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Alcohol support

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"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

989 replies

Drybird2020 · 06/10/2020 21:13

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
PamelaPeaches · 26/11/2020 09:40

Cartooner - that would annoy me too if my husband had done that. You gotta inject a bit of mystery / magic into Christmas ffs!

Witchwoo - love all those sentiments from AG and I agree that is the very best way of looking at it. Thanks for posting her quotes, great to have these reminders.

Hanging - omg roofy-ing yourself. I know its not funny. But I did LOL a little bit at that, sorry.

PamelaPeaches · 26/11/2020 09:42

At the minute I have virtually no desire to drink, but I think it's because I'm in a little sweet spot in my life. When the stress comes back I'll be properly tested, I'm sure. Hopefully the longer I stay off drink though, the easier it will be to stay that way.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 26/11/2020 09:48

LOL @Hangingover, on a bad day I get annoyed by that too for exactly the same reason! Those are also the days I want to punch my husband in the face for being Mr fucking Moderation with regards to literally everything. Asshole!!!

But on a good day I feel like Annie Grace. And today the sun is shining where I am and I’ve been for a nice long run, so today is a good day☀️

EchidnasPhone · 26/11/2020 11:12

I wonder how my resolve will be when the restrictions are gone 🤞 socialising will be tough. My friends know I’ve stopped drinking - I’ve explained why but I think as we had similar drinking habits they are encouraging me to drink... I don’t know. It’s like they don’t think I had a problem as they do the same so why have I stopped. And when will I start again... at home it’s fine. My DH isn’t a huge drinker on his own. I was always the instigator. I’m not bothered when he has a beer or wine but with friends I can’t visualise what that will be like. There is definitely peer pressure.... and I don’t think they mean it unkindly it’s just well, habit!

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 26/11/2020 11:19

@EchidnasPhone it’s certainly tougher when restrictions are lifted and socialising is allowed again. But having lived through this once already, it won’t be as bad as you think!!!

I have many friends who drink a lot and I told them all I quit. Not forever, just for now. I was quite casual about it. Had a few really really fun nights with them even though they were drunk and I was sober! It was much the same as before, except I didn’t have a hangover.

I do appreciate it’s different for everyone and I won’t pretend I don’t ever find being sober hard (I do!!!) but when it comes to socialising I have found that much easier than I think.

(My cravings for a drink mainly arise when I’m home alone, having a bad mental health day. Which says a lot about my relationship with alcohol I think...)

Ravenswick · 26/11/2020 11:38

Hey all, good to see the thread busy and that you are back with us @Hangingover!

I love my coffee even more now, and wouldn't want to give it up - hey, its good for you after all Smile

I don't want to drink again - and I definitely wish I had found the tools to stop 10 years ago..I know its never too late but life is so much better without alcohol, its hard to regret all those evenings when I could havebeen doing more fun things...

Hangingover · 26/11/2020 13:45

Those are also the days I want to punch my husband in the face for being Mr fucking Moderation with regards to literally everything. Asshole!!!

S.A.M.E

How did we manage to attract these peculiar, non-compulsive creatures? DP (before he gave up with me - LOVE HIM) could have just one pint and.... shudder ...leave an inch in the bottom...whereas I (this is gross but I'll tell you it anyway) once gummed the dregs of a baggie of something I found in a nightclub toilets because I didn't want to waste it.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 26/11/2020 13:58

No judgment here @Hangingover!!!

You’re talking to a person who regularly fishes cigarettes out of the bin after throwing away the packet in a failed attempt to quit😅

EchidnasPhone · 26/11/2020 14:10

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that’s a nice way to say it - not forever just for now. In my head I feel like alcohol free is the way to go but if I say I’ve quit permanently it feels like there’s no wiggle room.... Moderation is not a skill I possess. I wish it was but booze and food are my downfall. Folk who can have a glass of wine or two and then switch to water are like unicorns to me!

Hangingover · 26/11/2020 14:53

It wasn't even white. It was sort of brown colour #skankforlife

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 26/11/2020 20:18

@Hangingover😂😂😂

Waste not, want not!!!

Did anyone else enjoy a brief moment in glorious winter weather today?

Hangingover · 26/11/2020 20:58

We went in the sea today. It's actually fine after your feet go numb.

CatRed200 · 26/11/2020 21:09

It's been ages since I have been into the sea [shoehorns self onto thread] :)

Best thing that happened to me today - snoring 16 year old cat on my lap in front of the fire.

Drybird2020 · 26/11/2020 22:24

Bet you felt amazing after that, @Hangingover! (sea not nightclub-baggie-licking)

Whoever it was upthread who recommended the Mumsnet classic thread had done me a massive favour, I've been weeping joyfully at in on and off all day.

