Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

In truth?! Yes i do. Or i did. Not so much now. I lived on poached eggs. I have been veggie for most of my adult life and added in dairy free for years before I was willing to give up eggs. But this it's been a year and i haven't missed them like I thought I would.
I don't actually have a huge issue with eggs per se but I won't support the factory business of them. I have people local to me who have completely free range hens and I know a few people who mostly follow a vegan diet but buy these eggs. I have always said it I felt a real need for a poached egg or to nake birthday cakes with eggs then I would go buy them. But I've said that all year and haven't actually done it.
I do quite like scrambled tofu when I can be bothered.

I think that if you want to start making changes think about eating LESS dairy and eggs and meat. Add in as many vegan meals as you enjoy. Make as many dairy subs as you can. And then if you trip up it's not such a big fail. You might just find that it makes its way naturally to a vegan diet permanently.

The 'what vegans ate today 'thread is great on here for ideas.

After 2.5 months sober, I'm having a bit of a wobble and have the itch. I think it's the ground-hog day and the weather, and zero me time.

I'm trying to play it forward. It does help when I wake in the morning and imagine how I'd be feeling after even just one glass of wine (tired, anxiety, low fuse). I think above everything else, I'd just be so disappointed in myself if I drank now. In many ways 2.5 months doesn't sounds loads in the grand schemes of things, but it feels like fricken aaaages, I don't want to have another day one :-(

Gosh Breathmiller, you know the rules, no talk of (dairy and egg) moderation on this thread!!!😂😂😂 Just kidding! Many thanks for all the insights, it’s very interesting to hear.

bunnies oh yeah!! Haha!! Sorry. Vegan or bust!!

Sorry pamelapeaches missed your post. Has the feeling past yet? Can you distract yourself?
Keep playing that video forward.

Can you find something else that can give you a good feeling?

A treat food? Phone someone for a chat? Find a fun thread in classics and get lost in it? Throw yourself in the bath?
After months and months without one my dh fitted our new shower yesterday. So i didn't hsve my usual practice of throwing myself in the bath bit had a long glorious shower. It felt so good to get into clean jammies after. What's in your feelgood toolbox?

Pamela Peaches, you're nearly three months, keep going, get a big bar of chocolate or whatever your treat is and ride it out, look in the mirror tomorrow morning and give yourself a big smile. This is essentially just a small few hours you need to ride out.

PamelaPeaches hoping you made it through! x

2.5 months IS long @PamelaPeaches, those first few months are the toughest! Why would you want to do them again?! Hope you made it through😊

Thanks gang, am here this morning with a clear head. Had a bit of chocolate and went to bed. Chocolate / sugar / comfort food is def in my toolbox, but unfortunately I think it's loosing it's power a bit as I've been over-doing it. Need a re-set with food I think.

I've been feeling a bit twitchy for a about a week, so it wasn't just a passing moment kinda thing. I think I actually need to go back and start reading a bit of quit-lit. Hoping this is just a phase. Thanks you lovely lot - I love this thread x

Yeah! Well done @PamelaPeaches! It’s all a bit rubbish at the moment too isn’t it? so don’t give yourself a hard time. Maybe a walk and some quit podcasts on headphones?
I’ve not been wanting alcohol particularly but ‘something’, not sure what but ‘something’, that elusive ‘something’ that’ll make me go ‘aaahhh that’s better’...
I think a tropical beach could work... 💭
I’ve done a month! Yesterday was 31 days! Go me!

Aw congrats Staying - 31 days is brilliant. Definitely with you on needing and craving the 'aaah that's better' thing. And YES a tropical beach would definitely hit the mark!

I am thinking today about all the brilliant things being AF has given me. By far one of the biggest (and most unexpected) ones for me is my patience to deal with the every day stresses of family life. I'm SO much more zen - and a much better wife and mother.

I think some of my recent twitching is down to a worry about a single friend of ours, who is in a bubble with us. He's the type of chap who is always there to support his friends and family and is a massive positive ray of light. I also know he's very proud and wouldn't admit to lockdown loneliness and work struggles. He hasn't said anything, but I'm just a bit worried about him. In the past I'd have done him a bit of a jolly to cheer him up, round at ours: a lovely slap-up meal and a few cocktails. I guess in a stupid way, I feel like I can't deliver that and give that to him in quite the same way because I won't be joining in the boozing. Gosh I feel a bit teary writing that out for some reason.

Well done pamelapeaches and stayingvigilant these are great milestones.

Pat on the back time.

aha! I've just had a big blub, brought on from listening to Frozen's 'Let it Go'. Must be hormonal (al least in part).

Another good reason to stay away from alcohol - really don't need the additional messing up of wonky middle-aged hormones.

Thanks Breathmiller :-) indeed we need to stay kind to ourselves and celebrate any kind of win.

