Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Hi guys. First post here. I've hopped over from dry January. Lots of folk are concentrating on getting through the month whereas I feel for me that's it, I don't want to drink again. I did nine weeks last year and one night just fancied a glass of wine and that was it, straight back on it.

Welcome geillisduncan
You’re not derailing the thread bunnies. We are not AF in a vacuum and our surroundings including work, childcare & blasted covid have huge effects on our coping strategies. How old are your kids? Is it possible to do 3 days home & 2 in school or something similar?

💐 @BunniesBunniesBunnies and a big squidge for you my lovely. Covid is all-pervasive and it's affecting all of us, so we are going to need to talk about how we feel about it here. I know where you are coming from, I am a keyworker and usually in school but my role also allows me to work from home one day a week. I CAN send my kids in on that day of the week, but feel bad about it.

@gellisduncan Dry January never worked for me, I always saw it as a white knuckle ride to the end of the month with a bottle of wine as the prize. And then the whole sorry process started all over again...

I agree. I think I'm okay with never drinking again. In fact I feel quite confident about it. I think my worry is I felt confident the last time and for no reason at all I just started again. I can't moderate, I can't reduce I know it time to stop and for it to be for good.

Second Saturday with no drinking and I feel so much better. Normally I’m tired and cranky. Today I’ve felt zen-like in my ability to stay calm in the face of my children and husband complaining of man-flu. Spent time playing properly with my youngest, cooked some lovely food for meals this week, done a million loads of washing, emptied and refilled the dishwasher a gazillion times, but never lost my temper, felt in control and calm. Actually can’t believe how much the booze was making life harder for me not easier. Bit worried that this is all ‘pink cloud’ and I’ll crash down to earth at some point but long may it last. Treating myself to another AF gin and tonic.

Hi @geillisduncan - know how you feel about dry January. Kind of feels pointless if you just have a massive binge at the end doesn’t it?

And this is such a hard time for everyone @BunniesBunniesBunnies and all you can do is your best. I’m also a key worker and me and my colleagues there’s a mix of kids at school and kids at home. I think whatever’s best for your child and you is the right thing to do.

I know what you mean Fly about the zen like calmness. For the first time I gave a tidy house. I wasn't like Themis the last time I gave up so I'm hoping this is forever.
Alcohol has been making things worse for me all this time not better.

Thanks guys and welcome @geillisduncan! Never done dry January but not sure I would see the point. Many of best treats from being alcohol free for me came after the first month. So I would have had all the hard work and few of the benefits if I started again after a month. How have you been finding it so far?

Morning all. Welcome @geillisduncan!

Well done @Flydesk for your second sober Saturday! For me this is how the weekends have stayed, pink cloud or no pink cloud. As someone who takes pride in being hardworking and “efficient” it was pretty gutting realising how much I’d been impacting my productivity with booze for so long. Onwards and upwards eh.

All good here, sanity intact, ready for another week, day 127 here. Slept beautifully last night and ready to tackle a “long” run when it gets a bit warmer and otherwise spend the day cooking and cuddling babies I think!

Woken up this morning to find multiple empties in the kitchen so it seems DH went overboard last night. He has had some bad news about PIL failing health so is worried but, tbh the empties disgust me.
I had a very brief panic about the recycling.
Our last break away in a self catering cottage I actually brought some of the empty wine bottles & beer cans home with us because I was too embarrassed to leave them in the recycling as the owners lived in the cottage next door and would see how much we’d drank
I think the panic this morning was shame of how bad I had become and I feel sad about all the waste (money, days spent feeling crap, impatience with teen DS) 28 weeks AF and scared I may one day slip and go back to it.

It's really helpful for me to be here with you guys and reading how long you have been AF. I don't want to drink ever again. I can't have 'just one'. The only bother I'm having is falling asleep. It takes me ages rather than being asleep in seconds after wine. Then I struggle to get up in the morning. I'm sure it will improve. DP had a wee party to himself last night with a whisky or two.. I'm looking forward to having a productive day leaving him to his hangover.

cooking & cuddling babies sounds idyllic Furble
I know exactly what you mean old habits when you face the waste and yet worry about slipping. Neither is a bad thing though, providing we don’t become too guilt ridden. Being aware that we may slip, not becoming complacent & ‘staying vigilant’ will keep us on track.
I’m just over 3 weeks AF now. The first week GellisDuncan was tricky sleep wise and I took a nytol a couple of times. I’m now not tired until midnight, so don’t go to bed until then. I fall asleep really quickly and sleep all the way through for a good 8-8.5 hours. This is hugely different to when I was drinking. I used to fall asleep maybe only an hour earlier (11pm) but waking at 3/4am and then not being able to go back. Ok, so I need to work on going to bed earlier so I’m up before 830, but these big sleeps are fab!! It’ll come.

Thanks for that. I've been taking valarian but still struggling. Hopefully get better soon. I'm used to going to bed early maybe need to stay up later. I'll treat myself to some new books with the money I've saved from not drinking.

