I need your help please

[Dotty2019]

I need your help to enable me to stop drinking.

I'm drinking every day and far too much. I couldn't get out of bed this morning to take the children to school. Probably a good thing as I would have been over the limit anyway.

I'm sick of feeling crap all the time. Why do I do it? I can't just have one glass. As soon as I start I think sod it and just carry on drinking until I physically can't any more.
I have so many problems in my life but this is one I can control so I'm starting with stopping drinking.
I'm going to use this thread to keep reminding me how much I need to do this. I would love some support and positive stories if anyone wants to join me.
Day 1 starts today! Thank you for reading

Emma, your words

But the benefits far surpass any single joy I EVER had from drinking

Are just what I needed to here. Thank you.

Hear even, pesky phone!

Cherry I definitely get that struggle in your head.

The stress I had at the weekend made me have a drink, but if I'm really honest I think I used it as an excuse. If I had received good news I would have used it as an excuse.
So although I was going to start again on Monday I carried on drinking. Last night I had a bottle of white and two large glasses of red and I feel like absolute crap today! A place I thought I would never be back to when I started this thread.

I am sick and tired of the control alcohol has over me. I have never been a daytime drinker but I sure as hell make up for it in the evening. Cherry please try and stay strong you will hate yourself if you break it now.
I've restarted the alcohol experiment to day 1 today. Thank you for everyone who is posting and hopefully we can support each other through this.
Although things are crap for me at the moment I have to keep telling myself that it is much much worse with a hangover. I really want to stop the cycle.
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
Sorry for the rambling, I wasn't going to post as I felt so ashamed of myself for falling off the wagon. But I do find this thread so helpful. X

@Strugglingagain So the at home detox was via my local support service which my GP referred me to. I had 6 weeks of counselling in the lead up during which time we looked at triggers etc. The actual detox was 10 days. I was required to have 24/7 support (in my case this was my Mum in the day and Partner evenings and the weekend) this is for various reason but mainly to control the medication. I had chlordiazepoxide and campral (still on those) the chlordiazepoxide was reduced over the 10 days. The chlordiazepoxide level is adjusted to your intake, so it was important to work to reduce and be 100% honest in the lead up to the detox. If I hadn't reduced it wouldn't have been an issue as such, but lying and getting the wrong level of medications would have been.

I expected the worst week of my life. It wasn't at all. In fact I had barely any physical withdrawal symptoms at all, nothing after day 1. I didn't find myself climbing the walls as I expected. By day 4 I was in the hairdressers making a new me.

I haven't looked back. I was ready though. I was really ready. I knew I was looking at dying all too quickly if I didn't stop and get off that train. I hated the drink, I hated drinking it. But I had to, physically and mentally.

The talking therapy local support services can provide are invaluable. For me the best part is the counsellers were all ex addicts. Most had abused alcohol be it in addition to other substances. So they just KNEW and it was easy to open up.

Best thing I ever did. And even this morning I laughed at my dog and thought you know what, that is actual joy. The life I was living under the cloud of alcohol was hell.

People don't understand the mental load of being a sneaky alcoholic either. Just not having that additional load is great. Because the same shit happens and has to be dealt with pissed or sober.

theemmadilemma
Thank you so much for your post x

And huge congratulations for staying sober x

Hi Dotty. I just wanted to tell you well done for not giving up giving up. It's hard!! About 18 months ago I was in a similar position, just drinking most days, hangovers so bad the only way was to drink another glass of wine... Which never helped. I found myself hosting a kids party with a bottle of wine under the sink. Something clicked and I had my first dry month, I basically set up a Daily planner to keep me focused and busy. Work jobs, cleaning jobs, craft projects (I'm a, crap crafter but I learnt to sew), kid related projects (Pinterest was brilliant), exercise, walking, squats etc and diet sheets. Plus pamper things, do my nails, give my self a facial etc. It kept me busy and before I knew it the day was over and I wasn't pissed. I've had a few good drinks over the last 18 months (once a month ish not 5 times a week) but the difference is I've proved to myself that I can do it, so doing it again isn't such a massive uphill struggle now. You can do it, every alcohol free day is a big fat well done to you. If you stop for three days then have a drink, you might manage 4 the next time, all in the right direction and all a bloody massive hurdle for you to overcome. Be as positive and pragmatic as you can and don't be so very very harsh on yourself, you are trying to do something amazing and I absolutely believe that you can and you will. Good luck my fellow tryers, you are going to get there no matter how long it takes.

theemmadilemma

Thank you for your post. I know how free i felt when i didnt drink and now its gpt that hold over me again.. pure poison

Dotty

Dont beat yourself up and dont feel ashamed... each relapse is one more step forward and another reason added to why u want to stop. Its not easy and im really struggling to.. was easier for me before as i was pregnant and i stopped about 3 months prior to pregnancy. God knows where I'd be now... it was so bad. Im feeling the same things creeping back in... sneaking drinking! I hate it. So much stress having to hide it. I think im one who meeds to stop completely but the thought scares me. Thought i would be ok just having a bottle on a sat night. Obviously i cant even handle that.

Lots of advice and support on here.

