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Alcohol support

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"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

989 replies

Drybird2020 · 06/10/2020 21:13

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

OP posts:
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9
Mrsdoubtfireswig · 14/12/2020 12:08

That sounds good @Cartooner. My starters are...

  • this thread
  • re listen to Allen carr audio book
  • have AF alternatives in - luxury juices / fizzy drinks etc
  • re-read benefits of not drinking and list best / favourites
  • online yoga video, bath and book for relaxing night
Breathmiller · 14/12/2020 13:12

That's a great idea cartooner

In my toolbox i have...

AF drinks
Bundeburg ginger beer
Fizzy water in a wine glass (#reclaimthewineglass)
Baths. In my new swish bathroom. With candles.

Massages.
Yoga and Meditation are always in my toolbox
Buying things for the house that normally I would worry about spending money on.

Talking to and spending time with my family.
Phoning/messaging a friend.

Being grateful.

You bloody lovely lot. Grin

jess3817 · 14/12/2020 14:29

@Wildernesstips well Done on your 14 days, that's fab.@BunniesBunniesBunnies thanks! Yes still here. I am thinking of trying some of the pukka teas. I drink so much normal tea I thought I'd try some new stuff lol.
My weight has plateaued - wich is fine with me, still have a very sweet tooth🙈 but hey, if the weight is staying the same, I'm cool with that😂@DileenODoubts that's exactly how I was with my kids, well the youngest ones anyway. I'm really enjoying being with them and being able to have fun and be rational when I need to be.
I think I noticed an big improvement in my complexion around 25 days in, looks much more hydrated and much much less bloated. Few spots now what with all the sweets i keep eating but, it's a good play off lol

Breathmiller · 14/12/2020 16:43

I tell you what's NOT going in my toolbox. Looking through red wines online to send to my dad and step dad for Christmas!
I need a new plan. Its always been so easy....a couple of good bottles of wine. Delivered if i won't be meeting up. Job done. What noo?

Blackberryblossom · 14/12/2020 17:23

So busy here! I haven’t fully caught up yet. Congratulations to everyone passing big and small milestones, and I hope that everyone on duvet days (@Hangingover and @Breathmiller ? ) is feeling the benefits.

@Breathmiller I thought it was really interesting what you said about low alcohol beer being in the AF section, and looked it up. It turns out the rules are slightly different for drinks made in the UK compared to drinks made in Europe ( drinks made in the UK have to have less than 0.05% volume to be considered AF but it’s 0.5% for drinks made in Europe). There’s a website called steadydrinker.com that has articles about this (the one I read is from 2018). There are quite a lot of foods that can have alcohol at that kind of level - eg orange juice, bananas, some burger rolls (??). Which I never would have guessed. But yes, the difference in terminology is confusing.

All good here. Day 36 for me. There’s a layer of anxiety that has disappeared, which was not something I was expecting. I realised that I was singing whilst driving on narrow country lanes in the dark one evening. This is not something that normally happens. Also more confidence - I’m doing this and it’s ok, so maybe I can try other stuff that I thought I couldn’t do? Plus, I’ve now saved enough money to pay for the Seedlip I bought 🤣 I love that I can always drive too, my weekends no longer involve working out when I can drink and when I can drive.

My day to day toolbox is making sure that I always have the choice of something lovely to drink, also a book. I look at the stats on my app every day too, that keeps me motivated.

Cartooner · 14/12/2020 18:02

I love the toolboxes suggested. Stealing some of those ideas:

  • Calm Zone: I am trying to sort out my bedroom so it acts as somewhere to retreat to, light a candle, I set up a meditation corner yesterday for sitting with my Calm app be it music/a meditation. This is VITAL for me in my house with four children who just never stop. I am not a daily meditator, but I try.
  • Ditto on the nice drinks 100%
  • Episode of Feel Better, Live More with Andy Rammage and book marked One Year No Beer podcasts.
  • Crossfit which I do every second day and is very important
  • Having my PJs laid out, fluffy socks and good book waiting for me as a end of the day hug knowing I will wake up fresh as a daisy!

That's it so far.

Needsomethingtoread · 14/12/2020 18:21

@Horlicks4me I’m on day 36. It’s only really this week that I look different. Less grey and more rosy.

I’m not losing weight mind, as I’m eating everything I love, as and when I want it. I love sweeties, all the lovely sweeties, giant strawberries, jelly beans, jelly babies. Yum yum yum. Don’t like chocolate, unless it’s mint match makers, after eights or chocolate orange. Sorry got a bit carried away thinking about all the yumminess

Drybird2020 · 14/12/2020 20:50

@jess3817 there you are!! I was wondering where you had got to. I'm glad you are still going strong.

I'm enjoying all the Christmas toolkits. I've got running in mine - very impressed with @BunniesBunniesBunnies for the speedy 10k in celebration of 8 months sober and I'm constantly grateful to jess and bunnies for inspiring me to get off my fat alcoholic arse and start running, I love it now and have to make myself to take a couple of rest days a week to avoid injury. So I'll be doing that over the holidays. Also plenty of yoga and I'm going to let myself eat what I like over Christmas, just like in the early days of sobriety. I never wanted a drink on a full tummy, so keeping my tummy full should avoid any desire to drink. There's logic.

OP posts:
jess3817 · 14/12/2020 21:21

@Drybird2020 hello!🖑 yes still going strong. Glad to hear you are still doing the yoga - I stopped that for a while as things got to busy with work but 3 weeks ago, took it back up again and remembered how much I loved it. I'm liking your logic! I will do the same😂
The things that use to help me early on were, lots of chewy sweets , chocolate and ginger beer - they still are now but because I like them, not for the sugar hit I use to need. Yoga! Running every other day and use to have a bath every night when the wine witch came calling. Oh! And a word game app on my phone to keep my hands and mind busy

Ilookjustfine · 14/12/2020 21:38

I'm on day 0, tomorrow will probably be day 0 too and so on and so forth.

