Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

That’s a brilliant idea @PamelaPeaches, use the extra energy to make ourselves as good as we can be 😎

Massive 👍👏 to @BunniesBunniesBunnies, 4 glorious months, that’s wonderful 🐰🐇 you superstar! Welcome @OrchidJewel, you are in the right place so jump right in.

Congratulations bunnies you are amazing. Drybird reading your post makes me feel exhausted. I am into my second week sober, week 1 was only about quitting, week 2 I am looking at improvement to my diet and weight and next week I will concentrate on exercise. I had lovely drink last night it was called firefly in a gorgeous bottle I think it was pomegranate and something it has kolanut In so you get a bit of a buzz, was very nice.

Hi orchidthief I am on another thread you are on. Welcome.

@Rupertpenrysmistress I moaned and cried and complained on here for the first 2-3 months. It was only in March that I really noticed the weight coming off, and I started C25K in April. So it was slow and steady, don't expect too much at once. I have a lot more energy now but to begin with all my energy was taken up with not drinking.

Thanks for all the congrats guys!!! It feels amazing to have done this for four months. I am happier, calmer, and sooo much fitter and more productive!!! I love it and I love the support on this thread.

I too have been trying to eliminate other things from my life. After all, if a life without booze can be so much fun😂 I wonder what other changes I can make!!! Thinking about veganism. Definitely won’t be giving up coffee in a hurry though, I love that stuff😂😂😂

I barely have any sugar or processed foods these days though which feels brilliant.

Keep up the good work all👍

Fantastic bunnies
Well done!
So inspiring to hear how it could be up ahead.

Day 5 done.
It's my anniversary tomorrow and have a bottle of Nosecco in the fridge.

Checking in on day 76 thanks to support on this thread. I’m still working long hours and under so much stress when I’d have turned to the bottle in the past. I’m so glad not to be drinking. My mantra is ‘you never regret not having a drink, but always regret when you do’. Not having a drink never makes things worse.

I have some time off next week and will be trying to get back to running.

Congrats @BunniesBunniesBunnies - another awesome milestone! @Rupertpenrysmistress I second what wise @Drybird2020 said, the weight is coming off slowly for me, just under 1lb a week but I’m happy with that and think slowness means more likely to stay off. @Breathmiller happy anniversary! Let us know how the Nosecco goes - I’ve still got a bottle I haven’t opened.

Hope you can join us back here today, @Isinknot.

(Thanks @Drybird2020, I snuck back at a quiet moment.)

Morning bunnies sparkling drydird and cyllie I am rubbish at namechecks, I cannot work out how to do it properly. Apologies if I missed anyone. I will get better at it.

Cyllie 76 days is amazing, can I ask do you see this as forever and feel that is possible? Do you miss drinking. I so worry about the long term nature of it but, I have to do this.

Happy Anniversary, @Breathmiller! Do you feel its a milestone to celebrate your anniversary without drinking? I did! Also my birthday, DH's birthday... Christmas will be a biggie.

@Rupertpenrysmistress don't worry about the future and forever, just focus on today.

@Cyllie33 that's a very useful mantra! 😊

I've been mulling over @Hangingover's questions from last week, so here goes.. I'll. Post them one at a time.

How you were introduced to alcohol

I can't remember being introduced to it because it was always in my life. My parents tell a "hilarious" story about me, aged 2, spewing all over a car on the way back from a party, having been allowed to finish up dregs in the glasses. We lived in a booze soaked ex-pat lifestyle and the adults around me drank all the time. I was allowed a taste of wine with my food throughout childhood and was drinking regularly by about aged 14, both sanctioned drinking with my parents and illicitly with friends. I went to a boarding school where we could easily creep out to pubs and we smuggled alcohol in, too. Naturally, I fell in with a hard partying set at university, and took a fair amount of drugs although they never had the hold over me that booze does - I could always take them or leave them and stop without any problems. Looking back I probably drank every day at university, including the night before exams. I wonder how much better I would have done without alcohol in the picture but it never occurred to me at the time.