Hi all!!! I’m say 2 of being sober and attending my first as meeting tonight - I so nervous. Anyway my story thus far is that alcohol took a grip on me and entirely ruined my little family. I currently feel anxious, sick and shaky. Will this end soon?

Well done louhh87 on day 2. You're definitely are at one of the hardest parts. But you can do this!! And it will get better.
Well done at attending a group. Throw everything you have at it.
Groups, post on here, akd read back, there are loads of great advice over the many threads. Find ways to distract yourself at your witching hour. Read quit lit if it appeals. And be kind to yourself, its not easy at times but it is sooooo worth it. Think what you have to gain?

Aw thanks so much, it’s def been a really tough few days but it’s totally ruined my entire life and I need this so bad. What’s quilt lift?x

Quit lit sorry

Quit lit is literature about quitting. So, books, audio and on kindle to read to help. Podcasts and vlogs as well. There are loads of welo known ones. They've not been my thing so I can't make any recommendations I'm afraid but there are others on here who wilo be able to give you ideas of what ones work.

Let us know how you get on at your group.

Blogs not vlogs.

@PamelaPeaches Well done on staying strong. I can relate to your wobble about your friend. I like to host and to make people smile and I even think that the drinking maybe started by the desire to make people laugh and smile by me letting loose a bit. I would host that dinner for your friend when you feel strong enough, serve exciting mock tails and I bet you’ll see that you have EVEN more fun sober as you’ll remember every detail, won’t say anything you regret and no horrible hangovers and beer fear.

@StayingVigilant Congratulations on one whole month! That’s amazing! How are you feeling one month in? Yes 🙌 to tropical beaches! Exercise is the closest I seem to get to the “that’s better” feeling nowadays I think.

@Louhh87 Welcome! Congratulations on two days and well done for attending your first meeting. The physical symptoms should improve very quickly. Maybe have a read through some of the past threads for some suggested reading and distractions. I found hot chocolate and lots of sugar in general helped me a lot in the early days and I have to have a lot of distractions lined up for the witching hour.

All good this end tonight, day 136 so next milestone will be 5 months sober in a couple of weeks. Did another big presentation to some senior folks today, I was calm and composed and got some really good feedback. My work performance has definitely improved since I’ve started actually sleeping at night. All those years I drank because of the work stress and didn’t see that my drinking was making work more stressful. The irony! Hope everyone is doing ok and coping with the homeschooling etc, one day at a time.

@Louhh87 - congratulations on getting started! It is so hard at the beginning but once a day is done you’ll never have to do it again. And the next day will be easier. I found quit lit really helpful. I liked Catherine Gray The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Clare Pooley the Sober Diaries, Holly Whittaker Quit Like a Woman and Lotta Dann The Wine o’clock myth. But there is lots of free material out there too - Clare Pooley has a blog (Mummy was a secret drinker), Annie Grace has a huge library of podcast episodes, Holly Whittaker and Lotta Dann are on Instagram.... and most have done interviews on podcasts, just search on their names.

Congratulations @StayingVigilant @Furble and @PamelaPeaches. It’s lovely to share in all the successes here. Furble I agree, all the times that I thought alcohol was helping me cope whereas it was actually doing the opposite.

I love the concept of a feel good toolbox. I am trying not to rely on chocolate too much! Rediscovering some old hobbies has helped, I’m better if keeping mind or body busy.

I'm lying in bed waiting for my 4 year old to just go to sleep....checked my app, 80 days today!

80 days cartooner wow wow wow! And almost 5 months Furble! Yeah! Well done!
I almost wanted a drink tonight when dealing with one of my stroppy argumentative teens. Instead I walked away, with my gin glass of ginger presse. I calmed. I’ve not felt that ‘need’ before though. Up until now it’s just been ‘mmm, a drink would be nice, but I don’t need it’. End of. As quickly as that. Tonight was ‘I need one’ - I didn’t of course. That’s just all the BS we are fed... mum needs a drink to cope with her kids.
I was sent a meme video clip thing this morning of a mum drinking wine and a little boy asking if she’d die if she didn’t drink wine and she replied ‘no darling, of course not... but you might’. It’s quite shocking how normalised it’s become to think drinking helps us cope with our kids. And I nearly fell for that BS tonight.

Welcome @Louhh87 - I bought Naked Mind by Annie Grace but only read first few chapters when someone said she has a free online thing you can join. I’ve mentioned earlier on here so I won’t rattle on. Only to say it’s highlighted the marketing behind alcohol, the memes, the psychology and the BS like I’ve mentioned above. This has really helped switch my mindset and makes me aware of what I’m doing or think I want to do. In the early days you may feel crap as it’s an addiction. But stick with it and you’ll not have to do those first days ever again.