Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Lol Stircrazy i love it! Well done! Curry and crumble for breakfast is totally living the dream!

Talking of which, i just went to see toy story 4 at 10am in the shopping mall cinema. Was great. I cried.

Hey 👋🏼

Wow what a lot to read.

frouby that post is gorgeous. It really is the kind of thing that resonates with me too. The small things in life are the very best. Hearing the birds sing and a breeze on your face. Sounds hippy shit, but it really is powerful in helping the mind. I love my yoga for the very same purpose. To kind of cleanse my mind. Then I drink bloody wine and poison my body!! 🙈

Dion - how’s dd??

stircrazy your breakfast sounds amazing!! I love chocolate for breakfast!! Preferably in bed!! I don’t eat it any other time of day weirdly!!

Madame - how’s dd finding uni? What’s she studying? I can’t remember if you said?

frouby I think that’s a good way to look at health. Scrap the diet, and just eat healthily and move more. I don’t eat processed food. I occasionally eat bread. But when I eat either on occasions, my weight suddenly goes up and I feel like crap!! I’d love your allotment. Sounds so gorgeous!! All those organic veg. What are you growing at the mo?

NC4 it’s horrid for you to be alone and think. And also to miss ex-dh, but remember it sadly didn’t work for a reason. And that’s the reason, that when you find your match, it will be even better. As you know the flaws to avoid. You will find someone soon, when you least expect it.

Still not dry here. Altho moderated miraculously last night. Still feel sad when I stop to think right now. So trying not to!! Trying to hold onto the good things. Had gorgeous yoga class this morning, came home, cleaned the house and did a bit of ironing. And now chilling. Have started to be open about my needs. Not in a diva bitchy way, but just realising myself I’m not Wonder Woman, and that I need to be kind to myself. Mindfulness etc.
Hasn’t stopped me drinking though. Surely stress is more dangerous???? Another excuse !!!!!!
Happy weekend everyone!! I’m back in the room and smiling 😊

What a lovely post Flossie. I think the yoga’s doing you good. You sound very peaceful. It’s lovely. I ❤️ yoga. I’d like to find a way to fit it into my week.
I missed spin this morning because I’m looking after my friend’s DS this weekend. And I feel like I missed it too, rather than I got out of it.
I’m missing XH slightly less today as I’ve finally found someone to fit my fridge. It’s been hanging round for nearly 2 weeks because of a mix up with Dave the handyman, whose now gone awol.
XH would have had it in the day it was delivered. He can fix anything.
But I remembered a bloke I wrote a story for a few months ago is a handyman and he’s said he’ll do it. 👏 👏👏👏
I can’t believe all the Autumn love on here. I’m such a grinch 🤣

NC4 good news on fridge man, but 💐 for missing passion

Frouby, strong sounds like a great aim and 2 stone is fuck all so your plan sounds good

Flossie, yay, you’re smiling! Glad yoga was good

Stircrazy, 5 days AF is an achievement, well done 👍🏻

Dionysa, how is dd?

I wasn’t AF last night but I did do three days last week which is better than nothing. I love autumn too and always feel much more motivated to change then than in the new year. Out for dinner with a friend tonight so won’t be AF but it should be a nice evening.

flossie you sound happy and calm. Have never done yoga (too scared of farting mid downward dog 😂😂😂) but do like pilates. Am looking forwards to monday and a core class. Will probably die doing it, haven't done a class for about 20 years but will have a laugh anyway. Cousin coming with me so we are going to hide at the back. Cousin doesn't need to, she is scarily fit and strong.

We don't have much left on the allotment. Picked about a billionty chillis this morning, a savoy cabbage and a cauliflower for dinner tomorrow. Cauliflower looked a bit nibbled and you have to be careful with organically grown cauliflower as you sometimes have visitors hiding. Soaked it in a bucket of salted water and about 120,475 wood louse, babies and adults started abandoning their hidey holes. So have binned it. Don't usually mind the bugs, everything washes off but it was a bit too crawly even for me. I have brussel sprouts still in, the last few cucumbers in the polytunnel to pick, some more chillis (finger and jalapenos), half a dozen white and half a dozen savoy cabbages and 5 giant pumkins for Halloween.

And a bed of main crop potatoes we haven't lifted yet that I am hoping will still be ok.

It's been a rubbish year tbh. Am just in the process of clearing the beds, then will cover will cardboard and manure and let them rest until june. Will dig and turn over about March time.