*10:57Drybird2020

Happy Anniversary, @Breathmiller! Do you feel its a milestone to celebrate your anniversary without drinking? I did! Also my birthday, DH's birthday... Christmas will be a biggie.*

Thanks.

It doesn't feel such a biggie this time round actually.

The last time when i did ayear and a half it felt such a challenge and one i wasn't sure I could do.
But I celebrated anniversaries, birthdays and other events without alcohol and it was fine of course.

I did keep telling myself thst if I wanted a couple of glasses of red wine with my Christmas dinner then I would. It helped me get through the idea of it all.
And i did have a couple of glasses of red and an espresso martini on both Christmas Day and Boxing day. And as much as I enjoyed them it caused me stress that that would be me back drinking. But i managed to get back on track and that was all I had in the 18 months.
I'm not sure if i feel i need to say that to myself this time. But, Christmas is a long time away and I am just dealing with one day at a time.

The biggest difference this anniversary is my husband is also not drinking tonight. And that is a massive support. He hasn't had a drink all week. Its amazing how it helps.

Happy AF Anniversary, @Breathmiller 💐

Hi All, welcome back Sparklinglime and welcome newbies and congratulations to everyone hitting the milestones- awesome progress being made. It’s also been great hearing everyone’s mini sober-stories and kind of you to share them.
Well, I should be hitting my 75 days today. But I haven’t. I had a few drinks on holiday last week. I was getting worried about what to do in the lead up to it and then (in my defence) there was a sort of emotional perfect storm which made me decide I should join my DH in a drink. Circumstances were: 1. My DH saying he thought it would be great if I had a wee drink while away as we hadn’t had a break away for a year, but up to me obviously. 2. My mum telling me I should really‘try and enjoy a couple of drinks’ whilst away. 3. A really stressful drive to our holiday in torrential rain, to arrive and have my family joke ‘there isn’t anything here’. (I booked it all) and 4. My DC1 got excellent exam results the day we started the holiday and we had a nice restaurant meal to celebrate on arrival. So I had 2 drinks on 3 nights, just with the restaurant meals and I haven’t had anything since coming back. I know I should be disappointed in myself probably as I did vow I would not drink again, and it’s crushing I lost my day-count. But, I still kind of feel it was the right thing for me to do in those circumstances. I have no intention of starting drinking again and am happy to be back on my AF drinks. I didn’t want to come on the thread and share this, as I sort of felt I’d let the group down. But I missed you all! So here I am, back on AF day 8 all over again. I’m starting the count all over again, as I had promised myself all sorts of treats on reaching 100days, only 92 to go....

I’m really glad you came back and shared that, @iamyourequal. And not wanting to undermine the intention of the thread, but I’m also glad you’re content with your choices. And back to AF, of course!
I did similar just after I reached 100 days and also hesitated to post, but a few people said it was helpful. Possibly because I didn’t enjoy it at all 😊 I think we just need to acknowledge that this kind of slip could be disastrous for some and so just isn’t an option.
I do slightly balk at the people trying to persuade you to drink, though, if they know what you are trying to do.

“Content” is the wrong word there, I mean ‘accepting’ ie not beating yourself up about it, which can be so undermining.

Thanks Sparkling I don’t think I will do it again. It’s really too risky and I hope I will be better prepared and stronger next time I’m away. Also, I felt fuzzy each morning after not having much at all. Guess it just shows what poison it is!
I am pleased you are back too. Have you had a good week?

