Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Longest I hope your cold is better this morning. And don't worry about the job, I'm sorry you didn't get it but sometimes these things happen for a reason, there will be a better job waiting for you later on
And yes, I will think more charitably about my brother, you are right!

madame my family do similar. My mam is skint bless her, works her bollocks off, isn't well and just generally struggles with making ends meet.

I pay for her mobile phone contract, and put too with my cousin for internet for her for Christmas. I visit probably once every 10 days or so and always take something with me. I always cook extra stews and spag bol and lasagna and stuff and freeze them for her.

My sisters go 2 or 3 times a week with their dcs. Many, many dcs. And eat her food and drink her tea and flush her loo and the dcs eat her biscuits and treats dm can't afford to buy. And yet phone me and say dm is skint, what can we do. She isn't well enough to work, what can we do. She's no shopping in, what can we do. Then post wanky fb with them there, cups of tea flowing, kids munching biscuits, dm looking knackered cos she's worked all day and then been babysitting for 2 hours so they can do a big shop, or get their haor done or go to work while their partners are too tired or too ill to look after their own fecking kids.

Sorry. That was a bit of a rant but it really gets on my tits!

Was dry last night, so that's 3 dry days! Whoop whoop. And the last night I could have had a drink as wasn't driving.

Might not be dry tonight though. Ds got swimming from school and should be home for 4.45ish. Tomorrow will be dry as I have some revision bollocks at dds school at 6.30pm, and then friday ds has a soft play party 4pm to 6pm so that will be moderate for a friday. Indoor kayaking for ds sat pm, outdoor kayaking for dd sat am (and possibly me and ds depending on weather), then another party sunday afternoon and we are passing Ikea so persuaded dh to come with us and then picking up pizza for sunday dinner as won't be back in time to cook. Plus it was bribe to get dh in ikea.

So a busy few days. Sigh. Gonns get a sign saying Mums Cab on my truck.

madame - first of all, birthday party should have been arranged for when you could attend so that was unreasonable of him; (it could EASILY have been booked for end August) secondly, he is virtue signalling to make himself feel better about fucking up everything else in his life; thirdly, Facebook is TERRIBLE for this: making otherwise happy people feel unhappy because of complicated family dynamics and making them feel envy/other perfectly normal human emotions when they were previously pottering along, quite happy with their lives.

So YANBU, it’s normal to feel like that but also, ignore it if you can. That’s my advice FWIW 💐

Btw, dd was upset recently and when I asked her why said something about posting on Instagram and only getting 1000 likes (it was less than that but ykwim and that only so many people had clicked through but she could see that many many more had viewed it but then not clicked through. She said she knows all about the dopamine hit people get from ‘likes’ because they’re always talking about it at school but she was still really upset because for a teenager, social validation is everything. Depressing isn't it? She is over it but agghhhh.

Ugh water, nightmare! Can you turn it around and ask how she'd feel of a friend was annoyed she hadn't "liked" every post she'd read. A lot of pressure to put on each other. Dreading my dds entering that world. I watched "the great hack" the other day and wanted to burn down the internet!

Water thanks for that, and I hope your DD will get over the Instagram like business. I'm quite glad not to be a teenager at this moment in time, social media has its uses but a lot of downsides too.

Water is wise. What she said.

My boys aren't arsed about Instalikes (although DS1 gets a buzz if his skate videos get liked by someone famous). But I've just been reading this about Fortnite which is interesting. It worries me, especially with DS2's gaming obsession.

mixmag.net/read/fortnite-addictive-cocaine-news?utm_source=onesignal

I'm just trying to decide whether today is a go for a swim kind of day, or a bottle of wine kind of day. I've only just washed my hair, which is influencing my decision more than it should.

NC I am not dry either. Just opened a lovely cold can of beer. Can hear the dcs squabbling away in kitchen and am just blanking it out.

Me and dd were discussing social media today as she has done a critical piece on it in English Language. She was quite damning of it, other than a way to keep in touch with more distant family. She has fb but rarely uses it, looks at pinterest for ideas and occasionally posts on there and uses WhatsApp for group chats between friends from school and the dragonboat team. But other than that doesn't really bother.

Rode BabyPony today. I use the term loosely as we got stuck at the gate but I managed to get on without anyone holding her which can be tricky for BabyPonies just starting their ridden career.

Frouby enjoy your beer. Baby Pony is gorgeous.

NC4 Interesting article about Fortnite. DS (now 12) played it a lot, so I banned the playstation last year, it is still banned. He plays some games on the tablet but hasn't touched Fortnite since. It was the best thing we did. The parents in the article who are suing Epic Games - why didn't they stop their 10 and 15 year olds from playing if they were that worried about the addiction? I know what you mean about swimming and hair washing, I never want to go after washing my hair. I did my 2kms this afternoon in the pool, there is no school on Wednesday afternoons so the pool is open to the public and there is rarely a lot of people there so easy to swim lengths.

