Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

@Flydesk exactly the same. The amount of headspace used up either by dithering about whether to drink in the first place or the subsequent after effects, is ridiculous. So happy to be free of that and long may it continue!

I'm on Day 8, never gone this long AF for 8 years, so I am really pleased with myself.
I can't say I feel any different (apart from the money saving and the calorie savings).

My question is about the headaches - wake with a shocking headache every morning and it lingers. How long does this last - please tell me it's soon.

Hi all
Just checking on, so wonderful to read all these great positive stories and see those who are starting out get support.

I hit my 5 month milestone today. It's weird but it doesn't feel like a huge deal. It just is life now. I don't drink. That's all. 99% of the time it doesn't even enter my head to have a drink and the times it does then I know the thought passes fairly quickly.

In some ways it's kind of neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. But having said that I'm taking these milestones and cheering myself and you all on.

I feel like I have come out of a fog and i couldn't ever imagine going back to how i was. I have been reading the dry January thread and remembering all these same thoughts and battles with myself in years gone by with dry Januarys, dry Novembers and long periods of abstinence followed by the inevitable attempts and fails at moderation. And I feel so free from all that.

It's also helping me take control of other aspects of my life and my health and I see so many parallels with my relationship with alcohol and other areas of my life.

Keep on going everyone. It really is so worth it.

@flydesk
I have treated myself, maybe three times over 😂 I’m a keen gardener and have bought lots of new things for spring. I’m looking forward to spring, lockdown is much easier when I can be outside.

@Breathmiller
Well done on 5 months! Amazing that it feels "normal" - that must be so relaxing!
I'm now on day 8 and last night I had my first ever 90% sleep score from my fitbit - It was right too - I slept like a log!

freshstart56 thanks.
And great to hear you slept well.

@Breathmiller many congrats! 5 months is brilliant and I’m so glad it feels normal now. Hang in there Team

Lovely to see this thread so busy! Congratulations to everyone for sticking with it, and especially the new starters and people clearing the big milestones too. You are all so inspiring. I reached 60 days yesterday, and am proud of myself for not reaching for the wine over the last few days.

Re the headaches - mine were roundabout 10 days in I think. I took ibuprofen and drank plenty of water

Home schooling is actually not going too badly. dd's school have done a brilliant job with setting up live lessons and as a result dd is much more engaged and enthusiastic about it all. I was really saddened by everything going on in DC this week, but me drinking wine again wasn't going to change anything so I didn't. My last drink was on the day that the election was called for Biden, and I don't want Trump, or HMRC, or Boris or anyone to sway my resolve.

After hitting a plateau over Christmas and New Year my weight loss has resumed and I'm now 7lb away from my target weight. I really think not drinking has really helped me shift the weight - my body's not having to deal with alcohol every day and I am not eating all the snacks

Checking in, day 7 and I’m beyond grumpy tonight! Really want a glass of wine and angry at myself that because I can’t moderate I can’t have any. However, I’m feeling a lot better, my skin looks great and I feel much more positive about my body and my sleep is amazing SO I’ve taken myself away from temptation and am in bed with a disgusting amount of chocolate. This thread and reading everyone’s success is a lifesaver just now!

Well done Breathmiller and blacberryblossom
LilyLolo Why do you want that glass of wine? Play it out in your head right to the end and see what difference having the wine really makes, if that helps. Bet it won't be much at all in the grand scheme of things
Still lurking and enjoying reading all your updates, they're all really helpful and insightful.

@100PercentMe I think it’s just been my go to after the working week for such a long time. Friday and Saturday nights have been wine nights for years and so this is my first Friday night without wine for a very long time. It’s just habit, I totally recognise that. Doesn’t make me any less grumpy though 😂 I’ve been enjoying junk food in bed with a film instead and will have a nice early night. I’m looking forward to feeling refreshed instead of groggy in the morning, my sleep is so much better and I love it!

@LilyLolo81 Friday nights were the hardest for me, I really struggled on the first one, and the next two or three took a bit of planning. My Friday evening drinking was literally decades of habit. It got better though! You’re doing brilliantly.

Thank you @100PercentMe.

lilyLolo81 Friday nights were my nemesis too. It is just about habit. And doing absolutely whatever you need to do to get through your witching hour whenever that is. My way of getting through was AF alternatives, eating crap or like you going to bed. It really does get easier. That first one is especially hard. So well done for getting through it. You can do this!

@LilyLolo81 the first one is the hardest. Someone came up with the idea of treating yourself like a toddler, lots of baths, snacks, love etc while you get through this bit.

Also I found non alcoholic drinks an absolute saviour on the hard days (nearly every day!) in the first few weeks. A non alcoholic beer, AF wine etc. Anything to take the edge off the not drinking and the rage about it.

