Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Checking in sober legends. I've got my 8 months coming up this week.

Back in my old stomping ground in London to "pack up my flat". Have reached hitherto undiscovered levels of procrastinating including spending all day trying on my entire wardrobe. Send halp!

Hi Folks,
Checking in on day 144, all is well here.
Lovely posts from @ColdWaterTherapy and @FastFood , thank you they both brought a tear to my eye. I’m learning each day that stopping drinking is so much more than just stopping and it’s so wonderful to share that experience with all of you.

I told my two best work friends today that I’m not drinking again and explained a bit more about my drinking in the past. I think they’ll miss drunk me but on the whole they were really supportive. I’m happy because my confidence in my decision is growing by the day such that I want to tell people about how good I am feeling and how free I am as a result of stopping.

Broke up the work day by running hills this lunch time. My new watch comes with a training plan which I’ve been following. It was pretty horrible during but I have to say I was buzzing for a good while afterwards, great feeling!

Sending strength to those feeling at the end of their tether with the lockdown and the children and the home-schooling. It’s gruelling. ODAAT and for all.

40 days!
Really fancied a drink tonight - poured a tumeric blood orange Tix Nix (or whatever it was called). Feel pulled by everyone. Walking on eggshells with my eldest depressed DD1 (albeit not too hideous today), DD3 diagnosed yesterday with ADHD and to say she’s explosive is an understatement. Lots of calls , zooms etc today for various reasons with various professionals. Still got a blooming headache and shoulder pain all day. Then the roof leaks. Not dripping so not an emergency but didn’t need it today. Then I feel bad for feeling bad when there’s people so much worse off... Had a tricky conversation with a friend who’s been diagnosed with 2-5 years to live. Then sharing that with some friends who she’s finding hard to tell but they’ll want to support her. Yes, I’m exhausted but crikey it could be so so much worse.

@StayingVigilant wow what a day, you have a lot on your plate. Well done for managing.

@Hangingover haha that sounds like a great way to spend a day!! (I actually spent a bit of time going through my wardrobe last night putting on some old favourite).

Did you find any niece outfits you haven’t worn in ages? I love that - not really new, but feels like new clothes!

Not logged in for a while, but just wanted to share that I am 30 days sober today!!! I’m so so pleased that I’ve managed this, it’s actually easier by the day. In the past month I’ve seen my energy levels rise, I’m sleeping so much better and I look better - I was actually asked for ID twice recently (when buying alcohol free drinks 😂) which hasn’t happened for YEARS! The puffy booze face has gone, the booze weight is starting to come off and I feel free. For anyone wondering whether to do it - go for it. Abstinence is freeing.

Ps I realise how vain my post sounds...but to be honest the effects on my appearance have been the most motivating thing about all of this. Before I was really struggling with feeling and looking ‘old’. I was spending a fortune on all manner of anti aging creams and makeup and just feeling like that was it - I was stuck with this tired looking middle aged face and body. Turns out that giving up alcohol was the best thing I could do for my appearance, and every time I look in the mirror now I feel grateful that I’m not drinking anymore. I like my reflection again, and it may be vain but it’s working for me :)

Not vain at all flydesk and well done you!!

@Flydesk well done and that’s not vain at all! Well, maybe it is but if you are than so am I😂😂😂 I look sooo much better without booze. I especially struggled with awful skin (puffiness and spots) when I was drinking a lot - now I never do anymore!

@Flydesk I totally get it and it’s great to read. As an active mirror avoider and hater for years I can honestly say I really like my reflection now, I look years younger and feel proud of how I look. Another amazing advantage of being AF!

Love to catch up and read everyone updates. Some really frank ones totally mirror my own experiences so thank you. Always feel less alone in this AF situation when I come on here.
28 days today!

@Flydesk not vain at all - it’s the outer manifestation of all your inward effort, how cool is that?

28 days here too! It’s been tough not because I miss drinking but because I’m bolt upright awake at 5am the last few days, worrying about work and just grieving, I guess. I can’t even wake up and start working then either which is what I would usually do to relax - I know - because my son comes in to bed with me overnight. So I just lie there fretting. I’m responsible for over 300 young adults and a dozen over stretched staff and if I can just et them through this shitty pandemic all will be well. In the past I’ve definitely used booze to switch off from work pressure and while I haven’t cracked that yet, at least I’m not adding to my stress by drinking.

Tonight I’ve brought headphones to bed so at least if I wake up at 5am I can put on a relaxing Tara Brach podcast or something.

@ColdWaterTherapy podcasts sound a good idea - can you sneak out of bed to get a coffee maybe and then snuggle back in? This year has just been so so crazy for everyone, and we’ve still got a long way to go I think.

@Stayingvigilant sending hugs, sounds like you have too much on your plate right now.

Thanks everyone for the positive thoughts - it’s really helping having this thread and being accountable. Knowing that you’re not on your own.

Hello @Peaches2222, what's your plan? Are you going to seek support IRL as well as on here?

@Flydesk I get where you are coming from too, it's not vain to value all facets of yourself. I love what @ColdWaterTherapy said about the outward manifestation of inner effort. I'm enjoying being slim. I've never been slim before and it's so much easier to find clothes that look good on me.!

