Day 1 for anyone just starting out

[Justdonthavethefirstone]

Hi all. This is my day 1. I have joined some other threads for support but thought I would start a new one for anyone just starting out on this journey. I have a drink problem. It got worse over lockdown.i have had day 1 before and failed but this time I am starting off prepared. I have books to read. I have joined Mumsnet for support and have told my family and friends.

Afternoon all. Day 5 here (HOW is it only day 5? Slowest. Week. Ever.)

Got through Friday night although went to collect ds from a birthday party and the parents had the beer and Prosecco on the go. I declined and said I was taking a break from drinking, expected comments "who even are you?" etc. When I got home I got on it. Well as far as a sober person can anyway!  I tried nosecco and seedlip. Both were "ok" but I could take or leave. I think AF drinks are going to be most help to me when socialising.

@Ynwa1234 you have top willpower when your H is sitting there drinking. I don't know if I would have kept strong if my h had had a drink last night. Also concerned over how long the kids will stay at school. Mine aren't back til a week on Monday would you believe, inset days apparently! None were in the right year groups to go back before the hols either so I've literally had them home since March 20th or whatever it was.

@OrchidJewel pmsl at you swearing when the dc start sniffing or coughing!! It's gonna be a nightmare isn't it! I'm the same and lucky that my older two are able to look after the younger one a bit which makes life so much easier. Having only younger children is definitely harder.

@CosmoFluff I tried one type of kombucha by accident when I bought a can of raspberry lemonade from Morrison's that was reduced. I drank a bit and thought it didn't taste anything like raspberry lemonade. Only now I realise it was kombucha when I've been researching alcohol free alternatives. I'm loving you drinking bottlegreen ginger from a shot glass 😂 that's dedication. Beats tequila slammers I suppose! I broke my ankle after 8 tequila shots when I was 20! Start of a slippery slope I guess.

Virgin mojitos are a good idea. I make a marvellous proper one so I guess it's just without the white rum?! As long as plenty of sugar, mint and lime should be good. I'm going to get some berries to put in my seedlip tonight.

@DowntonCrabby well done for getting this far. How did it go drinking? Any plans to do more of it? I have no idea where I'm going with this yet, I don't want to stop forever but I fear I can't moderate. I've never had a prolonged break though so who knows. I guess it's trial and error. Please keep letting us know how you get on.

@Rupertpenrysmistress and @noelle66 well done both, you're smashing it. Is it getting easier?!

I felt pretty depressed after the kids party thing yesterday but was nice not to have a hangover this morning. I went for a run, which I would have done anyway, but it was definitely a bit easier without a hangover. I'm going to the pub this afternoon for a friends 10th wedding anniversary drinks. I'm hoping it will be easy to stay sober as I'll get there an hour or so after everyone else so they'll be tipsy, and then get my own drinks at the bar so will buy something that looks like a proper drink and not mention it. They are hardened drinkers so would be very confused by this version of me!

Happy Saturday all.

Oh no @Ynwa1234 I'm so sorry to hear about your dh bosses wife 🙁 that's really tough especially with such young children 😥

@Rupertpenrysmistress I really liked Everleaf. I think that is just about my favourite of that type of drink and is lovely mixed with tonic. I tried the Three Spirit range and like the taste of the "livener" one and the concept of the "nightcap"... although you can easily end up spending just as much on them as alcohol!

@writingsonthewall I don't know why I started having the ginger Bottlegreen one like a neat spirit... I guess because it is so strong tasting and has such a bite to it that I can almost imagine it is a whisky-like thing somehow, although that is probably just in my own head! I like it if I have a bit of a cold as well. It would make a nice virgin hot toddy I suppose!

My DH still drinks too although only 3 nights/week... that is probably largely why I have caved previously. I miss the tipsy fun connection. I have started just having a long baths and going to bed early on nights when he drinks. I'm sure eventually I will be more comfortable staying awake and chatting normally while he is having wine.... he doesn't get drunk or anything, but I do find it a bit strange at the moment and even a glass or two can obviously change people and the way they talk and behave. We do get along really well though and he's really great in almost every way - I just need to remind myself that we don't need alcohol to connect. He's supportive enough and honestly isn't bothered whether I drink or not, but he enjoys wine and has absolutely no plans to ever stop, which is fine by me. I just need to get used to it a bit more!