I love the allotment and my hens. It's such a peaceful place to be. Ds loves it, he knows so much about growing stuff. He's made me laugh today. Dh was mending the chicken coop and I said to him in a jokey pervy way 'ohhh dh I love it when you get your power tools out and do clever things with wood it's sooooo manly'. Ds heard and has been asking every 20 minutes 'do you love it mummy, when I get tools out and do clever things with wood? Do you love it mummy, do you?' 😂😂😂

So I was supposed to be dry tonight after last night’s binge-fest. Only the kids sent me to the shop for crisps, and a bottle of red fell into the basket. FM-poor impulse control-L.

Glastonbury tickets on sale in the morning. Scary times. Just me and DS1 in the scrum this time though. I wish I could talk to you lot about the situation with my friend. It’s horrible. I’m doing ok, but she has been very unpleasant and unkind, while painting herself as the victim. It’s put me right on the fringes at a time I need my friends.
Thank god for you guys 😘

NC4, do PM if you want to chat about it. I am the other end of the country so pretty safe to chat to i think!

Good luck for Glastonbury. I got my Green Man tickets for my birthday- hurrah! Was trying to persuade dsis to join us, (new baby notwithstanding as shes a harfy spul) but we are second choice to Glasto!

Frouby it does sound lovely. From time to time i get a whim to have an allotment but the waiting lists around here are decades long. Dsis has one so i let her do all the difficult digging bits and then swan in from time to time to allow my kids to pose for some wholesome looking pjotographs and fuck off with half her veg . There are some community allotments and dd2's new friend's mum was inviting me to get more involvved but she did warn about some interesting "characters" who hamg out there and i suspect they may be tge same crowd who put me off getting more involved with the hippy orchard and pizza oven place as it was lovely but i can live without added drama. If it was just about planting veggies i could probably find room in the garden but it was more about having somewhere different to go tbh. I do have my stolen railway land which i could make better use of. I will take a pic later to show you.

Was not AF but have been better st sticking to limits. Meant to be going out tonight with friends which will bugger up AF sunday but think we are doing a meal lr movie so will be moderate i hope.

Hi everyone.
Nearly a bottle down last night, somehow, when I only started late, after driving girls around for most of the evening. Still, not too bad as I didn't drink to the bitter end.

Thanks for all the sympathy about the life stuff. I feel better after being away from work for a couple of days and it is just the case that I need to get another job - and there are other jobs - and I just have to get on with it.

NC4 - there is a miniscule number of decent men in the world. You sound great, so if you want one, you'll find one. BUT. ALL dating sites are TK Maxx. There are no shortcuts - you can't just decide to cut out the dross by going straight to a John Lewis personal shopper, or The Fold or Jigsaw or whatever. Yes, you can pay, and yes you can go to sites with different branding, but they all have the same stuff in and you just have to look at every single piece, like in TK Maxx, and there may be nothing in that suits you, and you will have to keep looking when they change the stock until there is.

Found out last night that my guy is, as well as a chef and a lawyer, an electrician. WTF? Is there anything else you need a man to be good at? (Don't answer - rhetorical question.) Sometimes god actually does love me.

Frouby, I am so glad your routine is working out for you. Like you, this is the firs time in my life I am more concerned with strength and wellbeing than my size and not being hungry makes a huge difference to my life. I really need to get another job and enjoy the world a bit more. We only get one life.

Flossie - you are so right. Think about what you need and want and do your best to take it. We can all look after everyone else but how many of look after ourselves properly?

Longest - so many intriguing details in your post. Stolen railway land? interesting "characters"?

Have a great second half of the weekend today everyone. It isn't over till it's over :)

Morning all

Wasn't dry last night, had the glass of wine I had left then dh decided he was going to pick a curry up instead of making dinner (which I knew he would do, as he had been looking at the pie suspiciously since 3pm 😂😂😂). So I had a couple of beers as well cos you can't do curry without beer.

But very moderate for a Saturday. Am now going to aim for at least 3 days dry and 3 days of wholesome food. Sunday lunch today, steak pie on monday, am going to make a chilli on Tuesday I think.

Had a lovely lie in this morning, was awake for 6.30am but dh brought coffees upstairs and we started watching Mississippi Burning, the old film. Still so shocking, maybe even more so in the current climate and hard to believe it was set in 1964. Seems hard to believe as little as 50 odd years ago those attitudes were tolerated and expected. Got a big pile of ironing to do so going to do that and watch the end.

Dd dragonboating this morning, ds gone with dh to buy chicken feed and go to the allotment for an hour if the rain holds off and I am going to take the dog out, do dinner and have a lovely bath and early bed to read.

That’s a really kind offer Longest and I may take you up on it at some point. Thank you.

Senseless I love the TKMaxx analogy. You’re totally right. I met XH on OLD years ago and just got lucky really. I’d only been on two other dates before him. I know it didn’t work out but it was good for a while.