That pony pic, Frouby ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I want!!!!! Did you seriously say Day 3?

Longest, I agree with Madame about the job. It is also sometimes good not to be offered the choice, as it saves you from making a decision. It can be better to have the decision made for you (even though you are clearly superior to whoever got the job, IMO). Hope your cold goes away soon.

Madame, bloody Facebook. I know I'd be driven mad by it, hence I have nothing to do with it. I, too, would be fed up if I were you. Water is right. As you say, social media does have its uses - but the downsides are horrendous. DS isn't interested, but DD makes up for it with her Instagram and Snapchat obsessions. I'm heading for banning her phone on school nights, following the GCSE problem. Not quite decided yet.

NC4, clean hair has surely made your decision for you.

AF tonight, but that may be because I have to drive. I should get a job driving late-night buses or something. That makes about two nights this month. So not quite on a par with Water.

Flossie, another reason to smother your DH is that it would stop him enabling.

I’m drinking wine. Dh and I are both feeling sad tonight and neither of us is sure why. I felt tearful in John Lewis toy department as I saw a teeny baby and my children are grown up, sob! And I thought omg I don’t belong in here anymore. Probably hormones tbh, mostly I’m glad they're nearly grown up...And who wants to spend time in toy departments ANYWAY?! Ffs at myself! 😂

Frouby, lovely pony, aahhh

Madame, hope you’re feeling a bir better about your brother 💐

NC4 did you go for the wine? If so cheers! 🍸

Water don't feel guilty about feeling sad, it's normal to feel a bit sad your kids have grown up but you will soon be back in the department store buying presents for your grandchildren 😉
And the most impressive thing for me is the fantastic relationship you have with your DH. A lot of couples lose that when their DC leave home and you clearly love each other a lot and that is wonderful
Many people dream of having that complicity for a long time. My longest relationship has been 2years 😂😂

I’ve had wine tonight. I’m still lurking. I’ve had an emotional week, took dd to an eating disorder clinic Monday, last night split up with my BF.
I will do it cos I don’t want this for myself anymore. I also have a pony!

Loving the pony pics - but so sorry about your horrible week, Hedgehog.

Madame, very well said (and sorry you felt sad, *Water. If you and DH are still able to go to JL together, that's a huge success).

Yep, clean hair won. Chin chin water and hedgehog.
I know what you mean about them growing up. I had an aww moment in Debenhams about babygros when I was out with my mum the other week. She said ‘oh, look at those cute little outfits’ and I went ‘yeah... the boys aren’t cute anymore, are they?’
At 17 DS1 is way to young to make me a nana, and I need a good few years to get my shit together, but babies 😍 I do miss having them. I’m such a sucker for falling in love.

Hedgehog your week sounds rotten. Please don’t feel for a minute like you don’t belong here if you fall off the wagon. We all have different goals and aims. For starters, my wagon only has three wheels. It’s very wobbly. But I keep trying, no matter how rickety. So if your wagon’s rickety too, you’re in good company. One day at a time and celebrate the wins, I say. Keep posting xx

Interesting about DS and the console madame. What does he do instead? DS2 says he enjoyed PE today because they had the big apparatus out, so I’m wondering about gymnastics or trampolining. Is 13 too old to start do you think? It’s so hard to get him interested in trying anything new but he’s not an active kid and I worry about him getting chubby. It’s not my parenting - DS1 is too thin! It’s just personality.

Hi everyone.

Hi Hedgehog. That sounds like a very tough week. Hope you are ok.

Hi everyone! Sorry about the job, Longest.
Dion - AF is good for whatever reason! Sounds like you and your DP are getting on well these days?

I don't miss the baby days as I found them so so tiring, but I do love babies in general more than I ever did before I had my own. I feel a pang sometimes that my girls are growing up fast but it's not that I want them to be babies, more that if they could stay sort of like this I would be happy :)

I also worry that I am missing too much of it with work. I used to worry about missing too much from being drunk all the time, but I drink around them a lot less now.

I've got a patchy booze situation going on - generally ok but one night of totally unnecessary over drinking last week. Still, I used to rack up a good 3 or 4 or more in a row, sometimes for weeks, so, I'm not going to beat myself up. AF tonight.

Hope you're all ok. KOKO everyone.

@NC4Now Please don’t feel for a minute like you don’t belong here if you fall off the wagon. We all have different goals and aims. For starters, my wagon only has three wheels. It’s very wobbly. But I keep trying, no matter how rickety. So if your wagon’s rickety too, you’re in good company. One day at a time and celebrate the wins, I say. Keep posting xx

This in spades, Hedgehog.