Thanks writingsonthewallyes I would say it's getting easier. I still occasionally get a fleeting moment of wanting a glass of wine but it's very easy to distract myself now.

Ill have to try some ever leaf. I'm on the 0.0% friexenet tonight, it's ok.

I wouldn't be nice to my H is he was drinking! I think I'll be ok with it after a while but for these initial days I would struggle as it's something we do together and enjoy together.

Glad to hear it's getting easier noelle

The pub was fine. They were only doing table service though so I had to order in front of everyone which meant I had to fess up. I just said I'm having a break. They were generally bemused and of course said I could just have a couple etc etc but I held firm. It led to a conversation about how much we all drink and whilst they do like a binge most of them didn't drink at home. Therefore they didn't really understand why I couldn't just not drink at home. I couldn't really explain why I can't do that. I said I could do it but just would feel deprived and I want to get past that feeling. They were all fine in the end and I had ginger beer which was nice. But yeah, it did drive home that people really don't want others to stop drinking. It's weird.

@Ynwa1234 Don't be too hard on yourself over the kids party. Pretty sure I've behaved worse as have lots of us I expect. That's why we're here.

Cosmo thank you, that's really interesting, going to get some kombucha. CBD is out for me but again I've heard great things and hey whatever keeps you sober

I agree with noel, its fleeting but the longer you go the easier

Right back to my new addiction Selling Sunset on Netflix lol

Ymna that is so sad and upsetting about your DHs bosses wife and those poor kids.

Well done everyone else (noel, rupert 28 days now?). Writing I couldn't be ARSED going out, cant face it.

@ymna I tried meditation. One eye open constantly wondering should I put garlic in the shepherds pie! Theres a poster on another thread who is a yoga instructor (breathmiller) she has said take even 2 mins a day sitting doing this. I actually must get back to yoga and look up yoga meditation, think you have to practice it hard. I was very stressed last weekend but I know it was organising kids going back to school. Definitely look up some gentle yoga on YouTube and take yourself off somewhere quiet a few mins a day.

Nothing has happened with the girls night thank god, I think a lot of people here are worried about another lockdown so unnecessary pub and social outings aren't a runner. Yet my gobdaw BIL has no issues going to willd country parties with his kids.

Jesus my kids coughing, sends me into a wild panic lol re tweezers

This weeks yoga tip from Breathmiller (which I embarrassingly put on wrong thread)

This weeks view from the yoga mat smile - I was listening to a book on one of the Yoga philosophy texts this week and the author was talking about habits (samskaras) and how self will can have the power to change them. Everytime we have a thought and don't follow it down a path then we strengthen our self will a little more. (And everytime we follow it , self will is weakened or lessened) I liked that. So instead of topping up a glass with red wine last night i topped up my self will. And when my self will is stronger it all becomes so much easier. And new healthier samskaras are made

Hope work is ok @Ynwa1234

Urgh more of my friends are now trying to organise a girls night in for 3rd weekend of sept and others are trying to organise a girls brunch in town for beginning of October. I just don't wanna go out at the moment but also don't want to upset them by saying no. If I say I'm busy they'll just suggest another date. I guess I need to get used to going out without drinking at some point.

Have you tried guided meditation @OrchidJewel ? You can get apps and I used to listen to it when I was going to sleep as my sleep was so bad (booze!). I used to fall asleep listening to it but someone said it was still doing its job. Worth a go anyway.

I'm feeling bright and breezy today. Been to Body Balance (mix or yoga, Pilates and tai chi) and now off to Virginia water for a nice long walk /scoot with the children. Starbucks on the way. Nice to be sober on a Sunday 🎉

Hi all for some reason this thread has disappeared for me I have to manually search it. So let me Noel 28 days today, was at my parents for lunch today, dm, db and DH drinking
but I was not at all bothered or tempted.

This week will sort out my chocolate intake to start that I ate the remainder of my stash and feel sick. I have however had to restart my ad could feel some of my symptoms coming back and was worried it might affect my sobriety. Feels bit disappointed but my only Goal is to stay sober for now.

Writing your day sounds perfect did you enjoy it? Orchid I saw your inadvertent post on the other thread, I try to practice mindfulness and that helps, not tried yoga but really agree with your post. I did treat myself to a Craig Beck hypnotherapy audiobook on alcohol, I listened to it this morning and I enjoyed most of it but, I fell asleep it was so relaxing was only £1.55 saw it recommended on another thread.
Ynwa do you work every Sunday? Your evening sounded horrible with your DH don't you just wish they would go away sometimes 🤣. I tell my DH for shouting at my DC because I don't see why he can shout at them but, they can't shout back, it is like they are lesser beings because they are children.

