Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Thanks you lovely kind people. I am very far south so thankfully have been blessed with totally manageable water temperatures. The sea is always full here!

@ncsad apart from a few specifics, which I will come to later, I can't believe how much easier and better life is sober. I am genuinely surprised (although I'm only on day 26 so I don't want to jump the gun obviously). I've been making a list:

• no guilt about what I did/didn't say or do (I have the full range of alcoholic blackouts, injuries, sexual indiscretions and disappointing of others in my history)
• more headspace for things that aren't when can I drink/how much can I get away with/has the other person noticed how much I'm drinking/can I finish this bottle of wine fast enough to get to the spirits before bed/please let someone else be drunker than me so I don't look so bad
• not waking up every day with a low-to-nuclear grade hangover
• far far more patience with my son - patience for the irritating bits, but also patience and space to enjoy the good bits of parenting
• more space in my life for creativity, and more time for taking my own creative interests seriously. This has been a major motivator for me: the realisation that if I am to actually commit to my current creative project, which is something that's really helping me engage with my grief, I have to make space for it to actually happen - by not drinking
• A sense of being more in my life, and trying to engage in a healthy and satisfying way with it, rather than pretending I'm already dead.
• I've lost weight, and my skin looks great. I look noticeably better, and the weird scabby rash thing on my chin has totally disappeared.

I am finding some things hard though. Mostly, it's this thing of being present with my life: mostly I'm just more present with my pain. I miss my hangovers because they were a buffer between me and my general horror at being alive, a distraction. I'm resentful at looking better because the love of my life can't see me. I'm horrified that I have to be more present in my child's life not because I want to, but because I've got to compensate for being the only adult in his life.

Sobriety is good, in short, but it can't give me any of the things I really want. But alcohol wasn't doing that either.

What a beautiful and ve try inspiring list @ColdWaterTherapy😍

@Drybird2020 I bet the water is so cold where you are! Some of my fellow swimmers have Raynaud’s and they massively benefit from gloves and boots! It might still not be enough for your arctic temperatures but I thought I would mention it.

Yes @Drybird2020 and @BunniesBunniesBunnies I swim in cossie, wetsuit boots and gloves, and woolly hat! SO glamorous.

@ncsad glad you're feeling better!

I've noticed that I'm posting here but I never really introduce myself so here I am: I'm 41 (the new 31), living in London, a long term living apart together partner, no kids, but a lovely dog.
Living on my own, which I absolutely love.

Been sober from dec 31st 2019, initially started with Dry January (after a very wet December).
It was my second Dry January, the first one wasn't such a success, I didn't drink but I was white-knuckling my way to February. Basically no social life, just in my PJs in the evening and counting days.

Last year, the approach was different, I decided to do everything I would normally do, but just without drinking. I've started to listen to some great podcasts (fav is Taking a break with Rachel Heart, more about behavioural patterns than just alcohol), read some great books (happy to share my list but I've seen a lot here already) and I just felt so good that I decided to do 100 days, and after 100 days I realised that I was just way happier and focused so didn't want to go back to drinking at all.

Pandemic has been very kind with me (still have a job, WFH, my loved ones are healthy and safe from unemployment as well) so not drinking as been pretty easy.

My main takeaway after a year is: It's not what I expected.
I remember a day in February 2020, weather was glorious and I was walking in London with my partner. We walked past a pub, with tables and benches outside and I felt a bit sad, thinking that not drinking would mean not enjoying a beer garden in the sun that much.
I was soooo wrong, not only I have been able to enjoy socialising outdoors, but I have enjoyed that even more!
I expected not drinking being just that: not drinking.
But it's way more than that, it's more about doing than not doing, or being than not being.
It's being intentional, focused, energised, and happier even when facing hardship.
It's exactly what the title of this topic says: re-learning your life and getting to know who you are.

I just love your updates Fast food and really appreciate them. Thank you. I think you clearly know how most of us need to hear these things.

fastfood what an inspiring and uplifting post. Thank you. I might give that Rachael Heart poscast a listen.

I am finding space now to focus on other parts of my wellbeing now that I am no longer busy with the alcohol conversation. I have been doing the Paul McKenna hypnosis to get a hold on my eating patterns and as a few of us have said before here it has so many parallels to drinking patterns.