I don't know how to do it.

I don't have the time to join AA, I work full time and have 2 young kids.

Every time I look for help its information overload. I don't know where to start.

Ilookjustfine · 14/12/2020 21:40

I see all your posts and I can't work out why I can't be successful too. I was drinking every day for 3 years. I've got it down to every second day but once I feel normal again, I go to the shop...its not as easy as just 'don't'. I want to. I don't know how to stop.

Furble · 14/12/2020 21:47

Thank you for these amazing Christmas tool kit suggestions! I read a tip on the I am Sober app about planning some special treats for the day after a big day you’re worrying about getting through.

For example if you have to attend your first sober wedding, or Christmas party, buy yourself a little gift that you’ve been looking forward to or plan a nice activity for the following day. Then when you get through the challenging event, reward yourself with the gift or treat!

I’m planning a festive run first thing on Boxing Day and then a special extra long Christmas bath afterwards as a nice reward for surviving my first sober Christmas!

It’s the big 100 for me today and I am chuffed to bits! I’ve celebrated by making a festive mincemeat and marzipan wreath and laughing non-stop at silly telly whilst doing it - who says we don’t know how to have fun!!

Horlicks4me · 14/12/2020 22:28

@Ilookjustfine. I'm no expert and not sure I can offer much to help you as this is my first serious attempt at giving up. I have reached day 10 but it's tough to start. I just knew in my head that I was ready. I downloaded Alcohol Lied To Me and it all rang true plus I had close friends who were badly affected (one died). The hangovers and silly stuff I have said and done under the influence make me cringe. You certainly need a beverage you enjoy as an alcoholic replacement and recognise your trigger times and try and keep busy. I'm sure there are more experienced people than me who may offer the right words but please don't think you are alone in this battle.

Cartooner · 15/12/2020 07:13

@Ilookjustfine I can't really advise but I wonder if you should get GP support with this. Also, read Annie Grace's this naked mind.

littlemissgrinchy · 15/12/2020 08:33

I'm still going strong but seem to have become the silent forgotten one. Hey ho, no change there then. I wish you all the best of luck going forward.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 15/12/2020 08:55

Well done on still going strong @littlemissgrinchy! I’m sure you’re not forgotten, it’s just a busy thread which I think is a fab sign! What’s in your toolbox? In mine is running, good quality chocolate, nice herbal teas, long baths and thrilled/crime audio books!

@Hangingover, how are things? You still hiding under a duvet?

Needsomethingtoread · 15/12/2020 10:20

@littlemissgrinchy please don’t think your forgotten. Your really not! As @BunniesBunniesBunnies said it’s a really busy board but everyone here is so lovely, friendly and approachable. Please keep posting xx

Breathmiller · 15/12/2020 11:25

@littlemissgrinchy sorry I've missed your posts or not replied to them.
It's good to hear you are doing well. What do you think has worked for you the most?

jess3817 · 15/12/2020 16:35

@Furble well done on your 100! I like the giving myself a gift idea, I think I will do that too😀 me, my hubby and 3 boys are going to run Xmas day too! My daughter isn't into running so she'll stay home and eat choccy instead so she tells me ( she's 14)

Breathmiller · 15/12/2020 18:31

@Furbie well done on your 100 days. It's a real achievement!

I have had an anniversary this year (although not a big one) and my 50th!! All sober! I'm so chuffed. Christmas will also be fine.

Breathmiller · 15/12/2020 18:35

I do try the running thing periodically and you all make it sound so appealing. I even saw someone running today and thought that looks so good, so freeing. But I just can't seem to get into it or if I do then I can't sustain it. I can't even face the thought of a walk at the moment, i am sooo exhausted.

3 more 12 hour days of work then I am off! I might try the C25k again this holiday. Keep talking about the benefits and it might just give me the kick up the bum I need

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 15/12/2020 18:51

Hey @Breathmiller, if you find it tricky to sustain the running you’re likely going too fast! Try to slow right down. C25K is brilliant and it’s what got me running. I go slow and love it👍

Wellysock · 15/12/2020 19:18

@Breathmiller I've heard great things about C25K too. Never tried it myself but maybe one day. I'd like to get in to yoga a bit more but with a houseful of kids and a wfh DH it's not proving easy to find the time or peace.

Today is a bit of a struggle for me. Had a silly fight with DH, kids have all been loud and my patience is shot to bits. I had started smoking again a bit as well, which I wanted to get on top of before it got out of hand, so I binned my cigs yesterday. I have nothing left in any sort of tool kit for this kind of day yet. I think an early night is in order.

Wildernesstips · 15/12/2020 19:21

@littlemissgrinchy well done on keeping going.
@Furble congrats on your 100 days.
@Ilookjustfine I’m only really a newbie to being sober but I thought that the “don’t have your first drink” works well, as it’s in the moment rather than thinking long term.

The wine was really calling me today as the recipe I was cooking wanted a large glass of red. DH stepped in and used white wine (not my drink) and I decided I would treat myself to garlic bread instead of wine. Phew! It was close.

MyLifeNow20 · 15/12/2020 19:25

Hi please can I join you?
I have been drinking a bottle of wine for the past 18 months. I hate the way it makes me feel shit in the mornings. I hate the way I always seem to think about wine throughout the day. I’ve put on weight, I want to eat well and lose a stone.
Does anyone have any tips please? I’ve got many books that I’ve started reading but not finished.
I saw someone mention a meditation area in their bedroom, what do you have in it? It sounds very appealing