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Alcohol support

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Original poster

I need your help please

295 replies

Dotty2019 · 04/11/2019 10:21

I need your help to enable me to stop drinking.

I'm drinking every day and far too much. I couldn't get out of bed this morning to take the children to school. Probably a good thing as I would have been over the limit anyway.

I'm sick of feeling crap all the time. Why do I do it? I can't just have one glass. As soon as I start I think sod it and just carry on drinking until I physically can't any more.
I have so many problems in my life but this is one I can control so I'm starting with stopping drinking.
I'm going to use this thread to keep reminding me how much I need to do this. I would love some support and positive stories if anyone wants to join me.
Day 1 starts today! Thank you for reading

OP posts:
Cherry111 · 18/11/2019 12:52

Hi, how is everyone doing? I'm feeling strangely emotional today, my wee one moved up a room at nursery and was screaming when I left her. I burst out crying when I gave her old key worker her gift. Is it normal to feel more emotions? Maybe the drink numbed me to a lot I don't know. Anyway, on day 9 AF. Told my partner last week I was doing 30 days and he just said bollocks to me so I have no support there.
Hi love, welcome and know what you mean about the shame and guilt it's horrible x

iamabox · 18/11/2019 13:17

Can i join? I've spent the morning throwing up because of all the bloody wine I've drank this weekend. I'm sick of it!

Im a fat 40 something mess, overweight and bloated, and I can't carry on like this.

In going to take it kn day at a time.

Original poster
Dotty2019 · 18/11/2019 13:25

Hi everyone and welcome to the new additions.

What a shit weekend! Can't even begin to describe my emotions on Saturday. And then I felt even worse by having a drink! Finished off the rest of the wine yesterday so that's 2 days of drinking Sad
BUT I'm back on it today!
Wished I had carried on so I could hit 30days but I'm determined not to drink during the week.
Well done everyone who is reaching their goals.
Cherry my DH has been supportive but he has continued to drink. I actually think they don't like it when you stop as it makes them feel worse about their own drinking.
If today is your day 1 you will feel much better tomorrow I promise. One day at a time x

OP posts:
lovemyfurrywuff · 18/11/2019 14:28

I'm glad you're all trying too. This is my first serious attempt. I've tried cutting down but I can't even manage that so I think it's all or nothing for me. It's such a habit for me, I'm bloated, puffy and fed up.

Cherry111 · 18/11/2019 18:24

Dotty you are still doing much better than before right! It's all a journey and we are learning as we go. My partner doesn't really drink unless we have a night out so he usually makes me feel guilty for having wine at the weekends. I'm doing this for me though, it would just be nice to acknowledge that I'm trying to make a change. Definitely stopping during the week is still great.
How is everyone else doing? X

Needtogetmyselftogether · 18/11/2019 20:06

I am still doing ok (but I am cutting down to just weekends). I was very impressed that I only had 2 beers on saturday night because my DD had football on Sunday 9am! It felt so good to just get up and go, no hungover, no tiredness...
This week will be tough at work and I feel so tempted, but luckily this cold is stopping me getting out to the shop Grin

iamyourequal · 18/11/2019 20:33

Hi All. Dotty I totally get why you opened the wine, you must have been out of your mind with worry so that’s totally understandable (I have one a similar age!).

Cherry don’t let yourself care what DH says or thinks about you going AF. I love my DH to bits but he wasn’t very supportive either. Come the weekends he was always asking if I wanted a drink and implying I was taking the ‘health kick’ too far. He even grumbled about the cost of AF wine, asking what the point was!!! You need to remember you are doing it for yourself. I blew my otherwise positive stint of AF worrying what my work colleagues would think about me being AF on a big night. It was really stupid of me as I was close to 30 days AF and really proud of myself. I had 2 periods of absence from work recently from terrible viruses, and this made me worry my colleagues would see me not drinking, and think I had missed work through alcohol problems. Totally stupid thinking on my part as it’s undone all my good work. Stay strong everyone!

lovemyfurrywuff · 19/11/2019 07:13

Morning, did my first night AF last night. Feeling quite proud of myself this morning. Was able to speak to DP this morning before work rather than grunting at him over my coffee mug.

Silversleeve · 19/11/2019 18:01

Hi all, day 3 AF today - I'm certain I won't drink tonight as DH is busy. Looking at triggers on the Alcohol Experiment and realised that the main ones are:

  1. Someone/ anyone suggesting we have a drink (I don't want to refuse and seem rude)
  2. Feeling that someone else really wants a drink and me not wanting them to drink alone so joining them. I've always felt drinking on your own is a slippery slope and have never done it - why poison myself for my belief - they can drink on their own if they want!
  3. Someone putting a drink infront of me - I don't want to be rude and it would be a waste to not drink it.
  4. A reward for a birthday or difficult meeting. I should find a better reward! Brew Cake
What triggers other people to want a drink?
Original poster
Dotty2019 · 19/11/2019 18:16

Hi and well done love and Silversleeve

I think my trigger is stress! I use it to wind down and not think too much. It's crazy I was doing so well and then the first thing I wanted to do on Saturday was have a drink Sad
Keep up the good work everyone x

OP posts:
lovemyfurrywuff · 19/11/2019 20:52

For me it's a habit. In from work, drink, tea, bed. I think I'll struggle most at the weekend. I'm out for a meal with friends and I'm dreading the temptation of a nice bottle of wine. Also having to explain why I'm not drinking.

