Wankerbastards move to 2020. With moderatin' a plenty. We rage against flouncers, strops and teens, and of dryness we have big dreams. We want teacups not fuckups!

[Frouby]

Thread 9 for the tryers to be dryers. Join us if you want some support to reduce alcohol. All welcome for support, laughs and moderating.

Will tag a few peoples name I can spell as I am useless at clicky links.

@flossie
@madameforest
@longestlurkerever
@dionoysa
@waterandlemonjuice

You know what, longest, you booked Venice and a cottage, which is really good. I always think I’ll remember the experiences over the stuff.

Having said that, hmm I can’t even look at our bank account - Ds wanted books today for his course (£50) and a contribution to his rent (£60) as his loan doesn’t cover it plus I still haven’t paid the plumber his £2k plus I’m not working.

We had a great lunch, the afternoon in bed then dd came back with her mock results, which are quite poor so we need to work on that. dh and I just bickered about something trivial but actually he’s pissed off because he has to go back to work tomorrow. Fair enough. I’m thinking I’m quite looking forward to the house to myself and a peaceful day.

Not AF at all, wine at lunch, wine this evening. But AF again from tomorrow.

I’ve had a skivey day today on account of the vat of red wine I drank last night. It’s a miracle I’m AF today.
DS1 gives zero fucks. Unfortunately that resulted in me screaming at DS2 to shut up and go to bed, because he was trying to interfere to stop an argument. So I feel like a right arsehole.
DS2 gets really upset when people argue or raise voices (it’s an autism thing) so I really try not to do it. DS1 is proving to be a massive stressor though. I have no control over him and he knows it.
He needs some new friends, because the people he’s currently knocking round with bring out the absolute worst in him.

NC that sounds so stressful but if you have no control then embrace it. Just tell him he is responsible for himself from now on, you have no fucks to give about what he does outside of the house but in the house there are rules and if he doesn't like the rules he can go be a rebel without a clue somewhere else. When does his course start? Hopefully that will change his outlook a bit.

Had a shit sleep cos up peeing all the night. Also AF is harmful to your health. Managed to walk into the door frame going for a wee and twatted my head. Fml.

Loads to do again today. Ponies then bastarding work followed by bastarding housework and bastarding food shopping. It's like groundhog day. Also got the ironing to do plus change the beds and DS room needs a good fettle. Hate the fucking monotony of it all. Plus, longer term we need to redecorate this year. Mine and ds bedrooms need doing and it could do with a freshen up downstairs and the hall and stairs as well.

Always, always something to do.

Morning!

Ha water, thank you. I will remind myself of that when the whole house has sunk into a sinkhole and i am staring down at the rubble. Have quotes for handy people npw. Can't afford all the jobs that meed doing so will need to prioritise/attempt some myself fml. Wall may have to be downgraded to a fence. There's a possibility that's next door's boundary to maintain actually but the chance of getting anything out of them is slim. They're pretty good neighbours actually in the sense we never see them except a cheery hello but their house is pretty derelict and i think one is in prison.

Hugs Nc4. Bit of frouby wisdom there. He'll come back to the straight and narrow one day soon. There's a thread somewhere full of people finding parenting easy and i just wonder how on earth.... Even at 8,and 4 the stress is high. I can't begin to imagine teens.

I did manage a quick whizz round the kids' rooms this morning before school. It was more in the nature of cramming shit into overflowing cupboards than a proper tidy but is slightly more welcoming foe dd2's hotly anticipated playdate. You'd think royalty was coming. It was supposed to be friday and the mum tried to postpone again which would have ruined my weekend so i had to beg her to release her daughter to me today. Now somehow have to fit in fetching dd1 from choir and sourcing a haggis for woodcraft folk with an extra kid in tow, but is good.

Will attempt AF. Quite enjoyed my peppermint tea and telly in the end.

Ha haha longest. I am imagining you staring into the rubble now. 😂 I hope the royal playdate goes well.

Frouby IKWYM on groundhog day. My life is starting to feel slightly less like it but only because mine are so much older.