I have in the past had an early afternoon drink just to get through the day. But then I’d be paranoid that people at school pick up would notice, or smell it. I’ve become increasingly paranoid that people know I have a problem and talk about it behind my back. I even worry what the people who work in the shops where I buy wine think, buying wine seems to have become the worst part of my day - so much for stress relief!

Dotty, it is such an internal struggle. This is in now way easy. Please don't make yourself feel worse though, you should go easy on yourself. Trying to make a big change is not easy especially if we have been doing the same thing year in year out. I've never stopped for this long. Good for you for starting again. Thanks for your words, I'm not going to cave. I'm trying to think of other ways to reward myself this weekend and hopefully my toddler doesn't stress me out too much that I go reaching for wine after bedtime.
You are all doing well, 1 day or 100 days it's still a step in the right direction

Thank you so much for your support! I was feeling so pot last week and now this.
Mammatino that's excellent advice and I'm going to write a to do list tonight.
I manage with the housework but haven't been able to do all the big jobs that need doing so hopefully that can distract me.

I hope everyone can keep going and we can have some positive outcomes. Good luck

positive

Dotty I find when I'm drinking I only get to the bare minimum of things that need to be done . The backlog of stuff that really needs to be dealt with is massive and I know it'll only get done if I'm sober. I'm trying to focus on the sense of achievement I'll have when I do more

theemmadilemma - thanks for posting your experience and very, very well done
Cherry11 - don't give in at the weekend!
Dotty - it's gonna be a long haul but we're all in it together
Tomorrow evening we're having dinner at a friends house and they are heavy drinkers. So I'm taking spring water and driving home - we normally leave the car and get a taxi back! Wish me luck and another day of soberness.

Good luck got tomorrow night Silver. Let us know how you get on.

Is anyone of you still drinking and waiting for the right time to stop? Getting support beforehand or have you all stopped drinking?

I had my last wine on Sunday. So far so good. I'm feeling brighter this morning. Going out with friends on Saturday night, I've just text one of them to say I'll drive. Told my best friend last night, yet to say to my OH which I'm finding a bit weird, don't know how to bring it up, mental eh?

I am currently still drinking. Re-started my anti depressants at the beginning of the week. Hoping once they kick in i can give it a good go at stopping once i feel i can deal with everything else a little better. Not in the right frame of mind yet. I actually poured a wine yesterday and then tipped the rest of the bottle away... felt i was ready but woke up today craving and already been shop and got it ready for later. Terrible

Not terrible Struggling, all part of your journey. I've decided no more white wine for me, I can drink up to two bottles which is awful. I find the withdrawal, physical and emotional, quite debilitating though. So last night I had two cans of cider to gradually cut down. In a few days I'll cut that down to one and then a few days later to none. Think that's the best way for me.

Struggling-don't give yourself a hard time. I've been in citalopram for a few years and it's really helped. Takes a bit for them to kick in though doesn't it? Well done for pouring the wine away, I would never have done that. Sounds like your on the cusp of stopping.

I poured it away and felt so much relief... then went shop this morning and got one ready for later. No one in my household knows i am back drinking again.. and sneaking it! I wish i could tell them but instead i drink before they are home. I know the 2 years i spent sober were the best 2 years in a long time.. cant believe i have allowed it to take over again

Im in the mindset of... might aswell drink rest of this week and start a fresh next week! But each time i drink that last drink i start panicking im never going to have it again. Done it each day this week and its so overwhelming. I just want to be the me i was 2 years prior. It has been about 8 weeks since i started drinking again.. gradually at weekend.. then mid week... then all week. I feel so much guilt. I nearly split my family up and scared to admit to them its gotten bad again

Struggling - only you can decide what's best. I don't feel in a position to advise at all as I'm only day four and you've managed two years before. I hope someone will be along soon that can give you better advice but meantime sending you a big hug.

Lovemyfurrywuff - Regardless of doing 2 years prior its back to day 1 and starts all over again. I stopped drinking due to 3 miscarriages... yes i was even trying for a baby back then in the state i was in... im ashamed . After a holiday in the june of 2017 i stopped. No issues. No problems. Just decided i didnt want to do it anymore. I love my partner more than anything and my then nearly teen daughter had already seen way too much. I then got pregnant in the august 2017 and stayed sober until summer and barbecues this summer. My now toddler is an angel baby. My teen on the other hand causes me so much stress. I also stopped smoking and even that is starting to creep back in. I promised myself and my family i wouldn't do this again. But i have.

They knew it was getting bad until 4 weeks... me and my now nearly 15 uear old daughter had an insane row. She hid my wine. Said i couldnt have it! I lost control... things got really nasty!

I stopped drinking in front of other half and daughter but now sneak it. I want my life back instead of being controlled xx

Hi Struggling
It's so so hard isn't it? I have teens as well and I often find I turn to alcohol when they are stressing me out.
Do you really think your family have not realised you are drinking again? I know my family know as soon as I have had a drink.
Maybe the thought of never drinking is too much and you should try and cut down slowly?
I'm not sure how else I can advise you but I'm here to listen and support.
I didn't have a drink last night and just waking up without feeling crap helps me deal with things better.
Day 1 over with (again)