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Alcohol support

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"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

989 replies

Drybird2020 · 06/10/2020 21:13

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

OP posts:
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Hangingover · 24/11/2020 23:28

Hi lads, thanks for all who asked after me and welcome to newbies. I feel like a dick for disappearing but I just know how bloody negative I'm being atm. I can't handle the constant onslaught of it any more. Every TV commercial break, every stock image of Xmas on the news, every goddamn end of aisle promotion in the supermarket.....it's like society and marketing companies are all colluding to keep us addicted to this fucking misary juice. Sad I wish it was like in Aus where all the booze is safely kept in bottleshops so it at least can't jump out at you when you're in a completely unrelated bit of the supermarket. Oooh you're looking at breakfast cereal ms.customer....how about some PINK GIN with your cornflakes? I mean obviously don't drink it at breakfast that would make you an ADDICT silly, no, you must drink this 40% proof highly addictive and poisonous dumb fuck elixier RESPONSIBLY you sillybilly may have had breakfast wine at some very dark periods of my life Angry

I can see six months AF on the horizon (Monday) and it's all that's keeping me going and manically knitting and baking

I'll tell you this for free this thread is going to be blazing at Xmas.... We're going to have to prop eachother up sober heros. ❤️

EchidnasPhone · 25/11/2020 07:55

Today is the eve of my 4 months alcohol free. But my period is due. I am so on edge. Grumpy. I had realised I drink (binge!) when my period is due. It did not make it any easier. I’m very shouty. I feel claustrophobic. Last night I was so stressed out. Made a nice drink and was moaning to a friend who suggested adding vodka to it.... I didn’t. I wasn’t tempted but I was missing that feeling of relaxation and stepping aside from my worries. I don’t yet know how to do that to just let the moment pass without getting all worked up as and stressed out.

EchidnasPhone · 25/11/2020 08:05

Did anyone listen to bbc Scotland yesterday morning? Call Kaye? They had a guy in who’s pushing for an Australian system and removing alcohol from supermarkets and banning alcohol advertising. It was brilliant to listen to but also scary - there’s a large proportion of children who can identify alcohol brands! I mean of course they can - tv ads, sporting sponsorship, the end of aisles in the supermarket, tv shows with mum quaffing glasses of booze. It’s every where!

EIsaCragg · 25/11/2020 08:42

When you think about it, the power of advertising and marketing around alcohol is awesome (but not in a good way).

Something expensive, foul tasting and destructive is dressed up to be the magical answer to all your problems, making you feel amazing, attractive and popular.

What a con. Let's live our honest lives. Not trapped by a lie.

Drybird2020 · 25/11/2020 13:08

There you are, @Hangingover! Yup, the thread is warming up for the festive season. Come and toast your toes by my newly fixed logburner (thanks, DH! ) and we can all have hot chocolate with cream in in for anyone missing the nutritional benefits of Baileys 😝

OP posts:
BunniesBunniesBunnies · 25/11/2020 13:20

Welcome back @Hangingover, I agree with all you are saying. A log burner @Drybird2020!!! So nice! Just in time for the festive season!

Happy four months @EchidnasPhone!

witchwoo · 25/11/2020 14:08

I keep meaning to say, has anyone seen that documentary film on iPlayer - The Rain in my Head, I think it's called.

It's an award-winning documentary following the lives of 4 alcoholics. Powerful stuff.

Made in 2006 but honestly looks like it's set in the 80s - all huge TVs, and smoking at the hospital, and using the landline phone.

These are 'proper' drinkers - a pint of vodka as soon as they wake up type thing. But very eye-opening...

Breathmiller · 25/11/2020 14:46

Welcome back hangingover

Come all ye faithful non drinkers and join our merry crew of clear skinned , bright eyed and bushy tailed non-drinkers.

Warms tootsies on Drybirds log stove. Hands round steaming mugs of hot ginger cordial, cups of spicy chai tea, hot chocolate etc. And toasts everyone's very fab milestones.

Cartooner · 25/11/2020 17:48

My skin is so silky soft at the moment, day 26 I think and I definitely look brighter or maybe my eyes see clearer! I put a hair treatment in today, something I consciously bought using money I haven't spent on wine I probably would have drank. I went for a lovely long walk and got a gingerbread latte before collecting the kids at school. My local sober bar are doing lovely Christmas packages of non-alcoholic cocktail selections and I am treating myself to it for December. I bought their summer pack as I didn't drink for the month of August and that was lovely too.

