Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Hi, can I join in please? Day 7 alcohol free for me. I'm feeling really positive about it, having tried to stop or moderate many times before, I'm sure this is it.

Any idea how long it takes for sleep to settle down? I'm not sleeping much then yesterday I totally crashed and slept from lunch to midnight (should have been working from home so ended up working through the night to catch up)

I feel I'm more unreliable at work now than when I was drinking, although that could be the alcohol playing tricks with my memory. I can't take any time off as we're too busy.

Welcome, @JennysWell. You sound very sure about your decision, that's how I felt too. It's time!

At a week in you are still detoxing so expect messed up sleep. If you can stay awake today until an early bedtime, do it. Don't nap. Follow a bedtime soothing routine, including bath, warm drink and story, like a small child.

I think your brain will become less muddled and you'll perform better at work in a few days. That's my prediction anyway. There's a lot going on besides embracing an alcohol free life, so be kind to yourself.

Welcome @JennysWell! I’ve started doi by a short meditation with the headspace app which really helps. Other tips are baths, herbal teas, and exercise in the day.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there

Hi and welcome@JennysWell. I'm fairly new too and my sleep pattern was pretty awful too to begin with although working years of nights and rotating shifts contributed to that I'm sure. I agree with @Drybird2020 to avoid daytime naps if possible. If you find yourself nodding off try a brisk walk or just getting up and moving around and avoid evening time caffeine. Some people find Nytol helps but it wasn't for me. As my username suggests you can guess what drink I have in the evening but again not to everyone's taste. Good luck! Everyone on here is supportive and non-judgemental.

Hello @JennysWell.
I have just completed 7 days AF too. Feeling much better. My sleep is much better than it was on the first couple of days. Warm baths and hot milky drinks plus a lavender pillow spray is working for now, but hoping to drop the milky drink as I am also trying to lose weight!

I hope that you long time dry people know how much of an inspiration you are. Thank you for continuing to share and support us newbies.

Hey all great to see thread so busy, huge well done to everyone of there milestones 🥳 Day 16 here and still feeling strong and that this is it for me. Sick of all the years wasted with disasters and worrying after drinking along with the huge strain on my mental health.

Mood is still a bit all over the place with tough decisions being made but so glad I'm not tempted to reach for wine. Have managed to get two of the dc into school hub for a couple of days starting tomorrow. Home schooling is so tough but when four out the five have asd and such different needs the last lockdown was a bit of a nightmare juggling it all. The two dc that have got the places are really keen to be in school so pleased they will have a bit of structure as will help the whole family as a whole so very positive.

Sorry to hear about your daughter @StayingVigilant it's such a tough time for children atm, my son who is 16 self harmed a year or so ago and it's so hard so sending hugs 🥰 he has came out the other side the now thankfully.

Hi everyone,
Quiet day almost off today, brief sunny walk, and my shopping came so I've a full fridge.
Dealt with a Covid denier on my church WhatsApp group... oh how stressful!! I would walk away apart from that pesky old Hippocratic Oath
Work tomorrow and feeling a little stronger each day. My secondary addiction is diet coke - tackle it in the order it will kill you I think - so living on that just now!!

Hi @JennysWell and @FreshStart56, we’re all about the same amount into being alcohol free! This thread is really helping me, just knowing that there are other women out there doing the same makes me feel less alone.

I’m feeling really positive today. Bought some alcohol free Gordon’s and it’s lovely with tonic - I get a bit sick of drinking sweet drinks in the evening and sitting with a G&T is still pleasant even without the booze.

Hope everyone is doing ok otherwise, feel like the entire world is going crazy right now.

I’m with you @Flydesk, some of the Soft drinks are too sweet. I’m surprised how much I’m liking a tonic just on its own. Like it so much, I’m not missing the gin in it.

Checking in, day 6 for me. I’ve had a nightmare day at work which would normally have me heading straight to the shop for a bottle of wine but instead I’ll have a hot chocolate and an early night. I’m starting to sleep a lot better and my skin looks much better too which is keeping me motivated. I also re read ‘Ice and a slice’ and a Rachel Black book the last few days which has really helped keep the ‘drink voice’ at bay. @Flydesk one of my friends recommended the af Gordon’s, I might give it a go tomorrow night just so I have something to mark the weekend with, I’m going to turn into a can of Diet Coke at this rate!

Just a wee tip with people mentioning meditations - if you’re an educator you can get the headspace app for free. Also if you have Spotify there’s also some really fab meditations on there as well.

Great to see everyone checking in. I had a little wobble earlier but it was a passing thought rather than a terrible craving. I’m realising how much better I relax without alcohol!
I’m having a peaceful evening. My sleep is so much better after 12 days. I’ve been on leave this week so going back will be the true test.

@LilyLolo81 it’s definitely worth a try - it has the nice juniper taste of gin. My skin’s also looking so much better - I just looked haggard all the time before, really can’t believe what a huge difference being (alcohol) free has made.
Know what you mean about the ‘drink voice’ - Claire Pooley calls it the ‘wine witch’ which is just so true.

Hi everyone.
I am on day 2 of no alcohol. I was drinking a bottle wine a night plus a couple gins. The thought of nothing to drink in the evenings was impossible. However ive been waking in the mornings recently feeling worse and worse and decided thats it. I started reading Allan Carr the easyway to stop yesterday and its definately helping.
I nearly caved at 6pm to go and get some wine but I didnt. Then had a bath and read some more book in the bath!
I never thoguht I could go 2 days, I am so proud of myself!