I had a dream last night that I had another baby. Urrrrggghhhh. I blame this thread!

Senseless, DP is an endless saga. There is a period of tranquillity, then he does something to remind me that he calls the shots. I do know he is a major factor in my drinking. Unfortunately.

Well all the wheels fell off my wagon last night. I feel shit. It’s not even hangover or booze shit. I felt shit before I started drinking. I just have no motivation or inspiration with work, which is giving me money worries. It’s really quiet atm.
This is where I’d like someone to step in with an additional salary, and do some housework. Maybe make me a brew and tell me not to worry, it’s just a slow month.
Ain’t happening though, is it?
I see my lovely PT tonight. He’s always a ray of sunshine and helps me come up with a plan.

I'll put the kettle on NC! My wagon is rickety too.. It collapsed entirely on Tues night, where in a fit of celebration/self sabotage/idiocy I undermined an entire week of sober October by getting absolutely hammered rather drunk, for no reason other than being tired, frustrated, bored and lonely. (Actually, in hindsight these are bloody good reasons!)

Anyhow, I need to say thank you to hedgehog for writing about having a rotten week (although hopefully you won't have any more too soon.) As the responses to your post cheered me up and reminded me that we can only go forwards. What's drunk is drunk as said up thread, and 1 blip in 10 days is far better than my usual innings.

Big hugs to everyone else feeling low. I think the time of year is not helping? I'm not great with dark mornings or evenings.. although admittedly dark mornings are easier when not hungover.

Ps: Frouby If my DH got a shag every time he snored he would train to become an Olympic snoring champion!!

Afternoon all

Babies are lovely but I prefer toddlers if I am honest. My neice has 2 adorable little girls, 3 and 14 months. They are soooo funny and cheeky and cute and little twats but I love a toddlers attitude to life.

As long as I don't have to deal with them 24/7 that is 😄.

hedgehog lovely pony, tell me more. Do you ride much? Mine was for dd and me to share but she's swapped to boats now so am just breaking her in for me to ride. I don't have anyone really to help, so have redone all the groundwork. We rode over the summer a little bit, but need her going forwards without someone with a lunge whip driving her forwards in school. Which is a bit more difficult but we will get there.

Had 3 beers last night which isn't too bad after 3 dry days. And tonight will be dry as well as have a meeting at dds school at 6.30pm.

Been to ponies, been to chickens, done a couple hours work and had a sarnie. Just gonna have a coffee, blitz downstairs for half an hour then pick ds up.

Not enough hours in the day.

Ah, thanks madame 🙂 dh and I are indeed very happy and reckon we’ll be fine once both children have left. Grandchildren are probably a while away although as ds is 22 I’m hoping for some in about 8 years. DD is nearly 16 so hoping a lot further off for her!

Hedgehog, Ah another lovely pony, how fabulous! Sorry to hear about bf and your dd, that’s hard 💐

Nc4 so it was a bottle of wine kind of day, fair enough! Sorry you feel shit. I hope PT helps.

senseless patchy is better than full on going-for-it boozing I reckon 🙂

stircrazy, likewise, you’re still doing better than before so that’s good.

Dionysa omg at baby dream! At least it was just a dream. Although I’m looking forward to grandchildren I wouldn't want to do little babies again, too knackering.

Hedgehog, sorry to hear about bf.

We used to talk on here about how ot wasn't really helpful to talk about falling off the wagon and day 1 because that suggests failure and can tempt you to think fuck it it's ruined now, but actually we are aiming for moderation so however many day 1s we have if the overall picture is improving we are winning.

Is my anniversary today so even though we technically celebrated already tonight will not be dry, although bloody knackered already. Had to speak on some panel at a staff event, which is slap bang in my discomfort zone, but then met dh for quick lunch. Do at some point have to fit some work in but is school run in an hour.

Not too disappointed about job tbh and quite glad to still have flexibility. Got feedback and i did best on legal skills (exceptional, apparently, gloat) and people skills (the scary staff panel gave me good feedback), and the stuff i was more rubbish at was networking and speaking punchily, which is fair cop and less intrinsic to my ego. Also harder to know what actually to do to improve but will see if i get on that leadership course.

Lovely to see all the pony pics. I am not very broody these days. Value my sleep way too much. Having a baby nephew and toddler niece is perfect.

Hi. checking in. I'm tired and achey.

Happy anniversary Longest!

Ahh thanks for the brew Stircrazy. It’s appreciated!

Happy anniversary Longest - how many years?

How come achey Senseless? I’m tired and a hey after the gym but it’s a good way.

I’ve got clean sheets, my favourite PJs and had a roast chicken dinner prepared for when I got in. I feel very looked after, even if it’s only by me!