Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Hi there everyone

Day 3 here. The gin (raffle prize!) has been hidden thankfully. The plan is to save it to take on holiday in a fortnight. It should be ok as long as i cant see it!

DD's birthday today so we'll be having takeaway and cake later but driving so no booze for me anyway.

looking forward to a quieter weekend myself frouby.

NC4 - step! ha ha used to do that myself in the 90s the routines were a bit more basic back then, a lot more choreography these days, i just catch the bloody step with my toe!

hello to senseless and flossie.

have good evenings everyone.

Hi everyone!

Sorry to hear about all the thwarted sexual adventures.

I am feeling very run down and old. Really feeling frozen out at work and feeling like I've had my chance and blown it. My children are 8 and 10 and really need me and I've been non stop since before they were born really, and yet don't have much to show for it. Really feeling alone with it all now, realising I am shit at work, it takes everything out of me for little reward, and there's no way of taking a break.

I could really do with a breather. I guess this is all normal and it's why people do the lottery.

Is this menopause? A cold? need a new job? I hope this isn't just going to stay like this now.

Senseless, sending hugs. I think it’s relatively normal to go through these feelings. Things kinda feel dark, then something happens and it all works out. I hope things work out soon for you. I believe in fate....it will get better x

Had an emotionally fucked evening here. Did a lot of crying. Decided to start looking after myself a bit more. But feeling sorry for myself tonight. Going to let myself be sad and come to terms with some of the shit that’s happening. And hopefully I will become stronger for it.

Love this thread and you lovely people. Sorry if I’m not here more, and seem a bit ‘me’ at the mo. Promise to be here more soon. X

Senseless I feel much the same. Raising my kids solo at the same time as trying to make something of a career and here I am, 42, with a couple of cracking lads who will leave home in a few years but I’ll still be fannying around.
I don’t want to apply for jobs 25 year olds are going for, but I’m not with it enough for anything higher. And I can’t retire ever because my pension and investment pots haven’t grown much either.

It’s depressing. Autumn tends to make me feel quite maudlin though. If I was of a sunnier disposition I’d keep a gratitude journal.
I think we drink to escape this humdrum. I know I do.

Flossie sorry you’ve had an emotional night. Hope the cry hangover isn’t too bad. I always feel really vulnerable and wobbly after a big cry. You take care of yourself my love. And I believe it will get better too xx

senseless it's hard to keep all the balls juggling all the time, especially as a lone parent. Sometimes its impossible. Write a CV, sometimes even if you are not going to apply for a new job, writing about yourself makes you feel better.

I feel I haven't had a career since I had dd 15 years ago. But in reality I have run 2 successful businesses, made a decent living from matched betting which isn't as easy as the bloggers make out, and done all sorts of extra bits and pieces that written down sounds quite good.

flossie come talk to us lovely lady. Hows your dad doing? And dd? When is she due at GOSH? xxx

NC I looooveeeee autumn. Even the rain we have had doesn't bother me much. Me and ds went out with the dog yesterday after school to look at the flooded lake. Was wet and muddy and we both ended up with soggy feet, but it was lovely. I also love doing the ponies in autumn. Have lunged BabyPony this morning, splashing about in the boggy sandschool, then we went for a walk as well.

I think I like autumn so much because when I was a kid working for rides at the riding school all the ponies started coming in for the winter, and I got a lot more free rides as they all needed exercising. There is nothing nicer than hacking out a freshly clipped horse on an autumn day I don't think. Even in the rain. I do like summer as it's easier to do outdoors stuff but my favourite seasons are autumn and spring. The only weather I hate is wind though. I don't mind anything else except snow cos its cunty white slippery stuff that does stop me doing things.

Been to M and S and stocked up on the 2 dine in for £12. Got steak pie for me and dh tomorrow, and a vegan macaroni cheese thing for the dcs plus a rotisserie chicken for sunday. Plus 3 sides and 3 desserts and 3 bottles of wine for £36. Absolute bargains!

NC4 I think you have hit the nail on the head with the whole jobs thing. It's really hard to find something financially worth doing and challenging enough but not so taxing it kills you that fits around busy family life. I'm sorry you are feeling run down and alone senseless it's not you.. it's the system. It's not built for modern families.