I am exercising more , getting outside as much as I can despite the weather. And even bought myself a pair or barefoot running shoes as I have been running in my treadmill barefoot and prefer it to trainers. I am more on top of the house, work and the home schooling.

Lockdown 2 is a VERY different picture from Lockdown 1. In Lockdown 1 I feel into a vat of destructive behaviours and it showed in my mental health. This time I am on a well being crusade. And, it shows! Physically and mentally

Fab post at @FastFood, so inspringing!
I’m loving being sober at the moment, I’m
having so many lovely runs at the moment which I wouldn’t have had otherwise due to being either already tipsy or too hungover! I was flying today and full of energy despite homeschooling, work etc. Not every day is like that but I’m having sooooo many more days where I feel great, and very few where I feel awful.

Yet I feel so crap at the moment, exercising, slept 10 hours last night, not premenstrual and still no energy, miserable and intensely bored andd teary trying to homeschool and thinking of weeks more of this. Dh constantly on calls and the kids being really loud and I feel like my home is not my own with these strangers voices upstairs.... I'm on a week off work and every cell in my body dreads trying to juggle work and this and I'm part time.

So I guess flip side is AF still brings shitty weeks and shitty low energy.

So I guess flip side is AF still brings shitty weeks and shitty low energy

Yes, its not an absolute cure for all life's ups and downs. But it certainly lessens the downs I'd say.

I've done my walk/run on my treadmill (my new barefoot shoes are FAB!) And instead of collapsing in a heap I have gone on the bike for half an hour! Woohoo!! Go me! And the good thing is i can MN on the bike
Currently listening to Nut Bush City Limits on LOUD!

Definitely! I find it funny sometimes when people get so impatient about weightloss and energy about a week in!

cartooner I've felt a bit rubbish these last few days too. Banging headaches again. Zero energy and a bit apathetic. I’m 38 days sober so not sure what’s happening. Could be the doom & gloom news?
Need to find Rachael Heart podcast - thank you fastfood

I think it’s normal to have days like that @Cartooner, especially in the current circumstances!!! But I know that it would all be sooo much worse if I was drinking.

Also sometimes I feel really low on energy for no reason (and then I get really 🤬🤬🤬 because I’m quite virtuous these days), but then I have to remind myself it’s really full on at the moment, and often after a day or so the feeling passes. Are you able to get any fresh air at the moment? Being outdoors is really energising I find.

Everyone I know is feeling a bit rubbish at the moment, and yeah being AF isn't a magic cure for a fantastic life 100% of the time. At least it's one less problem to deal with, but I'd be happy to see the back of that virus.

You're making me want to consider a run @BunniesBunniesBunnies, and god knows I'm not a runner.
My thing is cycling but I don't like cycling without going anywhere, give me a destination which involves friends and tea, whether is 6 or 12 miles, but cycling just for the sake of cycling...I may as well stay on my sofa (and it's exactly what I'm doing!)

Take it easy @Cartooner, I can't imagine how hard it is for parents at the moment!

Run @FastFood run!!! Along with quitting booze taking up running is THE best thing I’ve done for my mental health. I only started after having kids, I couldn’t even run for a minute to begin with so I did C25K, then a 10k... then a half marathon... then a MARATHON!!! And now I just run purely for fun! I don’t go fast but I do it for me and I love it.

Running is addictive which I guess is why I like it🤭😝😂

Thanks yes I have four being homeschooled, well not really the youngest but he needs entertaining. I did get a little bit of fresh air but it's all a bit dull here. Like many it's just all very monotonous and I don't have a lovely seafront to walk on or morning sea swims like most of instagram! It's all just a few fields here and the odd nice tree.

I am going out for a nighttime walk shortly. I'm normally quite upbeat but I think I've met my match with us all being cooped up here, one of my kids is a lot of work at the best of times so my patience is very short.