Welcome @CatRed200, my cat snores too, I can hear her now and I'm not even sure she's in the room.

OP posts:
Needsomethingtoread · 27/11/2020 07:17

I told my Auntie today of my alcohol free pledge and she was so supportive. I’ve not told anyone else yet apart from the oh. She very kindly gave me the cash to get a soda stream as I’m getting through loads of fizzy drinks. If anyone else is interested found curry’s has them on sale at £44.99.

Like you @EchidnasPhone my friends will push and push and push until I give in. I’ve said I’m not drinking so many times before, so of course they won’t believe me. I’m just not going to go drinking with them for a long long time. I’m hoping our friendships will survive but I’m not 100% sure they will tbf. I’m not upset or worrying about it though weirdly as I know it’s either me stop drinking or I lose everything that I hold dear. Life, sanity, family etc and right now that’s more important. I’m kinda hoping we can evolve to do other activities instead. Like going to book/antique shops, lovely cafes and long walks, but I’m not sure if they will be up for that. I have one friend that definitely will be, so at least I know I will have one friend left.

The whole keep going out to pubs, bars etc just won’t work for me even when sober, I know some people will be fine with it but once I’m out, I need to be out fully or I risk falling into drinking again.

Breathmiller · 27/11/2020 09:10

Hi all
Just checking in before the weekend.

Well done on going in the sea after being in Aus hangingover . I am waiting now on spring for my wild swimming. I will use the excuse that I am in Scotland for my pathetic reason.
I did really enjoy it when I did it a few times over the summer. Very invigorating. I have a few friends on the Islands who do it every day. They say it keeps them sane. But apparently its good to get acclimatised before going into really cold water. So thats my excuse no.2. Grin

Happy AF weekend everyone. What plans are afoot?

One of my daughters has moved into tier 2 (same as me) so I can see her outside this weekend. I haven't half missed her.
Work tomorrow morning then a visit to her on Sunday. All good.

Oh and on the other challenge i have of healthy eating for those at all interested, i have lost 8lbs. So over half a stone. In 3 weeks. I feel so good. Now, my witching hour of the weekend has moved from getting through Friday without drinking to getting through Friday night without eating EVERYTHING.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 27/11/2020 09:15

Wow, well done on the weight loss @Breathmiller and the sea swimming @Hangingover!!!

Cartooner · 27/11/2020 10:57

Well done everyone. I wish I could enjoy this more but my life at the moment is so hectic it was more a case of something had to go to improve my energy, rather than 'enhancing' my days....I have four young kids and a son who is very difficult and he had a terrible evening yesterday I won't even bother sharing the details but it's been a few terrible weeks and trying to get him to self regulate more and I just went to bed glad that I'll wake up clear today to try for a better day.

I feel like if I didn't have so much going on this would be brilliant, all the books I would read and walks I would take!

witchwoo · 27/11/2020 12:26

@Breathmiller great weightloss! Very envious.

@cartooner No advice I'm afraid but just to say I can totally relate. It's a cliché but I'd love a wee in peace, let alone a walk. I don't know how I used to manage before when drinking as my life is knackering enough sober.

I also have 4 ranging from secondary school age to pre-schooler and it's chaos.

At least we know we're being totally present throughout this shit show. 😅 And doing the best we can.

Cartooner · 27/11/2020 13:24

Me too exact same eldest secondary down to preschholer.... as the stress increased so has my tolerance to red wine, they are relentless this year but I also made this decision as I don't want to look back on this time of life and see that vague cloud of guilt around whether I was drinking too much hanging over my memories. At least now I'll be able to look back in a few years and acknowledge with a clear conscience that it was a shitshow but I did all I could do to be present, manage them, love them and enjoy the nice bits! Plus maybe know I enjoyed my own life and plans too while I was at it.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 27/11/2020 15:14

Oh @Cartooner I love love love this quote from you below. As a working mum of three it sums up my sobriety (and life!) most days!

At least now I'll be able to look back in a few years and acknowledge with a clear conscience that it was a shitshow but I did all I could do to be present, manage them, love them and enjoy the nice bits!

witchwoo · 27/11/2020 19:41

@cartooner yes exactly this. One less thing to feel guilty about looking back (god only knows there are enough other things, without alcohol!)

Is anyone taking any supplements specifically since giving up? I don't usually take supplements as I always feel that taking too much of something isn't natural and might offset the balance of something else.

It's ironic, isn't it? Quite happy to pour mind-altering poison into my body that's been proven to increase my risk of cancer, and all sorts. But heaven forbid I take a multi-vitamin.

Anyway, in 'Alcohol Lied To Me' he suggests a whole load of vitamins and minerals that will have been depleted by the booze. And that there's a few that are quite essential to take in order to prevent low mood when you go sober.

