present with them 😀

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies on your 300 days, wow! And the half marathon, wowowow!

As someone who just passed 150 days and just ran 5 miles this morning (and felt pretty bloody chuffed about it), you really inspire me!

Thank you for the congrats everyone, I can’t believe I’ve made it this far, my life has changed almost beyond recognition. For so many years I criticised myself for never having staying power with healthy eating, exercise, keeping on top of things etc. I tried and failed and lost resolve and beat myself up. I’m not saying it’s perfect sober, but I have more headspace for the other things that benefit me, I have less distraction in the form of boozing and hangovers which frees up more actual time and for the first time possibly ever I’ve started to really believe in myself and that maybe, I’m capable of whatever I want if I put my mind to it.

Brilliant post @Furble, I couldn’t agree more. It’s so so recognisable. I think back on my previous self at the start of last year and hardly recognise myself!!! I actually like myself again, what a shocker😂

@Blackberryblossom thank you for the mention. Very interesting to hear about your experiences with moderating. There is a very notable difference to the early evenings as in it's becoming lighter and it forces me to think of Spring sunshine sat in the garden with my box of wine and a straw.
I will find that time of year so very challenging (as will most others I guess).
One day at a time . One day at a time!!!

blackberryblossom well done on your 90+ days! And a great post. Absolutely the same here. Although my drinking over the last few years isn't anything like my drinking in previous times, there was a definite naivety and lying to myself about how much i still drank.

My thought process was that I would have a bottle or two at most over a weekend. But that just wasn't true. Yes, maybe some weeks I bought a bottle and drank half on a Friday and finished it over a Saturday and a Sunday. But realistically, it was at least one on a Friday, a few other drinks too, maybe a beer or a rum/gin (or two). Which meant buying another bottle on Saturday. And then having a big Sunday lunch with friends or family so it was a 'special' occasion. Then, yes, why not finish what's left off on Monday night 'just to get it out the way' for the week. Then the next weekend might start on Thursday with a 'cheeky wee extra' because it had been a tough week or a good week. Then half day finish on a Friday meant I could start early.

So that thought that I only drank on a Friday and could take it or leave it the rest of the week was very often a whole lot of bollocks because I would more than likely be taking rather than leaving.

The freedom from all that in my brain is immeasurable!

Cryptic well done on your first weekend!! You should be so proud of yourself! The thing for me is, I will always have these thoughts of..."oh i could do with a drink tonight" or " but that's my drinking buddy" or " see? I can do without it, so I've proved I can moderate". They will probably always surface at different times. In fact, I usually always have the thought, however small every Friday at some point.

But, the biggest thing is, it's just a thought. I can acknowledge that thought and not act on it. And they do get further and further apart the longer I go. It is only on a Friday, usually when I'm getting the shopping but it passes fairly quickly these days.

bunnies well done on your 30 days, so great to hear your 1 year milestone feels in reaching distance. And the running, you are an inspiration and have been for me since I started posting on here. But most of all well done for liking yourself! That's something I have gotten from this too. A sense of achievement and a healthy new respect for myself. I feel I am truly stepping into the real me. Warts and all. And that's quite a happy revelation.

Hi All, love reading all your inspirational comments. It’s early days for me being AF, but already seeing the benefits, despite each day being difficult to change habits. Treated myself to a kindle and am loving reading all the quit lit to keep me motivated. First goal
30 days. Happy Saturday all x

Thanks @Breathmiller and ohhh @SomethingAboutClairey a kindle!!! That’s lovely! I’m big on treating myself at milestones, I might put a kindle on the list😂

bunnies 300 days that should have said

@BunniesBunniesBunnies It’s great, I’m spending £ on books to motivate me (rather than historically spending £ on booze to depress me!) My fave so far has been ‘Alchohol Explained’ by William Porter. I have a lot more in my library on kindle to read though! It’s keeping the wine witch at bay in the eves!

Hello all,
I'm on day 37 and really struggling. I took to my bed at 8.30 last night rather than caving in and drinking with my DH but it feels like a miserable existence. I'm bored, depressed (taking ADs) and feel totally worthless.
I have been made redundant. I am volunteering for a few days a week but I feel like I am making a mess of everything I do. My home is a mess. I walk 7 - 10 miles a day but this doesn't seem to help any more.
Please does anyone have any ideas of how I can lift my spirits? I am clinging on to my AF life by some very ragged fingernails.

Hi @FreshStart56 37 days is incredible, you’re well on the way to 50 days.

It sounds as though you’ve a lot going on as well as coming to terms with your new sobriety. I often have to turn to my bed or the bath for fear of caving, I think it’s normal.

The boredom is a tough one, and perhaps the feeling of futility when faced with an overwhelming home environment.

Could you relax and watch a bit of Marie Kondo on Netflix for inspiration.

At work I live by the Pomodoro technique where I set my timer for 25 minutes and promise myself I’ll go after one task for 25 minutes without allowing myself to stop or be distracted. Whenever I’m daunted by a large piece of work it helps me to get going without delay.

Maybe you could set yourself a goal to create one little sanctuary in your home. One corner where you can retreat to read or relax? Clearing the space and sprucing it up with give you a quick win and something you can enjoy afterwards.