Frouby I would NEVER get another puppy! We only did so because the kids felt we'd shortchanged them getting a rescue cat (not kitten) a couple of years before. Ironically, the kids were scared of him once we got him and we had a period of about 6 months where we couldn't have any play dates as he chewed on everything and everyone! Now he is two and the cat keeps him in check! 🤣

I love autumn too, although the darker mornings are a killer. I'm having a Friday afternoon wobble imagining giant glasses of red wine but I'm determined to keep going. I've got a apple and blackberry crumble to look forward to and I'm considering a splurge on a takeaway. 😋

frouby I love the autumn too. It's surprisingly seasonal weather here despite living in a desert. We were in the tropics for 4 years before here so feeling the fresh cool morning air is great. It's still 30ish degrees in the middle of the day, will drop again next month though. I can't deal with wind, it's a mood thing with me. Just fainted over the 36 quid. I could just about buy two bottles of wine for that, and I mean just, that's with no food to soak it up. Speaking of which I'm on day 7 AF. Good god a shitty week, I just managed to put myself out of a pathetic health anxiety spiral yesterday and went and got some bloods done. Too much time with Dr Google and a bad conscience . senseless I get you. I'm not raising smalls alone but my professional life is third fiddle to husband's career and kids needs. I try not to care about it too much, fortunately I'm genuinely not very ambitious; a damn good job because something has to give.

Cross post stircrazy I forgot it's the end of the week approaching. Have a good Friday evening all. We miss you flossie come and chat when you can.

NC4, both your posts made me laugh out loud.

Still no sign of bumsex (or any sex) as DD is still off. She is in fact ok, really, but her temperature keeps going up to scary toddler-type heights, so I won't be able to send her back until Monday.

I hate bastarding Autumn. Sorry, Frouby. Sorry about the dragonboating, too, though a few days of doing not much has its benefits.

Dry last night because hangover, but won't be tonight because fed up with being nurse.

Flossie, enormous hugs. I think you are right to accept that you feel miserable, and that everything is shit at the moment. There is no point trying to pretend otherwise, or putting a brave face on it. You have more to contend with than three people could reasonably deal with. We are all here for you, always.

Love the Mash link, Longest.

Senseless, hugs to you too.

Leaving, Day 7? That is properly impressive.

Ah, Senseless and Flossie I'm sorry you are both rather down. I think it is the 'train train' (daily drudge, routine) which can get you down, especially when you get thanks from no-one, it is just expected that you do everything. At this time it can be worse, especially with the dreaded C word approaching where you have to do twice as much. For no thanks.
Senseless I would definitely look for a new job. I'm not sure you are menopausal yet And even that isn't always bad.
Flossie come back soon we miss you!
Leaving and NC4 well done both you your AF effort this week, impressive! I haven't drunk as much as last week, and won't this weekend as I have a race on Sunday. Unfortunately sleeping better was a big reason for me to be AF and now it doesn't seem to be any different if I drink or not, I wake up worrying about something or other which is stupid.
Stir your cocker spaniel sounds great fun. My border collie didn't calm down until he was around 3, he ate everything including the trainers of some gite guests once.
Frouby have a nice cool weekend, that sounds ideal to me!

Pressed post too soon...hugs to you soon Dion I hope DD gets better soon.
That's it, working tomorrow, race Sunday, picnic after (in the rain) then working Sunday evening. Plus DD is back from university for the night so I know I'll want to bake her cakes to take back, it turns out I do have a slight maternal instinct after all

Evening all. Sorry to those feeling flat or worse. I can empathise with that though feeling ok at this precise moment in time. Career balance is one thing i think i have just about got right. I am woefully underpaid for my sector and that can make me feel like a bit of a mug sometimes but this week for example i have just buggered off at 2:30 three days out of four and made up the time today on a train to see dsis and while dd2 was at a party and dd1 was glued to Minecraft and no one seems to have noticed or cared. Not heard about job but tbh am still on the fence about whether i want more responsibility or if that will tip me into "so taxing ot kills me" territory, for minimal extra pay. Is only my stupid pride wanting the recognition really and i keep telling it to get back in its box and stop trying to sabotage my nicely balanced life.

Had a nice day. Had quick coffee with school mum friends, did slightly mad dash to cambridge to have swim and lunch with pregnant dsis and mad dash home again for school pick up. Train was delayed due to a fatality on the line so a bit hairy but kind friend kept an eye on them in the playground for a few mins so i didn't have to get bollocked by school.

I have a free weekend too as kept it free for visiting new baby but no news yet. Will go to see toy story 4 at cheapskate cinema tomorrow which i am looking forward to and will try and do more swimming. App tells me i am a third of the way through my time and less than a quarter of the way across the channel so need to get my arse in gear.

“push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. lie in your garden, feel the sunshine on your skin.

get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. wash, then hang them in the sunshine with care. make your bed in full.

dig your fingers into the earth, plant a seed. see your success as it grows everyday.

organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

breathe. practice your deep breathing. ground yourself.

have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. help an animal. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes.

take small steps to make it happen for you...”

Just read that bollocks on FB but it did resonate with me. Probably because I am 3/4 of a bottle of wine in. But I did like it and read it and thought it was quite nice.