Hi everyone. Really loving hearing the positivity. I had such a stressful day at work on Friday, came home feeling ill and sore and tired and sad - so I just had a cheese toastie and went to bed. That was the biggest temptation.

Took the cat to the vet for his jabs - he was such a flirt!! Climbed all over the vet and nurse and the equipment. And howled all the way home. I'm sure there's a lesson in that but not sure what it is.

Agree re world events- that it feels overwhelming at times. No benefit to me drinking on it. Day 9 here and plodding on.

Ah @Furble that’s great to hear - I’m also someone who likes to get a lot done, and yeah it’s so horrifying how I’ve been sabotaging myself for so long. Hopefully I’ll be the same and I’ll keep the pink cloud feeling forever!!

How is everyone today? We all made it through another weekend - hooray! But we’re facing another long week of lockdown.

All good here. Enjoying a nice cold fizzy squash with ice in front of Sarah and Duck currently. We’ve randomly been given a £25 voucher by work today so I’m currently dreaming up ways to spend it on me me me! Probably bubble bath and cookery books

How’s everyone doing?

Hi all, just catching up. I am day 71 now. Homeschool started today ...well, people whinging on twitter that it shouldn't be called homeschool instead emergency education, whatever it is it is falling on my lap in my home so I'm homeschooling. Anyway, my hose is not tidy, it's completely upside down, I have PMT and my two older sons fight almost constantly at the moment. It is absolutely soul destroying if I am honest, one has attention deficit disorder and is constantly on the wind up and the other is hormonal and DH and I are so worn out.

DH is off to have a covid test at 7 and I'm feeling a bit envious of his time alone. Joke. But......

... the absolute last thing on my mind would be to drink anything! That's freedom.

I'm dreaming about a tidy house, a walk with my podcast, an early night, also spending a voucher, time with my hobby. Because no of this can happen it all seems as exciting as a glass of wine usually did. Maybe that's why it was so easy to pour a glass of wine when I couldn't manage anything else!

God it sounds intense @Cartooner sending you strength. I think we just have to take it one day at a time, practice calming breaths and focus on small, tiny pleasures at the moment.

But hooray for that FREEDOM that you so rightly identify that you now have! We’re no longer making things worse and harder for ourselves by trying to self-medicate with booze.

Hope you manage to squeeze in one of those little pleasures you mentioned this evening. Xx

cartooner
I came on to say the exact same thing.

Start of online school here had my younger son in a state of panic attacks and sobbing . Hes had such a hard time with his brother being unwell that I think it just hit him. Hes been having night terrors about his brother dying and he is exhausted and scared!

So today was a firefighting episode of tech not working, lots of cuddles and tlc (yes - I did throw him in the bath ) and DANCING!
On another thread of mine someone suggested a dance burst song a day. Put a song on and just DANCE!! I am so glad that I don't reach for the wine on days like today but access my ever growing toolbox.

Adding dance burst songs to it. Daily! It is sooooo freeing!!

Thanks guys. Well done Breathmiller you sound like you were a better mother today than I was because my day involved a lot of ranting about passwords and where's your pencil case and so on. Altho we did bake a cake and there were cuddles at bedtime. Hoping to throw some dance in tomorrow. I've to also work tomorrow so I might be doing manic rave type dancing to try get out of my head!

Onwards and upwards!

Raising my glass of milk to all you wonderful home schoolers. Dance sounds like an excellent idea! We can only do our best.

I was popping in to see how @BunniesBunniesBunnies was doing today. Hello to all the new people on here and well done. Those first few days are hard!
All good here. A few bumpy moments but I'm not trying to fix them with alcohol. Still taken aback by just how strong emotions are now.

Hello all and thanks for the kind words. I’m having a better week in terms of work/homeschooling. Phew.

Also, today it has been 9 months (yes, 9 months!!!) since I have up booze!!!

Benefits I’m currently enjoying the most are:

• Good sleep/waking up refreshed
• Being present in the evenings
• Being really bloody fit, running fast and looking better than I have for years! (Yeah, I’m vain!)

I spotted a bottle of wine in my cupboard yesterday which I bought nine months ago (just before I quit). I can’t believe it’s still in the cupboard😂

That is utterly fantastic Bunnies well done!! That's nearly a year!

I am also struggling with the homeschooling and working and with a DH who is not well enough yet to do much but is driving me mad by trying to do too much.

Plus it's been too icy here for days to get out a walk and run.

Anyway I've been focusing on how present I feel - and actually I am so calm now in the face of the rants of my child and teen about schoolwork 😇.

It's good to hear all your updates and how you are all keeping going despite the various pressures we are all under- and arguably managing better than we would if alcohol was in the mix of it.

I am at 192 days now, and not even really counting them except to look at my app when I post here.

Wow congrats that's just fantastic. It's not vain to be happy you look great, that's the goal really. 9 months, say it loud say it proud.

I really want to be fit, I am trying and getting there. I have a few pounds from lockdown to lose and drinking a green smoothie here as I start work. After this post last night I did a facemask, with a candle lit and all that jazz, it helped more than wine would have!