Nc4, sorry to hear of ds stress. No advice because I don’t think I did a particularly good job but older teens are very hard. They are trying to negotiate adult relationships but don’t always have the ability to do it properly and of course take it out (in my case) on the person they’re closest to. Hang in there.

Dh apologised so we made it up before bed, that’s a relief. We’d had such a nice few days it would have been a shame to end on that. God I slept badly though. Because of wine. So today is day 1 AF again and I’m looking forward to it. I’m going to make cottage pie for supper and take to my bed early and read.

Afraid not AF. Pretty stressful day with almost everyone i am close to pissing me off one way or another (may have properly fallen out with bff but am currently playing dumb as i still think my stance is reasonable) but have ended with some good news. Neighbour friend with v worrying symptoms has been given the all clear "for now". They are monitoring a nodule on his lung and he'll need another scan in 3 months but it hasn't grown so they say it may have been there for a long time. It was looking like his kidney cancer had spread so this is extremely good news. So i feel silly dwelling on anything else.

Sorry to hear of stressful day longest and also about all the annoying people but good news on your neighbour.

Day 1 AF completed today, wasn’t tempted at all as I feel quite rubbish for 4 days of drinking, eating out and general debauchery. No shit Sherlock. So that’s 13 days AF so far of 21 days in 2020. My period has gone missing so maybe I’m finally menopausal, which makes me a bit scared. It was due 7 days ago and I feel bloated as if it should be here but that could be the wine and food and chocolate. Oh well, what will be will be.

Morning all
Flossie I'm so sorry about all your family health problems. You already had a lot to deal with, understand why you aren't dry.

NC4 Can you get your ex involved to help sort out DS1? I'd kick him out of the house and change the locks but I imagine it isn't a viable thing to do in reality.

Water glad you had a nice weekend and well done on getting back to being AF.

Longest good news about your neighbour, I hope people are less annoying today.

Frouby weather is lovely (if cold here) it really lifts the spirit. My dog is happy as he doesn't have to endure a cold hose wash after each run as it is dry.

I was AF Monday but didn't manage last night. Have a horrible cold and caved, as did OH. So we shared a bottle of red. Will try to be AF tonight and tomorrow instead. Am thinking of giving up teaching. It involves a lot of travel, often 1.5 hours a day, the money isn't great and I have enough work with the gites and our new renovation project to keep me busy, as well as DS, the house and all the animals. I am always running, literally as well as metaphorically. Now OH is here financially things are easier. I enjoy the external contact with students but really need to concentrate on my business here.

I'm scared of depending even a little financially on a partner, I'm 54 and have never done so before.

I get what you mean Madame. I like my financial independence. I think I’m a proper partnership you shouldn’t need it though. I can see the appeal of cutting back the teaching.

The boys dad has agreed to have them for the weekend which will at least give me a bit of a break. I’m exhausted.
Wasn’t AF last night. Went to the pub to do some work and ended up staying for 3 pints. I felt pretty drunk off them too and was asleep by 10pm but woke up a lot in the night with anxiety dreams.
I just feel like I’m getting through this week which is a shame because I was doing really well before.
Glad to hear your neighbour news Longest, but sorry about BF. It’s horrid having friend issues.
I’m going to try for AF today, and maybe even get to the gym.

Thanks, am still kind of livid with bff tbh, though ostensibly sending her friendly texts. She wants yet another favour from me and when i said i was getting a bit stressy about all the things i had to do this week she acted like I'd kicked her in the face and started sending me endless apology texts and dropping in how worried she was about her dad. We have fallen out about this shit before, any time i try and draw any kind of boundary about what i am and aren't willing to offer in terms of support. I feel petty because i get that she "only" wants an hour here and there (several times a week) but compared to all the other things i am neglecting that's quite a lot and she knows i am not finding life easy at the moment. I might try and meet her today to smooth things over but can't trust myself not to say some home truths and it's not really the time because she does genuinely have a stressful week.

Sorry for self indulgent rant.

Mme, cutting back on the teaching sounds good to. You can always go back to it if you miss the money, or look for the odd bit of conversational tutoring closer to home. You could offer immersive classes at your gites!

Glad you're getting a break NC4. Hope his dad gives ds a new perspective.