I'm on about Day 36 of sobriety now, I think. So for about a month I've been taking very high levels of vitamin D (and K2 to balance it). B vitamins. Omega 3, magnesium etc. And a general multi-vit.

I have no idea if it's helped me at all, as I can't really compare it to if I'd not taken the supplements. But I generally feel ok. 😅Pretty good sleep. Haven't grown 2 heads.

It'll be interesting to see if my horrible PMS might be better this month too, with taking all this...

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 27/11/2020 20:05

@witchwoo I also take multivitamins(with iron and magnesium and zinc) now, I think it makes a difference!

It’s hard to tell though as I quit booze whilst making lots of other lifestyle changes so I’m not too sure what is causing the improvements I’ve noticed.

Hangingover · 27/11/2020 20:08

Here follows a long-form account of hangingovers day. You do not need to actually read this if you don't want to, its more an exercise in catharsis.

[TL/DR: it was horrible but I'm still, somehow, sober]

I am FYEWMIN' with DP which is very upsetting and rare. Sad

For those who are unfamiliar with my longform rants: me = 55kg woman, disease that makes my bones abnormally fragile and prone to dislocation, terrible at surfing
DP = huge beefy bloke, 30 years experience in the water, ex profesh surfer, tackles waves the size of buildings with baffling enjoyment.

Today DP and his friend (who is a big burly type, excellent surfer and generally has a bit of a hearty PE teacher vibe) talked me into going for a surf at bit of a beach I've not been to before. I didn't want to go because a) I only had a thin suit with me and didn't want a long walk back to the car in the cold b) it was high tide against a cliff as far as I could see.

They reassured me the way down the cliff was only 100m away, it wasn't steep, and the tide wasn't that far in at that bit of the beach. DPs friend even said he takes his dog up and down there all the time and if she can get down it anyone can. Am enormous fan of said dog but she could reasonably be described as a bit on the porky and laid back side so I said I'd come. All of this, of course, turned out to be horseshit.

First we walked along a blowey clifftop for about ten mins. Me struggling with my new board (which is roughly the size and weight of a killer whale) and the boys jogging on energetically ahead. For anyone unfamiliar with males who surf, they all do this weird excited jog like they think they're the SAS when they're heading off to go in the sea. I've always found being suddenly left behind irrationally annoying, so after they shuffled off I said aloud to myself, "yeah, off you go then, fuck off without me", failing to realise their other friend had appeared out of nowhere right behind me on the path. He looked a bit guilty (and jogged past me).

Next we slide down a SHEER CLIFF FACE where there recently had been some sort of land/mudslide with the boys maneuvering my enormous board between them and cheerfully yelling, "it'll be FINE!".

Then, at the bottom, I looked back up at the cliff (made of clay) and the gathering rain clouds and said to DP "this was a stupid idea". They dived in like otters while I stood around like a total git too scared to go in much deeper than my waist in case I got hurt and then had to attempt to scale cliff of doom with an incapacitated limb or two (I know this sounds hysterical but you have to think about these things when you have my disease).

After a while watching the seals (so cute, like sea Labradors) for a bit, I was freezing so described to sack them off and start scrambling back up slowly.

DP then zooms out the water and says come down from there, we'll go round the other way, the climb up is safer.

The "other way" turned out to be a way out, up the rocks, but to get to it you have to go 300 meters up the beach, round sticky-out bits of cliff, most of which was neck deep in the high tide with buffeting waves against a sharp pointy cliff face. I have literally never been so scared in my life. I honestly thought I was going to drown. It was almost dark by this point and some walkers above were peering down at us obviously wondering if they needed to call the sodding coast guard. I was crying and shivering with cold and fear and DP bellowing at me to keep going and eventually we waded/swam there and climbed out and up the rocks with only a bruise or two.

Afterwards, I really wanted a bear-hug and a, "I'm really sorry, I know I get out that way all the time but I should have realised how scary that would be for you" but he just sort of said "I'm sorry you were frightened" which isn't the same thing. Thought about the rum in the cupboard the whole way home.

I think he is really sorry because he kept the heat up to tropical the whole drive home (which he hates) and bought me three kinds of AF lager at the supermarket and is generally being very nice to me. I'm not speaking to him but I did put a bit of red onion in the coleslaw (which I don't like much) as a sort of provisional olive branch.

Am, obviously, now in bed sulking.

Bloody bloody bloody boys and their cocking "it'll be fine" Angry

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 27/11/2020 20:16

@Hangingover fucking hell I would be fuming!!! My DP also surfs and whilst he is normally the most kind considerate person, where waves are concerned he can be an utter tossed. They just get waaayyy overexcited and then suddenly nothing else matters (bit like me with booze actually😂).

The AF beer delivery was cute though I would make him sweat a little longer😉

Above all glad you’re home safe!