"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

Yes exactly sparkling
I find myself worrying about spending nearly a fiver on 4 bottles of bundies ginger beer at the weeknd Feels like such a huge extravagance. But I tend to drink 2 of them and the kids one each. So its so much cheaper than the wine (and crap that went with the wine). It was like I had a blind spot to it.

We used to have a budget for the week for food when we were younger and lived in the city so closer walking access to shops. We would then have a crap/good day (and in between) and go to the shops and spend almost the daily allowance again on a bottle of wine for me, beer for dh and accompanying snacks. Sometimes every night. We were far from well off so I'm not entirely sure where this magic booze money materialised from.

Oh...and I have lost 4lbs! and don't feel I am dieting at all. Eating really well in fact. 3 meals and snacks.
Slowing down my eating has made a massive difference. And I am enjoying keeping myself occupied with MFP.

That’s fantastic, @Breathmiller! And especially that you’re not feeling deprived at all.

I’m an inhaler of food, if I try to slow down I get irritated. Do you have any tips?

Putting my fork down between mouthfuls. Noticing if I have really finished that mouthful before i reach for the next. Allocating myself plenty time for my meal. My dh is a slower eater so I silently follow him a little. If he puts his fork down I put my down too. I noticed he did this a lot more than I did. (I had to stop myself getting silently competitive and irritated by him and his perfectly slowly eating ways - the bastard which did make me laugh).
And, I know this isn't truly mindful eating but I put ly book on my kindle and read it at the same time when I was eating alone. It has made meal times feel like a time to enjoy, rather than rush through.

Thanks. I’ve tried to mirror the slowest eater ever before and nearly imploded! Will try your tips.

Haha. Yes. Trying to avoid shouting "JUST EAT YOUR BLOODY DINNER!" whilst obviously keeping my natural inner zen is interesting work

Hi all. I need to join you guys if I can. Alcohol takes me to a very sad and lonely place, even though I have a wonderful life and an amazing family. I stopped wine at the beginning of lockdown as I thought I would be ok just having a beer every now and then. Unfortunately, I can’t and I have started back on the wine again big time. I had 2 bottles of wine on Sunday night, cried all night and then proceeded to throw up all day Monday. My husband had to take the kids to school and I stopped in bed all day. I never want my children to see that again. I need to get a hold of this now as I’m 40 next year and this has crept up on me. I don’t want to live like this for the next40 years. I’ve started the audio book Alcohol lied to me and It’s helping it all sink in.

Welcome needsomethimgtoread

This is an amazingly supportive group. It has helped me so much. I hope it does you too.

Thank you breathmiller. It has really hit me this week how much I really need to do this now

Been there, @Needsomethingtoread. It’s shit isn’t it? Welcome to the loveliest thread and support group 💜

I have zero inner zen, @Breathmiller, so I just ground my molars...

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that's amazing, well done - you must be feeling great. What does it feel like to be 7 months sober? Does your resolution strengthen? @Breathmiller I'm the same with books - I've promised myself i can buy as many as I like. Crazy to think I'd spend £10 on a bottle of wine, for myself, to sit in and drink. What a waste, when that can buy at least two books that bring days and days of genuine pleasure. Funny how we can justify things to ourselves.

Welcome @Needsomethingtoread. What you are saying sounds so familiar.

I was where you are 7 months ago, it was a dark (and lonely place). Now 7 months on I feel sooo much better. I still have some bad days but so so many more good days. Plus all the amazing benefits of not drinking! No hangovers, no Fear, more money, better fitness, clear skin.

Stick with it and you will see the benefits🙂

Thank you ladies. I’m a reader too and have just bought myself lots of new books to help me get through these first few weeks. I’m really determined this time. I’ve never said I’m totally quitting before, I’ve always given myself a way out of it with allowing myself beer/cider/ only with a meal. I’m really positive right now. A bit worried about Friday evening but I’ll cross that bridge on friday

Welcome, @Needsomethingtoread. The best time to start is now.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, brilliant milestone, well done!! 😊

Lads, quick one before bed...

I've been thinking a lot about neural pathways and dopamine. I have definitely found my alcoholic dopamine response (or my "here we go reaction" as I call it) is trigger by the sight and feel of wine glasses and wine bottles.

Interestingly, beer bottles and cans don't have this effect. I think this might be because I've been drinking AF beers for so long (I used them as a crutch long before quitting too) that my brain no longer automatically equates beer bottle/smell/taste with getting booze.