Your bloke sounds ace! I love a practical man. XH was a mechanic, painter and decorator and a copper 🤣 Couldn’t cook for toffee though. That was my domain.

Frouby I don’t know where you get your energy from. Maybe you’re just super organised? I seem to float around wishing everything was sorted so I can get an early night, but it never is. Bless him though, DS1 did say he forgets how much I do - I run two businesses, look after two kids (one ASD), two cats, a home, and try and keep fit. There are a lot of plates for one person really.

You’ve got me fancying a curry now. I’ve not had one for ages and there’s a really nice place near me.
I’m in a grump because I didn’t get Glastonbury tickets, and I feel quite stuck at home with an extra child. I suggested swimming but they won’t go.

The cloak of sobriety is making a return tonight. I have to go to a meeting at 6pm though so I’m hoping I can make it home empty handed.

Your bloke sounds ace! I love a practical man. XH was a mechanic, painter and decorator and a copper 🤣 Couldn’t cook for toffee though. That was my domain.
Haha, yes, that's my OH too, good at everything practical but can't cook anything other than pasta. I'm quite happy with that, I like my kitchen to myself.

Senseless glad you are feeling a little more positive. At least you haven't got man woes to contend with!

NC4 being a single mum is hard. No two ways about it. Don't give up on finding Mr Right, mine didn't come along until I was aged 52. Better late than ever. I still can't get used to depending on someone, I'm too used to doing everything myself.

Frouby that sounds like a nice relaxed evening. I love old films but trying to get the DC to watch anything in black and white is impossible. I've just about stopped watching all UK TV now because I watch very little anyway, and with DP everything has to be in French. The same crap TV reality shows with the exception of the Apprentice, the French don't like Millionaires and especially those who boast about it.
I love the garden although I don't have time for much, but hens are very relaxing. I only have 2 but just their habits and clucking make me happy.

Flossie It sounds like you are embracing yoga and it is doing you good. Are you still running with DD too? My DD is studying Applied Modern Languages in the Fac at Rennes. In France further education is free, moreorless. Not the accommodation though, but no loans required.

I was busy all weekend, a mix of work and pleasure, a duathlon event in a team with friends, 5km run, 26km bike, then 3.5km run. I did 1h 39mn just 2 minutes slower than last year but with all the thyroid probems this year I'm happy with that. I had just over half a bottle of red on Saturday night and slept badly so that didn't help!

Longest I hope the meal and/or film was good. What did you see?

Dion how is DD?

Will try and be better at AF this week.

NC am more organised lately, but my type of work has changed. I used to do a lot of casino stuff, which is lucrative but time consuming. For various reasons am now concentrating on sports betting, which is a lot less time consuming. Am limited as to how much I can do each day by my bank balance so I work until it's used up (it all comes back at the end of the day) and that only usually takes an hour. So have loads of extra time lately.

It also helps that dh is out the house early and back late. He's leaving at 5.30am, then home around 5.30pm so by the time he comes home I have usually sorted ds, prepped our dinner and tidied everything away again. And watersports in an evening is more or less finished as well so I have most evenings free.

Still not got enough hours in the day but it's easier with a few extra!

It's been postponed till Tuesday now Madame as one friend's dh has to work tonight. That probably fits better with my AF schedule, though Tuesdays are normally AF too. Easier to swap Tues for Wed though whereas if I drink on Sundays I find it harder to get the week back on track.

Have done a silly amount of swimming this weekend - went twice today, one with dc one without - and a fair bit of bike riding too, with and without kids, so feeling healthier.

NC4, I am sorry about Glastonbury. Dsis didn't get any either - I didn't realise they were so hard to come by. Will you consider a different festival? Come to the Green Man! It was ace. Might be a bit tame for DS1 though - bit of a hippy vibe.

Talking of which, someone asked about "characters" at hippy orchard. It's an amazing place walking distance from my house in zone 2 London but a proper idyll with a meadow and orchard and an entire building and pizza oven made out of clay, but it turns out the volunteers all have some kind of beef with each other and ended up having to hire in professional mediators to sort it out. The community allotment apparently has some slightly odd volunteers too , including one who sleeps in the tool shed, so I wonder if there is some kind of overlap.

Stolen railway land - well my house backs on to the railway embankment and the neighbours and I have "borrowed" a bit of extra land, which appears to have somehow become legit because when they electrified the line they built the fuck off massive fence around rather than through our stolen land. It is a sort of woodland trail with a playhouse, trampoline, rope swings etc, and my dc share it with the neighbours' kids. I could plant some veggies there but it is a bit shady. Forest mushrooms might do better!

Grow some magic mushrooms Longest and feed them to the allotment hippies. They’ll love you forever. And each other, maybe.