Water, i am glad you made up with dh and the love nest is cosy again.

Dion did you get home ok?

Flossie, thinking of you. I really don't think many other people have things a lot worse, i think you cope remarkably with an incredibly heavy load. Makes me feel quite feeble.

Longest, sorry to hear about your bff. can you just avoid her for the week? It sounds like she’s being needy and a bit unfair. You have a job, two children, a dh and a busy life, she ought to be understanding if you don’t have time to spare. A while ago I made a list of friends and categorised them according to how much I liked them and wanted to see them. And then I focused on the ones at the top and dropped some of the rest. Sounds ruthless but it helped me prioritise my time (I was v busy at the time). That sounds mean written down I know.

Madame, sounds like dropping the teaching is sensible. Ikwym about financial independence, I’ve not been dependent on anyone for most of my life but I am now and it’s fine. You are married so I think it’s fair enough if you both agree on it. We sometimes say to each other “joint marital assets, remember?” If eg dh looks askance at my borrowing his car or vice versa. 😂

Flossie, how are you? We are thinking of you. Dionysa, likewise.

NC4 you’re doing so well, 3 pints is fine, it’s not a bender or anything but sorry you were anxious- I’ve been telling myself it’s a chemical reaction, which it is but also you’re understandably worried about your I hope a weekend with his dad helps.

I slept badly too. Despite being AF. I slightly choked on a piece of toast yesterday morning and felt like there as something stuck in my throat all day, which there can’t have been. Got over that and then couldn’t sleep as I was convinced there was something there. Tried shining my phone torch down and taking a photo on my iPad but not surprisingly that didn’t work. That sounds so stupid now 😂 finally slept at about 2am, propped up because I was worried I was going to choke in the night. Fgs. I didn’t, obviously and slept until 10 so that’s something. Anyway, its day 2 or day 14 AF here, not remotely tempted and there’s no cold white wine anyway.

Lol water that’s the kind of thing I’d do. My iCloud has loads of pictures of weird spots at the side of my jaw or the back of my neck 😂
I’m not tempted to drink today either, even though I’ve got 3 cans in the fridge.

Yeah, the anxiety is a chemical reaction - and I often get anxious when I drink. Add to that the waves of panic over DS1, and skipping my anti-d’s and it’s a recipe for disaster really.
Hoping for a better night tonight. I bought a dream catcher to hang over my bed. I don’t really believe in that stuff but it looks nice there, so you never know...

Longest I’d be giving that friend the swerve for a few days. Mine is being awkward too. I saw a meme on Facebook that said something like ‘the only people who get upset about your boundaries are those who continually over step them’. It certainly rings true in my case and it sounds like yours too.

Thanks. I did end up meeting her for a quick lunch outside my office and it was friendly enough and i managed to avoid either saying anything confrontational or apologising so that's good i guess. Feeling better anyway, and dm is here and on better than recent form so that's also good, and we stuck to one bottle between three.

Was on my leadership course thing today which was slightly disappointing tbh but will keep an open mind for now. Am on it again tomorrow.

Sorry to hear about health anxieties. Sleep well tonight everyone!

NC4, I hope you had a better night. Worth giving a dream catcher a try I reckon! I was telling myself my anxiety was chemical and I’m sure it was, I feel loads better today, there’s a good explanation here but this bit stood out for me: (apologies if I’ve posted this before, I may have done)

“our bodies will recognise that an external drug has been introduced that has upset our delicate internal balance, and it will seek to counter it by releasing its own stimulants to counter the anesthetising effects of the alcohol. Of course when the alcohol wears off (usually after sleep) there is a period when the stimulants remain, which itself causes a substantial imbalance. We are overstimulated and are left feeling nervous, anxious and out of sorts. The key here is that the stimulants have been introduced to counter the alcohol. Without the alcohol we then just have the stimulants.”

Makes sense! Day 3 or day 15 AF here (of 23 days in January).