Thank you everyone! Your support means a lot! I’m doing the food shop later so will pick up some af gin. I think my rage at myself isn’t helped by the fact that about 6 years ago I went af for nearly 6 months and wanted it to be forever, I was finding it really easy until we moved house and someone handed me a glass of champagne to celebrate, I have no idea what I was thinking because I drank it and that one wee drink sent me back to moderating which I just can’t do. I’m so angry at myself for that! I am very good at limiting my intake but I’m never satisfied as I always want more. I spent last night cosied up in bed with the electric blanket on eating chocolate and crisps and drinking Diet Coke. I’m chuffed with myself this morning because I feel great. Day 8 👍

Well done, @LilyLolo81, Friday nights are a beast to be slain at the start. I drank SO much Becks Blue. Soon you will love Friday night because it's the start of the weekend, and for their sheer fridayness, and the thought of booze won't affect you either way.

Brilliant news of the milestones, @Breathmiller @Blackberryblossom.

Re headaches, mine lingered for 2-3 weeks, I'm very prone to them though. Currently going through something similar, it turns out I can moderate when it comes to caffeine and I'm down to one morning coffee, but my previous consumption was so high I've had bad withdrawal headaches for the last week. But I keep thinking that I quit booze so I MUST be able to do this!

Have a great weekend everyone 😊

Jumping on the thread to say that Friday nights used to be my major wine nights - after the working week (I’m a teacher in Alternative Provision) I used to practically have the wine poured before I got my coat off.

I’m now 148 days AF - and my Friday night go-to stress reliever is a 5k run after work.

If anyone had told me I would ever write that last sentence, I would have laughed. Hard and long.

Ditching the booze has completely changed my life.

Day 22
Wow everyone is doing brilliantly! Go us!
I’ve just watched an Annie Grace video about parenting and drinking to survive it and what a load of tosh it is basically. It was very hard hitting though and I’m now feeling a bit rubbish. It’s impossible not to feel guilty when I know that I’ve inadvertently harmed my children. They’re 17, 15 and 11 so that’s a lot of years. I can’t undo that. I hate HATE the fact I could have been a much better parent. Ok, so I’m changing it now. And forever. Still can’t help feeling bad about the awfulness I’ve put them through. Sorry sounds so pathetic.

I have a caffeine hangover! I don't really do caffeine and am not a massive coffee drinker. In fact i went years without coffee and now only have one in the morning if I fancy one.

But in my 'treat myself Friday' mode I had Dr Pepper last night and I slept terribly and feel atrocious today. So I looked up how much caffeine is in it!! Bloody hell!! No wonder i didn't sleep. I had 3 huge glasses of the stuff. And what's even worse is so did my 9 year old. No wonder he couldn't sleep either. We have vowed not to drink it again. Or if we do, we will have one VERY small glass in the daytime and only rarely.

Why do so many things we "treat" ourselves to poison us? Us humans are awfy stupid

stayingvigilant
I think that's normal to feel like that. It's like a veil has been lifted and you think why the hell did I do that? It wasn't healthy for me or the people around me.

But I think if you dwell on the past too much then you would just fall into a negative guilt ridden place and then feel bad about yourself. And then of course a negative mindset has the ability to drop you into old comforting habits. I find if I forgive myself for being human and making choices in the past that no longer serve me and start thinking positively about myself that I am doing better now, then it really helps my mindset. And a more postive me is much more likely to do more postive things.

So, pat yourself on the back for making the changes now. And changing your future. What's that saying about... when I didn't know better I made bad choices but now I know better I am changing what I do. Something like that.
Forgive yourself, change the behaviours that no longer serve you and move on.

Thank you breathmiller wise words. And we learn from our mistakes.
Who knew about Dr Pepper!
Last night I filled a huge Silent Pool gin glass with tonic and added a splash of fentimans rose lemonade. It was really lovely! The rose lemonade made the tonic taste a bit like pink gin. On its own I find the rose lemonade too sweet but added to the tonic was 😘

Yo team. Am struggling. Not with booze but seemingly with everything else. Like many people I guess. Glad to be sober though. Hope you’re all ok.

Ah sorry to hear that bunnies you can rant here if you wish.

Ah bunnies sorry to hear that. Anything we can do from a distance? Can you have a rummage in your toolbox? Is there something that you are needing right now? Stillness? Movement? A hug? A run? Compassionate words to yourself?

Do we need to throw you in the bath? . I'm in one now (no need to picture it - its no bonnie) but it's ohhh so soothing. If i had a rubber duck I'd even put it in. Watch it bob about. Maybe what every grown up needs now and again is a bath with a smiley rubber duckie bobbing about. 🦆🦆

Ah thanks guys there’s not much to say. Just the lethal combination of childcare and work. My two older ones have actually been offered a school place as I’m a key worker but as I’m mostly working from home I feel I have an obligation to keep them home. My husband thinks they should go in or the school wouldn’t have offered them a place but I’m trying to keep them home for as long as I physically can. It’s a struggle.
Anyway I hate the detail the thread with Covid bullshit so please just ignore. I know mumsnet has gone fucking Covid mad somehow.

I guess I just wake up stressed and then everything else feels really hard. Well, you know what it’s like.