I’m not really thinking about forever at the moment to be honest @Rupertpenrysmistress....I know ‘one day at a time’ is a bit of a cliche, but it’s so true. I know that being AF makes me feel good and improves my life today and tomorrow and that’s all I need at the moment. I like seeing the days stack up tho! It also definitely does get easier, I don’t think about it many days now. As others have said once you’ve done a meal out, celebration or whatever it just becomes less of a big deal. There is the odd time I feel I miss it and I’ve posted here when I’ve wanted to drink....but I think about all the awful things that I don’t miss. It’s also made me see how much stress is a trigger for me and that booze deffo doesn’t help that. I’m really glad you’re back @SparklingLime

Thanks everyone for sharing, it is really helpful to hear all sides of the journey.
I was on the dry January thread and I never had the intention to stop altogether then. My intention was just to have a healthier relationship with alcohol.

So I made a conscious decision to go back to drinking (supposedly sensibly) mid February and came off the thread.

But of course that didn't last long with one thing and another.

Well...actually...the one main thing being I'm not good at moderating my alcohol consumption.

I could blame my mum taking very ill and being moved from hospital to a nursing home in lockdown. I could blame having a hemorrhage in February and still battling the effects, I could blame lockdown itself or menopausal anxiety .
I could say I had big birthdays and can regulate better than I did in my 20s and 30s, one glass of wine isn't a problem......blah blah blah...so many reasons and excuses.

But really I went back to drinking too much because I am not good at moderating my alcohol consumption and that's the bottom line. There will always be challenges in life, there will always be things to celebrate.
Drinking too much wine or fizz or gin or whatever doesn't make any of these things any better.

And on that note...thank you everyone for the anniversary wishes. I am celebrating my post anniversary today with a clear and non hungover head. That's a major win. I said yesterday that it didn't feel such a big deal but I was wrong and today it does. And I'm feeling a little smug and pleased with myself.
(Nosecco with pink lemonade in it was delicious by the way)

Ah, that’s such a lovely post to read @Breathmiller...I’ll try some pink lemonade in my Nosecco!

iamyourequal
It's interesting hearing how you're feeling now about your holiday.
I think in a few months you will feel like it was just a blip in the middle of your journey. Sometimes these blips teach us a lot. Like my couple of drinks at Christmas in the middle of my longer dry period.

Don't discount all these months you have done beforehand. It was a valuable lesson that blip. And you haven't fallen back into it. Massive congratulations on that.

One of the things i got out of that time that really shocked me was that instead of saying " I wont have a drink for today" or saying to someone that I was having a break from drinking I can remember someone asking me about something to do with alcohol and my instant reaction was to think "no i don't drink!!" Which was a real shock to me. I hadn't even thought about it. It was just my natural thought. I want to get back to that thought process.
That if I'm offered a drink somewhere my answer with ease is "no thanks, I don't drink"

Thanks, @Cyllie33. And well done... everybody!

I’ve been trying to write a response to your ‘How I was introduced to alcohol‘ post, @Drybird2020, but finding it a bit difficult... The irresponsibility of adults allowing a two-year-old to get ill on alcohol makes me sad and angry. I know parenting was different then but FFS. I’m sorry.

My introduction to alcohol was also present as a ‘funny’ family story. My (alcoholic) dad got me drunk on vermouth in an Italian restaurant at age 7. I recently talked to the old family friend who was there at the time. She said it wasn’t funny at all, it was horrible. She had been really worried but not known what to do.

Oh sparklinglime that is really sad to hear.
And then to grow up thinking that's a normal part of childhood when clearly someone else there was shocked by it. So sad. I'm sorry you had that

Hi all. Glad I’ve found this. 11 days sober today, LFT test showed high levels so admitted everything to Dr, friends and family for the first time. Waiting for a liver scan to see where we are. Never got past 4 days before apart from years ago when pregnant xx hopefully change my username soon

11 weeks. Checking in from rainy Aus. Head much better after unfortunate pole dancing mishaps.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies hit me up for vegan advice I did it last year and I'm so glad I did. It's actually helped with be AF too. I think eventually I'll view alcohol as I do non-vegan foods eg. "it's just not for me". I swear I don't even see cheese etc when shopping now let alone want to buy it.