This is my fourth month this year not drinking at all and I am pretty sure it has stuck now. But I don't say forever as I still find that concept stressful so I say I'm keeping going, that's it.

Hangingover · 25/11/2020 21:26

witchwoo Christ this documentary. Sad Very very sobering. (It's called The Rain in my Heart btw for anyone else who wants to watch on iPlayer)

I've had two wake up calls today actually. The first being when the addiction consultant in this documentary goes, "we regularly see people here who are drinking 70,80,90 even 100 units per week. Per week serious face ". The number of units I drank p.w at one point is on that list.

Also, I'm listening to the addiction memoire Black Out. Now, I did know that the blackouts I had when I was addicted to benzos and drinking heavily were caused by that particular chemical interaction. (It's causes retrograde amnesia...you can basically still walk, talk, carry a conversation...flirt, have sex...you can seem normal....but the memories don't get created...so you literally remember nothing. It's like blinking).

Anyway, when she's talking about drugs she points out that rohypnol is a the benzodiazapine family...which pulled me up short. Yes my friends, I was roofying MYSELF. How fucked up is that.

Hangingover · 25/11/2020 21:33

Actually since I've thoroughly lowered the tone already I've got a third one (also from Blackout). When she's talking about how much she drank she added, "If you do this enough, you will perminantly scramble your pleasure and reward system". Which is again a stark reminder that (as Robert Lockhart's Doctor said in the amazing 'You Left Early') 'its not your fault you have an addiction but unfortunately it is your responsibility'.

witchwoo · 25/11/2020 22:01

@Hangingover yes exactly this! When the doctor says about the 100 units I thought exactly the same.

I didn't like the guy doing the documentary at all, especially when he was questioning Vanda on her earlier revelation. She'd already told him her own mother didn't believe her, and what the result of that was (not trying to give too much away to those who haven't watched it).

I've heard the woman who wrote Blackout being interviewed by Annie Grace on her podcast. Very interesting stuff.

Hangingover · 25/11/2020 22:11

I didn't like the guy doing the documentary

It was a sort of old school kind of documentary where the film-maker is present in the film which feels weird. Sort of like Nick Broomfield but not as good. I'm glad he made the film though.

I like the doctor actually. He's a lot more candid than a doctor would be on film these days. He reminds me a lot of my addiction psychologist (who I hated at first). He was very no nonsense and blunt and little addicted me was all indignant and thinking "but you're supposed to be nice to meeeeeee". It was exactly what I needed though.

Needsomethingtoread · 26/11/2020 05:29

So one amazing benefit I’m having right now is being sat in bed at 5.25am giggling to Mumsnet classics threads. The bed is shaking and I’m crying with laughter. Pre af days i was comatose until 8am, chugged down 3 massive coffees and felt like crap. I don’t even need my coffee now. Though I do have one as I love the smell of fresh coffee in a morning. I bought some mulled cider spices and some cloudy apple juice. Boiled in a pan with a cinnamon stick, star anise and mixed spice mix and was amazing. That’s my new go to winter brew

Cartooner · 26/11/2020 05:59

That sounds delicious @needsomethingtoread. I am up since 5.30 due to a 4 year old who wakes earlier and earlier lately and I am so glad to be reasonably alert and present to him, even if I am tired as I went to be at midnight. Next stage in my life improvement is to go to bed earlier and not stay up watching Schitts Creak eating starbursts Blush

witchwoo · 26/11/2020 06:46

@Needsomethingtoread I'm definitely going to try 'mulling' something (not sure if that's even a word this early in the morning) this weekend. Need to get the spices.

@Hangingover A bit off-topic (but still addiction). I've just been reminded of another powerful documentary I watched years and years ago. It was a similar thing where the guy was following heroin addicts and recording their life. The journalist ended up trying the drug himself and becoming an addict - it was quite shocking. Wish I could remember what it was called.

@Cartooner I have a 3 year old who wakes a lot so I feel your pain! I'm enjoying the deep sleep sobriety gives me between the million wakings though, which is half the battle. ;))

I was thinking about what you were saying about 'never saying never' re:drinking. Annie Grace says exactly the same thing when asked by people if she's sober for life now.