How about some self-care as well? Yoga? Nice novel to just escape for a bit? Bath and binge watch some light hearted comedy? Bake something?

I can promise you one thing, drinking will make things worse, it will exacerbate any feelings of worthlessness and get you further stuck in a funk.

Sending lots of love, it’s really tough starting out, particularly with so much going on. Sending strength xxx

Hi @FreshStart56, welcome! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Those are some great tips from @Furble!

What struck me about your post is how low you feel about yourself, and how you seem to focus on the things not going so well (redundant, messy house, depressed).

But your post also mentions some really fantastic things: sober 30+ days! Volunteering! Walking so many miles🤩 Those are three very great and impressive things, especially in these difficult times.

How long have you been on the ADs and do you think they are helping? They should really be taking the edge of the worst of your depression - if you’re still quite depressed on them it would be well worth seeing your GP. Sometimes dose and type need tweaking.

Have you considered therapy? I don’t know about you, but for me I started drinking too much because I was finding life really hard. When I stopped it took me quite a while to find other coping mechanism. About a month in I was still very much struggling with my mental health. However now 10 months in I am a different person! This thread has been a life line. I had some therapy along the way to address some of the issues I was masking with alcohol.

Two more things that spring to mind: I know everyone is different but starting running with the C25K (I couldn’t even run a minute to start with so don’t be put off if you’re not a runner) is genuinely the biggest best thing I have done for my mental health in my adult life.

The messy house: I have one too😂😂😂 It used to really bring me down but part of the new (more happy) me is simply to CARE LESS😂😂😂 I mean I try to keep on top of the worst filth but the general messiness I am just accepting as part of this phase of my life!

Tell us more about yourself and do please hang out here. The thread is currently a little more quiet than usual but it’s such a lovely supportive place.

Well done again on your 30+ days, you should be very proud of yourself!

Thank you for taking the time to reply @Furble .
I'm cuddled up with the dog watching an old movie. This seems like a very long day. I just feel like I am trying to get through every minute. Where is the fun and joy in the world? Each day is just a long wait until I can go to bed again.

Hello @BunniesBunniesBunnies and thank you for your reply.
I have been on the ADs for about 3 years now. I used to see the GP for a regular review but since Covid they just issue a repeat prescription and I increase or lower the dose according to how I feel (within certain limits).
Well done on 10 months! That seems like a life time! I have tried some zoom well being groups but I find them really awkward. I hate not being able to make eye contact or know when someone is focussing on me. What kind of therapy did you do? Was it virtual or did you meet in person.
I am in awe of anyone who can run. I tried C25K a few years ago but I couldn't do it. Strolling with my pooch is as energetic as I get and it kills more time.

I'm not sure what to tell you about myself. I am in my late 50s with a DH and dog at home and 2 adult children now living in their own places. I used to teach children with autism and now volunteer for an autism charity. I guess that I have lost all of my confidence and self respect.

@FreshStart56 hello! You are doing really well, it takes so much self respect to stop drinking There are some really good points from Bunnies and Furball just upthread. Volunteering in lockdown is such a generous way to spend your time too. Alcohol can't fix lockdown sadly, I have to keep reminding myself of that when life seems a little sedate on a Friday night. I did try, and wouldn't go there again. Can you tell us more about your dog? I have cats, but am always cheered up by the lovely dogs that I see out walking their owners every day. We saw one yesterday with three legs that could not have been happier. Do you have time for any hobbies or crafts? I knit. An unexpected AF benefit was many fewer mistakes 🤣

My lovely pooch has been my best lockdown decision. He is a 7 month old labradoodle who just follows me from room to room and swamps me with love.

I have never learned to knit - probably because its too difficult with a glass of wine in my hand!

Thanks for the support everyone.

Your dog sounds lovely!
It’s useful to have something to have as a distraction, for me, anyway. I have resorted to pickled onions before when I really fancied a glass of wine... that killed the desire! Or a long hot bubble bath with a cup of tea.

Hi @FreshStart56 and welcome.
I have to agree about your comments re dogs. They really do bring you unconditional love don't they? As the nights draw out and we approach Spring you can grab her lead and off you trot. Very useful for when the wine starts to whisper to you. My dog has enjoyed me being dry and sleeps very well at night, He looks exhausted at times and I sometimes imagine him grabbing some wine out of the fridge and filling my glass just so he can have a rest.
I'm in the Covid slump at the moment along with many others but when I'm on a roll I crochet blankets (never have learnt to follow a pattern) for a dogs charity That gives me pleasure and passes the evenings away. Day 65 for me AF for me and I was a bottle a night. Best of luck. X

At @FreshStart56 a labradoodle I’m so jealous😍😍😍 They are such amazing companions. I agree knitting is great or I love crochet, it’s a bit easier and correction mistakes is MUCH easier!!!

Other ideas to make the day go quicker:

Podcasts
(Audio) books
Baking!
Massive puzzles
Learning new recipes
Gardening
Yoga

I had Zoom therapy but it was one to one, I don’t think I would fare too well in groups!

@Horlicks4me I can't wait for spring. I just think that everything will feel better with longer days and brighter skies!
65 days is fabulous! Well done!