Hi @MyLifeNow20 and @JennysWell welcome to you both! Well done for getting the first 2 days and first week under your belts. I found tracking my mood at the end of day check-in on the I am Sober app really helped me when I was starting out. I also used the journal feature and it helped me to correlate the easier and harder days and why I found them so. For me the greatest challenge was no longer being able to press mute on my emotions and bury them with booze. I felt like I was feeling everything very intensely and that was hard to cope with at the start. I’m pleased to say it’s so much easier now, my ability to cope with everything has improved dramatically. Work stress that would have had me reaching for the bottle just doesn’t seem to get to me in the same way now, I am calmer.

I think distraction is key in the early days, nice evening routine that is full of things you enjoy, errands, exercise, making lists. This January I’ve decided I’m going to spend my evenings cooking recipes from my new cookbooks, watching classic gangster movies and starting on a cross-stitch project for my sons rooms. So far I’m really enjoying it and I’ve managed to keep my mood really buoyant despite the news.

One thing I’m struggling with: I’ve started telling friends that I’m hanging up my alcohol hat for good and they all seem genuinely so disappointed and disbelieving. At times I’ve felt they’re almost angry that I’m thinking of doing it; taking their fun friend away from them. Does anyone have any experience or advice on dealing with this? It’s not changing my resolve but it does make you question about moderation etc which honestly I would rather not even be wasting my energy doubting on.

Well done not caving MyLife, LilyLola & BadMutha - who cares about the cola! I’ve often had a T without the G. It’s absolutely fine. I had a fevertree ginger ale light in a fancy silent pool gin glass tonight. They’re the glasses I would usually have a G&T in so are associated with a treat. I’ve started using these for my evening drink - usually sparkling water or maybe a nice cordial or even just Ribena. But the fancy glass helps. I’m going to have to rename them though. Can’t call them G&T glasses anymore.
It’s day 21 today. That’s 3 weeks. I’ve done 3 weeks. I know it’s not a lot but I’m still pretty chuffed. It’s been soooo much easier than I expected. This thread is definitely helping. As is the free online ‘alcohol experiment’. And no doubt the inability to socialise. I do worry how I’ll manage those situations but I’ll put plans in place when they are actually on the horizon.
Happy A-free everyone!! (3 blooming weeks)

This is discussed a lot in ‘alcohol experiment’ so no doubt in her book too ‘Naked Mind’ that I’ve only read up to chapter 9 then stopped as doing the online freebie instead. I’ll see if I can link one of her videos. I find them useful as she suggest ways to unpack all those thoughts.
She also says that people don’t like you quitting as it shines a light on their own drinking. They may drink the same as you or more than you do you quitting makes them unwillingly glimpse their own, which they don’t want to do. She writes loads about the cultural acceptance of alcohol and how it’s a ‘drug with amazing marketing’. Our friends are still buying into the marketing.

Oh that last post was to @Furble

this is just one of her videos talking about non-supportive friends. Hope the link works & is helpful.

Checking in, 7 days AF and doing ok. Well done everyone that’s kept it going this week in such strange times!

Sending a huge well done to all of you starting out. It's hard going at first, but every day you tick off is another closer to the days feeling much easier.

I hit my 1 month milestone yesterday! I can't quite believe I've managed a month. I feel a million times better for it, AND I was told I look young today. I'm still really struggling to sleep any time before midnight, and I often nod off far later, but still have plenty of energy in the day so maybe that's just my natural routine.

I have noticed that all my joint pain has gone. I have suffered with quite severe joint pain for 15 odd years. Anyway, it is gone. All of it. Time will tell if this is just a quiet period for pain (not unheard of) but I'm cautiously optimistic.

I can't say how much I love not drinking. I wish I'd done this years ago, but everything has a time and a place so no point dwelling on that.

Also this thread is so valuable in terms of personal accountability and having somewhere to share feelings, achievements etc. I wouldn't be at a month sober without it.

Day 44 here. That’s 44 bottle of wine that I haven’t poisoned my body with. Which is roughly £260, over a year that will be 2k, more if you add in wine in the pub ( obviously not at the moment)
That’s a lot of money.

I feel much better, I look better. I can walk down the wine isle and not even think about buying any.
I also wish I had done it a long time ago, but I wasn’t in the mental zone. It’s amazing how much easier it is to give up completely, than attempting to moderate. It’s like everything in life, you can do it, but only when you really want to.

@Furble I know exactly what you mean about telling people. It’s weird how people react - it’s almost embarrassing to admit you’re alcohol free because it’s like saying ‘I have a drink problem’ even though you’re putting it behind you. I think people also find it hard to confront the fact that as Allan Carr says we’re all just sliding down the pitcher, and maybe it makes them reflect on their own relationship with booze? I’ve found it really easy to say ‘I’m doing dry January’ and then I’m planning on saying that ‘I found I slept so much better/lost weight/look better doing dry January that I don’t think I’ll go back to drinking’ Dry January is seen as an ‘acceptable’ reason!

@Belinda554 are you planning a treat for yourself with all that saved cash? You deserve it!

@Wellysock congratulations on being free for a month! Hope the joint pain easing is a permanent thing.

@Sandseasurfsun welcome! I don’t know about you but I’m actually enjoying feeling clear headed and less tired - I’m shouting at the kids far far less (which is just as well!)