Not so with wine glasses, since I've only had normal wine. I also remember having a sip of someone's AF wine in a wine glass and it was so terrifyingly realistic it really set me off.

SO....the only wine bottle in the house is now hidden (belongs to DPs lodgers) and I've decided to have a drink of water every day out of a wine glass until the association is broken and I no longer find the sight of them triggering. Think it'll work?

Interesting idea! I’m triggered in the same way. I’m not interested in any other booze either. Just red wine. Haven’t done very well over last three days but will get back on it soon.

I think that makes a lot of sense @Hangingover. Beating addiction is all about breaking habits and “rewiring” the brain. Let us know how it goes☺️

Makes sense @Hangingover! Sorry re the transitiony feeling and your flat. It sounds like your just gearing up to the next adventure tho! It will all fall into place, don't worry. You've got this. Hope the lovely creams help, I love a new pot of face magic!

Amazing @BunniesBunniesBunnies! So inspiring.

Glad you're doing well @Breathmiller, it's interesting reflecting on these things, I also have food stuff.... I'm all or nothing too. Funny how we all seem quite similar. Its also why I do yoga now, it teaches me to accept limits and not push so hard and to be where I am at and in this moment- as I'm sure you know! That said I still chose go hard or go home style vinyasa and haven't quite mastered the patience/mental capacity for meditation; wish I could! But it makes me anxious.

I agree with the always looking ahead thing that someone said, I'm really work on this atm, trying to be more in the now. I think yoga helps me? I certainly am planning less these days, I guess having to learn to live in a pandemic helps too??!!

Well done @SparklingLime.

Sorry if I've missed anyone.

hangingover yes!! The wine glass thing has worked for me. I'm lucky that dh doesn't drink wine only beer and I can both take or leave beer and /or have an AF one if I fancy it. To be honest thats the whole association with drinking out a bottle though so I have been enjoying the Bundaberg Ginger beers for that reason. I get the 'drinking out the bottle' hit for a Friday night but I actually prefer the taste of the liquid in it.

Wine glass , the same. I was worried when I went away for my birthday with my daughter because she drinks wine and we often have shared a bottle. But her and her partner kindly only brought white wine as I don't find that so difficult to abstain from.
I've yet to sit at a table at a meal with someone opposite me drinking a glass of red. But I hope that I will be further into it that it will be easier. Something the lockdown this year has helped with.

But I do love a nice wine glass. I have always loved the right glass for the right drink and as much as I love my tall tumbler style glasses during the day for my water I don't want to never drink out of my lovely wine glasses.
So, in the evening and sometimes at dinner, i swap to my wine glass with sparkling water. And i really enjoy it. It has changed my thought process. These glasses are my sparkling water glasses now.

It's interesting how for so many of us red wine seems to be the nemesis. I think I've largely conquered beer and never much liked spirits but my god what is it about red wine that is so....mouth watering?!

I'm not sure. But I try to think of it as....cloying, headache inducing and hangover fodder now. It helps change it from something appetising to something damaging.

I can relate to all of this. I only drank red wine. I think it helped me feel better about my drinking, "I can't be that bad if I'm discerning about what I drink." I'm going to try the 'breaking the wine glass association' idea this weekend, makes a lot of sense to me. Also I like 'cloying and headache inducing' - that brought up a horrible visceral response in me which is good! It really is lethal stuff. I feel gritty eyed and headachey if I have two glasses, let alone a whole bottle (which I always found easy to polish off).

God yes the hangovers from red wine are second only to port hangovers. Proper sweating shakey churning anxiety hangovers. I remember I could just about style out a bottle of white at work the next day but red I was a mess. Really dizzy and nauseous...upset stomach....

My hangovers last ALL DAY as well, I've never understood people who perked up around 3...I'd feel worse and worse after lunch then clock watch til I could crawl home and under my duvet.
Eeerrrrch so icky.

I really think the wineglass thing will work. I have one by my bed to pour my water into at night and have had a glass from the tap each day. Hopefully the new association is to look forward to a refreshing drink of water now, rather than triggering a wine craving.

I have reclaimed my wineglasses, and it worked! I still associate them with a relaxing drink with DH in the evening but I don't mind that there's fizzy cordial in there instead of wine.
I did have a small, pretty glass that I used for drinking a sensible quantity of white or rosé, (a sensible quantity that I repeated until the whole bottle was gone) and I binned that as soon as I went AF. The look and feel of it was too much.

I had to quit red wine a long time before I stopped drinking all together, it was a migraine in a glass for me. I do remember those hangovers though. I shake my head in wonderment at what I used to routinely put myself through.