Haha NC4 at mushroom suggestion.

Omg longest at the hippies needing a mediator, funny!

I hope everyone is ok and enjoying the autumnal weather, I am.

I’m on day 1 AF again. Drank wine yesterday as I roasted a chicken and because I wanted to. One bottle, over several hours, could have been worse I suppose. My aim is for 4 AF days this week.

Pulled a muscle having (not at all athletic!) sex on Saturday and convinced myself it was my liver last night as it was a slight pain under my ribs. Struggled to sleep for worrying but finally got to sleep after making a list of reasons to be cheerful. There were over 50 of them and it worked and took my mind off my health anxiety. FGS at myself. The pain has gone this morning and wasn’t constant, it was only if I moved in a certain way so obviously was muscular. FGS, I need to get a grip.

Evening all

Magic mushrooms sounds like a good plan 😂😂. But most stuff does OK in dappled or slightly shaded areas. Some stuff actually struggles in full sun. Summer stuff like courgettes, tomatoes and beans should be Ok. Brassicas will be fine in shade (fast growing cabbage like Greyhound maybe?). Kale would be fine, it's double hard as is spinach I find. Root veg like beetroot or raddish. Woody herbs like rosemary or thyme will be fine. Just plant stuff, stuff wants to grow!

Dry tonight so far. Dd at dragonboat training and will need picking up at 7, so will be dry until then at least then it hardly seems worth drinking!

Going to catch up. DD back at school today, thank GOd.

Lovely to read all the news. Longest, your patch of land sounds brilliant. I'd have loved that when my DC were younger. Any news from DSis? All the biking sounds good, too. And the hippy story is v funny.

Frouby, you make me laugh. And your DS is a little star. Love the idea of your DH eyeing up the pie, in a not-good way.

Senseless, the TKMaxx analogy is a good one.

Flossie, I'm glad to hear you sounding ok. Yoga is great (haven't done it for years, but I liked it when I did it). You are right to snatch whatever bits of time and niceness for yourself that you can.

NC4, I'm sorry you didn't get tickets. 😕 I have never been to G, but always wanted to!

Madame, my DP is not practical at all. I find it rather appealing. He's all smooth and silky.

Last week was a write-off for me. Day One today. Feels miraculous. But I like it when Monday is Day One as it gives me the idea that it might be a better week. I just want to go to bed. DD is ok now, though is being very grumpy. I seems to be my fault in some vague, undefined way.

They've just arrived at the hospital dion! Exciting. Well done on AF. I am decidedly not. Taking advantage of Mil being here to prematurely celebrate anniversary. Started off with big row and now need to make up.... Did like your description of dp though. Was starting to feel like the only one who had missed a trick re bagging a practical chap.

Glad dd is better. Thanks for the advice Frouby, will revisit when sober. Glad you feel better water.

Flossie, so glad you've embraced yoga. Good luck! Xx

Passing thru....

Omfg...trying not to smother dh. I’m
Moderating well....(half a bottle), and he’s led on sofa snoring loudly while I’m trying to watch gogglebox!! Keep telling him the shut the fuck up.....he stops for a second then starts again!!!!!!! Ffs

Ooh, exciting, Longest!! Have fun with your early anniversary/making-up.

Just smother him, Flossie.

.....looking for the heaviest pillow......

Argh I hate myself. Had a bottle of wine last night ffs.
Took my DD to an eating disorder clinic yesterday, she went to the welfare team at college last week and they referred her. Bloody difficult being a single parent.
I hate drinking, waking up in the night and feeling tired in the mornings. Wish I had a nice bedtime routine and got up early in the mornings

Hedgehog don’t beat yourself up over what happened last night. Sounds like you had a really hard day..and did it alone. This alone shows a strength. Hang on to the feeling you have this morning and revisit this evening when you’re tempted.
Trouble is, I can say these words, yet I still can’t do it myself!! I can’t remember the last af night I had!!

HedgeHog don't hate yourself, whats drunk is drunk now. I find if I have something downloaded on my kindle and keep myself busy in the witching hour it's a lot easier to stay dry, and if not dry then moderate.

Flossie dh was alldasnores last night as well. Even shagged the fucker to try and shut him up and that didn't work either. Fml. He was alternating between lying on his back and snoring like a warthog, or lying on his side, wrapping all the quilt around him and snuffling. Fucker.

Was dry last night. Yay. Today will be Day 3. Really want to get a good few dry days in, need to lose weight more than anything and want to feel well. Watched some of the core class I was going to do while waiting for dd. I don't think it's for me. Was very intense, full of triathletes and cyclists who do big races. Think the local council gym is definitely more my level.

Ponies this morning, then aldi, then some work and a nice long dog walk while it's dry.