Wow @Cartooner you have a lot on your plate. In my experience you don’t need gorgeous fields or seafronts to get the benefits of running (though they help😝). It’s very urban where I am, it’s just about being outdoors and awaaaayyyy from needy little people😜

@Breathmiller

So I guess flip side is AF still brings shitty weeks and shitty low energy

Yes, its not an absolute cure for all life's ups and downs. But it certainly lessens the downs I'd say.

I've done my walk/run on my treadmill (my new barefoot shoes are FAB!) And instead of collapsing in a heap I have gone on the bike for half an hour! Woohoo!! Go me! And the good thing is i can MN on the bike
Currently listening to Nut Bush City Limits on LOUD!

I'm a treadmill runner, tell me about barefoot shoes!

www.vivobarefoot.com/uk/primus-lite-ii-recycled-winter-womens

I got these vegan ones but they also have leather. They're not cheap but I work in barefeet and prefer being shoe less so i used my birthday money from last year. I particularly like the wide toe box. I have quite narrow feet but after so many years of doing yoga and teaching barefoot my toes have widened at the front and I hate shoes that point at the toes. It's why i also like birkenstock clogs.

Hey everyone. Posted on here a couple of times but been following this thread since @Drybird2020 started it. I’ve quit drinking for 4/5 months before now and have stopped for 2-4 weeks at a time over the last 15 years or so but at the moment, I’m really struggling. This is the worst it’s been. I’m drinking two bottles of wine a night and it’s ramped up to this from about last October. I’m finding lockdown difficult (like most people!)... my hubby works away so nobody to ‘police’ me. I’ve put a stone on since October. I’ve had bad runs before but this is the worst... just can’t seem to pull myself ashore this time. The thought of AA scares me but I’m wondering if it’s time. I just don’t know. My dad is an alcoholic so obviously that’s always in my mind. It just feels so shameful but I know I can’t go on like this. Wallowing in self pity every night and then again at 3am... yet by 9am when I’ve had a cup of tea and two paracetamol, I’ve already made up my mind that I’m going to drink that night. Read all the books.. maybe I need to do that again. Just don’t know. Horrible.

@Peaches2222 that sounds like a dreadful cycle to be stuck in!!! I think you have to try to work out what is driving you back to alcohol after a few weeks without? I doubt it’s the physical addiction. Does it happen after a good day, or a bad day? Do you plan it in advance or is it a spontaneous decision?

Without knowing the answers you are unlikely to escape the cycle. Hope you’re okay x

@BunniesBunniesBunnies... hi- thanks for replying xx I’m not sure why I start up again. It’s normally quite spontaneous and I think ‘this time it will be different’ but it never is, obviously.

That sounds really hard, @Peaches2222. I know it's far too early for me to be giving advice but I realised yesterday I've actually unwittingly been setting the groundwork for the last six months for stopping drinking in January. Lots of mindfulness work, engaging with supportive podcasts outside of alcohol support (Tara Brach, Brene Brown), read about neuroplasticity, tried to get interested in the life that might be available to me if I was sober, rather than think about what I was 'losing'.

I woke up super early this morning and voluntarily got up and did yoga. Well that's a new workday feeling!

That's super interesting @ColdWaterTherapy, I had quite the same realisation when lockdown 1 happened.
The feeling that a lot of my decisions were unconsciously heading towards preparing myself for such an event (including quitting drinking, I can't imagine the carnage it would have been otherwise!). Like you, before quitting, I started to meditate, journal, read a lot of inspiring books etc...
Some people quit out of hitting rock bottom, but there's this other way.

I think it's Holly Whitaker (who wrote Quit Like a Woman) who said that the key to success is to work a lot on self-care (and like you, she picked up yoga!)

@BunniesBunniesBunnies
I've read so many inspiring stories about C25K I definitely want to give a try!

Yes @FastFood that makes sense!

I've asked myself, generally: what problems have I been using alcohol to 'solve', and what other solutions are there for those problems? So it takes a lot of self-scrutiny (and UGH TO THAT) but it means now I have answers other than booze.

I feel like quitting drinking has ended up being the logical outcome of a set of decisions about myself and my life, rather than expecting the decision to quit drinking itself to magically fix things.

That's definitely the difference for me between this time and the occasional 'that's it, I'm never drinking again' post-binge hungover agonies I've had in the past.