My sore throat has gone so it definitely was a scratch or something, eye roll at myself. I didn’t get to sleep until 1am and woke up at 7 so I’m tired. Got up, made dd boiled eggs and toast, dropped her to school as she was running late, filled the car up, made dh’s packed lunch, have done 2 loads of washing and now I’m on the sofa wondering about going back to sleep here for an hour. I look TERRIBLE, 4 days of rich food and wine are very obvious. But I feel happier. And I’m AF, hmm, maybe there’s a connection (durr!)

Longest, I hope your course is better today and I’m glad you avoided a showdown with your friend.

Afternoon all

I get the Beer Fear as well. It's awful. Doesn't stop me drinking though. Sigh. Been moderate the last week. Was dry monday, 2 gins Tuesday and last night. Will probably be dry tonight if dd goes dragonboating tho am hoping she doesn't as it's a faff going out twice in the dark to drop off and pick up. plus I could have a drink then.

Mega busy here. Been to ponies, BabyPony has gone back to being her usual angelic self after the acrobatic displays of the last couple of weeks. The photo is what she thinks of work tho 😂. Then been to pet shop and stocked up on Guinea pig supplies, fed the chickens, came home and cleaned piggies and pet pigeon out and done a bit of work. Had a shower and washed my hair and just going to start cleaning round. Got to leave in an hour to collect ds though so won't get much done.

There are just not enough hours in the day. Am busy at weekend as well. My house needs a good fettle, need to start thinking about what we are growing at the allotment, outside at home needs sorting ready for spring, kitchen needs blitzing yada yada fucking yada.

This photo

❤️ at babypony!

Cute pony!
God I’m exhausted. Was up with DS1 till about 2am having a big, emotional conversation about how he’s been lately and why.
He’s not good. My heart goes out to him, but also finds it hard to be on the receiving end of. My work got cancelled today though, so I managed an hour on the sofa this afternoon.
I do think he’s making a bit of headway. It’s going to take time though.

Poor ds NC. It's so difficult at that age. I remember being similar when I finished A levels. When education finishes it seems like your life will start but it seems to stutter a bit.

Have had to have strong words with dd. Been asking her to sort her room out all week. Just a tidy enough so I can hoover. Hasn't been done despite asking every day since Sunday. Then she came home and expected to be taken to dragonboating. Said she could still go, but I wasn't taking her because she hasn't done her room and hasn't put her clean washing and ironing away that has been there since sunday.

Then was doing sausage, mash, Yorkshire puddings and veg for dinner. Would be at 7pm. So then she started chuntering that it was too late and she was hungry at 6pm not 7pm so could I not do it earlier for her and ds. Told her I wasn't a chef, it's not a cafe or a pub and I don't cook to order.

And then when I had eaten I started doing pots, and she put her plate, unscrapped on the side. Asked her to scrape it first but she didn't want to because she doesn't like the bin . So told her that in future on a sunday she can wash dinner plates after sunday lunch because no one is too special to do the shitty jobs in this family.

And miraculously after all that I have only had 1 gin. Going to get pjs on and watch White House farm in the peace and quiet!

Grrr Frouby these teenagers!!
I sacked off training tonight and went for hot chocolate at Starbucks with my PT tonight instead. I was too tired and emotional to lift weights! He's a good egg. We'll do double next time. I actually feel loads better for having a right old chat. Early night for me tonight too.

Oh my god, I had the BEST sleep last night. I’ve woken up feeling refreshed, and able to cope with the day.
I don’t know if it was the dream catcher, the sheer exhaustion or the hot chocolate and chat that did it, but I feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m really excited about this weekend anyway - I just need to not blow it by ending up a hungover anxious mess!
What’s everyone got planned?

Ah, glad you had a great nights sleep NC4, it changes everything I find. It's good that your ds is talking to you 💐

Frouby, ha ha at “I’m not a chef” etc. Entitled teens, right PITA!

I slept well last night too. Day 4 or day 16 (out of 24) AF today. Have a boring hair appointment later then we are looking at a college tomorrow and dd is meeting a friend for clothes shopping. I made mushroom Wellingtons yesterday to have tonight as we had mushrooms and spinach that needed using up. So tonight will probably be watching a film with dh and a reasonably early night. Not tempted to drink as there’s no white wine in the house.