If you just did a tiny bit you would feel a lot better!

Frouby
That is so true. As you say not possible to do all those things but some at least ate easy.
I'd like to add that stepping outside of your comfort zone end trying new things can be really rewarding.
The radio.4 programme Thé Life Scientific this week with Dr Richard Wiseman is very inspiring too, worth a listen on podcast. He has studied luck and happiness and Good luck is often due to positive thinking, not luck.
I know it isn't always easy but being grateful for the simple pleasures of life helps. When I get up to go running in the winter at 6am there are always plenty of animals about as well as my dog, and watching daylight break is wonderful. It makes up for feeling tired in the evening.

Well, the cloak of sobriety is well and truly OFF for tonight. It’s served me well all week, but hey... Friday!
Frouby I wanted to say Fuck that shite but it’s actually really lovely. Also really unachievable but I think it’s basic gratitude, which is something e can all work towards.

Sorry Frouby, you lost me at get up at 5:30 am but i will skip over that one and try and climb aboard.

I am totally up for appreciating the small pleasures though. I am much more into that stuff than seeking some grand passion or huge adventure. But appreciate a lie in on that very basis.

And a nice glass of wine with my favourite tunes on the stereo just as much, sadly.

I won’t lie. I’m seeking the grand passion. Maybe that’s my problem. I’m very bored atm. I’d love to be swept off my feet.
Missing XH a lot recently which I know I shouldn’t but I do. I miss my right hand man. He often fell short, which is why we are where we are, but he had his good traits too, and I miss them. They aren’t as easily replaced as MN would have you believe.

It's all the little things really that make you feel better mentally. And physically.

I have swapped all my days around to be able to get to the stables most mornings after the school run. And just taking that hour for me, to do something I enjoy, that's physical and mental, outside has really made a massive difference to me. I haven't felt as stressed, and I have moderated a lot better.

Apart from last night. 2 cans and 3/4 of a bottle of wine. Urgh.

Oh NC4, loneliness is a bugger. Being in a relationship doesn't always stop you feeling lonely, but one thing dh does do very well is making me feel like ive always got someone in my corner. I would miss that i know. .

Frouby i hear you and am so glad your new routine is working for you. I have been loving my new bike - it gives me freedom and a bit of exercise and fresh air and is so much quicker than walking. It means i can get to the lido more often, to my piano lesson more quickly without me feeling like it is something else to squeeze in. I know we are in London but i have found some lovely routes through cricket fields, along the canal towpaths and nature reserves along railway embankment and to be fair a lot of London is really lovely- Sweeping Georgian tree lined avenues or imposing grand warehouses or cute little mews terraces. I need to get out sometimes but i love it and have been appreciating it anew. It does help, you are right.

Frouby I read last nights post and thought ‘oh noooo! What have I done? I can’t be that person!’ Then I read the follow up underneath and fell about laughing again so perhaps it’s all going to be okay!

Those types of posts resonate with me too after a bottle of wine. Usually I decide I want to be prime minister, emigrate or reinstate a friendship that is well and truly better left dead. In the cold light of day I sit firmly in the change small things and be kind to yourself camp. My motto is celebrate small wins and try to learn from the cock ups!

My small win is I’ve made it to 5 October AF! Takeaway and a becks blue got me there. This morning I’ve dog walked, been to the gym and had leftover curry for breakfast. Small things but they will do. 🙂

I’ve just had crumble for breakfast (brunch?) too. Sod it!!

You can do that though stircrazy, it says in that inspirational bollocks you should make yourself a delicious breakfast 😂😂😂.

I haven't had breakfast so am embracing it with a delicious lunch of chip shop 😁. Then am taking the dog for a long walk and have done a couple of hours on the allotment as well so really fucking embracing it today.

On a slightly related note am definitely going to do a core class on monday down at the boathouse. I usually go to fat club on a monday but have sacked it because I can't be arsed with paying £5 a week to not lose weight, mainly because as soon as I say to myself I am on a diet, my eating habits get worse. See also fish and chips for lunch 😂.

So am going to do the core class instead, keep moderating and keep doing BabyPony and the school run and eat well, but not diet and see where I am in a months time.

Probably the same weight but hopefully healthier if nothing else. Am 2 stone overweight but am relatively fit and strong. And for the first time in about 20 years I want to be healthier rather than slimmer for vanity reasons. I have massive boobs (36 HH) and am never going to be skinny so am just going to be fit and healthy and strong.

And I can't be fit and healthy and strong if I am pissed as a fart every night. Have 1 glass of fizzy wine left, will probably have that tonight and nothing else. Been quite a moderate week really. Too much last night and too much Thursday but not very much at all the rest of the week. 2 gins and 1 can I think since last Saturday.