She replies by saying she drinks what she wants, when she wants. It just so happens that (through her learning) she hasn't wanted to drink for 5 years (or whatever it is).

She says if you say you're 'never driving again' the only time you'll know you're successful is on your death bed, and where's the sense in that? Also, there's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing of wanting something more when it's deemed out of bounds.

So instead she says she drinks what she wants, when she wants. But just doesn't 'want' that poison at the moment. I like that approach.

witchwoo · 26/11/2020 06:47

Never drinking again, not 'driving' obviously

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 26/11/2020 06:53

She replies by saying she drinks what she wants, when she wants. It just so happens that (through her learning) she hasn't wanted to drink for 5 years (or whatever it is).

She says if you say you're 'never driving again' the only time you'll know you're successful is on your death bed, and where's the sense in that? Also, there's the whole 'forbidden fruit' thing of wanting something more when it's deemed out of bounds.

This is 100% me!!! And I haven’t event read Annie Grace😂 (Though I’m familiar with the method.)

I can’t remember who the superhuman is upthread who doesn’t need coffee anymore... I definitely still need lots of it even when sober! I really enjoy coffee though and have no desire to cut it out. Though it’s nice to drink is because I like it, rather than to combat a dreadful hangover😂

EchidnasPhone · 26/11/2020 07:13

I went without coffee and sugar when I really needed to lose weight - which I did 😇 it was so hard to give up. Sure I had natural energy but that morning coffee is a routine that can’t be replaced herbal tea! I love a strong coffee in the morning like a warm soothing hug

Needsomethingtoread · 26/11/2020 07:14

That’s me! It’s so strange, normally I would have three massive coffees on a morning but I’m guessing as I’m sleeping so deeply I just don’t need it anymore. It’s a lovely feeling being so alert on a morning. School runs are not full of angst now

Cartooner · 26/11/2020 07:14

That's great what Annie Grace says. So true.

I bought a christmas present from the kids to me and when opening the delivery box yesterday I called my DH come and first take out the gift to keep it somewhat of a surprise for me on Xmas day.... well I was tidying the kitchen this morn and opened a press and there it was plain as day my present sitting on the damn shelf, hello, not hidden, not even covered. I am now raging and that's tripped over into full rage storm in my head with my DH because he is so damn relaxed about everything including reducing alcohol even a bit to join me when I do. He doesn't drink a lot but be drinks steadily 4 nights a week at least and we have talked about health side being in our 40s and he fully agrees but still hasn't reduced it at all. He is part of my drinking story as he so often walks into the living room and hands me a glass with a plate of cheese or whatever in the evenings after kids in bed... and I am 'ah sure one won't kill' as my willpower is zero by then after putting 4 kids to bed. I asked him last year not to do that anymore but he stopped for a while but over the summer he was back leaving a glass out for me when bed time with kids done.. I 100% know that it's all my work this quitting alcohol but I do find it hard with him sometimes as he kills me with kindness at times. Except when it's my Christmas present and he just flings it on a shelf Angry

Needsomethingtoread · 26/11/2020 07:16

I’m on day 18 now. Super chuffed. Not having to socialise now is definitely helping my sobriety. I’ve already said I won’t be bubbling with anyone over Xmas. It’s not worth the risk of COVID or me drinking

Cartooner · 26/11/2020 07:27

That's great. Handy 2020 does bring some positives.

I found someone on insta earlier who talks about giving up alcohol for a year and instastories on how she regrets not doing it 10 years earlier Sarah-Jane Clarke, I only saw her from a tag from author of a book I enjoyed about food Processor Felice Jacka. Just wanted to share for anyone on insta

Hangingover · 26/11/2020 09:05

She replies by saying she drinks what she wants, when she wants. It just so happens that (through her learning) she hasn't wanted to drink for 5 years (or whatever it is)

I got annoyed at this bit. Only because to me it sounded smug because most days I seriously consider drinking my mouthwash when I do my teeth. Grin

witchwoo · 26/11/2020 09:32

I got annoyed at this bit. Only because to me it sounded smug because most days I seriously consider drinking my mouthwash when I do my teeth.*

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I guess it represents 'hope' for all of us that when we're a couple of years down the line (as she is) we too will have virtually zero desire.