I am sort of looking forward to my DC going to school but will miss them and I do worry about them. My dd will be year 8 and my ds will just be going into year 7 and he is one of the younger ones, he put his uniform on and I nearly cried, can't believe he has grown so much. I am so emotional at the moment I hate it.

Sorry for long post it was very therapeutic.

Sorry for poor spelling and punctuation!!! I did put paragraphs in!!

Well done Rupert! Yes day 28 for us😊I'm so proud of myself I never thought I would last so long!

Not sure yet ynwa🤔

I did have a nice day yesterday but i am definitely up and down like a yo-yo.  I was feeling very chipper in the morning when I posted that but by the evening was much gloomier. I guess that's what it might be like for a bit.

@Ynwa1234 offload as much as you want. My dh sometimes shouts at the kids a bit and I pull him up on it when it's unjustified. To be fair sometimes I shout too when I shouldn't. I do always say sorry though and I have much less patience when I'm tired so hopefully not drinking will make me a nicer mum.

Hope your children love their new schools. I'm sure they'll be fine. They're so much more resilient than adults! My 3 are all going back to same schools from March so no big change, I think they're all looking forward to it. They're going into year 3, 8 and 10.

@Rupertpenrysmistress you're doing so much well. Are you intending to carry on indefinitely or do you have a goal?

I'm back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks leave so feeling anxious about that. I logged on today and cleared some emails and did some work so at least I know what I'm going back to.

Feeling sad about my eldest today. She's nearly 15 and has ASD so struggles socially. She does have a group of friends but they don't seem to socialise outside of school, they met up once a month or so ago after I pushed her to message them to arrange it. They met outside school and walked/chatted for a couple of hours. That has been it since March. Today she went to meet a boy she used to be friends with at her primary school (also autistic) but she hasn't seen him for a few years as he goes to a different school now. I kind of set it up with his mum as i kind of know her. She went over to his house for a couple of hours, she just got back and I asked how it was, she said fine and not much else. I just got a text from the boys mum and she said they were very quiet and it was probs just awkward as they haven't seen each other for so long. I was really hoping a friendship might blossom big doesn't sound in any way hopeful 😥 why is it so hard sometimes?

Sorry to go on. Feeling down and a glass of wine would be really nice right now. 😕

@Ynwa1234 on the body balance, it's at my local leisure centre. I am actually a member so it's included in that. I paid for a year upfront about this time last year but they paused membership whilst they were shut in lockdown so I've got a few months to go so I'm going to try and get some use out of it before it runs out. I hadn't been for months before corona!!

Anyway you can pay as you go for classes too so worth looking at. I went to hot yoga last week and have booked in for 2 more of those this coming week. I have good intentions at least....

Morning everyone. Rupert/Noel 30 DAYS it's a great feeling. My next aim is 66 (cant remember why, it was in some book). Sorry your back in the ad's rupert, I hear you. I know I need them personally. Keeps my head above water.

Ymna it's awful when DH snaps at the kids, mine doesn't do it often but on the increase, I just wish to god he would fuck off back to the office. He is all about himself at the moment. I can hear him getting ready for his hike. He is pround he has hilked every day for the last 50 days! Anyway, I'm trying to coax him into (a) counselling (as he seems to have forgotten he has 4 kids and is acting like the immature teenage brother) and (b) go back to the shagging office, yes you will be depressed just sitting on your hole staring at a screen all day in the same place. Moan over!

Writing that is very very hard. I know from my dd 10 years old that they are all struggling to get back to friendships and there is no asd there, so it must be doubly hard. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her and you that this friendship sticks. I know with my very SN son he won't have any little pals but he is SO happy and oblivious and im grateful at least for that but it's always broken my heart. We have to plan a life with him always around. I have secret little plans for me and him when he is an older teen and adult that we will have a little permanent
place for a summer escape each year. Saving like the cliappers.

Rupert I was like that with the kids going back last week. But they are having an absolute BALL. I think its us adults that find the adjustment hard.

Very best of luck to all whos kids are going back, today/this week. We have all had to put our big girls knickers on lol

Keep in touch everyone else. Hope all is good

Thanks orchid and ynwa