Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

@iamyouequal that’s exactly how my dp was before the haemorrhage. I saw my inability to stop and my dependence as a problem- he seriously used to say he just liked the taste!

Hiya thanks for all your words of wisdom on my post earlier.
I have given up before but because he knows I never stick to it, I think it's thrown him a bit, that I've still not caved. I think in a wierd sort of way, he was trying to get me to stop because he knew how sick and tired of feeling sick and tired I was, but now I have, he doesn't want me to think I had/ have a problem maybe? I don't think he wants me to label myself. He doesn't actually drink alot at all. We would go to the pub once a month on a sunday afternoon and he'd have 3 pints. That'd be it. Occasional buy a 4 pack in the shopping but very rarely so it's not like he wants me to sit and drink with him. Anyway, I know he's pleased because I've stopped having pain on my right side where my liver is. It was very worrying and was going to go to the docs but because it's stopped I'm not

Here's a good blog post from Clare Pooley articulating how many of us are feeling about the benefits of sobriety during this crazy time.

mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2020/04/why-pandemic-is-best-time-to-be-sober.html?m=1&fbclid=IwAR2xutAyLhPDXJw4g4A8GmNDOc_B3YHoekD9I3t1n0K9KxsLhW_Kp1jreII

Hi StillDumDeDumming. I hope your DH is getting better now, you have had a dreadful time of it and are coping so well. Jess I think your DH just doesn’t appreciate how strong the pull of booze is on us once we get in the habit of it? I can’t imagine going to the pub every couple of months but having nothing in between!

I think Clare Pooley is great Drybird, she is my favourite after Annie Grace. Anyway, that’s AF day 2 done. Daily vice = 3 chocolates. Feeling very holy.

Struggled a bit this evening - everything is much more difficult at the moment and after a long day of work, sorting stuff out for Dcs etc I had to write a shopping list for DP to get tomorrow. Which has to be done in the order of everything in the supermarket as it's got a special one way system. I feel sad that after all these years of education and training my special talent is being able to memorise the order of food in the local Tesco.

First world problems I know. Went and sat in the garden to phone a friend and the idea of a nice glass of something was very tempting but managed to stick to tea.

Annie Graces’s ebook on moderation learn.thisnakedmind.com/six-vital-tips-on-moderationa

Morning all.

Dropped off the thread but not the wagon due to astoundingly stressful work days. I have been climbing the walls in the evenings llooking for my usual go to crutch but i poured myself a small vodka yesterday, took a sip and threw the rest away. A sip, not a slip. I am still counting it as Day 4.

I think Clare Pooley's facebook chat is on tonight (I am losing track of time!).

I am about to start work but hope to drop in during the day. I have missed the chat!

Hey everyone, well done on hanging in there. I’m very new to this and it still feels very strange to me not to drink. I haven’t had any cravings and I’m quite happy not to drink, but I’m very aware I will slip at some point soon and then just go back to drinking every night. This always happens😢

@Pensylvan I felt exactly the same today! I’ve reduced my hours at work because of childcare, and so now most days I spend doing mundane childcare/housework stuff. Today after I cleaned out a cupboard and done nine billionth loaf of laundry, I thought - What was the point of training/building a career?! Needless to say my husband still works (nearly) his usual hours which doesn’t help my mood. It makes sense as he earns more but it depresses me.

Anyway. I’m happy to still not be drinking, even though I’m worried it won’t last.

Checking in, good to see some new bods on the thread! I hope you find this thread immensely helpful and supportive .

Not a great amount of news from me. Still with a job and still working. Funeral for my family member has come and gone (none of us could go due to the lockdown restrictions and our locations ). It has been awfully stressful all of it especially all the legal bits and not being able to deal with people face to face. We have to wait to clear the personal effects so that in itself hangs over your head.

Still SOBER despite all of the crap. 115 days! Thinking less and less about booze some days there is no thoughts given some days there is a little inkling (sunny weather does that doesn't it?) but it pisses off after a few minutes!
Walking 35 ish miles a week and taking some new super strength vits and trying to eat healthy (weight is finally slipping off now).

Hope you are all well and Welcome to the new posters!

Morning old and new. I wrote a long post and then lost it. @BunniesBunniesBunnies will you get your hours back? I’m really keen to get back to work even though they’re saying there isn’t much and not to hurry. I have plenty to do around the house but zero motivation.

I’m also getting fed up of lockdown. I think im a bit behind others because I had my hands full. I’m missing my children and my parents. 12 weeks without children is going to be too much for a lot of people. I know they can go between but my son is on the 12 week shielding by doctors orders so we decided not to.

And I’m also pissed off with dp’s family and think they’ll be no practical use anyway.

So, in short, I’m a right bundle of joy!

Sorry to hear so many people of us are having a hard time, in particular @HowlsMovingBungalow and still for you.