Hi everyone, well done to you all and thanks for posting here, reading your posts is helping me when I have moments of doubt. Day 20 here and whilst I don’t feel amazing I do feel very centered. Does that make sense. Everything feels more lucid...it’s quite a nice feeling 😁..

Well done @Brainfreeze1, that sound a really positive. On day 20 I was still not feeling “amazing” but I was feeling a lot calmer by then.

For me the benefits keep coming, even at 9 months. I still have tough days or times but the difference between this January and last January is eye watering. I actually enjoyed a lot of this month, even with the restrictions and home schooling. My running has really kept me on an even keel this month, I’m so grateful for it.

And yes @Drybird2020 I also really enjoy feeling good in my body and being able to wear ALL my clothes, not just a selection of stretchy ones because I’m all puffy from the booze😳😅

Yes definitely feeling less puffy and more energetic here.

Woke up at 4am yesterday and 4.15 today, sigh. But I don’t feel notably worse for it, which is interesting, even had enough energy for a lunchtime kettlebells session, which is interesting.

Have been reading Bessel van Dee Kolk’s The Body Keeps The Score, all about the neurobiology of trauma. I’d expected it to relevant to my current life but it’s ringing some real bells with me about why I started drinking at all (at twelve).

Here’s to a clear headed and centred - that’s exactly it @Brainfreeze1 - weekend for all.

Hi. Joining in on day 1 again . I drink too much, reluctant to use the ‘A’ word as I’m functioning therefore can’t possibly be you know? I also know that I may be functioning but life feels pretty horrendous. I’ve had a hellish 2 years, my marriage ended when I was pregnant with our 3rd child , the kids struggled then I had a baby, then the pandemic and home school. I’ve not been able to go back to work because I’m so overwhelmed with life and booze is very much my temporary escape. I feel very stuck in my life , i don’t know what I want, who I am or what I enjoy. I have my children most of the time and I’ve really lost myself. My life is lacking joy. Sorry I don’t want to be all moaning just trying to set the scene so you know where I’m coming from.

@Motherrunner1 I’m so pleased you found this thread, it’s really supportive. I don’t think there is a need to call yourself an alcoholic (I don’t), it’s all about looking forwards and making positive changes which will enable you to enjoy life more:-)

Please don’t apologise for being negative, it sounds like you’ve had a really tough time and frankly I think you’re amazing for making it through several lockdowns already as a single mum of three!!!

Complaining is allowed on this thread, as is celebrating, asking for recommendations/tips, general chats and running chat too🤩

I believe you can do it, you just need to believe it yourself🙂

Thank you @BunniesBunniesBunnies

Hi, may I join.
I’m on day 12 today. Binge drinking weekends on the vino and not remembering conversations with my children the following morning finally hit home. Used it as a crutch for far too long.
Last night was difficult as I have always felt it’s Friday, I work hard all week now is my time with my wine.
Well I got through it and got on the exercise bike and woke up feeling normal.
Early days for me, but I’m determined to not touch another drop.
I know I can’t moderate and would be lying to myself if I thought I could.

Hello & welcome @Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat and @Motherrunner1 - huge well done on taking your first steps and that first Friday, first weekend, etc is never easy but once they’re done you’ll not have to do those firsts again!
I had a zoom call with a bunch of female friends last night. In normal times our get togethers involve a LOT of drinking. They’re all rather surprised that I’ve managed a day let alone 6 weeks. A few said I looked really well and one said I was still laughing and chatting as normal. A really interesting observation as I had been concerned that without booze the dynamic of my relationship with this group would change. Ok, it’s a zoom so not quite the same but it gives me confidence that even if we were to do a pub crawl or a boozy spa day my sobriety wouldn’t make a difference. I was worried I’d become a sober bore.

hello @Motherrunner1and @Lifeislikeaboxofchocolat Fridays were hard for me too the first few weeks. They are good now though, and Saturday mornings are even better!

I don't use the alcoholic word either. I think we confuse it with this idea of "functioning" too. No-one talks about "high functioning smokers" or "smokeaholics", instead we have a general consensus that even lowish levels of smoking are not be good for health regardless of how well you are functioning/adulting. In my case I had to recognise that even on 14 units a week, alcohol was affecting my health and happiness. I wasn't an alcoholic by the vodka on cornflakes stereotype, but I knew I was increasingly dependent on it and wanted to break the habit.

Hope everyone is ok. It is lovely to see things so busy here. I will be 12 weeks AF tomorrow, every single milestone still surprises me!

Welcome all! I wrestled with the A word for a while but actually it makes me feel very powerless and futile. I’m just someone who has chosen not to drink because it means my life is better than when I do.

I’ve come so close to drinking today. Two phone calls today and both of them bad news - my lovely FIL has died suddenly, probably of the same thing that killed my chap, and my dad’s health prognosis has taken a sudden downward turn.

Drinking won’t change any of it. Drinking won’t make it any easier to deal with. I just have to keep remembering that.

So sorry for your loss and awful news @ColdWaterTherapy you’ve already been through such a lot. Huge well done for remembering that drinking won’t make it better. 💐