Todayisanewday75 · 20/11/2019 07:26

Can I join too? Have known for ages I need to stop, or at least have a significant break. I signed up for the Alcohol Experiment a couple of weeks ago, felt really strong but only managed two days before I caved on an emotional Friday. I’ve been restting it to day one every day since, need to make this my final day one.

lovemyfurrywuff · 20/11/2019 08:03

Hello today, I signed up for the alcohol experiment too. It's good to have folk going through the same thing. I started drinking when my marriage was going downhill. Then I drank to fill lonely evenings. Then before I knew it I was drinking every night. Just fed up with the whole destructive cycle.

Todayisanewday75 · 20/11/2019 09:06

Snap, my drinking escalated when my marriage was failing, but that was thirteen years ago. I guess now I drink out of habit and to escape the daily shit life seems to throw at me. I know what you mean about the destructive cycle, as I pour my first drink I’m no longer really looking forward to it, part of me thinks “oh crap here we go again”.
How are you finding the first few days?

lovemyfurrywuff · 20/11/2019 09:44

My marriage stated failing 11 years ago and alcohol has been a constant ever since. I remember my first Xmas and new year alone and thinking just keep drinking until it stops hurting. Even although I'm in a happy place now the drinking continued. I'm only on day 3. Getting through tonight will be a major achievement for me. Three nights without a drink is unheard of! I'm having really nice fizzy apple stuff to drink and eating my tea earlier which has helped the last two nights.

Strugglingagain · 20/11/2019 09:50

Has anyone on here drank morning till night? Im going back down a slippery path of drinking early in the mornings whilst OH at work and DD is at school. I do this to avoid drinking in front of them and to avoid any potential fallouts. But now i am craving it day and night and the urges are so strong. Been here before and life was hell... i managed to stop for 2 years but summer and barbecues have got me back on it. Dont want to go through all this shit again 😭

lovemyfurrywuff · 20/11/2019 09:53

Hi struggling, it's not something I've done but I've been tempted. I stuck to my 6pm starting point it could easily have started earlier. Well done for managing two years, that's amazing!

Todayisanewday75 · 20/11/2019 10:04

Hi struggling, I don't drink in the morning, I do use that time to exercise though which is quite uplifting. Could you try something like that to take your mind off the cravings?
I do know how hard it is to stop once you've started drinking, I guess that's why they say the only drink you have to avoid is the first one.

Strugglingagain · 20/11/2019 10:26

It was the best 2 years in as long as I can remember so I cant understand why I am allowing this to happen again. I also suffer with depression and i know drinking just makes this worse.

Strugglingagain · 20/11/2019 10:28

Very true about avoiding that first drink. Thats my downfall. I can't just have 1.. i have a bottle or more of wine.

The last time i went through this i was drinking vodka day and night. I was a mess.. complete utter mess. Never touched vodka again but now i am loving the rose a little too much

theemmadilemma · 20/11/2019 11:12

@Strugglingagain I was a morning drinker. In the end I couldn't properly physically function until after a few drinks in the am. I also did a vodka phase, I kicked that and went back to wine, but I was easily drinking over 3 bottles a day.

Are you drinking in the am for physical symptoms or just because of the addiction?

I'm 65 days sober after an at home medicated detox.

theemmadilemma · 20/11/2019 11:19

I had a conversation yesterday in counselling (still going once monthly though I could go more often if needed via local support service), that I was finding myself drifting towards a 'well, I've got this cracked, I've broken the cycle, maybe I could enjoy a single glass like everyone else can?'. The simple answer is I can't. Not ever. Because when did I EVER have just one glass?

I'm still learning acceptance that this is lifelong.

But the benefits far surpass any single joy I EVER had from drinking.

Strugglingagain · 20/11/2019 11:52

@theemmadilemma i used to do it for the physical symptoms and now its the second something stresses me which at the min i have no tolerance so getting pissed off at the slightest thing. Probably using it as an excuse to drink. I know if i go down that same path again i will lose everything. I put my family throigh so much im fighting my own head not to go there again

Cherry111 · 20/11/2019 11:52

Hi guys, welcome. Was just thinking about day drinking there too, I would sometimes pour a wine in the afternoon to help me along with cleaning. I've realised I use Alcohol as a reward, to chill after a long day, when I'm stressed, to cheer myself up. I'm on day 11 and I've noticed I've thought about wine back and forward all day. I didn't realise how much of my time was spent arguing in my head, just to have one, no don't have one. I'm fed up. I don't want to have to think about it. I feel like I'm going to fail this weekend but I feel so much better. It's a constant battle x

Strugglingagain · 20/11/2019 11:55

@theemmadilemma what is involved in the at home detox? X