I'm preoccupied with thoughts about if and when I were to relapse, would I feel it coming or would I succumb to an impulse? I'm not entirely sure where these thoughts are coming from, I feel pretty comfortable with my alcohol free life at the moment, I like it and I want to stay this way. I guess I am so keen to avoid going back to drinking that I'm going over all the possibilities.

Hi all,

I was on this thread in January but disappeared back into my comfort zone at the end of January (started with birthday drinks and here I am a few months later)

It is lovely to see a few names I recognise from January still here and sober - congratulations all! I wish I had been able to celebrate with you all but better late than never?

So here I am on Day 2. I am taking it one day at a time but I have to do it this time - and I'm ready too. It will be made easier by the current lockdown meaning I would have to go out of my way to buy alcohol.

Can I re-join you all please?

@Drybird2020 I think you might be right. I feel similarly. I try to imagine if I gave in to ‘well, so much shit has happened, what would it matter if I got a bottle of wine from the shop’ - how I’d feel the next day. Even though I too feel comfortable alcohol free and to drink now would feel weird.

@Saltypotato welcome back- well done for coming back

Aggggghhh I spoke too soon. I’m fed up of lockdown. Dp is doing well but he’s not the same person and he knows it. Please please excuse my brutal honesty here- I definitely don’t love him any less. I’m missing teaching yoga and studying. I’m missing my children massively, and getting involved in stuff. I want wine.

@StillDumDeDumming you're early on in quitting a powerful drug, of course you will want wine sometimes. And you know there's all the difference in the world between wanting it and actually drinking it.

Eat something, go outside and dig the garden, have a bath, anything that will fill the time. Cravings don't last very long (though it might feel like they go on for ages). You can do this.

Hey @StillDumDeDumming, I hear you. Sorry you’re having a tough time. It’s really hard to miss work and social life and of course your children!!! How old are they? Relationships in lockdown are super tricky too sometimes, well, for me anyway.

And of course it’s Friday night... I’ve just made myself a hot herbal tea and am clinging on to the fact that I will get good sleep and not be hungover if I lay of the booze. Sorry, I can’t really offer any advice as I’m very new (5 days sober) but just wanted to say hi.

Thank you- it’s passed. I think I’d like my old dp back. Of course I would. He’s ok. I’m lucky that he’s here - he can function and he’s not angry or depressed or disinhibited. We are ok together but he can’t talk to me or really understand what I’m saying (@bunniesbunniesbunnies he had a massive brain haemorrhage in February). And I miss him a lot.

Dc are 15 and 19. The eldest is shielding. I mentioned to him I might come round to see them at a distance and he got a bit panicky. He’s been following this since the beginning of the year, isolating since beginning of February. He thinks lockdown will essentially last til next year or September earliest. I felt a bit defeated. I can’t actually work out how to safely leave dp and go food shopping and I can’t get an online slot. I’ll figure it out.

@StillDumDeDumming is there one of those voluntary groups in your area? You guys must be prime candidates for help with getting groceries and prescriptions.

I'm so sorry about everything you are having to endure

I have friends who will shop for me but I kind of want to go myself. Especially when it’s more than a few bits. Wish I could get an online delivery. He’d actually be ok on his own barring any emergency but his sense of how risky it is moving around the house on his own is way off. He could be laying there a long time if he does fall. I could probably take him in with me as an exception but it’s probably a bit much for him and he doesn’t want to talk to anyone much (because he knows a lot of it is nonsense) and he knows a lot of people. I’ll figure it out. Maybe find a quiet local shop.

Hi @StillDumDeDumming, just read your post after being on the phone to Tesco about their priority slots for vulnerable customers. It might be a bit different as I'm in Scotland, but DH has received a letter from the government and joined the SMS shielding service to register about online shopping. As an existing Tesco customer we can now get a slot but I had call up about it. They had our household identified one way but there's was something else to be updated, so that's now done and hopefully we can get deliveries.

Shopping seems to be taking much longer in general now anyway, because of the queuing to get in and working your way round the store, so you would need to consider that you might be out of the house for a while.

Sorry this is all adding to your struggles.

A friend has offered to come round. The hospital gave me gloves and masks so she could have those if she wants. He’s had Covid so the risk is reduced I think? I am torn really. Dp has agreed but then laughed his head off because he admitted he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about! I am very thankful he laughs at this!

I’m not sure we can get in the shielding list. I’ve tried but things keep changing so I’ll try again. I could piggy back my mums shopping. We’re not stressed about limited stuff like toilet roll.

Hi Still, wow that sounds challenging. Hmmm if your friend had confirmed COVID then yeah he should be safe, I would let him come around. I totally get wanting to go to the shop yourself!

As for your kids, wow, you must miss them so much.

I’m glad the craving passed again, you are doing extremely well. Hang in there

Ah sorry my dp has had Covid - not the friend - but I’ve decided to jump on my mums online order - hopefully. Thank you

Oh I’m sorry I misunderstood @StillDumDeDumming😳😳😳

I hope you ordered yourself some nice treats!

Morning all.

Just sending thoughts and good wishes to everyone.